Hey! Thanks for reading! xx
"Bella. We have some news. We need you to come down to the city again for about an hour. Be there by 3. See ya chickas!" Kim's voice went off with a beep.
"End of message. Beep." I sighed as I dropped my shopping bags on the floor.
"You heard her." I called behind my back. "Scoot. I'm late."
Em sighed and went to the sofa. Rose was on set for the most of the week, and Em just hung around me for today, since he didn't want to hang around his 'depressed brother who couldn't get a chick if he wanted to since he was too busy moping over his ex.'
"You know, you should really go and have some more quality time with your brother...he'll only get better if you encourage him to." Emmett groaned.
"Bella!" He whined. "Why can't I stay here?"
"Because you need some good ol' bonding with your family. When was the last time you actually had a proper conversation with him? Me and my sister always chat. I need to call her sometime soon." I mumbled to myself. I should give her a call.
"Alright, alright." Em sighed and sat up. "What should I talk to him about?
"You'll find something out. Go. You''re unwelcome here until you have a proper conversation with him." I shooed him out and grabbed the keys to my room, before sending Phil a text to get the car ready. I walked Em to his room and pecked his cheek goodbye.
"See ya soon Em." Em hugged me, and I waved him goodbye. I walked down the hall to the elevator and made my way to Phil, who was in the car outside.
"Sup, Bells." He called when I climbed in the passenger seat next to him. "Where to?"
"The city. Meeting." He nodded and as I shut the door, and he drove off. We chatted casually until we got there, and because I was late, I rushed inside and knocked on the door to find everyone waiting for me.
"Sorry!" I whispered, creeping in. "I didn't get the message until I got back." I sat in my seat next to Kim, and she cleared her throat.
"Well, as I was saying, we have set up the venues for the tour, and the times, the dancers, the crew. We will need to start getting choreography down to a fix with Bella. We are releasing the tickets to be sold tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen." They all clapped and hooted, and I looked around, confused.
"W-when will this tour be? How long?" I gulped.
Kim smiled. "We're transferring you to Washington in a few weeks, after you've got the choreography with each song down, and you'll make your across the country right to Maine, then in a zig-zag motion, so it'll be Washington, Montana, North, South Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin...you get my drift. Just go with it." I nodded, smirking.
"Who'll keep me company?" I didn't want to be alone.
"You have a band joining you as your supporting act."
"Boy or girl?"
"2 boys, 2 girls."
"That's quite unique. You don't see any mixed now a days."
"Anyway, we'll be having a competition per state to meet you in person, along with signed poster, and album. We'll be selling about 30 VIP tickets per night, spending a few minutes with you, in about 5 per group, depending on social groups. You'll need to get to the arena 2 hours before showtime, to do sound check and makeup, dresses, and meet up with the VIPs. You'll be performing at one or two main arenas, depending on size of state, and how popular you are there."
"Am I singing the songs from my album?"
"Uhuh. And I think that's the most of it. Bella. We only have a few weeks to work out the choreography, so we've hired someone to teach you and your dancers the dances, but it won't be much, as if you're live, you'll be breathless if you worked to hard, so the dancers will be taught the routine previously. We also need to fit in a music video."
"I want it to be-" Kim put a hand up to stop me.
"We will deal with it another time. That's a wrap people, well done for all your hard effort in getting this tour prepared, and now it's down to Bella. Bella, we'll have a car pick you up to take you down to the studio. Don't make any plans- you'll be mostly busy for the next few weeks running up to the first date. If we sell out too quickly, then we can arrange for more dates to be added. It's always good to have a sellout tour." And that was it. I shook people's hands and made my way back to the car with Phil waiting patiently inside it, munching on a pasta pot.
"Yum. Looks good. Let's get one when we pass the supermarket."
When I got home I was happily munching on cold pasta with tomato sauce and cheese. Mmm. I shut the door and saw I had a flashing light on my phone, so I pressed the 'play' button.
You have one new message. Message one.
It played Kim's old message, so I pressed delete.
Message two.
"Hi Bella! It's Heidi! Call me back asap!"
End of message. Beep.
I decided that I'd call her tomorrow- I was wanting to go out with Rose before I got too booked to do so. I rang Rose on her mobile.
"Hey Bella. You ready to go?" I beamed at her enthusiasm. "I'll meet you in the elevator now!"
"Cool beans!" I hung up, grabbed my purse and slipped on my shoes, shutting the door behind me. I greeted Rose, and explained to her how I would be busy almost constantly soon, and I was going on tour. We shared a few tears in the car, and hugged, and we made the most of what time we had left.
"Hopefully it won't be a long tour. I'll miss you guys so much!" I wailed, covering my face.
"You're like my bestest friend, Bella! Why can't you stay here?" She parked along the side of the road in the closest shopping centre. I wiped my eyes with a tissue, removing any mascara that could have found it's way down my eyes to give me the resemblance of a panda.
"Because it's my career sweetie. You'll have to move too when you get your next job." She borrowed my tissue and did the same, and we had a breather for a few minutes to calm down, before getting out of the car. A large group of California teenagers, around my age, passed by and hooted as we walked past. The girls that were with them scoffed and walked off. I smirked and linked arms with Rose as we headed for a dress shop. We spent the day there, and were only terrorised by the paps a few hours in, and by then we were happy with our purchases and headed home.
"So is there any day that you'll be free from now on?" Rose wondered out loud, glancing at me.
I shrugged. "I wouldn't get my hopes up. I have to learn the choreography within a few weeks, and then I have to do a music video...I doubt I'll get a chance to see you guys at all." I pouted. "But I will call while I'm on tour, and post videos for you, and you have to do the same, with Em, promise?"
Rose smirked and nodded her head. "This is so sad! We'll have to meet up often, and I'll drag Em with me. Em spent the day with his brother, you know? I think both have made so much progress today. He's been doing so much better the last couple of weeks, he's even been out on a date once, but he said he didn't feel any connection, so they didn't go out again. But I'm so proud of them both."
"Well I'm happy for them." Rose pulled up into the lot, and we got out, carrying our bags.
"I'll drop these off and I'll give you a call once I've got something to eat, ok?" Rose nodded and we parted when Rose came to her stop. I stopped when I got to my door, and I fiddled around for my keys. Fuck. I must have left them inside. I think Rose has a spare key. I pulled out my phone.
"Hey! Leave a message after the beep! Tah!"
Beep.
"Hey Rose, can you come up? I locked myself out. Hurry!" I hung up, and waited for a few minutes. A few more minutes later, and I got impatient. Where was she? I picked up my bags and walked over to Rose's place and knocked on the door.
"One second!" I heard a call, and I didn't have time to react to the unfamiliar voice. Oh my God. The door swung open, and my brown eyes met bright emerald green eyes. My bags fell to the floor.
"E-E-Edward?" I whispered incredulously. Edward Cullen took a step backwards, and shook his head.
"What? Bella?" He mumbled, and Rose appeared from behind him with a panicked expression on her face.
"Oh shit." She muttered loudly. "Er...Bella...what are you doing here?"
I uttered a reply, my eyes never leaving Edwards. "I locked myself out. I gave you a call but you never replied." She pulled out her phone and scolded herself.
"Sorry, my phone died. I left it on all day."
"Who is it?" Emmett called and walked up to Rose, and went all wide eyed when he saw me. "Bella?"
Suddenly Edward turned around. "You both know Bella? How? When?" He turned back to me, shocked, paused, and then rushed forward to pull me into a hug. "Bella...I've missed you so much..." He breathed inwards, I was too shocked to answer him, as I breathed in his familiar scent. "Bella?"
"I-I...missed you too." I quietly spoke, and suddenly his lips were on mine, attacking me senseless. I didn't know what to say, how to feel, what I should do. I couldn't feel anything in my body, besides the returning pain of having lost him, and soon I would lose him again. I choked out a sob and pushed him away. He had hurt written all over his face, and then understanding.
"Y-you don't feel the same way?" Tears started to flow, and I saw Rose talking to Emmett, and she spoke up.
"Well we didn't think that once you saw each other it would do so much damage. Explanation please?" I shook my head.
"I can't do this...not now." I looked up at Edward's pleading eyes. "I don't want to say anything. I can't hurt you anymore." I passed by Edward and asked Rose for the spare key. She handed it to me quickly and I took off, grabbing my stuff in the process. I couldn't hurt anymore. But I didn't want it to end like this. I grabbed my proper key when I got inside, dropped my bags off and stormed back to Rose's place, which was still open, where I heard shouting.
"You've kept her away for how long?" Edward yelled, and I froze in my step. "She's the girl that I had to leave! And you both meddling has cost me her again!"
"Again? Last time I saw it it was Aro that made us move, and Rose wasn't even there the first time."
"Please stop fighting!" Rose screamed. "We did it for the best! We knew that you would have seen her and fallen for her, since she is like... your perfect girl, but she is moving. You'd lose her again either way, and we didn't want you hurting further."
It was silent for a moment. "She's...leaving?"
Rose sighed. "Yes. She's going on tour very soon, and this was my last day with her before she got too busy to work around her schedule to see me. I'm sorry, Edward. We tried to keep her from you as the longer you knew her, the more pain it would cause after. She told me the first day I met her that she was only here for the time being, until they arranged for her tour to take off."
More silence.
"I can't...I can't do this anymore. Ju-...Just leave me be." Steps were heard and a door slammed shut. I took this as my chance to get inside. I was met by Emmett.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I had no idea you were originally involved with Eddie." He pulled me into a hug.
"It's ok. I need to talk to him. Explain myself." Em nodded, and I passed by Rose as I headed for the only room I hadn't been into. I opened the door slowly.
"Fuck off Emmett. I don't want to deal with you now." He was lying on his bed, bronze hair as messy as usual. I smiled slightly as I shut the door.
"Emmett. Go away." He mumbled into his pillow, and I snickered.
"You know, you kind of remind me of myself right there when I was 13." He sat up immediately, stunned.
"Bella, what are you doing here?" He stammered, and his eyes raked my appearance. I sighed and stepped forward a few steps, reaching his bed.
"I want to talk to you. To see you." I took a deep breath. "I'm guessing Em told you about the pickle we're in. He was just being protective of you. If you were in the same state as I was after the premiere, then I wouldn't want to go through that again..." I put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm going on tour in a few weeks, and I'm going to be extremely busy starting tomorrow, and my manager wasn't sure whether I could have any free time at all. That's why I left earlier. And I'm afraid to say anything in case when I'm gone my words send you into the state I was in again. There's no hope for me now, but I can at least stop you from hurting any further." Edward cupped my cheek, and I leaned against it.
"It'll be worth it, just to be with you for as much as I can." He leaned his head to mine, and kissed my lips softly. I let out a soft cry, of the pity I had for us, that we had to part our ways soon. He pulled me down in front of him, and picked me up to straddle him, and soon we were making love in the way that should have been my first time. If only Edward had stayed, or I went with Edward, having never met Jake, having never got famous and have to leave for tour. I felt love.
I love you, Edward.
...
I woke in the arms of Edward, and his bare chest, and bronze hair. I could tell that he worked out- he even had that 'V' which I wanted to lovingly kiss. Hehe. I couldn't find it in me to care about my issues, just that I had finally found Edward again. He started to stir as my eyes raked his body and he smirked when he saw me.
"Hi." He whispered, throat heavy from sleep.
"Hey..." I replied. He smiled and pulled me closer.
"I can't believe it's you. I had no idea you were just a floor apart from me. I wish I could spend forever with you..."
I sighed. Let's get it over with. "Edward...we really need to talk." Edward blinked.
"About what? Don't you feel the same way?" His eyes went all weird and his jaw locked up.
"No, I do. It's just that I have my tour coming up, and I'm meant to be doing choreography today, which I may or may not be late for already, I don't know. And I still love you and want this to work-"
"-you love me?" He interupted. "I lov-"
"-Edward, let me speak." I covered his mouth. "But...how can it work? I'll be gone in a few weeks, and I'll be on tour for ages...and then they've probably got more work planned for me...is it possible to have a long distance relationship that would work? I don't believe in long distance, Edward. When we tried before, look where it got us. You have only just recovered!" I slapped his chest and pouted. "It won't work like this. I have no idea when I can take a breath, because my career has only just set off!"
Edward looked down for a moment. "I bought your CD. Was that me you were talking about?"
"Don't change the subject, but yes." I hung my head.
"You finally got what you wanted. A music career. And I am happy for you." He said, quietly. "And...I want to be with you. No matter what it takes. Be with me, and when you have to leave, we'll cross that bridge when it comes to it. If your late coming home, I'll wait up for you. Knock on our door, give me a call. I'll be here. I've waited too long for you, and I'm not going to let it slip through my fingers again like I had last time." He grabbed my face and pulled my lips to his, sucking on my lower lip, then thrusting his tongue into my mouth. I grabbed on his shoulders and pulled him to me.
"Edward. What's the time?" I mumbled against his lips, and he groaned.
"No, Bella. Stay with me." He whispered against my jaw. I sighed heavily.
"I can't be late. We can continue this tonight, I promise. As long as I can get out at a decent time." Edward sighed, and kissed my collar bone.
"Bella..." He whined, kissing up my neck slowly.
"I have to go. I'll see you soon. Love you." Edward grabbed my face with his hands, and made me look directly at him.
"I love you too. Please hurry back." He pecked my lips once more and let go for me to leave. I scampered up and put on my clothes, heading out to go back to my room. I had one message, so I pressed 'play'.
You have one message. Beep.
"Bella we'll pick you up at 10am, be in the hall ready for pickup at 5 to. See ya soon honey!"
End of message. Beep.
I looked at the clock. I had half an hour, but I wanted to shower and change first. So when it came to 5 to 10, I was sitting in the hall, waiting for the familiar car to drive by, and for Phil to honk. He was slightly early, and he drove like a madman anyway, so I could have been an hour late and probably get there on time. They were expecting me, and led me to a dance studio, larger than my old one at school. I had one dance choreographer, Sue, and 6 dancers with me for the first song, which was taught to me from scratch. By the end of the day I had learnt the first song completely, and I still had loads of songs to learn, as well getting in my comfort zone with the audience. The tickets went on sale today, and I've heard from Kim that they are selling fast, which is good, but I don't want her to add more dates, as then there'll be less time to spend with Edward. Phil dropped me off at home at midnight, and I went against my judgement that Edward wanted to be asleep- I tapped on his door. A few seconds later the door flung open, and once Edward recognised me, picked me up so my legs were wrapped around him, and shoved me against the wall, trapping me in a fierce kiss.
"I missed you." He smirked as he carried my to his room, after shutting the door. I hugged him tightly, and inhaled his scent.
"Me too." I whispered and he dropped me on the bed and climbed on top of me.
...
The next few days past by in a blur, and turned into weeks- I woke up in Edward's arms, I left to get ready for pickup, I learnt new routines, I came home late, and woke in Edward's arms, again. We had barely any chance to talk, besides after sex, which was limited as we usually fell asleep before any of us could strike up a conversation. I felt that we really needed to talk, get everything out into the open, since the date was set on when I had to go to Washington, and travel the country. Yet today was different. I was going to be shooting my video, and they also filmed behind the scenes. I couldn't stay with Edward that night, as I had to get there for 3 am and I knew I wouldn't be able to get up with him around, never mind wake up from the night before. I stood in the hallway awkwardly, waiting for Phil to bring around the car. I would have to keep up a happy face once I get to the studio- they would be having cameras around me all day, and I won't get back until early hours tomorrow, if I'm lucky.
I heard the honk and jumped up, running for the car. The music video was from my song, Born to Die.
"Have you wondered what it's like
To be immortal, living forever.
Have you thought what it'll be like?
No fear of death, no fear of pain
I wonder how it'll feels like
Knowing your loved ones
won't ever desert you
Feeling free as a bird
But the wind running through my hair
whispers softly to me
'But thats not the way it is
We were meant to die someday
You're not looking forward to it
But welcome it with open arms
Because we were born to die someday'
What would it mean, being immortal?
Would we still have to age,
Or would we be the same?
Frozen in time, no moving forward
No starting again, starting over?
Before I could wonder, the wind comes back again
And tells me the same.
'But thats not the way it is
We were meant to die someday
You're not looking forward to it
But welcome it with open arms
Because we were born to die someday'
But I wish that I had that chance
To have my loved one be immortal
For just that one day
Because I can't stand
The pain that comes
When you disappear
It...hurts...
But that's not the way it is
You were meant to die someday
I wasn't looking forward to it
But I'll welcome it with open arms
I'll deal which the pain
And I'll try to move on
Because we were born to die someday, baby'
"That's a wrap! Everyone! Well done!" We all cheered and I got up from my seat on the floor. I waved to the presenter who came forward, with a camera behind him.
"Congratulations! And how long did that take you?" He questioned.
"Well you were here. About...a day? Have you caught any sleep?" I joked, and took off the headband that I was wearing. It weighed on my head a ton.
"No, not really. We wanted the experience of the life of Bella Swan. So..." We started walking to my changing room. "What do you do in your free time?"
"Free time? What free time?" I joked. "Actually, I love to spend time with my friends, but right now I'm going to be so busy with the tour and all, it's havoc in my head, I swear."
"Well we may see each other another time. Bye Bella!" I disappeared behind the door. God that guy annoyed me. He's been hanging around constantly all day, it has driven me insane! And the only thing keeping me from ripping his head of was the camera watching me, but I think even the viewers could see my frustration with him. I got changed and headed back out, waving to some of the crew and cast, and Kim stopped me in my tracks.
"Bella. Slight changed of plans." She began quickly. "We need to get you in Washington earlier, your choreographer's recommendations, to get you out of the dance studio and onto the real stage. And plus, it would be more convenient as then you can meet the band before hand and get to know them, you know? OK, great. You can have the day off tomorrow, and get packing! We'll have a car for you tomorrow at 8pm, and we'll fly you there, since it's quicker, but you won't have your own plane, if that's alright. You know, saving the planet and all." Kim went off and I stood, frozen. One day? I was meant to have at least one more week! I thought it through as I was driven home. What should I tell Edward, and my best friends? How would they react? How would he react? Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!
I would say that I couldn't sleep that night, thinking everything through, but I hadn't slept for hours and hours- I zonked out before I hit the bed. The next morning when I woke up I began to start packing, as quickly as I could, so I chucked everything that I owned in a trunk. which because of all the shopping that me and Rose had done, I had a lot of clothes to fit. An hour later, I was knocking on Edward's door. Rose opened it, and smiled.
"Hey Bella! Haven't seen much of you recently, besides in the early hours sometimes..." She winked at me, and I tried to smile. "Come on in!" She shut the door behind me and I made my way to the kitchen. "You know...Edward's in his bedroom if you needed him...he's on his guitar..." I shook my head.
"Rose. I have one day." I blurted out loudly, unthinkingly.
"W-what?" Rose stammered, and I noticed Emmett was now behind her, wearing a pink apron.
"I leave in one day. More or less. I leave tonight. 8pm." I hung my head, and found myself wrapped in between two sets of arms. I heard the door creak, and I tried to look over, but I knew it was Edward. "Where's Edward?"
"I'm here, Bella." He whispered, or I think he did. Unless the arms covering my ears did some muffling. They let me go and I ran into Edward's arms.
"Edward..." I sobbed. "We shouldn't have done this. I knew it'll be too hard to let you go!" Edward's arms wrapped around me and soothed me. "The talk was overdue. We should have done it weeks ago, before..."
"Bella come here." He picked me up, and led me to his bedroom, kicking the door shut. I sobbed onto his shoulder as he held me. "I'm sorry. I was too selfish. I wanted you, and I couldn't think of anyone else. It has always been you, Bella. I love you." I shook my head. "Bella. We can call each other, video call, text, email, upload...even write letters for all I care! We will make this work, Bella. It has to." He was too optimistic. I shook my head, and pushed him backwards.
"No, Edward. I don't believe in long distance. The separation would be to difficult, and I don't want to lose you." I stated, tears falling quicker. "If we tried, and it ended up badly...at least this way, if we do find a way to stay in the same state, then it'll be possible and there won't be any of that awkwardness. I can't lose you. I won't. If you want to keep in contact, then fine. But we won't be in a relationship. I'm not even sure of what we are at the moment! What were we?" He flinched as I said 'were'.
"Bella..." He shook his head incredulously, painfully. "Please...don't leave me. We can work this thing out." He reached for me, but I shrugged him off.
"Edward, no. Just let me go. We will find a way, but in the mean time..." Edward scoffed, a tear falling, which hurt in my heart even more.
"In the mean time we do what, Bella? I won't give up, Bella. You it for me. You are my heart, and soul. I cannot. I won't live without you." He grabbed my stiff hands with his shaky hands. I knew where this was going.
I turned my head away. "Edward, you're making this harder on yourself. Would you rather that we never have a future, or maybe in a few months, we have something nobody can beat?"
"I can't work on a relationship that's one sided, Bella. You're the one here that won't cooperate. There's no way for sure that we'll end up together, Bella. You'll find someone else. You will." I shook my head, tears still flowing unbelievably. I recognised those words...I said that once to Jake...
"I can't find anyone else...I've never felt this way with any-"
"-you can promise me that you won't find anyone else? You can promise me that in a few months time, you won't have fallen in love? You won't have lost any feelings for me since our separation? Because it's a tour one month, the next a acting job, the next a UK tour, the next...what, Bella? You're just at the beginning. It will get more hectic, and you will wish that you had said yes to me...when you had the chance." He muttered, and my ears adjusted to the silence. We had been shouting. Arguing. Our first argument? I turned around and stormed out, but when I got to their door did I realize...I was running away again...I didn't want to say 'no' to Edward...ever. I turned back around and swung open his bedroom door, found him, and pulled his face to mine in a heated kiss. He shut the door quickly and pulled my top off, and soon my bra, remembering the curves of my breasts, and then my bottoms, and we jumped on the bed in a tangled mess of limps, a tangled web of our situation...
When I knew he had drifted off the sleep, around 7pm...I got up and wrote him a note,
I have to go. I'm sorry, but I meant what I said about long distance. I won't make myself available, but I can't be in a relationship with you like this. I miss you already, and I love you. Text me xxx
I knew that I may never receive that text, or the more likely chance would be that I would never send a reply back.
...
I got the first text, when I had just gotten off the plane in Washington. I uploaded I video before I left, and Phil helped me carry the trunks down to the car, and I passed Em and Rose as I left, hugging them goodbye, and to not give Edward a hard time.
We're only one state apart...can I visit you when you get to OR,CA, NV or AZ? Or should we meet halfway? E xxxx
I sighed. Should I text him back, or would that stop him from moving on for the time being? My selfish self led my reply.
Sounds great :) B xx
Fuck...Fuck fuck fuck fuck. What am I doing? I should have a sign on my head saying 'I lead people on! Especially famous actors and singers!' Did I lead Jake anywhere? Jake is not important. He dumped me. Edward didn't dump me. He wanted me.
I met Kim in the familiar Port Angeles. Should I tell Heidi I was in town? I forgot to call her back! When I got the chance I dialled her number.
"Bella! You took your time didn't you?" She answered on the first ring, but a groggy voice.
"Hey Heidi. Missed you too. Sorry, had I woke you up?" I said sarcastically.
"No no I'm cool. It's only around midnight. Sorry. I missed you too. What's the weather like over in sunny California?"
"Well you say sunny already, but I don't know. Right now it's cloudy ol' Washington for me..." I trailed off.
"You're here? In Washington?" Her tone became more alert. "What? Why?"
"I'm on tour...should I not be here?"
"Where are you?"
"Port Angeles. I have a concert in Seattle in 5 days."
"Can we meet up? I need to talk to you. About Jake."
"Why? Can't you tell me now?" I frowned. "What's wrong?"
"..." Silence. Then..."Jake's a mess. He didn't want you to find out...but...oh God, Bella. He's smoking...drinking...taking drugs...getting a tattoo..."
I stopped in my tracks. "WHAT!"
"He made us promise not to tell you! I swear! I would if I could, but Jake would know first thing!"
"I'm on my way." I shut off the phone and told Kim I'll be back soon. I bought Phil with me, in case my defensive classes don't live up to their standards.
"Where are we off to?" Phil asked, starting the engine.
"Forks." I muttered. "And step on it." Bella. Is. Back. BOOM!
...
"Wait out here for a sec. Lemme check if he's in here." I updated him with everything, no questions asked from Phil, which was good. He knew when I had my head in the game, and I was on a roll. I even told him off for not turning the radio to a powerful prep song for me to get pumped to. I stormed up to Jake's house, and knocked on the door.
"Hold up." I heard 2 minutes later. And the door swung open, revealing Billy. He frowned.
"Bella? What are you doing here?" I stepped forward.
"Where is Jake?" He sighed, and wheeled backwards slightly.
"He's in his room." I stormed upstairs quickly, and I heard the car door shut from outside. I got up to Jake's bedroom and flung open the door, and wish I hadn't. Smoke blew in my face, and it stunk of marijuana. I coughed, and glared at the boy on the bed, looking the closest to high that I had ever seen. He had a tattoo on the side of him arm, some sort of tribal ring, and he was paler than his usual tan self.
"Jake. What the fuck are you thinking?" I screamed at him, ripping the tube from his mouth. He looked up to me, and I swear I saw no emotion in those eyes. He sat up slowly, and reached for the tube, but gave up.
"Bells. What are you doin' here?" He mumbled, and I slapped him across the face, and he got knocked out cold. I whimpered, and passed Phil in the doorway.
"Call me when he wakes up, Billy. You know you don't want him to end up like this." I dashed out of the house and back into the car, waiting for Phil. I shook my head. Jake looked...a mess. How could I not notice this? Wouldn't it be in the magazines, or what? He needed to get sorted, or rehab welcomes him with open arms. Phil took me back to Kim, and she made no questions as to why I freaked out earlier.
"Come on, you're hotel room awaits. Don't keep it waiting." She led me to my room, and we passed a loud, chatty room as we went. She smirked and banged on the door. "Your support act. We got them here early too." The door opened and a smiling face entered my life. She stuck out her hand, and her dark red locks shone, tied up into a pigtail, with the tail bouncy and curled.
"Hey! I'm Maria!" She gave me a tight hug and opened the door wider, turning around to face inside. "Boys! Get out here. And you Senna!" A young adult female with short black cropped hair, and smiled widely at me, reaching for a hug.
"Bella! You've arrived!" She giggled in a high voice, and I smiled immediately.
"Hey! It's so good to see you all!" I grinned, hopefully making the best impression I could.
"It's gonna rock! We'll be touring the U.S.A!" Two guys came up from behind her, and each one hugged me.
"Hello!" A guy with thick blond hair, covering his forehead, with light brown hair at the roots spoke. "I'm Felix."
The next guy had dark brown hair, with electric blue streaks running through his thick locks. "I'm Garrett. Nice to meet you." I hugged him back and then they rushed me inside, and Kim grinned and left us to chat.
"So...Hey! I'm Bella!" I smirked, suddenly thinking back to when I was in their position.
"And we..." Garrett pulled everyone into a line. "We are GMSF. You'd think it means our names...but it doesn't! Gimme Some...and the F is up to you." He winked, and I laughed, High fiving him.
"Nice one!" They chuckled. Senna raised a hand.
"That could mean F for 'fucking', 'food', 'friends', 'fun'...whatever you fancy." She laughed and put her hand down.
I pointed out. "I love the fact that 'fucking' came first."
"Fucking!" The boys cheered, and I laughed. Maria stepped forward.
"Don't expect much, Bella. They aren't that good." Felix went and covered her mouth.
"Well she is obviously didn't sound like she wasn't enjoying it last night..." She bit his hand and Garrett 'ooh'ed.
"Hey!" She giggled. "We're not supposed to tell anyone!" She mocked whispered. I bit my lip, and Felix winked at me.
"Ok, before you get the wrong message, none of us are dating...it's just...like friends with benefits. Casual sex until we find someone worth it." I nodded.
"Well you can cross me off, I think I've found my match." I mumbled, and Senna's eyes widened.
"Really who?"
"Darn." Felix and Garrett smirked jokingly. I rolled my eyes at them.
"Because I would...definitely." Garrett added, and Maria slapped his chest playfully.
"Is it that Jacob Black? I heard on a magazine that he lived nearby...but then again I doubt it. I also heard he's in rehab!" I scoffed at Maria's comment.
"Yeah he does- don't tell anyone. And he will be." I muttered. "No. It isn't him. Someone else. He's in California right now."
"Do you love him?" Senna wondered out loud, and I nodded.
"I miss him loads." Senna reached over for another hug.
"We'll be in California in no time. Don't worry." I nodded an stepped back.
"Hey, I'm pretty tired. Do you mind if we carry on in the morning? I'm gonna get an early night, plus, I may be going out early with Phil in the morn'." I waved them goodbye and looked at my key to find my room. I slept until 9am, when I got a call from Billy. Jake was stirring. It won't be long now. I got Phil and headed back to Forks for the welcoming. Jake was going to pay. I may also check out the school. I miss Heidi, and want to laugh in the bitches faces. Aka Kate and Zafrina, and James. Billy silently let me in, and I made my way upstairs. Jake was on the bed, his breathing even. I made Phil wait outside his door, as Jake might not want Phil in the house at all, so best if he didn't know at all. Jake stirred again, and soon his eyes floated open. He groaned and rolled over, and put his hands in his pants. I cleared my throat.
"Jake." His hand immediately shot up, and his eyes widened as he jumped out of his bed.
"What are you doing in my bedroom? Get out! I told you I never wanted to see your face again, bitch." I scoffed.
"And you can tell me that you aren't hurting that I've taken this break up much easier than you?" I laughed once, then gestured to my surroundings. "Look at yourself. Your room. It's appalling! You have a bong here and there, packed with drugs, no doubt, from what I smelt yesterday...And I know you're drinking, smoking? Come on, Jake. Don't lie to me."
Jake shook his head, and stepped forward. "Who told you? Heidi? I know it's her. Why the hell is she talking to you?" He shouted, and I swung my fist back, and my fist connected with his cheek. I heard the tension after the thump that was made. His eyes went from shock to fury, and he stepped forward, grabbing my arms.
"I can talk to who I want, dickhead." I swear he growled. "You know you don't want to hurt me."
He leaned closer to me and whispered to me. "I don't know anything anymore." He pushed me backwards and I stumbled to the table.
"Y-y-you should go to rehab." I nodded. "It'll get you better-" Jake grabbed what he could reach, and flung the remote controller to the wall, smashing the back from the front. The door knob twisted, put I shouted at it.
"Don't!" I looked, panicked at the door, and Jake slammed the door backwards, locking it. Fuck. Phil shouted through the door.
"Bella! Bella! I'm coming in!" He banged on the door, but to no avail. Jake looked at me, pointing at the door.
"Who's that, Bella? You're new boyfriend?" He grabbed his hair, eyes huge. "Who is he, Bella?" He stepped forward and took my face in his hands. "You can...tell me...Bella." I whimpered.
"Jake...you're scaring me. Let go of me." I grabbed his hands to pull me off. "You don't want me to fight back. Let go."
The banging increased, and I thought he was about to get through the door. Jake sighed, and let go of my face.
"What do you think of me?" He crouched down and rubbed his face with his hands.
"Y-you need help. Professional help, Jake. Please. Do it for me." It took a minute, but then Jake nodded, having thought things through.
"Ok. Please...help me through this. Promise me?" I nodded quickly.
"I want you to be happy, Jake. You won't be happy like this. You were meant to spread your music around the globe. You are meant to make one girl...incredibly happy. Don't lose yourself. Please. Be happy...for me. I obviously wasn't the right girl for you...but...you will find someone." Jake looked up, hope in his eyes.
"Is it because I broke up with you? I'll take you back, Bella. Give us another shot." He stood up and unlocked the door, and Phil opened it quickly, putting a foot out to jam the door if it shut again. "Bella? Please?"
Why was everyone after me? I shook my head.
"I can't. I've moved on, Jake. So should you." He looked down.
"Well, couldn't help but try." He smirked, and looked longingly at his bong.
"Don't even think about it, Jake. You did this to yourself. Live with the consequences of that decision." Phil helped me pull him out. "Shall I call Embry to take you to your manager?" He nodded. I found Embry's number on my phone, and dialled. He picked up on the fourth ring.
"Um...hello?" I heard snickers in the background.
"Shoot! You're at school, right?" He didn't answer my question.
"What are you doing, calling me? Heidi told me you knew, and she's all panicky. Nothing went wrong, right?" He tone rose, and I sighed.
"Can you pick Jake up? At his house. Now." Embry hung up and Jake gave me a look.
"You're not coming?" I shook my head.
"I have enough to deal with. I'm going on tour, and I'm late." I gave a white lie. I had no idea if I saw late or not, but I couldn't be near him for any longer. It was too much to deal with. I was silent until Embry came, and gave Jake an astonished expression.
"If we had known all it would take to stop you was Bella, then we would have ignored you and told her."
"Well Heidi didn't listen..." Jake replied.
"Hey, Heidi knew I was in town." I defended.
"And she didn't tell me?" Jake accused. I rolled my eyes. Boys.
"I shall see you losers later. Give me a call before I leave for whatever state comes next." I waved them off and Jake waved, a little put out. I got into the car with Phil and he turned us back to the hotel. I took a shower and got changed. It felt odd...without someone. I know I didn't have anyone before Edward around a month ago, after Jake...but this felt...too odd. I wasn't sure what me and Edward were. I headed over to GMSF's rooms and knocked on the door loudly.
"Coming!" I heard Senna call, and she opened the door, black hair spiky at the black, and turning into a full fringe at the front. She smiled at me and gave me a one armed hug. "Hey Bella! What's up? We knocked like an hour ago, but you weren't there. So we had brekkie without you, sorry." She smirked, sheepish, and I shrugged.
"Sorry. I was out with a friend from here." I walked in behind her and Garrett had his arm around Maria, and pointing at her magazine.
"That is so not true! Well...not completely..." He smirked and waved as I entered.
"What's that all about?" The curtains were drawn back, and the room looked open and bright. He smiled and waved me forward, and I sat on the couch next to him, and leaned over to see.
"This mag is on about us. It's so pathetic! I mean- I don't date any of these! And they've got a bit about you-"
"-AH I don't wanna hear it! Garrett-don't!" I covered my ears and turned my head away, and a hand wrapped around my waist, pulling me back, and another removed a hand from my ear.
"Why? You don't read anything about you?" I shook my head at his question.
"Nope. I don't like knowing whether people like you or not. How much they rate you or whatever. Ever since one of my interviews... Ugh!" I stood up, but to no avail, I fell back on the couch, and Garrett chuckled.
"Oh, look at that. I'm stuck." I smirked.
"I put a little glue on my arm earlier. The only way you can get out is if you take your shirt off..." He laughed and I scoffed.
"Yeah, cause that's what you really want. In good time, my friend." And then I had a brilliant idea! "Um...because I kinda need to pee. Let go?" He did and I jumped away, laughing. Garrett made a quick, sharp movement as if he was going to chase me, but then shook his head, smiling.
"Felix is in the restroom right now. Hey won't be out in ages. We're going into the arena today, get practiced. You have it book tomorrow. Did you want to come with?"
I sighed. "Actually...I may go visit some friends while I'm here, plus, I want to stay as far away from the tour as I can, before I go on tour. My friends are in school right now, but they have break in an hour 15. I'll go then." I sat on the end of the bed and lay down flat on my back. "Who's room is this?"
"This one is Felix's, the room right there has mine, then next door is the girls bedrooms."
"Are you all American?" They nodded.
"Born and bred, sweet." Maria smirked.
"I love the accent." I mumbled, rolling onto my stomach.
"I love your English accent, Bella." I rolled over again, falling straight to the floor. "You okay?"
"Um...yep. Just...like broke my back." I uttered, getting up and twisting my body around. "Okay I'm gonna see my Forks, see ya." I headed out, but then backed up a little. "Hey...do you know if they get offended by the term 'forkies' or 'forkys'?" They shrugged. "Just checking. Better not use it..." I went out again and gave Phil a call as I headed for my room to get changed.
"Where we off to today?" Phil leaned on the side of my door when I was ready.
"Phil, do you get holidays? I mean, really. You've been at my side mostly everyday. When do you get a break?" He shrugged.
"I like being a bodyguard. It comes with the job. Plus, I get to travel, eat and sleep for free." Oh. "And...I do get a break." We headed for the car and he took me to the school. As I suspected, heads turned when they saw me, but Phil was at my side, so it was ok.
"Bella!" I heard someone shout my name. I turned, and Heidi ran in to my arms, giggling. "You came!"
"Hey Heidi! How's the crew?" I smirked, and she pulled me over to her table, where everyone I remember were there. A lot of them were all smiley smiley, but one in particular wasn't. I gave Heidi a worried glance, and she glared at Leah.
"Leah, you promised..." She warned, and Leah got up and stormed off. "Don't worry, Bella. She was exceptionally close to Jake, and when he started using, she blamed you." I sighed.
"It is my fault." I muttered, and people came left, right and center to object. I put my hand up to stop them. "If I hadn't...done what I had done...Jake wouldn't have been like this. Easy as that. But I can't change the past. What happened to that douche bag anyway?" Seth pursed his lips and looked behind me. I turned around, and look who it was. James was heading in my direction, and I noticed a table behind him was the two bitches, sunbathing. I turned back around. "Ugh, seriously." A hand tapped my shoulder.
"Bella, can I speak with you?" James whispered. I turned around, jaw tensed.
"What do you want? You can tell me now, here." James looked at the group cautious, then sighed, muttering something under his breath.
"I...I just wanted to say sorry...for before..." He turned around in a fast motion and deserted me. I felt my eyebrows raise and I gave a questioning look to Heidi.
"What was that?"
"James..." Heidi threatened quietly. "You dick."
"What have I missed? I though it was all done and dead? No?"
"James was Jake's wing man. They went into Seattle and Port Angeles, to score fuck buddies. James used Jake's status and vulnerably to get the second hottest, or second easiest sluts next to Jake." Paul muttered. "Rachel told me all about how James used to come over, and take Jake out to drink, smoke and fuck. It only stopped when both of them caught an STI. Billy wouldn't let it happen again." Did I mention? Paul and Rachel were now dating, and I was beyond pissed. I stormed up to James, and shoved him over.
"You dick! You can't screw around with people like that! You encouraged Jake to get to the way he was!" Phil held me back, and I thrashed around, wanting to hit James as hard as I could. "Just so your dick could be dealt with." I flung my leg out and kicked his shin, and he yelped in surprise. I saw Kate get up, and stroll over to us.
"Well well well, guess little Bella didn't get exactly what she wanted, did she? You want another round?"
I growled harshly. "Well at least I can get guys without having to put out on the first impression" I nodded to her shirt, that was unbuttons so you had full view of her cleavage.
She laughed. "They only liked you for your status, for crying out loud!"
"Well tell that to my ex's then. Because I got many boys before I was famous."
"Is that what you are, Bella? Famous? Because all I see here is an uncontrollable slut who used her body to get where she is." Phil pulled me backwards.
"Well I think you've just described yourself right there and then."
"Well at least I can keep my man."
I scoffed. "And what man would that be?"
"You'll have to wait and find out..." She flicked her hair, and my eyes narrowed.
"Are you talking about Jake?"
"Did you want me to repeat myself?"
"You never had Jake, Kate!" Heidi came up behind me. "He was so broken hearted over Bella, and never mind completely drunk out of his mind, he could barely keep it up, slut. You just took advantage of his situation."
"Well he did tell me that he slept with a few sluts. I just assumed they were some prossies." Kate screeched and pushed past James, reaching out for me. Soon it wasn't me in front of her, but Phil. I was dazed. I needed to get out of here. I stumbled away and went back to the group, looking behind my back to make sure she didn't lunge at me or whatever. I put a hand to my forehead, closing my eyes.
"I'm sorry. Apart of me wishes I never slept with James, and I'd still be with Jake...I still love him, of course...but I can't go back now. It's too complicated. I have to go, I'm sorry. Break's almost up now anyway." Heidi grabbed my wrist as I was about to bolt.
"What's complicated, Bella? You can sort this out- I know he still loves you. He just wants you to forgive him. He'll get out of the drugs, the smoking and drinking for you. I've seen it in his eyes, Bella."
"He already is giving up. I made him go to rehab, Heidi." I whispered sharply. Her eyes didn't show any other emotion.
"I knew he would, Bella."
"I can't go back to him. It's too late."
"Haven't you heard Bella? It isn't too late unless you make it too late. There is time."
"No there isn't."
"Yes there is."
"Isn't."
"Why are you pushing yourself away."
"Bec-...because I've found someone else." There was the emotion I had been looking for.
"In a month?" She yelled. "How can you fall for someone in a month?" I shushed her, and pulled her aside.
"It's been two, actually, but it's an old boyfriend. He had to leave for his job, and I was left behind."
"What about Jake? You have to tell him!"
"There's no time. I have to go on tour."
"You call him."
"I can't. This isn't a conversation I'd like to really have over the phone. And I want to avoid doing it altogether." I stepped back. "I have to go."
"Don't be a coward, Bella." Heidi shouted as I walked off. "Don't you realize? Every time you walk away, someone is going to get hurt."
"I know that." I mumbled under my breath as I got into the car with Phil. I sent her a text.
I'll find him. B
Good. H
"Where are we going?"
To the rehab center. The rehab center.
"To the arena. Let's get the tour started."
I was too weak. Too weak to tell him I loved him, too weak to take him back, too weak to call.
Jake, I'm on tour. We can't be together. Sorry I couldn't call, or see you. If that makes me a bad person then so be it, but I couldn't face you with my pain. Get better soon. If you go back to the crack I will find out! And
I didn't want to give him the wrong message, if he went back to drugs I would be there again, because he can't hang onto me like that. I deleted half of my message.
Jake, I'm on tour. We can't be together. Sorry I couldn't call, or see you. If that makes me a bad person then so be it, but I couldn't face you with my pain. Get better soon. B xx
I took a deep breath and sent it, hoping Jake wouldn't hate me for life...
Heyy! so what do you think? :) Please review :) xx