15. A New Life

John walked up the steps to Mary's apartment. He rang the bell. "Come in!" Mary chimed turning and smiling as she saw that it was him. Mary was perched on a chair trying to hang a picture. "Oh John, you needn't have rung. You could have used your key." She cried.

John rushed over and held her waist to steady her. "Come down and let me do that." He said.

Mary turned toward him, and he lifted her off of the chair lowering her slowly down till they were chest to chest. Then he smiled and took her place on the chair, hanging her collection of black and white photographs, mostly bridges.

"Thanks for doing that." She said, "You are such a big help."

"From now on this kind of thing is my job." John said, "I like being handy."

"So you're my … handyman." Mary said.

"Why is it that when you say it, it sounds like something dirty?" John asked laughing.

"I guess because you can read my thoughts." Mary said.

John came down from the chair and lifted Mary again. She squealed. Then he lowered her slowly, kissing her lips as he held her against his chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck. John then tossed her up and carried her in his arms to the book-covered couch. He carelessly tossed the books onto the floor and lay her down on it.

"But John I just stacked those." She said.

"Damn the books!" John said as he covered her with kisses. His phone buzzed. "And damn this phone."

He pulled out the phone and looked at it. It was a text.

[Lestrade has new case. Come at once. -SH]

John sighed. "What is it?" Mary asked.

"Sherlock. He has a new case." John said.

"Aren't you going?" Mary asked.

John sat up and looked at his phone. Then he put it away in his pocket. "No." he said. "He's going to have to get used to solving cases without me. We have a life, and I have a practice. There's no more time to run around like children chasing criminals. He'll do fine on his own."

Mary sat up and stared at John. "But John. You told me that you loved solving cases with Sherlock."

John ran his fingers through his hair. "What kind of life is that?" John said. "What kind of life would it be for you if I ran off at a moment's notice every time he called. And if one day we had children. How could I leave you alone to take care of them. How could I go off and risk my life? I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't belittle you...betray you like that."

"But John." Mary said, "I always knew that you were a soldier. What you do with Sherlock is no different than going off on a dangerous mission. I knew, when we first started dating, that you had another life, a more dangerous life, that was as much a part of you as my hand is a part of me. Expecting you to give that all up to live with me would be like maiming you. It's a part of who you are."

"But Mary." John said, "What about Sherlock?"

"What about him?" Mary asked.

"He loves me." John said.

"And do you love him?" Mary asked.

John looked at his hands. Did he love Sherlock? There were different forms of love. The love of mankind. The close bond of friendship. The passion of lovers. John didn't always like Sherlock, but he loved him as a friend. In fact, Sherlock was his best friend. And, although he tried to deny it, he did desire him as a lover. He looked up into Mary's eyes and with a shaky voice said, "Yes, I love him. I love Sherlock Holmes very much."

"I see." Mary said, "That's good."

John turned to stare at her. "What do you mean good?"

Mary tilted her head and looked at him in that way that she reserved for particularly adorable but wayward children. "People all over the world spend their lives working jobs that they hate, working around people that they don't like. People who don't care if they live or die. If you are going to be risking your life to save people in trouble, I want you to be with people who love you. People who will risk their life to save yours.

"Love isn't a zero-sum game. We aren't born with a fixed amount that we have to portion out. If that were true how could anyone have children? It's like you get more love all the time. Don't be embarrassed because you love someone. It's a good thing, love. I'm glad that you love him. I love him too...in my way. I never told you, but I really like Sherlock. I think that he's funny."

"Funny? Really?" John said with a chuckle, "I wonder what he'd say about that?"

"But the thing that I think I like best about him," Mary continued, "is that he loves you so much. Most of the time, he's in some lofty place I don't understand, but the fact that he loves you. This is something that I can understand completely."

A gentle smile crept across John's face and he pulled Mary to him and kissed her.

The phone beeped again.

[You can kiss later. Hurry up! -SH]

John laughed and showed the message to Mary who also laughed. "See, I told you...funny!" She said.

"But I can't just leave you whenever he calls. Sometimes we'd be gone for days, camping out on some moor. You'd be alone."

"And how is that different from everyday I've spent for the past five years? And about me being alone with the children, did you forget that I was a nanny? I do have some professional pride, John Watson."

Mary picked up John's coat and helped him put it on. They walked to the door and she reached to open it, but John caught her hand and turned her toward him.

He held her hands in his. "Mary, I have to be honest with you. There's a reason that I'm avoiding Sherlock. The last time that we were together, I almost couldn't leave him. In my heart, I want him still. When I'm with Sherlock, I can't control myself. I can't guarantee that if he needs me to ... that if he wants me... I can't promise that I'll always be faithful to you."

Mary lifted John's chin and looked into his eyes. "You love him. It's fine. It's all fine."

John grabbed Mary and pulled her into a kiss. He smiled down into her brown eyes and said, "Mary Morstan, I love you, will you marry me?"

Mary laughed and the sound crashed against the walls like crystal. "Yes John. I will marry you. Definitely. Absolutely!"

John kissed her and the phone buzzed again.

[Too slow. Meet at Scotland Yard - SH]

Then John opened the door and rushed off to meet Sherlock and a new life.

THE END

-AlessNox