This time when Sasuke ached for a smoke, Naruto didn't get on his case. For a while, Sasuke sat on the edge of the deck patio, with his feet on the stone step. Blankly, he stared across the way, out at the field as it swayed, caught up in the wind. A fog continued to roll low across the ground, and in the distance he heard the rumble of thunder. Annoyed with himself for so many reasons, it was near impossible to focus on one at a time. That he'd let his guard down in front of Naruto simply sucked. It sucked at all times, but it's not as if it hadn't happened before - it just hadn't happened in a while. He couldn't even remember what sort of excuse he'd uttered for breaking down or if he'd even given one at all after getting up from the couch and barging through the French doors.

"Stupid," he muttered, his hand shaking as he brought the cigarette to his lips and inhaled.

Sasuke hated himself because it made him seem like an attention whore. Why hadn't he fallen apart before this? Why did it have to be this weekend while he and Naruto were together and alone for the first time in how long?

It was like he was practically begging Naruto to ask what was wrong, to beat it out of him. Is that really what he wanted? Hardly. He was Sasuke Uchiha, which meant he specialized in heavy repression. Feelings? What were those? Ridiculous. In fact, maybe he was overexaggerating his so-called feelings for Naruto. He wracked his brain, trying to think up psychological excuses for why he'd cling to Naruto. Was there some sort of trauma from their childhood? Not really. This wasn't like that lame script Naruto kept forcing him to act out.

He let out a sigh of frustration and, with the cigarette almost burnt to the nub, Sasuke let it fall on the step, half-tempted to squash it under his bare foot. He'd come here to help Naruto because that was his role in their friendship, and he knew that. Naruto counted on him for this crap because his friend attracted a lot of flaky, unreliable idiots. Yet, here he was outside after having sobbed like a broken-hearted schoolgirl.

And stupid Naruto... he'd said that. It was about the last thing Sasuke wanted to hear. Like he pitied Sasuke or something. Well, whatever, maybe he could play it off like he was a moody bitch today and they could get right back to working because the sooner they got through the script, the sooner tomorrow would come, and he'd go back to his simple, uneventful life/apartment/job while Naruto would go back to his world with all the glitz and the glamour and the fake everything. Entering Naruto's world always left him unbalanced and itchy anyway. He rubbed a hand over his bicep and squeezed it. Another clap of thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance, over the slopes of hills.

Get it together, he told himself.

After all, he didn't want the image Naruto had of him to be shattered completely because he had to wonder, without it, what sort of image did he even have of himself.

Sasuke had gone back inside, offered no further explanation, and told Naruto he was ready to go through the rest of Act 2. Naruto had looked as if he'd wanted to question him, but apparently decided against it since he probably realized badgering Sasuke would've led to him going out to smoke again, and that moron probably didn't want to be responsible for his lung cancer.

They ended up going through the rest of the scenes without any problem, other than Naruto's acting didn't seem as intense. Like he was constantly waiting for Sasuke to have another nervous break down. So the solution was to hold back, apparently, because Naruto thought he couldn't handle it. After a couple of hours, they decided to stop and have lunch. There wasn't a whole lot in the cupboards or refrigerator, but there was enough to make a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches. They also split a can of tomato soup.

Quietly, they ate next to one another on the stools. Naruto seemed as though he was deep in thought. He had his Blackberry on the counter. It went off fairly frequently, vibrating toward the edge, but never once did Naruto pick it up.

"Shouldn't you be answering that?" Sasuke asked before enjoying a spoonful of soup.

"Hm?" Naruto turned to look at him. "Did you say somethin'?"

Sasuke frowned. "Listen, I was just tired. Stressed from work. Whatever generic excuse will work in this situation so you'll stop brooding over it."

"Shut up." Naruto was actually glaring at him. "I know you, Sasuke," he said impatiently. "You don't cry over shit like stress. That's me. That's why I call you in a sobbing mess sometimes when work overwhelms me or I start to forget who I am. But you, you didn't even cry that time your Dad backed over your dog with the car."

Sasuke blinked at him. "Well, thanks for bringing up that memory. I'm glad you chose acting over, say, being a therapist."

"I'm just... trying to figure it out. You've been odd lately. Not just this weekend, but other times, and I know we don't get together much 'cause I live on the opposite coast, but," He sighed, turned on his stool and put an arm on the counter, facing Sasuke full on. "We talk on the phone, or when we instant message... it's like, I dunno. There's a wall."

"I don't know what you expect. I don't like to talk on the phone or online."

"Is this about that chick you like? I mean it's cool if you don't have time for me anymore because you're spendin' it with her, or you'd rather be talkin' to her. I can cut back on callin' you, I just thought..."

Irritated, Sasuke let the spoon drop into the bowl with a clank. "You just thought what?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "See, this is the wall I was talkin' about. You're gonna get defensive now when I just want to talk."

"I'm not being defensive," he said and crossed his arms.

"Right, okay. Then I'll continue." He hunched over a bit, sighed, and reached up to scratch a spot on his cheek. "Just... tell me. If you're tired of me or this or you feel like I'm usin' you. I don't know what it is. Is it me? Like, can you not stand being around me?"

It was on the tip of Sasuke's tongue to say yes, that's exactly it. It's very difficult to be around you, but that would've made everything worse, and he could really blow this whole thing away by saying, sure, it's this unknown woman I've fallen for who's making me an emotional wreck. He could say that and totally rationalize it because if Naruto actually thought that would be enough to make him have a breakdown, then Naruto didn't know him at all.

"Naruto..." he began to say but, again, Naruto's phone went off and, this time, he snatched it up and looked to see who was calling. "Don't go anywhere. I have to take this." He got up and disappeared in the direction of the bedroom.

Since they were both finished with lunch, Sasuke grabbed their plates, emptied Naruto's crusts into the disposal, and washed their dishes. By then, he was already itching for another cigarette, but Naruto came out, looking frustrated and angry.

Sasuke forgot about his issues immediately. "What's up? Something happen?"

"Just my publicist feeling like she should inform me two days before rehearsal is set to begin about some negative chatter concerning the role. She'd tried to tell me about it this morning, too, but I told her we were busy rehearsing, and I didn't wanna hear it."

"Hm? What sort of negative chatter?"

Naruto smacked his Blackberry against his palm a few times. "Ignorant shit, about what sort of impact doing a gay theater role is gonna have on my movie career. Like will audiences be able to buy me as the strong, strictly hetero type should I want to go back to mainstream action and romantic comedies."

Sasuke's hand tightened into a fist. "Maybe she has a point."

Naruto snorted. "Please. You think Bareback Mountain hurt Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal's careers?"

"Um," Sasuke drew closer, suppressing a smirk as he put a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Unless that was the title of a sequel, I'm sure it was called Brokeback Mountain."

"That's what I said," Naruto growled, smacking his hand away.

"No... it most definitely is not what you said."

"What did I say?" Naruto asked, growing flustered.

"Bareback," answered Sasuke and he had to turn away as he laughed.

"What? Oh." Naruto grinned and laughed, too. "Did I?"

Sasuke gave him a pat on the shoulder and took a few steps backward in order to sit on the arm of the couch.

"Okay, Freudian slip aside," said Naruto, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Mhmm."

"Anyway, if Daniel Radcliff can prance about the stage with his flaccid penis hangin' out every night, then I can do whatever I want. I mean it's dramatic acting. Do people even care about that sorta stuff anymore?"

Sasuke crossed his arms, which may have become a new habit for him to do when in close proximity to Naruto. "I think they do in the red states."

"Fuck the red states!" Naruto said angrily. "If they come from Kentucky or Mississippi or wherever to New York and choose to see a show about a guy who got molested when he was a kid and who ends up fallin' for said molestor's son once they move into an apartment together, then..."

"Not that I don't agree with you," said Sasuke, "But do keep from posting that sort of rant on your Twitter."

"Shut up," Naruto snapped and then, right after, his eyebrows drew up. "You follow my Twitter?"

"Hardly. I have much better things to do with my time."

"Right, that reminds me. We were talkin' about something serious earlier."

"Your reputation is also serious," Sasuke pointed out.

"Fuck that, you're way more important than my goddam movie career, Sasuke. Don't be retarded. Ah crap, I am tryin' to stop sayin' retarded."

"Well, as you are a retard, it's probably okay for you to use it."

Naruto gave a growl, but the anger did seem to slip away from his features. He came over and took a seat beside Sasuke on the sofa arm.

"So is that it, Sasuke? Are you tired of me? Like, should I just focus on work until you work it out with this mysterious crush of yours? God is that weird to say your name and crush in the same sentence! It almost makes me break out in hives, but I'll understand, y'know."

Sasuke hummed and inched over just a little bit so that their sides weren't touching directly.

"Last night, didn't you say you'd be lonely if I were to date someone?" he asked Naruto.

"I said that?" Naruto's head tilted to the side, and he looked at Sasuke quizzically.

"You did. It almost sounded like you'd be jealous."

"Well, of course I'd be jealous of anyone you wanted to spend more time with than me," Naruto said with such honesty and sincerity that Sasuke felt a pang in his chest.

"Shut up, Naruto."

Naruto made a shove at him. "Stop tellin' me to shut up. I'm just tellin' you the truth. But I told you I could get over it and throw myself into work."

"You act like I'm your only friend. You have tons of people surrounding you at all times - "

"No, not true," Naruto argued vehemently, prodding him in the arm again and making Sasuke glare all the more for it. "It's just you and me right now. I haven't hardly been answerin' the phone or replyin' to messages. When I'm with you, I only want to be with you, asshole, so don't try make it seem like you've ever been any less important to me than you've always been."

Sasuke cleared his throat, slowly digesting Naruto's words. "Fine."

"Fine? That's what you have to say?"

"Why? What else should I say. It's not like that was some sort of confession."

"Confession?" Naruto repeated, brow furrowing. "Like churches and stuff?"

Sasuke shook his head.

"Oh," Naruto laughed. "Like a love confession?" He slapped Sasuke hard on the back. "Yeah right, you wish!"

Sasuke's features hardened. That may have stung... just a bit.

"Heh. Now you look disappointed," Naruto nudged him with an elbow. "C'mon, Sasuke. You'd beat the shit out of me if I ever even joked about that."

Sasuke could only stare at him, not knowing what to say, though his instinct was to change the subject, but there was... nothing. He let his head drop and he clasped his hands in his lap.

"There's no woman I'm interested in, Naruto, just so you know," he said quietly.

"Huh? You're mumbling. It sounded like you said you weren't interested in someone. But didn't you say that - "

Sasuke kneaded one of his temples. "Could you just shut up about my love life for a second? That's not why I came all this way to help you out."

"Fine," Naruto replied snappishly, probably hurt because Sasuke had raised his tone. "I know you like to keep that stuff private. It's cool."

"Don't act like that," said Sasuke. "Don't act like you're the victim."

"I'm not!" Naruto got up with a loud snort and started pacing around in a circle. "It's just," he growled again. "Fuck. I dunno anymore. Maybe I just don't know you as well as I thought?"

Sasuke felt a pang again, but this time because that really hurt to hear out of Naruto's mouth. He parted his lips, hesitating only a second before saying, "Maybe you don't."

He saw quite clearly the effect his words had on Naruto, but he refused to take it back.

"Fine then," Naruto said darkly. "Just fine. Awesome even. I won't ask you to help again after this weekend. And if this is one of your lame ass attempts to push me away like you always do to anyone and everyone just to test them, then maybe you need me to stop enabling you so that you can realize eventually if you keep pullin' that shit, no one is even gonna want to get past all that utter bullshit and want to get to know the real you!"

Naruto was panting by the end of his speech. He looked at Sasuke defiantly. Sasuke knew him well enough that Naruto already regretted saying that to him, but Sasuke wasn't in the mood to help him out here, to either say he agreed with everything Naruto said or to give Naruto a chance to apologize.

He rather liked the idea of Naruto feeling guilty.

Especially since it was Naruto's fucking fault he felt this way to begin with! Then Sasuke wouldn't have to say things he didn't mean. He wouldn't have to hide it down deep and for so long it was starting to make him crack and fall apart on the outside, but if Naruto knew him at all, wouldn't he know just by looking at Sasuke, just by being around him... how Sasuke felt for him?

"Is that everything you have to say, or is there more?" he asked Naruto.

"Er..." Naruto stared at him stupidly. "No, I... think that about covers it, yeah. Heh." He scratched the side of his head, looking sheepish and uncomfortable.

Sasuke nodded. "Well, since I seem to be such a distraction. Maybe I should take off early, and you can at least have one more day to relax before going back to the city to work." He stood up and headed toward his bag to start packing, but Naruto grabbed him by the arm and drew him close, until they were eye to eye.

"What's the problem?" Naruto's hand tightened on his arm. "Really, Sasuke. What's the real problem here? Just say it clearly."

"I have a feeling," said Sasuke, glaring at the hand that prevented him from leaving, "That even if I said it clearly, it wouldn't ever get through your thick skull."

"Try me." Naruto gave his arm a hard yank.

When Sasuke said nothing at all, Naruto grunted and gave him a disappointed look.

"Are you really so full of yourself that you don't think a guy like me can understand whatever it is you're goin' through? Like, how long have we known each other - "

"Too long," he mumbled, and Naruto finally let go of his arm.

"But there is something you're not tellin' me, right?"

"Do I need to inform you of every aspect of my life?"

"Yes," Naruto replied exasperatedly, "If possible. And stop being evasive and just fuckin' answer the goddam question before I start beatin' the shit out of you!"

"Like you could," he said snidely, but he felt his hand itching to touch... anywhere. He wanted to put it on Naruto's waist and draw him in, kiss that angry pout off of his face and let his mouth show his best friend just how contrary what he'd said was to Sasuke's actual feelings.

"Are you afraid?" Naruto asked him suddenly. "You look afraid."

"I'm not. I'm not afraid."

"Hmm..." Naruto's lips rubbed together, and Sasuke's eyes were drawn to his mouth, only briefly, before they were staring into Naruto's eyes again, except, now, there was a look of dawning, of perfect perception. Like things were clicking in Naruto's head. "Shit..."

Sasuke searched his face, wondering if Naruto'd move away, but he stayed put, still close enough that he could feel his friend's body heat. He could say nothing, do nothing. He just waited for the disgust and flat out rejection.

"Say something, Sasuke," he pleaded. "Say I'm wrong. I'm wrong, right?"

"You're often wrong," Sasuke replied, his voice low.

"But... I'm not wrong about this?"

"I don't even know what it is you're thinking."

"Sasuke..." he said his name so helplessly.

Sasuke shut his eyes briefly, his chest constricting. "Please don't say my name like that."

"I... don't know what to do, or to say. What do I say?"

Sasuke opened his eyes, wishing he hadn't because Naruto looked so lost and confused, and now he felt like a failure and a traitor. He was supposed to be the grounded one, the rock, the one Naruto could lean on at all times, who'd never grow weak. But this is what he'd evolved into, just one more person on the list of people Naruto couldn't count on.

"Nothing," he answered after a few seconds delay. "I don't... I don't expect anything."

"I did not see this coming. Fuck." He walked around Sasuke and sat on the couch again. "What the...? Fuck. Shit. Damn, Sasuke. Fuck."

Sasuke sighed as Naruto got stuck in his loop of expletives. He obviously felt blindsided, but he knew Naruto would go out of his way to let him down easy because he was magnanimous like that to everyone, and Sasuke was not special compared to everyone else, so Naruto would be nice about it, would tell him they could still be friends...

"How long?"

Sasuke snapped out of his thoughts at the question. "What?"

"I asked 'how long?' As in, how long have you felt this way? Like, recently? Is that why you've been acting so..."

When he stopped talking, Sasuke turned around to face him. Naruto had his fingers pressed to his mouth.

"I made you do those scenes," he said, sounding torn up, "Shit. I am a... fuckin' clueless asshole. But... you know what?"

Sasuke's eyebrow barely lifted. Naruto got up and stormed toward him. He shoved Sasuke in the chest.

"Fuck you, Sasuke! For not... telling me. Why wouldn't you say anything?"

Sasuke's temper was slowly rising. "Oh right, like I'm going to fucking tell you something like that, Naruto. Hi, how are you, I know we haven't seen each other in a while, but I'm fucking in love with you, you stupid moron!"

Naruto grabbed him by the shirt collar. "Yeah, that's what you should've said rather than making me act like a total fool, thinking that you had the hots for some chick after all your years of asexuality. That I was torn up and thrilled at the same time for you, that you'd actually found someone you, with your high standards, thought could make you happy! Fuck you!" He shoved Sasuke again. Sasuke shoved him back. Another shove and another until they were really fighting. Fighting like they used to when they were kids and so angry that they'd forgotten how to use words and only knew how to use their fists on each other. Naruto grabbed him by the shirt and threw him toward the couch, where Sasuke stumbled and landed on his back. Naruto's strides were quick as he put one knee on the cushion and yanked at Sasuke's shirt, his fist reared back and ready to punch him right in the face.

"Tch," Naruto said and let go of Sasuke's shirt. Deflated apparently, he sat on the edge of the cushion, practically leaning against Sasuke's side. He put his head in his hands and let his fingers claw up through his hair. "I feel like...," he lowered his head more, "I need to take responsibility or something."

"Don't insult me."

Naruto looked at him. "I'm not, okay. I just... it's not something I've ever considered, and I'm confused, alright? Can you give me a second to think without you making some asshole remark?"

"Fine."

Sasuke lay back, mostly looking at the ceiling, sometimes stealing a glance at Naruto, who was deep in thought, his hand covering his mouth. Sasuke's instinct was to want to comfort him, to touch his back, to explain that it wasn't a big deal, that it was a phase he'd eventually get over when he was in a place in his life where it felt a bit less lonely... like, back when Naruto still lived on this side of the country and wasn't some famous actor guy, who attracted people to him like he was the goddam Holy Grail.

"We live on different sides of the country," Naruto said, removing his hand from his mouth and looking down at him.

"I know."

"My life is fuckin' chaos, and you'd hate it."

"I know."

"I can't think of anyone I care more about than you, anyone whose opinion I care more about... but, I just need to think."

"Naruto," he said and took hold of Naruto's wrist, "I was never expecting anything to come of it. Please know that. You know how I feel and that's enough for me. It's not supposed to make you feel obligated to say or do anything to make me feel better."

Naruto drew his hand away from Sasuke's. "I... just need to think." He got up from the couch and paused. "I'm gonna go for a drive to clear my head, but I'll be back, okay? So, don't freak out on me or jump to any conclusions. I just want to sort out some stuff."

Sasuke bit his lip. "Okay..."

"Alright then. I'm gonna go get the keys." Naruto went into the bedroom. Sasuke heard the keys jingle, but he didn't look behind him when Naruto came back into the living room. And when Naruto left, neither of them said anything. The door, when it closed, sounded so loud in his ears, like a cue to the end of a scene. Except this was real life, and he'd probably just ruined the most meaningful relationship he'd ever been able to have with another human being. All because of some selfish, delusional hope he had where everyone - even himself - was entitled to be happy and to have someone to love who also loved him.

Right, Sasuke, he told himself, because that's definitely how it always happens in the real world.

It's not as if they were in one of Naruto's movies, where all loose ends were tied up neatly into a bow, and everyone (mostly everyone) lived happily ever after because they chose to be honest or good or did the right thing... In fact, those are the things that always ended up with you being completely and utterly fucked in the end. Now he just needed Naruto to come back and prove it.