To Dare to Dream
He was the unseen, the silent blade. She was the protector, the shining lance.
Together, they will fight.
Right and wrong are more often shades of gray than black and white.
Can they change the fate of the galaxy?
Can they save each other?
Mature content warning. Please skip to the first section break if this makes you uncomfortable.
Thane woke slowly. A lifetime of being hunter or hunted had taught him to return to his senses instantly with any change in his environment. His instincts had kept him alive through trials of fear and danger. But today his wakening was gradual, languorous. Shepard lay cradled under his arm and he knew she was the source of his utter relaxation. He held himself absolutely still so as not to disturb her sleep and directed his gaze to the vast expanse of galactic space above their resting place.
They were still docked at the Citadel awaiting the completion of the Normandy's retrofitting. One of the gigantic Wards was just visible at the corner of the starport over which a steady stream of aircars was passing. Tiny flickering specks further out were the hulls of the patrolling Fleet. Their shields caused them to blur and distort the background of stars, forming a lacework lattice in his field of view.
Shepard stirred, her arms reflexively tightening around him; it was automatic, natural, like his presence was expected even in her very first waking thoughts. She blinked sleep lidded eyes at seeing him watching her. "Good morning, you."
"And a glad awakening to you, siha," he responded. He searched her face for any detrimental signs from the night before. "Are you well?"
"I'd say so. Extremely, excellently well. " She yawned lazily, stretching her arms above her head and arching her back. The movement caused the light sheet covering them to slip to the floor and leave her bare body exposed to his view. Here was a sight far more glorious than the stars above them He marveled at how the honed muscles flexed under the scaleless skin of her arms and chest. His gaze wandered further, to the odd little shadow of her belly button and to the darkness where her legs joined her body.
He swallowed, abruptly as fully aroused as he had been the night before. When his darkening eyes returned to her face, he saw that she was wearing a sensual, knowing smile. It seemed she knew well the effect her body had on him. "I see that you're doing quite well too, Thane," she grinned. When she wrapped her fingers around his hardness, he had to bite his lip to keep control of himself.
"Siha," he groaned out, "If you keep doing that, you'll be late for your duties and I will again be tardy to see Dr. Chakwas."
"We can be quick." She moved closer so that he was cradled against her stomach with her hand pressing him to her skin.
"Quick?" Thane echoed. "I don't believe I've ever heard that term used in this context."
Her eyebrows show up until they nearly reached her disheveled hair. "Really? Not ever?"
He had just the presence of mind to shake his head as her other hand began caressing him in other places even as she started stroking the fullness he was already experiencing. He wasn't sure where she'd learned about drell pleasure zones but she was finding every one of them at that moment. Truly if she was going to be doing things like that, he saw no reason to argue against her.
She pulled him against her, firmly placing him where she wanted him. She was already hot and open to him. He gave in to her eagerness as she crooned into his earbuds, "Well, then. Let me show you."
He thought they might have spent entire days...weeks...making love and enjoying their companionship but hunger and the increasing pressure of unfinished duty eventually drove them out of their idyll.
Shepard had graciously allowed him first use of the shower. Unlike the skinned humans, his scales didn't require water and soap to become clean, so he set the controls to sonic only. It took far less time than a water cleansing and he was done and out of the stall before Shepard had finished locating the last of their scattered clothing from the night before. He exited and paused after his first step to smile at the sight that greeted him. She was standing on the shallow stairway, precariously balanced on her bare toes and was tugging at one of her undergarments that had somehow gotten hooked over the top of the model Reaper ship at the top of her display area.
It came free with a tearing ripping sound and she held up the now-useless piece of cloth with a forlorn expression.
"You know, if this keeps happening, I'm going to have to go shopping for more underwear."
"I'd be glad to accompany you on such an expedition," he replied solemnly although there was a glint in his eye. "It may be that you will require my assistance."
She laughed like golden bells chiming. Tossing the ripped garment to him, she disappeared into the shower.
She took several minutes longer than he but was still moderately quick; he could see her vigorously toweling herself dry in the reflection from the mirror on the wall and hear the damp rasping of cloth against skin and hair. The steam that flowed from the opened door gave him a slightly congested feeling, like he was breathing through a porous film of plastic. Shepard had ordered the humidity turned down in any area of the ship he was likely to spend time in, so even this slight increase made him feel uncomfortable.
Shepard emerged from the bathroom while buttoning the last few fastenings of her uniform with crisp snaps. He was glad that she didn't notice his discomfort when she smiled over at his dressed form standing straight and proper.
"All set? Then let's go, I'm starving."
"Aren't you forgetting something, siha?" he managed to tease her when she made to leave the room.
"Hmmm, you mean this?" Smiling, she pulled his gift out from her breast pocket. The chain and stones immediately caught even the dim room light, sparking brilliantly in her hands. Her smiled faded to a thoughtful look as she let the coronet pour from one hand to another. "I'm not sure I'll be able to wear it all the time though."
"I believe I'd enjoy seeing you attempt to wear jewelry beneath your helmet. Perhaps during your next encounter with the Illusive Man?" He huffed a laugh at her expression. "No? I will count the thought as the deed, then, siha. Wear it when and as you wish."
"Fasten it for me? I can't set it as well as you can."
"Of course." His fingers quickly twined the delicate chains into her night dark hair so that they glittered and shone through the fine strands. The blue stone fell to the center of her forehead, giving the impression of a third eye. The eye that sees the truth, he thought to himself. She was certainly good at seeing through deception to the heart of things.
He took her hand and they strolled to the elevator, selecting the button for Deck 3 and the mess hall.
As they rode down the elevator, Shepard brought up her schedule on her omnitool, frowning over the crowded entries.
"Looks like my first stop is the Comm room to get the Normandy officially commissioned to me as my Spectre flagship. Then I need to sign off on the repairs. Hmmm, I'll need Tali for that, I think. After that, I have to check up on the CIC. I'm sure I have a few dozen messages waiting for me. Your test results are supposed to come in today, right? I want to see them too, so bring them with you when you report."
He nodded. "I will be seeing the doctor directly after we break our fast."
The mess hall was deserted. Even Rupert was missing from his normal place behind the cooking counter. The dining area was still in disarray from the hilarity of the night before; tables lay pushed against each other; chairs were in tumbled heaps of disconcerted plastic.
As Thane straightened one of the smaller tables and she tidied two of the tumbled chairs, Shepard surveyed the room with a sour expression darkening her face. "I'll have to have a word with Rupert about this," she muttered, folding her arms. "Unless a band of Reapers came by playing trombones in forward march, someone is going to get KP for the next month. Dare we hope there's anything left for breakfast?"
As she spoke, she stepped behind the counter to rummage in the various cupboards. "There doesn't appear to be very much left. But these should do for the moment. Muffins." She straightened, wrinkling her nose and holding a platter of variated muffins still covered in their plastic wrap. "I'd better put new food supplies on my list for the day."
He pulled one of the righted chairs out and waited for Shepard to be seated before sitting down himself. "Perhaps 'muffins' was considered too wholesome a food for a party?"
"Likely!" Shepard laughed in response.
They ate quickly, aware of the passing of time. They still found space for laughter, however, as they took turns feeding bits of baked floury stickiness to each other.
When they were done, he stood, lightly brushing a few last crumbs from Shepard's lips. She turned her head to drop a kiss onto the palm of his hand when it passed across her cheek.
"Back to work for me. I'll see you up in the CIC when you're done?"
"I will be there as soon as I'm free."
When she'd disappeared around the partition that divided the mess hall from the elevator, he took the few steps needed to take him to the entrance to the med bay. Taking a deep breath, he pressed the door control and went inside to face his future.
Dr. Chakwas was waiting for him by the medical scanner along with Mordin; they had both been corresponding with the Citadel doctors over his case. Dr. Chakwas wore a blandly blank expression but her body language spoke to him without the aid of facial form. He noticed that she kept fidgeting with the edge of the paper lining horizontal medical bed and would at times chew on her upper lip. The clear signs of nervousness put a seed of anxiety in his belly. Generally, doctors were not nervous when giving good news.
He found Mordin harder to read than Dr. Chakwas. Perhaps it was all the time spent in Shepard's company, but humans seemed to be much easier for him to decipher. The fact was that salarians didn't experience emotions in quite the same way he was used to-their quick lives made such things as rapid and passing as a summer storm. It might be wise for him to consult with Mordin on salarian lifespans more often as, from the silent cues he had picked up so far, the news he was about to receive wasn't going to be the pleasant kind. He shivered in the cool antiseptic air.
"Ah, Thane. Yes, thank you for coming," Dr. Chakwas started when she caught sight of him.
"I thank you for continuing to work on my condition despite the demands on your time. I take it the results were not as positive as we'd hoped?"
Dr. Chakwas shook her head, looking away so that her hair fell over her expression. "No, unfortunately not. The specialists on the Citadel were able to give us one bit of good news; they confirmed that your lengthy stay in the drier areas of the ship have slowed your condition considerably. Gross organ damage has not yet begun and lung function is still at acceptable levels."
"There is always bad news as well as good news, is there not?"
She sighed. "You are correct. Shepard pulled quite a few strings to get the best bacteriologists and pathologists on this puzzle and they were not able to come up with a solution. There is something very strange about either the drell immuno-reaction to this disease, or to the disease itself. Mordin will explain the details for me."
Mordin came forward at Dr. Chakwas' gesture. He spoke rapidly, gesturing with both his omnitool and his free hand as he tried to explain the details of his research. "Directed antibiotics effective for most species when structure of bacteria is known. Should have been able to adapt known types to break down infection. Basically, dissolves prokaryotic cells. Kepral's unique. Resists known methods of targeting. Possibly cell walls made of different proteins than normal organic life forms. No, would have noticed during centrifigation.
"Permanent impairment of oxygen assimilation will begin within next three to four months, approximately. Organ damage following soon after. Total system failure estimated between 12 and 18 months from present time."
"I'm sorry, Thane. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear," Dr. Chakwas looked as if she would continue. He held up a hand to stop the doctor's apologies.
"You needn't apologize, Doctor. The news is not surprising, if disappointing." As they had not offered him a seat, he folded his hands behind his back and stood up straighter. Despite his calm demeanor, he could feel the initial claws of despair closing around his heart. He had hoped, particularly after the previous night, that he could have a future, a life. He hated the thought that Shepard would be left alone to mourn him so soon. But he would let none of this appear on his face or body language. He asked them instead, "Is there any chance of a future resolution for my people?"
Mordin frowned and typed furiously on his omnitool. Scans, diagrams and walls of text flashed by too quickly to decipher. "Not enough information to speculate. Have requested research and history on Kepral's from hanar Illuminated Primacy. Limited response. Apparently genetic research program stalled due to personnel issues. If further information made available, could perhaps create artificial antibodies to allow drell immune system to fight off infection. Would be better for organ repair and antibodies would be passed on to offspring. Need samples of wider section of population. Also unaffected drell and ones who have recovered or resisted infection."
"I don't believe any of my species has recovered from Kepral's syndrome. We are a small population, so our genetic base is more limited than most."
"Makes sense. Smaller population base, more inbreeding, will cause problems with disease resistance and birth defects."
"I think we are drifting off the subject of discussion here." Dr. Chakwas interrupted before Mordin could elaborate on that vein. "In short, Thane, the germ that causes Kepral's Syndrome is not substantially affected by any known treatment. We'll continue to study the samples you gave us, but as of right now, the prognosis is not good for the current generation of drell. If we could access the historical records from the hanar, our chances of...timely success...would be greatly increased. Don't you still have contacts among the hanar? "
"Indeed, I do. I will see what I can do to facilitate the transfer of information. Thank you for your work, Doctors. I appreciate your honesty. If you will excuse me, I'd like to consider my next course of action."
It was too early to meet with Shepard so he took refuge in the newly finished life support room. His few items had been salvaged and cleared out during the repairs. He'd spent a few nights in the public crew quarters but hadn't been comfortable with the constant sense of personalities around him. As they'd all been crammed into the crew quarters, one of the few undamaged areas of the ship, he kept silence about his discomfort.
Shepard's cabin had been the first item on the repair list as the Normandy was hooked up to the Citadel's life support systems; the cabin had sustained only minor damage and was easy to repair. Cost vs morale, it was the right choice and alleviated the crowding in the crew area by two.
He hadn't expected to move in to Shepard's cabin with her, but when he'd returned from his afternoon combat practice, he'd found that his things had been moved. Upon inquiry, he'd discovered that Shepard had packed up everything of his and hers and taken them with her.
Some might have been angered by the presumption but he only marveled at how simple and easy the move had been. There'd been no fuss or raised eyebrows and they never had to ask each other about the issue. He simply joined her in her-their-cabin every evening and they would talk or read. Although last night was their first actual intercourse, he spent most nights cradling her in his arms until they both fell asleep, too tired from dealing with red tape to do more than share companionship.
Now, the room seemed smaller despite the lack of personal items. He counted off the dimensions of the room. They were exact to his memories. Could he have changed in a few short weeks, so much that his old refuge was no longer any such thing? Feeling an odd mixture of nostalgia and disappointment, he sat down at his new-old chair and resumed the meditative position he had used for so long.
He had..In the last few weeks he'd dared to nurse a tiny sprout of hope. Her example and encouragement had diminished his condition to simply another obstacle to be surmounted. He had dared to see his time stretch out from months to decades. He had dared to hope for a future with Shepard, with Kolyat. But it was a fool's hope that turned to ashes in his chest...no.
He would not let despair consume him again. He would fight, as Shepard fought. Let every day, every breath, every heartbeat be a battle. He was Thane Krios, he would not give up so easily. Not again, not when he had so much to lose.
She would be his inspiration as he had stated before. Mortal, frail, and fallible, nevertheless she battled impossible odds unflinchingly. Her humanity was the best that the galaxy had to offer. Shepard had faced death-had died-and still stood proud and unbroken. He would do no less.
Whom the gods would bless, they first make worthy.
He checked the time on his omnitool. Her morning appointments should be completed and she would be expecting him. He rose from his old seat and left the room that was no longer his.
When he reached the CIC, Shepard was frowning over her terminal. Her shadowed eyes and reddened, bitten lips drew his instant concern; she had not received pleasant news that day either.
"Siha? Is something the matter? You are troubled"
She handed him the datapad wordlessly. Too many expressions to count chased each other across her face. He read quickly.
Dear Sheppy,
I hate goodbyes so I've run off with just this note, and Thane, to keep you company. I'm sure the fact that we haven't seen a peep out of each of you means you finally got some and it's about time for both of you. You'll have to tell me all about it one of these days. Actually, don't. But I'm happy for you both.
You risked your life to help me and gave me Keiji back; all that's left of him. I'll never be able to repay you for that, but if you ever need me, I'll come. Leave a message with the DarkStar bartender that you're looking for "Kassi."
Don't worry, I'll be back!
Hugs and kisses,
Kasumi
P.S. Consider this your birthday gift: I heard a few things while we were scouting out Omega, well...let me just say I think you should look a little closer at the hanar homeworld. There's a researcher there you might find quite interesting. His name is Setir.
I've also attached the information I used to trace Setir, along with a summary of our good Doctors' medical synopsis on a certain drell's condition. He'll be all flutter-eyed trying to tell you this himself, so I'll save him the trouble. It's not good news, but Setir seems to be ahead of the game in a couple different ways. Good luck.
KG
There were many surprises for him in those few short sentences. That Kasumi had left Shepard with little fanfare would trouble Shepard, who considered the other woman a good friend. And she had already given Shepard the news that he had only just received. So she knew that he had received an extension but not a reprieve. That would explain the sadness on her face.
Setir. The name was familiar. Irikah had mentioned him in her very last message to him. Could he still be alive? Kasumi seemed to hint that the man had worthwhile information, perhaps the very key that Mordin and Dr. Chakwas needed to provide a cure.
He understood Shepard's conflicting emotions. So many flickering possibilities ran through his mind that he wasn't sure which expression was on his own face either. As he handed the datapad back to Shepard, he spoke the first thought that came to his lips.
"I find this information disquieting in many ways. It's hard to imagine that Kasumi is gone. Who do we lose next?"
Shepard tossed her head back so that the blue stone swung, flashing proudly, and her expression firmed with determination. "The only sure answer I have to that question is, 'Not you.' EDI, bring up the engines. We're going to Kahje."
A/N: So Shepard just insisted on more. She is so evil. I've switched the rating to M since I suspect these two are going to ambush me again. This is the beginning of the next big storyline plot for me, and I intend to include a LOT more action than has been in the last few chapters. ME3 HERE WE COME!
Ahhh Kasumi. Farewell for now, but such a perfect parting gift.
kiwibliss, I have no words for your awesomeness and dedication to all things Thane (and ME and NSAS in general). Your example is my joy.
NSAS love forever. Lyss, IccaRus, LT, Raddy, and all of you guys are awesome.