Memories: 2
"I guess I know why I couldn't remember anything," said Dean.
Cas sighed. "I'm really sorry Dean. I guess I didn't realize that you were drunk. I'll leave and we can never speak of this again. I–you should go back to Lisa. Your family needs you…"
Dean shook his head and stood up, beginning to pace the room. He was thinking of the night before. He had been fucking delusional, thinking that Sam had been with him, staying in the motel. He had thought that they were on the hunt. The motel environment was so imprinted in his brain that he automatically had reverted to his past life in his hung-over state.
"What?" asked Castiel, looking confused.
"Dammit!" Dean said, turning to the motel dresser and punching it so that the wood split. He sighed and rubbed his eyes.
"Hope they don't notice," he mumbled.
Cas looked at Dean deeply. He wished that he could do something to help. Dean was never good at controlling his anger. It was something that he and Sam shared…
"Dean, I wish you would come back and hunt again. We have to try to fix this. Don't you want to bring Sam back?" Cas asked.
"I'd love to bring Sammy back. You're supposed to be the fucking angel, Cas. Didn't God ever tell you about hell at all. Don't you have any knowledge of how to get Sam out?" he yelled angrily. Dean then sighed and shook his head. He sat down anxiously, and put his hand on Cas's shoulder.
"I'm sorry. I'm just really fucking messed up right now. I can't deal with losing everyone in my life that matters. I just feel used… What all of the angels, and the demons do to us… Taunting, using us as pawns. I'm just sick of it. And I can't leave Lisa and Ben. Not now." Cas looked at Dean and sighed again.
"I know Dean. And, I'm just sorry for my part in it," he whispered. Dean looked at Cas angrily.
"Your part? You are manipulating us too?" Dean asked weakly. Cas sighed. "Sometimes I have… But I don't like it." Before Dean could say anything else Cas changed the subject.
"Do you still love Lisa, Dean?" he asked. Dean shrugged.
"I care for Lisa a lot, but I just can't protect her and Ben. When I came here the other night, and told Lisa that I was going camping for a view days, I drank more than I ever have. I just can't deal with the stress. I keep looking around every corner, thinking that something is going to come out and kill them. I can't deal with it. And you—I love you Cas. I really do…" Dean's voice cracked as he said it. He couldn't look Cas in the eyes. Instead he twiddled his thumbs.
"I love you too. I honestly feel ridiculous because I couldn't tell you. I thought that, since you always acted like there was nothing between us, I should just leave it alone. I suppose I was wrong." Cas laughed a bit. Dean's eyes welled up with angry tears and he leaned forward to hug Cas.
"We'll get Sam back. I promise," whispered Cas.
"I hope so Cas," Dean mumbled.