Between the Fire and the Flame
He was the unseen, the silent blade.
She was the protector, the shining lance.
Together, they will fight.
Right and wrong are more often shades of gray than black and white.
Can they change the fate of the galaxy?
Can they save each other?
Wind like tortured demons. Driving sand in every exposed surface like miniature scalpels. The shuttle is completely lost in the shifting particles.
"Thane, -n you see - all?" Shepard asks me over the disintegrating com.
"Yes, Shepard. This is not unlike some parts of our native planet during storm season."
"Take p-nt. Y- be -r eyes. Lead - wa- home."
We run from rock to rock. Mechs keep coming. I am in the lead, make the shuttle first. I provide cover fire to give the others a path. Jack is hit, curses as she storms to her feet. Shepard pushes Jack out of the line of fire.
"I said, get into the shuttle, Jack! You're hit, I'll cover you!" Shepard shouts over the storm.
"Shit! I'm going!" Jack swears as she tumbles into the back of the Kodiak.
"Another heavy mech incoming, Shepard. You will need to hurry." I calmly load another round into my rifle, despite the danger to Shepard just a few feet away. I must hold the mechs back to keep her safe.
"On my way!" She backs up, keeping to cover as much as she can. She unlimbers the particle beam she lately favors, fires sustained bursts at the heavy mech between its shots. She is only ten steps from safety. I land a bullet in the YMIR's mechanical head. It falls to its knees. Urgent beeping emits from its power cells.
Five steps. "It's going to overload!" Jack grabs me before I can leave the shelter. "She's almost here, you'll just be in her way!"
Three more steps. The beeping increases.
She leaps toward the back of the shuttle, arms outstretched, eyes reaching into mine. I catch her before she falls, tug her to safety, her mouth opens to thank me. Explosion, dark blur, then blackness.
Turbulence. Directionless movement. Metal against my back. I automatically assess my body's state. Bruises, no major injuries. Shepard. Where is Shepard?
There. On her back next to me, our hands still linked. Sharp serrated metal protrudes from her side, stabbing through flesh and bone.
"Fin-fucking-ally, Krios, you're conscious. Way to help with my freaking leg. I'm just fine, thanks for asking." Jack yells from the pilot's seat. "I didn't think you were hurt bad, but Shepard is. Keep her with us, ETA to the Normandy, 2 minutes!"
I kneel beside her, try to stem the tide seeping from her side. "Shepard. Siha. Stay. Do not go." Worlds of meaning compressed to words.
Her lips shape into a smile, blood dribbles down her cheek as she coughs. "Stay with me and I'll stay with you."
Mere mortal mouthings cannot convey my care. One syllable only escapes my lips. "Stay."
He had carried her to the doctor, moving as quickly as he could without jarring her body, carried her to the clean white bed, now stained with her blood. A last press of his cheek to hers, and he stepped back, let the doctor approach with medigel, bandages, anesthetics. He had hovered with the rest of the crew as Dr. Chakwas worked to remove the spike and staunch the wound. She would recover, he knew. She was strong. He shared the relief when success was reported, that she would live, quickly restored, a matter of days.
But he had turned, left the bay, returned to his room without speaking. He could not face her, the revelation of his self.
He paced back and forth now, unable to sleep or meditate. Shepard had been discharged from the medbay some hours earlier and was safely ensconced in her cabin. It was very late by ship time, yet he couldn't sleep. Shepard flitted through his thoughts, rippled through his memories. It wasn't only the physical attraction between them. He had felt that before, in other places, other times, and ignored it easily. But his mind was engaged when she was there. He found his soul rousing for the first time in years. He cared for her, he realized. He cared for her...but it was different than what he'd felt for Irikah. He wasn't sure what to with it. They were both brave, determined, vivid women. He had loved Irikah with mind and body; to him, her soul outshone her body, the embodiment of Arashu, goddess of motherhood and protection. Irikah had been fiercely determined in any situation she was confronted with; she threw herself into every pursuit with unending dedication. But he had known that his skills of destruction were greater, eventually they had caught up to him. She had paid the price.
But Shepard was just as vivid, just as brave, and even more determined. In his mind, he called her siha; in truth, she was that and more. He had seen the people she saved and spared, those she gave second chances to. Her refusal to kill unless absolutely necessary, her ability to take life to defend another. Her serenity and eloquence. He knew what chances could mean to the souls she saved. Her soul was alive and fiery within her, her physical form the appropriate vessel; only occasional flashes, more precious for their rarity, were allowed to blaze through. She was a partner, a woman who would fight on any level and find a way to win without compromise, yet she resisted his efforts to put her on a pedestal. She would climb down, insist on walking by his side, a comrade and fellow traveler of the universe.
She had kissed him once. Amidst the war torn remnants of a broken world, she had pressed her lips to his, pierced the veil of dreams, and laid her fingers on his soul. What could he be to her, a dying assassin? Grief, burden, pain? He could offer her nothing but the fading embers of a withering coal.
Perhaps...relief? That same voice he had heard on the Citadel whispered to him. Who did she have to share her burdens? Friends, but none close. No one sought her out when she lay awake, unable to sleep, troubled by the tasks before her. Who would guard her if her strength ever failed, who would stand by her side? Who better to understand death than the dying? Ten years dead in soul, two years dead in body. They were alike in the dance between life and death, destruction and salvation. Who did she have to whisper to in the depths of the night, when fear and doubt closed in?
Not he. Surely not he? To reach into the blaze? To protect the fire from the flame? What faith did she have in him, who had failed before? What secret had she discovered in him as she lay bleeding in his arms? What truth had he discovered? Could he bring her joy? Was the chance worth the risk? 'Stay with me.' Unspoken were the words 'Be with me'. Could he disappoint her, leave her be?
'Trust life, and it will teach you, in joy and sorrow, all you need to know. The time is always now.'
Thane grabbed his jacket and left the empty room.
The elevator ride to the top deck seemed to take longer than usual, although the seconds ticked past with their usual count. He stopped before the Commander's door, realizing the lateness of the hour. "EDI, is Commander Shepard still awake?"
"Yes, Mr. Krios."
"Please ask if I may see her."
He heard EDI's request through the closed doors, and Shepard's fainter reply. As the doors opened, he saw Shepard sitting on her rumpled bed, datapads scattered around her. It was only the second time he had seen her out of uniform, and the sight still took his breath away. The thin dark fabric of her shirt barely covered her chest, left her shoulders and midsection completely bare. The leggings that she wore barely covered her hips. They contrasted sharply with her spacer-pale skin. He swallowed, feeling a nervousness that hadn't struck him in over a decade. But as she stood up, his attention was drawn to the white bandages wrapped around her abdomen, reminding him why he had sought her out.
"Hello, Thane. Did you need something? You've made yourself scarce lately."
"Are you well, siha? Your injuries seemed severe. I was concerned that the doctor released you too soon."
"Don't worry about me, I always make it through." Her tone was light as she came forward to greet him. "I was trying to study the latest intel on the Collector's base, and not doing much of a job at concentrating. To be honest, I was mostly thinking about you and missing our chats."
"My apologies for absenting myself. Solitude seemed an appropriate companion for my thoughts. There are so many things that are still undone. Will you hear my confession, siha?" He let her pull him into the sitting area, but remained standing while she settled back into her nest of datapads.
Her lips crinkled in a barely-suppressed smile; her voice was mock-petulant. "You still haven't explained what siha means."
He glanced away, wondering how to begin. "I must explain myself to you first."
"I'm listening."
"When Irikah was killed, I pursued those responsible." He paced back and forth, concentrating to keep from falling into memory. "Once they were...gone.. I had no goal. I accepted the Dantius commission because I had no other purpose. If I had died, then so be it. My body had accepted its death, my mind had been dead a long time." He stilled his body, turning to meet her attentive eyes. "But I met another siha. Few are privileged to meet even one."
"I confess...I have come to care for you, siha." He watched her expression. It was remarkable how familiar her face was now; the planes and angles of his own features seemed the stranger. "I would have kept silent, but when you were injured, I came to realize how close mortality could be, even for one such as you. I do not know what tomorrow may bring, and I would not pass without giving you the truth. Perhaps I am being foolish to move this beyond friendship, but I wished you to know that I carry you in my heart."
"Thane, it's never foolish to let yourself feel. I've cared about you for some time now. I trust you with my life, and my heart." Shepard rested her head on her knees, looking up at him through her dark lashes, smiling in her quiet way. "I thought I made that pretty obvious."
"It wasn't you that I doubted, only myself. I didn't...I was not ready to admit to myself how much I had come to care for you. I didn't want to leave you with a legacy of pain and regret, cursing the bitterness of the world. But I realize now, " he placed his hand alongside her cheek, and when she did not draw away, he continued. "I realize now, that the betrayal would be to stay silent. With the tasks before us-I say us for yours are now mine-our lives may be too brief for hesitation. There is no certainty of life, or even of success. Any time I may spend with you, were they hours, days, weeks, or more, would be a gift to us, a strength for the days ahead."
"I think one of Earth's old poets said it best. 'Every moment of light and dark is a miracle.' Let's not worry about tomorrow until it's here."
He reached out to take her five fingers into his four; she drew him down to sit by her side. "You are wise, siha."
"Not particularly wise! But I grew up as a strong biotic on a small ship. I knew I wanted to follow my mother's footsteps since I was a kid so I've had 'Live in the moment" brought home to me, so to speak. When my biotics started manifesting, I took that as a sign that I could do it, and do it well. The crew was like my family-aunts and uncles and cousins-but they didn't really understand what I wanted, so I spent a lot of time studying and reading and training."
"What of your father, was he...present in your life?" He realized she had rarely spoken of her past to him, that he knew very little of the woman who had become so entwined in his thoughts.
"Dad died when I was five. An accident with some explosive storage containers. The only thing I remember about him is that he used to snore at night." She chortled under her breath. "Isn't that a silly thing to have as your only memory of someone? But it's always kind of comforted me. You know, our backgrounds are somewhat similar, Thane. Perhaps that's we're drawn to each other. Plus, I've always been a sucker for a man in tight leather."
He found himself laughing at the coy tone of her last statement. She did fuel his heart and lend strength to his spirit. "You are an enigma, Shepard, puzzling and familiar at turns." He freed one hand to idly finger one strap of her top. "I've never felt affection for another species before. I'm not sure what we do now?"
She ran her thumb over the back of his hand. "I think we're off to a pretty good start. We'll figure the rest out later. And, well...You could always try kissing me again?"
Thane lifted her fingers to his mouth, pressing the individual knuckles to his lips. "I believe," he said between kisses, "That you are the one who kissed me. While I was injured, no less."
"So you owe me one, right?"
"Siha, you tempt me so."
"Well, that's what I've been trying to do," she murmured, sliding her hands up his arms to cup his face. "Is it working?"
Instead of answering, he kissed her gently in the silence of her quarters. He was careful to keep the pressure mild despite the desire he felt for her touch, aware of the fatigue behind her playfulness. So he gradually brought the kiss to a close, parting from her with a soft sigh. Her head came to rest on his shoulder, warm breath puffed along his neck.
"So... What does siha mean?" Shepard asked encouragingly, breaking the contented silence.
Thane smiled at her persistence, ruffling her hair with the ridges of his cheek. "One of the warrior-angels of the goddess Arashu. Fierce in wrath. A tenacious protector."
She shook her head in denial. "I'm no angel, Thane. I'm no more or less fallible than you."
"I've seen you protect those who cannot protect themselves. Saved my son, and woken me from my sleep. It suits you. Siiihhhaa." He let the word roll off his tongue.
She laughed until she had to hold her side, wincing slightly. "You just like saying it. I'm on to you now." She shrugged off the concerned look on his face. "I'm fine. Maybe a little dizzy."
"It's late. I should leave you to your slumber." He tried to rise, but she did not release her hold on his fingers.
"I'd prefer it if you stayed."
"You are injured, siha. You should rest."
"I would rest better if you were here with me. I'm tired of spending the nights alone." The uncanny echo of his previous internal debate made him pause. Who did she have to whisper to in the depths of the night, when fear and doubt closed in?
"Then I will join you, siha, and keep the demons away." He gathered up the datapads to clear a space for their bodies, then shrugged out of his jacket and vest to place them neatly beside the pile. He turned to see her gaze fixed on him.
"I don't think I've ever seen you without your vest on." Shepard reached out to poke the mottled stripes that extended along either side of his backbone. "Do they go all the way down?"
He chuckled, lying down upon the bed and opening his arms to her. "Someday, I will show you where they go. For tonight, sleep."
She scowled at him but settled into his arms willingly enough. "Someday, you won't get to use that line any more, Thane."
He laughed more deeply, pulling her against his chest. "I look forward to the day, siha."
She shifted a few times against him. He loosened his arms so that she could find a comfortable spot, but she only fidgeted more. Finally, she turned to face him, prodding his hip in annoyance. "Do you sleep in those pants?"
Danger will follow me now
Everywhere I go
Angels will call on me
And take me to my home
Well these tired eyes
Just want to remain closed
I don't see clearly, can't feel nothing no
Can't you hear me?
And I fall on my knees
And angels will call on me
Now everywhere I go
Angels will call on me
And take me to my home
A/N: Ahhhhhhh, thank you for bearing with me so far. After nine chapters and goodness knows how many attempts, they finally get together! This concludes the initial portion of the romance arc, although there is much much more to come. The lyrics are from the song Everywhere I Go by Lyssie, which I had playing during the main meditative parts of this chapter. And THIS is now officially my longest chapter ever. EVER.
As always, I want to thank kiwibliss for her immense skills, lyssalu for her fun and crack, and NSAS for just about everything else imaginable.
And since it's been a while, all characters property of Bioware, I own nothing except for my love of these characters.