*45 Minutes Later*
Kurt and Santana sat wide-eyed and jaw dropped on the couch. Neither of them could believe what Rachel just had them sit through. Kurt leaned over to whisper to Santana, "did she really have to simulate lesbian sex with Barbie dolls during the 'after the date' portion of the presentation? I may have to bleach my eyes."
Santana nodded, "probably your ears too because sound effects…."
"We will now move on to the question and answer portion of the tutorial. Santana, do you have any questions?"
Santana sat up against the back of the couch and crossed her arms, "yes, just one. How on earth does someone who isn't even a lesbian have the audacity to stand in front of me and tell me the right way to date women as if you have any clue whatsoever?"
Rachel just smiled because of course she had an answer. "Two reasons, actually. One, I am a woman and therefore know what women like and what they want to hear. And two, I may not be a lesbian but that doesn't mean I'm not open to the joys of Sapphic charm. I am attracted to people, not genders."
"And just when I thought you couldn't get any crazier." Santana stood up to walk back to her room but not before throwing the television remote at Rachel as she yelled towards Santana,
"I think you should sleep on it!" And then Santana's bedroom door slammed shut.
Kurt sucked his teeth and got up from the couch, "well she seems mad so I'm going to go home. I'll be back tomorrow morning after she's calmed down a little. And we will definitely have to have a little talk as to why you had so many pictures of Santana out with other girls during the 'what not to do' portion. That's borderline stalker." Kurt kissed her cheek and bid her goodnight.
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The next morning Rachel lightly knocked on Santana's bedroom door.
"Come in."
Rachel slowly entered and walked towards Santana. "So….What did you think?"
Santana was calmer than last night but Rachel could tell she was still pretty aggravated. "You just don't get it, Rachel."
"What don't I get?"
Santana just shook her head and looked over towards her desk. Rachel walked a little closer with more concern in her eyes, "are you still not over Brittany? Is that what this is about?"
Santana rolled her eyes a little bit at the assumption. "I'm over her. It's been 5 months, plenty of other fish in the sea and all that. She actually wrote me a letter about 3 months ago saying she's sorry but she knows she made the right decision for both of us. Since, you know, everyone in my life seems to think they know what's in my best interest."
The last comment was said with a little more force so Rachel knew part of it was a jab at her. Santana reached onto her desk and handed the letter for Rachel to read. Rachel couldn't help but look a little sad.
"I'm fine, Rachel, really. But the point you aren't getting is being who I am worked to get her and I was happy so I don't see why I should change it and I also don't see anything wrong with it."
Santana walked out into the living room and Rachel followed closely behind.
"Santana, how did you even decipher what this says? Half these words are written backwards."
"Yeah, she's not very good at writing letters."
Rachel nods. "Especially the capital ones."
There is a knock at the front door. Rachel knew it was Kurt so she yelled for him to come in and turned back to Santana.
"Look, your typical girl isn't as simple as Brittany. You have to remember that you spent a little over a year dating a girl who thinks the moon is the back of the sun. You're in college and living in New York now. You're dealing with a whole new brand of girls. I'm going to make it my mission to help you through this."
"Heh, remind me to send you a 'go to hell thank you' card."
"You know, Santana, you're full of a lot of unnecessary anger. This is why you're getting crows feet."
Kurt set his backpack on the floor and sat on the couch.
"Oh whatever! I don't have crows feet! If anything I have laugh lines."
"Honey, nothing is that funny."
Kurt's eyes went wide at Rachel's comment and he crossed his legs to get comfortable and hear where this argument is going to go.
"Oh I know something that is. I heard you singing in the shower last night and you sounded flatter than your chest looks."
Rachel gasped at the comment. "That is not true! You take that back!"
"Fine, you actually do have pretty nice boobs. They look a little bigger than they used to."
Rachel rolled her eyes. "Not that, the singing! How dare you imply that my voice is anything less than perfect? I have never sounded flat in my life. I won an award when I was 3 years old for singing the ABC's in perfect pitch!" Rachel's voice then got a little softer. "And thank you for noticing by the way, I've been doing chest squeezes with a tennis ball and drinking a lot of soy milk."
Santana couldn't help but smile a little. "You didn't really sound flat. I'm just mad at you because you're irritating me."
Rachel smiled and accepted what she's lately been referring to as a Santanapology. Rachel knows when Santana is sorry for something she said or did; she just has her own Santana way of saying it most of the time. "You don't have crows feet or laugh lines. And you're very hot."
Santana smiled wider. "Damn right."
Kurt cleared his throat and both girls seem to have completely forgotten he was even there. "If you two are done having your little lovers tiff I'm interested in knowing if you learned anything from Rachel's presentation now that you've had time to think about it."
Santana leaned to her side and crossed her arms. "I learned that Rachel is still a know-it-all little brat and the reality is if she really had any idea what it took to get a girlfriend she'd have one."
Rachel bit her lip and nodded. "I learned when a remote control hits you on the side of the face it hurts pretty badly."