STOP BY MY OFFICE WHEN YOU GET TO THE ARENA. EM
Randy read the message on his phone and wondered what Emma might need to see him about. He'd already spoken to the creative team as well as his colleagues about the storyline he was in and there were no planned appearances for the week, as he was too busy travelling.
"Are you ready Johnny?" he asked as John exited the bathroom. His heart sank when he saw his lover looking as forlorn as ever. He wished he could do something to get John to snap out of it. He wasn't downplaying what John was going through but it broke his heart knowing there wasn't anything he could do for his partner.
John nodded and they exited their hotel room. John immediately took hold of Randy's hand and pulled in close to his body. Randy looked down at his lover, letting go of his hand and wrapping his arm around his shoulders. For the first time in two weeks, Randy saw a genuine smile on his face, and he in turn smiled, placing a soft kiss on his boyfriend's head.
"I've had a message from Emma, she needs to see me when we get to the arena, are you going to be okay by yourself?" Randy asked as they stepped into the elevator.
"I guess," John said, burying himself in Randy's chest. "I can stay in the locker room while you see her."
Half a minute later, the elevator made it down to the lobby and they walked out to the parking garage, keeping the slightest bit of body contact, just so John knew Randy was with him. They made the journey to the arena in silence, Randy no longer knowing what to say that didn't sound like a platitude and said just so it sounded like he was concerned. He couldn't tell if John was pulling out of his depression or not, there was a flicker of hope earlier as they made their way along the corridor of the hotel but disappeared as soon as Randy explained about seeing Emma.
They arrived at the arena and made their way to the locker room they were sharing. Randy had been allocated a spot in one of the main locker rooms but since Tampa, he was ignoring it and sharing with John. Ted and Cody commented on the behavior considering the pair never went against the wishes of the WWE however Randy told them not to be concerned as they just wanted alone time.
Once he dropped his bags in the locker room and checked once more that John was going to be okay, Randy made his way to Emma's office.
Trying to kill some time after Randy left, John stripped down, hopped in for his pre-show shower, and took his time washing. Once he was done, he sat down on one of the benches waiting for Randy's return but found the silence too much. His mind started wandering back to the end of May when his wife lost the baby, and he went into this flunk. He knew Randy was concerned about him, doting after him, but John also knew it was taking a toll on Randy's psyche.
He had hoped that going out with Ted, Cody and Emma a couple of weeks ago to celebrate Emma's return was going to help, and it did to a degree, but the longer the night went on, the more he wanted to get back to the hotel and go into hiding. Randy was being so attentive that night, he realized John wasn't coping and took him back to their room.
John was grateful their sex life hadn't suffered and he was still able to perform for Randy. Randy was helping him to feel as though he was still alive and the short time they were together each night, made John feel more alive than ever, especially since Randy was letting him take control even though Randy was topping.
John wanted to make sure Randy knew how appreciative he was of his lover and so for the first time in nearly a month, John set out Randy's gear and put his towel in the shower room for later.
It was nearly an hour since Randy had gone to see Emma and he was concerned for his lover. He started pacing the locker room before taking a deep breath and braving the corridors of the arena. He was thankful that he didn't bump into any of his friends, and he could just nod his acknowledgement to those he saw. He eventually found Emma's office and was about to knock when he heard Randy speaking.
"Em, he hasn't been right since Liz lost the baby," he heard Randy say. His sank when he heard Randy telling her about their private business, his private business. Nobody knew he was going to be a father and now Randy was telling his boss about how he had lost the baby as well.
"In what way hasn't he been right? I mean I can see that he's not up to socializing but everyone has a right to keep to himself when they want to," she said trying to soothe Randy's concerns.
"The rest is private," John heard Randy say. He was grateful Randy was breaking any more confidences. John stood listening to Emma trying to badger the information out of him, threatening to turn it into an official investigation since he wasn't looking after himself.
John didn't know what she meant. He knew Randy was tired from constantly taking care of him, but emotionally and physically, he was fine. Had he missed something? Was Randy hiding something from him?
"Randy, listen to me. Management rang me this morning to look into this. They've noticed the weight loss and they've received reports about you being uncooperative to colleagues. Vince knows it isn't like you, considering the lengths that you went to over me," Emma said lecturing him. "Vince told me that if this isn't resolved, then you'll be stripped of the title. They'll let Wade have the belt."
John stood at the door listening to the silence coming from the room. The only noise he heard was when he guessed Emma was stepping away from her desk and going over to Randy as shortly after, he heard Randy sobbing. Randy was crying. How had he missed this? His lover was in pain and he didn't notice.
"You know you thought I was hurting John," Randy said. John's eyes filled with tears that someone as close to them as Emma, would think Randy would hurt him. Had he been that distant?
"Randy, I told you, that was my fucked up mind, I don't think that. I just transposed my situation onto you and John," she explained.
"It's almost the other way around," Randy said. John sank down to his knees, taking Randy's words in. He was hurting him? How could Randy say that? He wasn't doing anything to him.
He knew he was being distant, but they were still being intimate with one another.
"John's hurting you?"
"Not in the way you're thinking," Randy said, the lightness completely gone from his voice.
"Then in what way?"
John heard Randy take a deep breath before explaining. John listened as Randy's voice hitched as he spoke. Randy said how he, John, would come at him and want to make love but it was nothing that could be classified as that. Emma tried to joke as Randy went on to explain how he struggled to even get turned on, knowing John wouldn't want anything more than to make himself cum.
John couldn't take anymore. Why wouldn't talk to him about this? Why would he keep it bottled up? John pushed himself from the floor and struggled to hold himself upright. He wiped away the tears that had fallen and made his way to the locker room. He wanted to confront Randy but this wasn't the right place to do it.
He grabbed his bags and left the locker room. He hunted around the arena and found a room that was out of the way from everyone else. He set a reminder on his phone for when the show begins so he would be able to make his way to gorilla at the right point before collapsing on the fall and breaking down. He had ruined everything in his life. First he hurt Liz, leaving her behind on so many occasions including their recent loss and now he was hurting Randy.
He was originally going to be travelling on Randy's tour bus with him this week as he went to Hartford, back home to St Louis, and then on to California and Washington state. With what he heard now, there was no way he could do that, especially considering Randy would also have Alanna with him. An argument between the two of them would unsettle the young girl, and make it a long week. No, he couldn't hurt him anymore. Once the show finished, John would come back here, collect his belongings and then head to the airport, catching the first available flight out of there, no matter where it took him.
When Randy had returned to his locker room and found John gone, he went into panic mode, ringing his phone to try to contact him. He was thankful when John responded, albeit hours later, telling him he was still in the arena but needed to be by himself.
Randy relaxed at that point but his panic returned later that night when he was informed John had already left the arena. Randy rushed back to the hotel with Emma not far behind so he could check on John and force him to talk. Nevertheless, it was in vain, John wasn't there.
Emma spoke with hotel security and they checked their security logs for the room as well their security cameras of the main lobby and entranceways. There was no sign of John returning to the hotel.
Over the next few days, Emma did everything in her power to try to locate John and calm Randy down. She'd sent him to Hartford with Ted ready for the next show as she was heading out with the Smackdown tour. Emma continued to try to contact John but to no avail as after the fifth call, his phone went straight to voicemail. She rang his house in Tampa, hoping to speak with Liz and see if she had heard from him, but much the same there was no answer.
Randy was constantly ringing her trying to see if she managed to speak with him since he was having no luck himself. Emma contacted personnel and persuaded them to give her his parents contact numbers, claiming she was double-checking her records since it looked as though they were missing details of new tour personnel as well.
When she spoke with his parents individually, she tried to sound as relaxed as possible, making it sound as though she were simply checking in with Mr. Cena as it had been a long time since they'd spoken. Emma found it more difficult with Mrs. Cena, it seemed her motherly instincts kicked in and she could sense something was wrong.
"Honestly, Mrs. Cena, nothing's wrong," Emma lied. "I was just concerned about John. He's been a little distant the last few days and I wondered if you knew anything."
"I take it you know about the baby?" Mrs. Cena asked, not giving any further information.
"I'd heard, yes," Emma confirmed. "Mrs. Cena, do you know if John and Liz were planning to get away. A couple of us were thinking it would be a nice idea for them; that it might help them."
"First off, stop calling me, Mrs. Cena, it makes me sound old. It's Carol, and I know that's how my son would have introduced us," she said joking. "Secondly, I tell just how distant he's been if none of you know he and Liz have separated and filed for divorce. She's currently in Boston with her family."
"I wasn't aware of that; was it because of the baby?" Emma asked sincerely.
"I would surmise it had something to do with it," Carol said confirmed. "I also think his relationship with Randal hasn't helped. I love my son dearly, and Randy is like another son to me as well, but John should never have married Liz. He gave up on his love for Randy, and settled for Liz."
Emma was stunned at Carol's revelation, she wasn't aware either of John's parents knew about the relationship.
"Emma, don't go silent, I know you are one of the few who is aware of the relationship," Carol commented.
"I am aware. I just didn't know you were."
"I've known about John's sexuality since he admitted it to himself. He came to see me, hoping for my approval and I told him I'd suspected for some time. His father and brothers aren't aware though and I suspect it will hit his father the hardest," Carol explained.
"How long have you know about John and Randy's relationship?"
"John came to see me shortly after they kissed. He was scared he'd made the biggest mistake of his life," Carol clarified.
"What did you tell him?"
"That he had a decision to make, and whatever the decision was, I would support him. I wasn't expecting him to have an affair though," Carol remarked as though she weren't pleased with John's decision.
"From what John's told me over the years, Liz gave him permission to have someone he could go to for those particular needs," Emma enlightened. "I don't think she realized John's dreams would finally come true and Randy would kiss him."
Emma wasn't sure if she'd said too much when there was no comment by Carol on the other end of the line.
"Mrs. Cena… Carol?" Emma said trying to hear if she was still there.
"Randy didn't kiss John," she commented in reply. "John kissed Randy."
"What?" Emma commented, shocked that John never told her. Randy always made it seem like he'd kissed John.
"It was John that instigated the kiss. He said he was with Randy and he could see a look in his eyes that told him it was time," Carol continued. "It was all a little too sappy for me. Two grown men like that and you'd think it'd be more passionate. Not that I'd want John to tell me that of course."
"I think I need to have a word with your son," Emma joked. "Thanks for the information, M-, I mean Carol."
Even after her long chat with Carol, Emma was no further forward in finding John. She contacted Ted and asked him to drive round to John's house in Tampa, hoping to find he was just ignoring the telephone and was spending time working on his cars or something trivial like that. She knew if there were no sign of John then she would have no choice but to inform Vince and the board of directors the face of the company had gone missing.
The following day, Ted rang from outside Cena's house with bad news. There was no sign of John or of Liz. In fact, it didn't look like anyone had been home in nearly two months. Ted queried whether they should be concerned about Liz but Emma explained about her conversation with Carol and it seems she'd gone to stay with her family in Boston. Emma didn't tell Ted about John and Liz's separation, or the fact that Liz had filed for divorce against John. John didn't need his personal life becoming gossip.
Emma advised Ted to keep an eye on Randy once they hit California, asking him to make sure Randy ate and was taking care of himself. She knew he had Alanna with him this week, and that would help, but Randy was starting to become unhealthy and Emma didn't need the situation to get any worse.
She came off the phone from Ted and reluctantly started to make the phone call to Vince's direct line in Stamford. As she was about to hit the call button, she received a text message and thought it best to double-check who it was from in case someone had some information for her. When she opened up her messages, she let out a huge sigh of relief when she saw his name on the screen. The message was brief and to the point but it was contact.
I'LL BE AT RAW ON MONDAY. LEAVE ME ALONE UNTIL THEN.
Emma contacted Randy at his home in St. Louis to let him know she'd heard from John. He was hurt John hadn't contacted him but he was simply grateful he was okay.
The rest of the week passed slowly for Randy and even though he had Alanna with him and Ted as his constant companion he was grateful when his bus pulled up outside the hotel. Ted who had insisted on travelling with him was kind enough to get his backpack as he carried Alanna who was still sound asleep in his arms.
Ted checked in and was grateful to hear Cody had already arrived. He handed Randy his backpack and changing bag and headed up to see his partner while Randy waited to be checked in.
The hotel clerk took their time making sure everything was right with the booking and looked puzzled at one stage.
"Is everything okay with the booking? I need to get my daughter into bed," Randy asked hoping to speed things along.
"I apologize Mr. Orton, it seems there's been a slight mix up with your booking. You've been booked into a king size room with child bed, but it wasn't a double," he said explaining the hold up.
"Why is that a problem?"
"The person you are sharing with has already checked in," the clerk clarified.
Randy straightened when he realized they were talking about John. He wasn't sure he was ready to see the man, especially with Alanna asleep. He didn't want his daughter hearing the argument.
"Do you have another room available?" Randy asked, avoiding the confrontation.
"We do, but it isn't a king size room."
"I'll take it, can you please ensure there is a child's bed brought up as soon as possible along with my bags," Randy said as they handed him the key to the room, directing him to the elevators.
Randy made his way up to his new room. He felt guilty for not going to see John, but he wasn't in the mood. John had hurt him with his antics and Randy felt it justified for John to feel even a small amount of what he himself had been through in the last week.
As soon as they got to the room, Randy laid Alanna down in his bed and tucked her in. when housekeeping bought up a child's bed, then he could move her, but he wasn't about to disturb her sleep.
He went into the bathroom to splash some water on his face trying to wash away the guilt he was feeling. He was frustrated that he was feeling guilty from changing rooms on John. Returning to the main room, he grabbed his phone, sat down in the chair near his bed, and carefully worded a message to John.
IN SEATTLE BUT NEED SOME SPACE.
He knew he wasn't helping John's depression but he needed to do this, for his own sanity. He just wished things would start getting easier for the pair. Ever since they got together, it had been one drama after another; he was starting to wonder if he could take anymore.
There was a knock at the door and Randy went to peephole to check who it was. He saw the hotel staff bringing up his bags and he hoped a bed for Alanna. He opened the door and let them bring in his suitcases. He generally wouldn't have so many but with Alanna he always wanted to make sure he had everything she may want.
When he didn't see the bed, he enquired about when he would be receiving it but was informed they didn't have a spare. Randy was about to ring down to the front desk to complain when he heard his phone beep. He knew who it would be and didn't want to answer but he checked just in case it was someone else. As assumed it was John, he read the message and shook his head replying in one word.
John Cena: CAN I COME AND SEE YOU, WE NEED TO TALK.
Randy Orton: NO
Randy threw the phone on the nightstand and grabbed the phone to call the front desk. John's message reminded him, there was a bed going free in the other room.
"See Johnny?" Alanna asked as Randy carried her through the parking garage of the arena.
Randy smiled at his daughter, she'd been asking the question ever since she woke up, and making him realize she was going to grow up to be as stubborn as he was. When she wanted something, she would keep on until she got her way. Randy hoped for her sake that it was something he and Sam could help to iron out as she grew up.
"Maybe," Randy said. "Let's see which locker room Aunty Em put me in first."
He looked down the list and let out a deep sigh. Em had booked him and John into the same locker room. It was obvious she thought she was doing what Randy had wanted last time they spoke, but now, he just wanted to be alone.
"I guess you get your wish, kiddo," Randy said. "I'm in the same locker room as Johnny."
"Yaaayyy," Alanna cheered in her dad's arms.
"How about you do some walking, daddy's arms are getting tired," he said letting her down but holding on to her hand. He shouldered his bags and pulled his small travel case behind as they walked the corridors to the locker room. He was struggling with the bags as they walked, continually needing to stop to rebalance the bags on his shoulder.
As they fell for the umpteenth time, Randy felt a hand grab the handle of the suitcase. He looked up to see John silently praying to let him help. Randy nodded the okay and they continued walking in silence. Alanna was trying to shift position so she could walk on the other side of her father, almost tripping Randy up as she did so. When she was where she wanted to be, she reached up and tugged on John's jeans. He looked down and smiled at her as she held her free hand up for him to take, which he did happily.
Randy watched the interaction and saw the happiness in John's eyes, which he used to see on a permanent basis. Maybe the week apart had helped him come to terms with his losses. They never spoke about it, but Randy knew, mostly from the lack of contact between the two of them, that John and Liz had separated. He wasn't surprised; he had seen it coming for a long time. He just hoped in time Liz could come to terms with John and his relationship and remain the friends John wanted them to be. However, Randy had his doubts; he felt in his entire being, they weren't going to hear from Liz again once the divorce was finalized.
They made it to their locker room and John stepped back, letting Randy sort through his bags. Randy pulled out some toys to keep Alanna entertained while he prepared his wrestling gear and settle in ready for a long day. He motioned for John to follow him and they stepped into the adjoining shower room so they could talk without worrying about Alanna asking questions.
"Randy, I'm sor-" John started as soon as they were alone, but Randy stopped the automatic apologies which were about to start pouring out of John.
"I don't want apologies right now John," Randy said harshly. "Just tell me why?"
Randy kept his eyes trained on John as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before explaining.
"I came to make sure you were okay, you'd been with Emma for over an hour," John stated. "When I got there, I heard you telling her about Liz and the baby and it niggled a bit that you would tell her something which I didn't want people knowing about."
"So you hid from me all day then took off as soon as the show was over?" Randy bit at John.
"I… that's not why… after you told her that I heard you telling her I was hurting you… that I was using you to feel something," John said the pain of the moment returning to his eyes. Randy found it difficult to maintain eye contact as he saw the same distant look take over which was there a week before. "I hadn't realized I was doing that… I was angry you hadn't talked to me about it… angry with myself for doing such a thing… angry that you felt used by me… I've loved you damn near since I met you and I was treating you like that… I was ashamed and couldn't face you."
"So you ran," Randy said still not making eye contact.
"I went to the airport and got on the first flight out of there… I was only in Denver… the next day I wanted to come back to you, but you were in Hartford, there were no flights… I could have gone to St. Louis but the more I started thinking about it… I couldn't be around you when you had the one thing I can never have."
Randy started pacing the room, angry that John held it against him for being a father. Ever since they got together, his entire life had changed.
"Do you even remember what I've been through for you?" Randy snapped. "I've left my wife, damn near severed all my ties with my family, and all in the name of love… love for you… I still don't know if I will ever have a relationship with my father again. My mother only speaks to me when she wants to see her granddaughter and my brother and sister have yet to return any of my phone calls… but I can live with that; it hurts to think they won't support me, but if they can't then I'd rather they not be in my life. I'm sorry, John, but my daughter is the one thing I cannot and will not give up… even for you."
"I don't want you to give her up; I think the world of that little girl; she's a part of you, she's a tiny version of you with her stubbornness and playfulness," John cried. "In time I hope I can be a part of your family, of her family… let me prove it. I've spoken with Emma and Vince, explained what's happened and I have another week off. Let me come back to St. Louis with you."
John took a step toward Randy hoping to hold him, start to show him how much he cares, but Randy backed away from the attempted touch.
"I don't know," Randy admitted, keeping his tone quiet and soft. "I was there for you every step of the way, John. You want to know why I didn't talk to you about how I felt; it was because it would have broken you completely, and I was right. You took off. I didn't know what had happened to you, where you were. I don't know if I can put myself through that again. I'm sorry."
John went about his day, trying not to let Randy's words linger. He deserved them, he knew that, but the thought of losing the only good thing in his life was killing him. He fell into the John Cena character that everyone knew him as, smiling at the right points and throwing off handed comments at people as they joked.
He tried to spend time with Randy and Alanna, trying his hardest to prove to Randy that he was going to make it right. He wasn't sure if it was working since Randy wasn't giving much away. Emma found him during the day and they went out for coffee, John letting things off his chest some more. He listened as she explained how Randy was when he disappeared, the state of panic he was in and it made him feel more resolved to fix it.
By the time the show was ending, John had concluded Randy didn't want him in St. Louis and was packing his bag to head back to the hotel. He wasn't sure where to go. He still wasn't ready to head back to Tampa. He thought about going to his mom's in West Newbury, but the thought of explaining his recent actions was tiring in itself.
When he got back to the hotel, he used the phone in the room and made the call to the airline to see what flights were available in the morning when a message came through on his mobile.
I WANT YOU TO COME BACK WITH ME; YOU CAN STAY IN ONE OF THE SPARE ROOMS.
John booked a seat on the flight through to St. Louis before retiring to bed. There was a long way to go, but it was a start.
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