Never Survive
He was the unseen, the silent blade. She was the protector, the shining lance.
Together, they will fight.
Right and wrong are more often shades of gray than black and white.
Can they change the fate of the galaxy?
Can they save each other?
"But it doesn't make any sense!" Shepard paced back and forth in front of the conference table. "Why would the Shadow Broker steal information on drell?"
"The Shadow broker has fingers in lots of different pies," Kasumi offered, shrugging in apology. "I've always steered clear of him in my work, so I don't have a lot of intel on him or his motivations. I have no idea why he'd be interested in drell physiology or immunology."
"Does the Shadow Broker limit himself to brokering information, or does he broker in anything profitable? Is it possible someone... paid him to steal it?" Shepard asked, her tone confused.
"According to my information, he deals in anything that'll run him a profit-drugs, bodies, small wars," Kasumi replied, slumping back against the bulkhead.
"I have a thought, siha. Drell have superior memories and greater durability than most known species. As you know, our muscle tissue is denser, therefore granting more strength with less bulk. With our eidetic memories, we only have to be told something once to forever retain it. We are perfect for infiltration, for the stealing of information, and for...small wars.
"These abilities could be very valuable to the unscrupulous buyer.
"Our one limiting factor is currently the mortality rate from Kepral's Syndrome. Our one great weakness the inability to survive in humid environments. A cure would be valuable beyond measure to my people. The Shadow Broker could simply wish to make a profit by selling this information back to us.
"It's equally possible that he has entered into an agreement with another party, one that wishes to incorporate some of our traits, in an attempt to create a 'perfect soldier.' It would not be the first time such a thing has been attempted."
Shepard listened with her head cocked and he could see her eyes flickering as she assimilated the information. "You both give sound reasons. At this point, I think that it doesn't matter why he's stolen this information. We have to get it back. We have the chance to save an entire species. It's too valuable an opportunity to lose."
"Shep, I have a lot of contacts, but I can't think of a single one that could tell us about the Broker."
"Don't worry, Kasumi, I know someone who can. And she'll love the chance to take him down."
Returning to Illium brought back painful memories of Thane's past-Dantius Towers, Nassana, the slow and inexorable erosion of hope as his condition became clear. But stepping out of the embarkation area of Nos Astra just as the first rays of Illium's sun pierced the horizon, he remembered other things. The peace of coming to terms with his life; of meeting Shepard for the first time; the silent uplift of spirit when he'd found a new purpose.
He felt her presence by his side. She stood without speaking or touching him, in the silent communion of souls that sometimes happened between close friends. Thane knew that the stillness was the moment of peace before a long and fearful battle. "Siha," he whispered, breaking the silence, "I spent two years here. I had a purpose, a goal. Now that I've accomplished it, something occurs to me. In all that time, I never looked at the horizon. I would say that it is breath-taking, but I'm afraid that wouldn't be saying very much, now."
"You could say that it's beautiful."
"Beauty is too mild a word for what I am seeing. Just as it is for you."
She gave him her perfect, dazzling smile and took his hand in hers for the short walk to Liara's office.
Liara didn't seem surprised to see Shepard, and Thane remembered that they had met recently, when Shepard had been tracing his whereabouts. He realized that he owed Liara a debt of gratitude for giving Shepard the information that led her to him. If she hadn't done so, he didn't know where he would have been at this point. Lost, estranged, and dead, perhaps. As he listened to Liara's story about the Shadow Broker, he vowed that he would get her friend out alive. A life for a life. She had enabled him to find his life again. He would ensure that her friend had the same gift.
But as he realized how imminent the confrontation with the Shadow Broker was, he suddenly wasn't sure whether he could ensure success best by his presence-or his absence,
They arranged to meet at Liara's apartment later that evening, once Liara had made arrangements to decipher the information they had given her.
"So, Thane, what do we do while we wait? I haven't had much time to see anything of Illium."
"If you wouldn't mind somewhere quiet, I understand that the Ayona building has a small park on its roof, which has a pleasing view of the city."
"Why somewhere quiet?"
"There is an...anxiety..that I would like to discuss with you."
"That sounds ominous."
"I would rather speak in more private surroundings."
"I know better than to try and pry a secret out of you. Let's go."
They arrived at the Ayona building at an early hour, so the area was nearly deserted. A few asari were nearby, speaking in hushed tones that he couldn't quite make out. The parkland was built to mimic a meadow on Thessia, so small bushes glowed with miniscule amounts of eezo and multi-colored grass grew in patches in between. In the distance, the few taller buildings of Illium reached ecstatically for the so-close sky. Aircars wove their glow-worm paths in and about the airways around them.
After settling down on a small stone bench, Shepard leaned forward to place her elbows on her knees and focused her blue gaze on his. "So, you want to tell me what's bothering you?"
He sighed and turned away, not willing to meet her eyes. "I'm unsure whether you should bring me with you or not."
"Why in the world would I leave you behind on this? You know the Shadow Broker nearly as well as Kasumi and you're the better fighter."
"That is the entirety of the problem. Ten years ago, the Shadow Broker sold the information about my family to the batarians. It was he who pointed the killers at Irikah; he who robbed me of..." He realized that his fists were clenched so tightly that the knuckles were nearly gray; that his voice had risen enough that the nearby asari were looking at him in concern. He forced his hands to relax and his voice to lower.
He'd thought that he'd reconciled himself to Irikah's death, that he had forgiven her killers. And himself. Looking within himself, he knew that, for the most part, he had. But he still felt that loss. He didn't think he would ever want to be completely free of it. And the Shadow Broker seemed to embody so many of the evils he despised.
"I'm not sure that I...trust myself to accompany you. That my instincts would not...overwhelm me. I have no doubt that he deserves death many times over. But it should be dealt to him as justice, not as vengeance. I'm afraid that I would act out of vengeance and I do not want that."
"I have taken life in more ways than I can count. In cold blood, in ambush, from two hundred meters away, and with my fingers closed over the pulse of life in a neck. I've killed for money or favors or information. I've killed in anger, hate, and despair.
"Of all these things, i dread the latter the most.
"Yet I don't know what would be worse: To take that path, or to hesitate in my fear of it. Should my actions or lack thereof cause any harm to you or Liara, or her friend...
"You would not be able to rely on me. I can't predict what I will do, so it is logical that you wouldn't either. I offer to step back from this mission. Garrus, Jacob, many others are your friends and would help you for the asking. Most have no prior dealings with the Shadow Broker. Any deaths would be clean. Professional."
"Thane, listen to me." Shepard leaned forward and gripped his jaw in her hand, forcing him to turn so that he could see clearly the furrowed eyebrows, the blue sparks that rose in her eyes, the creased line of her mouth, "No one goes into battle without some baggage. Liara told me that the Shadow Broker tried to sell my body to the Collectors! Do you think I'm not angry about that? He scraped my cold shattered corpse off Alchera, and sold it as a commodity. To the same group that killed me." She shuddered and her eyes clouded over. She seemed to be reliving the explosion in her mind.
"And it was so cold...There was no air...what's that light?" Shepard began to shake all over and gasp repeated ragged breaths. "So cold...why can't I breath? Air..I need air!"
He took her in his arms, cradling her in his heat. Her skin was icy cold and he chafed her hands, trying to restore circulation. "Siha, it's okay.. You're alive and here with me. Siha, wake up. Please return to me. Siha, come back."
Her eyes gradually refocused on him and the slack staring expression faded a little. He felt her shaking reduce but he could still feel miniscule tremors shuddering through her. She managed to draw in a single deep breath instead of the gasping sobs of the moment before.
"I'm...I'm sorry, I didn't expect that. Chakwas said I was over the trauma."
He continued to hold her until he felt her muscles unclench from their tightness. "Even those who don't have to relive bad memories in perfect detail can still be caught up in them."
He released her so that she could sit back. Shepard sighed and rubbed her face with her hands. "Yeah and everyone keeps telling me that my memories of dying aren't real. Supposedly, they're just the state my neurons were locked into when brain death occurred. Well Dr. Chakwas believes me, and so does Kelly, but no one else does."
"More than most, I know the impact of memories, true or false. From what I have been told, your memories are accurate. Drell who have had close brushes with death have described much the same thing." He moved his hands to her shoulders and rubbed them with the balls of his thumbs. "Believe that your memories are real, but try not to dwell on them overlong."
"We're a fine bunch of heroes, You're afraid of your reactions and I'm afraid of mine." She slid her hands over his arms until he relaxed his grip, then drew his scaled hands into her lap and covered them with her softer skinned ones. "But there's no one better for this than us. I trust in both of us. I won't freeze and you won't forget who you are. A year ago, I don't think I would have said either of those things. But after all that the two of us have been through, I don't think a back-room coward like the Shadow Broker is going to make us lose ourselves.
"I can't make you come with me Thane. If you truly don't want to go, I can ask Miranda or Garrus or Samara. Any of them would be a good fit. But they're not you. I trust you the most. You're my partner. I trust you at my back and at my side. And I trust you to keep to your own morals when we find the Shadow Broker and take him down."
"How can you trust me when I don't even trust myself?"
"Because I know you. People are always their own worst critic. I've never seen you forget what you're fighting for. I don't think it would be possible for you to forget any more. Believe in yourself."
He turned his hands so that he was holding hers. "I believe in you, siha. Perhaps that is enough."
"Well you believe in me, I believe in you, therefore you believe in you. Matter settled?"
He let out a breath of air that was as close to a chuckle as he could get under the circumstances. "The matter is more similar to the deluded leading the injured and the obsessed, but yes, I will accompany you, as you wish it."
They didn't have any problems with tracing Liara, nor handling the rogue spectre Tela Vezir. They had made their way to Hagalaz and the Shadow Broker's mobile base. The constant lightning storm caused the occasional tremor, but this deep in the shielded ship, most of the storm passed them by unheard and unseen.
Feron had been found alive, if restrained and...damaged. There remained only the final confrontation with the Shadow Broker himself.
Thus far Thane felt that he'd been able to remain objective as they fought through the guards on the Shadow Broker's sanctum. A rising curiousity as to what the Shadow Broker looked like, and what he was hiding, had replaced the fear. He was relieved that he had felt none of the rage of which he'd been most afraid.
When the doors slid open, he braced himself for what might come, and strode with Shepard and Liara into the Shadow Broker's lair. Half covered in darkness and mist, an armored, horned, vaguely fur covered form leaned forward. The three of them drew their guns, and aimed for its head before it even began to speak.
"Here for the drell? Reckless, even for you, Commander." The low, buzzing voice made Thane think of a caricature of his own rumbling growl and a shudder of disgust passed through him.
"That bombing on Illium wasn't exactly subtle either," Shepard challenged the creature.
"Extreme, but necessary. You needed to be stopped."
"No it wasn't necessary. Neither was caging Feron for two years," Liara declared. She stepped forward and he could see a faint glow around her as her anger fueled her biotics.
He looked around the room for structural weaknesses, but other than the cover provided by some metal buttresses, the room and ceiling were bare. The yahg stood in cradled in between two staircases, however, and if he could reach the upper gallery, he might find some cover there. The mention of Shepard and her squad brought his attention back to the conversation Liara was conducting with the Shadow Broker.
"You travel with fascinating companions, Doctor. Bringing an assassin was shrewed, T'Soni. I'll give Mr Krios' son my regards."
"I'm not afraid of your threats," Thane stated with absolutely no inflection in his voice. He had expected to feel rage or fear, but all he felt inside was determination to end this creature that had tainted so many lives, and contempt that such a pitiful object could have inspired so much despair.
"Did I touch a nerve?" The tinge of a smirk entered the yahg's voice. "He will make a fine addition to my collection."
"Fine words You are already dead; your threats mean nothing to me. My son, and my people, will be safe from you soon enough."
"He's merely speaking out of bravado, Thane," Liara didn't look away from the Shadow Broker as she spoke. "He's a yahg, a preflight species quarantined to their world for mass murdering the Council First Contact team. This ship predates your species' discovery," Liara began addressing the yahg again, "You must have killed the original Shadow Broker sixty years ago then took over. I'm guessing you were taken from your world by a trophy hunter who wanted a slave. Or a pet. How am I doing?"
The Shadow Broker let out an echoing bellow. It was hard to read anything in the fly-like face, but rage still managed to claw its way into its expression.
It grabbed the heavy desk before it, and raised it as if it were a leaf. The Broker heaved its arm forward and flung the desk directly at Liara's head. Liara began to run, trying to reach the cover of one of the pillars surrounding the room, but Thane could tell that she wouldn't make it in time.
He leaped as hard as he could, just catching her across the shoulders, and knocked her out of the way. He twisted, trying desperately to find his balance but he ran out of time. The desk struck him across the chest and threw him across the room.
Pain exploded through his body. He felt sharp stabbing pains near his diaphram and a tearing sensation ran down his side before he struck the door. The desk landed on top of him and the last thing he saw before the dense metal closed over him was Shepard's desperate, fearful expression as she tried to simultaneously evade the yahg and rush to his side.
He clung to his receding consciousness, trying to persuade his legs to move, his hands to grasp. But it was all he could do to keep from losing his grip on reality. He was only peripherally aware of the fight going on around him, as Liara and Shepard circled the raging creature, wearing it down with their biotics.
He felt the excruciating pain when Liara shot out the overhead light generators, the acrid gas filling his wounded lungs.
He bit his tongue to keep from crying out when he felt Shepard's armored hands feeling along his back, trying to find the best way to pull the rubble off of him.
"Hang on, Thane. We'll get you fixed up. Don't go anywhere, okay?"
"I...will...try...siha..." Thane managed to whisper in a thready voice.
"Shepard, he's being supported by part of the desk. The beam here is pressing against the worst open wound. It'll be bad when we pull him off."
"Did you hear that, Thane? It's going to hurt, but we've got you."
He prepared himself as best he could before he nodded. He distanced his mind from his body, trying to prevent the pain from overwhelming him. When they pulled him away from the desk and off the beam, he felt the shattering pain as his flesh ripped apart. He heard Shepard radio the Normandy to meet them at the airlock with a full medical crew. He heard her whisper to him words of support, of strength, of love. He saw a bright flash of light.
Then everything went black.
A/N: And the worst cliffhanger of all, right? The next chapter's going to need a lot of finagling, but I hope it won't take a year ;)
Please note that I intend to go officially AU from this point on. I have very firm ideas about What Should Have Happened and they don't match up with Bioware's!
I also have a question for you guys and gals. I'm wrapping up this story arc pretty soon. Would it be preferable to continue the next one in *this* fic, or start a new one? Or just have them as stand alone one-shots? I don't plan a cohesive ME3 touching plot, just certain times and places, similar to how this fic started out.
But ADoM has a bit of a...momentum to it, so I'm not sure what you, my darling readers, would prefer?
Thanks go out to kiwibliss for her tireless rereading. And for FINALLY updating Fornax too! Yay go read it if you haven't. Thanks NSAS for putting up with my nervous kibbitzing and brainstorming.
Also, in support of our beloved drell, please check out the Save Thane Krios Petition here: social . bioware . com/forum/1/topic/325/index/10277318 and the Take Back the Love: Better ME 2 Romances in ME 3 here social . bioware . com/forum/1/topic/325/index/10006936 (Take out the spaces).
All characters (unfortunately) Copyright Bioware.