A/N: Here we go with another chapter! Please read and review!
Chapter One: Loss and Desperation
Nine years later…Western Woods…
"These aren't branches," Peter muttered as he brushed against something soft.
"Oh! Ow!" Edmund grunted as he bumped into Susan.
"They're coats," Susan murmured softly.
"Susan, you're on my foot!" Edmund yelled, shoving her slightly, trying to make room.
"Peter, move off!" Lucy cried.
"Stop shoving, Lu," Peter called.
"Stop it. I'm not on your toe!" Edmund called as they continued to push their way forward as the coats grew thicker. A small sliver of light ahead of them grew steadily brighter.
With a grunt, Peter suddenly fell forward and hit the ground on his hands and knees. Lucy tumbled out right behind him and almost tripped on him, and just behind her were Susan and Edmund. They lay on the floor for several moments, coughing and trying to catch their breath, before they slowly sat up.
Peter looked at their surroundings. They were in a large, empty room with plastered walls and exposed wood beams. The floor beneath their feet was dusty, and the only article of furniture in the room was a large wardrobe. Peter glanced down at himself, momentarily confused, as he saw that instead of the rich velvet and leather riding gear he had been wearing a moment ago, he was now wearing a coarser button down shirt and suspenders, with rough cotton pants. His brother and sisters were similarly attired, and to his shock, they looked as if they had suddenly grown younger. He reached up and felt his face, his eyes slowly widening in horror as he realized that his beard had vanished and his hair had shortened almost magically.
"No…oh, Aslan, no," Peter murmured, leaping to his feet and racing towards the wardrobe. He climbed inside and shoved the coats aside, only to encounter the solid back of the wardrobe. "No…Kris…Aslan…"
"Peter?" Susan asked, rising to her feet and looking at her brother, who was now pounding his fists on the back of the wardrobe. "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?!" Peter asked, looking over his shoulder. "Susan, what do you think? Have you forgotten about my wife!? She's still in Narnia! Why can't I get through?!" He continued to hammer at the wardrobe.
Susan and Edmund both grabbed Peter and hauled him out of the wardrobe. He fought them both fiercely, but they managed to pull him out after much effort. He struggled against them. "I have to get back through!" He was bucking and kicking out, and after several seconds, broke free again. This time, he ran around the outside of the wardrobe and squeezed behind it, pounding at the walls of the room itself.
Lucy ran up to Peter and shoved him from the side, pushing him out from behind the wardrobe and sending him sprawling back to the ground. She squeezed out from behind the wardrobe and pinned him down by sitting on his legs as she reached out and grabbed his face, her smaller hands giving her a moment's pause before she pushed the thought aside and forced him to look at her. "Peter, calm down before you hurt yourself!" she cried.
Susan and Edmund joined her and between the three of them they managed to get him restrained. But Peter continued to fight his siblings' hold on him for several more moments, before he finally seemed to see Lucy kneeling in front of him. "This is your fault! Why did you lead us back?" he yelled, tears pouring down his cheeks.
Lucy reeled back as if he had slapped her. Her dark eyes were wide and filled with tears. Peter had never yelled at her. But there was so much anger in his voice now.
As Lucy backed off, Peter slumped over, sobbing. Deep, wracking sobs were wrenched from his throat and tears streamed down his face, leaving hard-edged runnels across his cheekbones. He began to shake violently, and pulled tightly into himself, as if he was trying to hide from them. His siblings looked on in confusion, not understanding why he was so upset.
Susan knelt at his side and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Peter, what's wrong? There's more to this than leaving Krisalyn behind, isn't there?"
He looked up at her, the tears still flowing down his cheeks.
"Peter, we can't help you unless you talk to us," Edmund added, joining his older sister and brother, and laying his hand on Peter's other shoulder.
Peter looked between his siblings and swallowed, trying to choke back his tears so he could speak. He tried several times to form the words, but they wouldn't come. Finally, he managed to force words past the strangling lump in his throat. "Before we left on the hunt, Kris had news for me," he began quietly.
Mr. Tumnus had brought word from the Western Wood that the White Stag had been seen roaming in the area. According to all the legends and lore, the Stag would grant wishes to anyone who captured him. It sounded like a great adventure to Edmund and Peter, and it hadn't taken a lot of effort to convince Susan and Lucy to come along, although Krisalyn had declined.
As the others prepared the horses for the trip, Peter sought out his wife and found her in the library working on some plans for the next holiday festival. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her from behind, dropping a kiss onto her hair. He couldn't believe it, but he loved her more with every passing day. They had been married for nine years now, and everyday brought new joys and new blessings to both of them.
Of course, those nine years had also brought pain and tragedy to both of them. Some of it, Peter didn't like to think about, even now. Other parts…well, that pain came from things like injuries, long periods of separation while Peter was away on military campaigns, and the regular duties and responsibilities that came with being rulers of a country.
Krisalyn twisted in her seat and reached up, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning up for a deeper kiss. As they parted, Peter smiled warmly down at her. "Are you sure that you don't want to come with us on the hunt, my lady?" he asked quietly.
Krisalyn smiled back at him and shook her head gently. "I would like to, my lord, but it would not be a wise decision at this time."
He frowned slightly, not sure what she meant. "Krisalyn, are you well? I don't have to go with Ed, Susan, and Lucy. If you need me to stay, I will."
Krisalyn pressed a finger to his lips. "I'm well, Peter. I have just received wonderful news, however, and I don't want to take any chances this time."
Peter's frown deepened, but his heart began to pound a little harder in his chest, wondering if she meant what he thought she did. There was only one event in their lives that she could be referring to. "Kris, what are you saying?"
"I spoke to the healers yesterday, Peter. They've confirmed that I am pregnant."
All three of Peter's siblings reeled back at that news. "A baby?" Lucy whispered. She knew…they all knew…how much Peter and Krisalyn had wanted to start a family of their own. They had been trying for a long time, but bad luck and ill timing had seemed to constantly plague the two of them and thus far they had been unsuccessful.
"Oh, Peter…" Susan whispered, leaning forward and folding her brother into her arms, pulling his head back so that it rested on her shoulder. Her hand brushed through his hair as he began weeping into her shoulder again, his body shaking again at the outpouring of his emotions. Edmund laid a hand on Peter's shoulder again, squeezing it tightly, not knowing how to comfort him.
Lucy stared at her older brother, whom she had only seen cry once before, at Beruna when they thought that Edmund was going to die. His tears then had been tears of relief when her cordial had worked and Edmund had been healed instantly. After a moment, she realized that she couldn't take the sight of the pain and anguish on his face and she leapt to her feet, running out of the room and nearly barreling into an elderly, white-haired man who was just entering.
"Oh!" he exclaimed as the little girl raced past him. Before he could stop her, she was gone, running down the hallway. He looked after her for a moment, before turning his attention to the three children still in the room. "There you are!" His eyes took in the tableau in front of him and his voice trailed off for a moment. He walked over to stand behind Susan. "But what is wrong?" he asked, seeing the distraught boy on the floor. He frowned and knelt beside them, with some difficulty. "Are you injured, young one?"
Susan shook her head. "Only his heart, Professor."
Professor Kirke looked at Susan and then allowed his gaze to travel to the open door of the wardrobe. An odd expression that she couldn't read crossed his face. "What were you all doing in the wardrobe?"
Susan and Edmund looked at each other for a long moment. Finally Edmund looked up at the older man. "You wouldn't believe us if we told you, sir," the younger boy replied.
A secretive, knowing smile crossed Professor Kirke's face. "Try me."
Edmund and Susan exchanged Looks over Peter's sobbing, trembling form. Finally, Edmund nodded. "We'll tell you everything, sir, but first we need to get Peter into a bed. He needs rest."
Professor Kirke nodded and rose to his feet before helping Susan and Edmund pull Peter to his feet. Peter had finally stopped crying, but his trembling had grown worse, and he was almost catatonic. Together, the three of them moved Peter out of the room and into the bedroom he shared with Edmund. Then, while Susan and the Professor waited in the hallway, Edmund managed to get Peter out of his clothes and into clean sleep-wear, before helping him into bed and pulling a blanket over his shoulders.
Edmund sighed and leaned down to kiss Peter's forehead. "I'm sorry, Peter," he whispered to his unresponsive sibling. "But I swear we'll do everything we can to help you find your way back to Kris and Narnia and your child. Rest now."
Backing away from the bed, he slipped into the small sitting room that joined his and Peter's room with the room Susan and Lucy shared. While he'd been taking care of Peter, Susan had gone in search of Lucy, and now his younger sister sat pressed against Susan's side, absolute guilt and misery on her face.
Edmund moved over and knelt in front of the sofa, looking Lucy in the eyes. "Lucy, no matter what Peter said, it wasn't your fault. You had no way of knowing what would happen and you didn't lead us out deliberately."
Susan nodded in agreement and stroked Lucy's forehead. "Ed's right, Lu. Peter's just upset. He'll realize it wasn't your fault once he's calmed down."
Lucy sniffled, but nodded. There was still some guilt in her eyes though, and Edmund knew that until she talked to Peter about it and had a chance to get him to forgive her, she'd still feel guilty.
Edmund rose to his feet and took a seat in one of the armchairs next to the Professor. The elderly man had pulled out his pipe and lit it, and looked quite comfortable and ready to hear the whole story. Edmund sighed and buried his head in his hands for a moment. "Where should we start?"
"The beginning is usually the best place," the Professor replied serenely, although Edmund noticed that his eyes were alight with excitement, and that had him wondering…what did he already know or suspect?
"The beginning..." Edmund muttered, before raising his head and looking at the elderly gentleman. "I guess it all starts with the hide and seek game from…" he shook his head, trying to comprehend it all. "From the other day. Lucy decided to hide in the wardrobe…"
In his dream he flew back to her side.
Cair Paravel was just ahead of him, but the angle he was seeing it from was unusual. He was seeing the palace from above, as if he was flying through the blue skies, instead of as if he was walking or riding up to the gates. He frowned and looked down and spotted Oreius and a small contingent of guards approaching the castle, leading his and his siblings' horses up to the palace.
The gates were opened and as he drifted closer he could hear murmurs of surprise and distress from the people gathered in the courtyard. He spotted Kris standing at the top of the steps leading into the palace, and he somehow drifted down to her side, although she didn't seem to realize that he was there.
"General Oreius, what happened?" she breathed, hurrying down the steps with Peter right beside her.
The general dipped a bow to his Queen and gave her a solemn look. "We found their horses abandoned in the middle of the woods, Your Majesty. There was no sign of them, and there was no sign that they had taken any of their gear with them. All of their provisions are still accounted for. It was as if they had simply vanished."
Krisalyn's hand went to her mouth. "There was no sign of a struggle?" she asked, her voice slightly shaky, as if she was trying to maintain control.
Oreius shook his head. "No, my lady. The horses were ground tethered, so if Their Majesties dismounted, they did so of their own free will. The tracks went off into the woods and we followed them as far as we could before they just disappeared."
Krisalyn swallowed nervously, and every eye in the courtyard turned to her. Peter frowned and reached out to touch her shoulder, only to stare in shock as his hand passed right through her. She didn't even react to the gesture. Moving around to stand in front of her, he looked her straight in the eyes. "Krisalyn, I'm right here. Nothing happened to us." He tried to enfold her in his arms, but again he simply passed right through her.
"Dear Aslan…what is happening to me?" he whispered in shock as once again she didn't respond to him at all.
After several moments of silence, Krisalyn raised her voice to be heard by all. "Until we know more, we must assume that they are still out there. We'll prepare search parties immediately. They must be found."
Murmurs of agreement came from everyone assembled and Krisalyn turned to Oreius. "General, I leave it in your hands to arrange the search parties. They wouldn't abandon their responsibilities or their people, so something must have happened to them. Find them. Bring them home."
Oreius bowed again. "Of course, Your Majesty."
As everyone began to disband, Peter followed Krisalyn back into the palace and up to the chambers that he shared with her. He called her name repeatedly, trying to get a reaction from her, but she ignored him completely. Once inside their room, she walked straight over to the dressing table and sat on the low stool. One hand found her womb and the other reached out and brushed across a necklace hanging from a small rack full of jewelry. He recognized the pendant. He had given it to her just a few days before they left for the hunt when they celebrated their ninth anniversary. It was a beautiful, flawless amethyst cut in the shape of a rose with emeralds making up the stem of the flower.
"Peter, be safe…come back to me. Come back to us," she whispered softly as she stared at the necklace before her gaze shifted to the mirror and her own face.
"Kris, I'm here!" Peter called, but got no response as everything began to fade away. "No! Kris, I'm right here! Aslan, please!"
"After they met, Peter and Krisalyn were almost inseparable. Within the year, they were married," Edmund continued, finally getting to the part of the story that would explain Peter's distress to Professor Kirke. "They were married for nine years…in fact, they had just celebrated their anniversary a few days ago."
Professor Kirke nodded and puffed on his pipe. "And they truly loved each other?"
Susan nodded. "Very much. The shock of finding ourselves back here was…is bad enough for the three of us, but Peter left his wife behind, and…" here she hesitated for a moment. "We weren't aware of this until we found ourselves upstairs, but Peter told us that Krisalyn had just told him that she was pregnant."
The Professor exhaled sharply, understanding. "This was their first?"
All three Pevensies nodded.
The elderly man sighed and nodded for them to continue their story. Edmund picked up where he had left off, briefly telling about the nine years that they had ruled after Peter and Krisalyn were married. Finally he concluded, "Just a few days ago…" he shook his head, "That seems so odd to say since no time has passed here since we left." He sighed before continuing. "Just a few days ago, Mr. Tumnus had brought word of the White Stag's return. All the legends say that the Stag grants wishes to the one who catches him. It had been some time since we had a chance to simply relax, so the four of us decided to set out on a hunt. Krisalyn declined to come along, which we thought was a little odd, since she's as daring a rider as the rest of us, but Peter just told us she wasn't feeling up to it this time. Well, we know why now, but he didn't seem concerned, so we didn't press the subject."
"Actually," Susan interjected, "if anything, Peter seemed even happier than he had been in days, and again, we know why now. We didn't think anything of it, because we were so happy to see him so cheerful."
Lucy and Edmund nodded in agreement before Lucy took up the story. "It didn't take us long to locate the Stag once we reached the area where he had last been seen. We chased him all through the woods, and we were gaining on him when Edmund suddenly stopped to catch his breath. We came back for him, and that's when Peter noticed a lamp-post growing from the ground."
That brought a small smile to the Professor's face, and for a moment he seemed lost in thought. After a moment, he nodded for them to continue.
"We dismounted and stood there gazing up at it, trying to figure out why it looked so familiar to us. Lucy suddenly said something - 'Spare Oom', I think - and ran off into the trees. We followed her, and the next thing we knew, we were back here," Edmund concluded.
Professor Kirke puffed on his pipe for a few moments, apparently deep in thought. The three siblings waited to see what he would say. Thus far, he had been completely unsurprised by anything they had told him, and they wanted to know why.
"I envy the four of you," he said abruptly. "For you had many years in Narnia, while I did not."
It was one thing to suspect that the Professor had known of Narnia before hand, but it was quite another to hear it confirmed with their own ears. The three of them exchanged glances before Susan spoke. "You've been to Narnia, Professor?"
"Many years ago, yes. When I was a young boy, a friend and I entered Narnia at its creation."
That drew a breath of surprise from the three Pevensies and again they exchanged glances.
"Now I suppose I should tell you my story," he continued, puffing on his pipe for a moment as he turned his gaze out the window, lost in his memories.
Peter's bedroom…
"Kris!" he called as he woke with a start. He bolted upright, breathing heavily, trembling with reaction to the dream. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, trying to calm his trembling. As his tremors slowed, he frowned, wondering why his wife hadn't woken and enfolded him into her arms as she always did when he had a particularly intense dream or nightmare.
Opening his eyes, he looked around his bedchamber, only to feel his heart race as he realized he was in a strange room. This wasn't their room in Cair Paravel. "Kris?" he whispered, reaching to his left to wake her, unsure why she hadn't already woken. "Kris, where are we?"
His hand only touched the sheet and blankets, not his wife's shoulder. He frowned and looked over to his left, only to see that no one was there. Wondering if they had perhaps switched sides of the bed for some reason, he looked to his right, but he was alone in the bed.
Alone…suddenly the memory came crashing back down on his conscious mind. Kris wasn't here. He wasn't in Narnia and she was. He was back in England, and he was once again a sixteen-year old boy, instead of a thirty-one-year old man – King - with a wife and a child on the way.
"Oh Aslan…why? Why did we have to leave?" he whispered, burying his face in his hands and resisting the urge to sob. His eyes felt dry and swollen from the weeping that he had done earlier and he rubbed them as they began to itch.
Low voices caught his attention, and after a couple of false starts he managed to swing his legs over the side of the bed and rise to his feet. He moved towards the door and cracked it open slightly. It took him only a moment to recognize his sister's voice.
"And all of this was happening right outside your Uncle's house?" Lucy asked.
"Oh yes, my dear. I didn't know what to do, but something told me I couldn't let it continue." This voice belonged to an elderly man that Peter vaguely recognized, although he couldn't remember the man's name at the moment. "I remembered the rings in my pocket and I somehow fought my way through the crowd with Polly and managed to grab her sleeve as I slipped the ring onto my finger."
Peter quietly closed the door on Professor Kirke's voice. That's his name. Professor Kirke. We were staying with him because of the fighting. Now I remember. Unfortunately, the new memories only brought more aches to his heart, because they were a reminder that Krisalyn was still in Narnia and he was here. "I have to get back to her," Peter whispered to himself. "She's waiting for me. She needs me. Our baby will need me."
Looking around the room, he spotted another door and tip-toed across the room to it. Easing it open, he was relieved to see that it opened into a hallway, not the sitting room where his siblings and the Professor were talking. He slipped out into the hall, grateful that, despite the fact that he was sixteen again, his body and mind still retained all the memories of how to move quietly and gracefully to avoid detection.
He listened to make sure he hadn't been heard, and then moved down the hallway in the direction of the room that held the wardrobe. He had to get back to Narnia and his wife.
"So you brought the apple back to your mother?" Edmund asked.
Professor Kirke nodded. "I fed it to her, and within a month, she had completely recovered. I buried the core of the apple out in the garden behind my Uncle's house, along with the magic rings that had taken us to the Wood, as Aslan asked of us. Within one day it had already begun to blossom into a beautiful tree."
The Professor sighed, remembering. "It was about that time that we received word that my Great-Uncle had died and left all of his inheritance to my father. We moved into this estate, and I have lived here ever since. Polly and I have remained friends to this day."
"What of the tree?" Lucy asked, interested.
"Ah, the tree," the Professor said, puffing on his pipe for a moment. "Because this is not Narnia, it was never a fully magical tree, despite its extremely fast growth. But the apples that blossomed from it were always rich and delicious, and very beautiful. Sometimes, though, it seemed there was a connection between that tree and the Tree in Narnia, because at times, when no wind blew, the branches would move on their own. Many years later, however, a fierce storm blew the tree over, so I had some of the timber made into a wardrobe and placed upstairs in this house."
All three Pevensies gasped. "That's where the wardrobe comes from then!" Edmund exclaimed.
"And it's still connected to Narnia…that's how we got through!" Lucy added.
The Professor nodded.
Susan glanced out the window and realized that it was now growing dark. "Oh dear…we need to check on Peter. We've left him alone for a long time."
"I'll check, Su," Edmund offered, rising to his feet and moving towards the room that he shared with Peter. He cracked the door open slowly, not wanting to wake his brother if Peter was still asleep, but there was no sound from inside the room. Edmund pushed the door open further, only to see an empty bed. He stepped inside quickly and searched the room, making sure that Peter hadn't fallen out of bed and hurt himself or something. The room was empty.
Edmund hurried back into the sitting room. "Peter's gone."
"What!" his sisters chorused.
Edmund frowned grimly. "He must have gone out the door leading into the hallway. He's going to try to get back through the wardrobe. I'll go get him."
The Professor rose to his feet. "No, young man. I'll go."
Edmund paused and looked at him curiously. "Sir, with all due respect, this is our brother."
Professor Kirke nodded. "And that is why you shouldn't go. You're too close to the situation. I have been away from Narnia for many years. I know what it is like to have to live in this world after being there. Although my time in Narnia was short, I still remember every detail to this day, and I still want to go back. Your brother needs to know that he can live in this world, and he can make a good life for himself here, as I did."
Edmund studied the elderly man for a moment, seeing the sincerity and the honesty in his eyes, before nodding and stepping back, away from the door. Professor Kirke moved towards the door and stepped out into the hallway, in search of the missing High King.
Peter had made it back to the spare room without getting caught, and now he stood in front of the wardrobe. Reaching out, he took hold of the knob and pulled the door open. He stepped inside and began to push the coats aside, expecting any minute to see pine branches and fallen leaves. Instead, to his dismay, he only saw the back of the wardrobe. He slumped to his knees inside the wardrobe and banged a fist on the wooden boards.
"Aslan, please…I need to go back to Narnia. Please, I am begging you," he whispered, not even sure if the great lion could hear him or not.
"I don't think you'll get back in that way," another voice said quietly.
Peter leaped to his feet and spun around to see the Professor standing in the room, looking at him with sympathy in his gaze. The old man approached the wardrobe and pulled the door open so he could meet Peter's gaze directly.
"But I must," Peter whispered. "My wife, our baby…"
Professor Kirke shook his head. "There is nothing you can do about it now, young man. Sometimes, we must simply accept what we are handed. I too have been to Narnia, and wish to return. I've tried, many, many times. Eventually, I came to accept that it was not to be, and I've formed my life here as a result."
Peter hung his head. "But how can I go on, knowing what I left behind?"
The older man frowned. "Aslan knows what is best, for you, and for Narnia. If you were meant to remain in Narnia forever, you would not have been returned here. There is something here you must do, just as you were called into Narnia to save her from Jadis, to remedy my mistake."
Peter looked up at that, in confusion, but the elderly man didn't answer the question burning in his eyes. Instead, he simply reached out a wrinkled hand to Peter. "Come. Your brother and sisters worry for you. You have the help you need in them to adjust to what has happened, if you accept what they offer freely."
Peter hung his head again and whispered one last prayer to Aslan, that the mighty lion would hear him and take him back to Krisalyn's side. When nothing happened, he took the offered hand and allowed the Professor to help him to his feet and to lead him out of the wardrobe. As Professor Kirke closed the door of the wardrobe, he looked up at the older man. "Will we ever go back?"
Kirke nodded. "I expect so. But it'll probably happen when you're not looking for it. After all, once a King or Queen in Narnia, always a King or Queen." As he and Peter headed out of the room, he paused and looked back at the wardrobe for a moment, before leaning in towards Peter as if sharing a confidence. "All the same, best to keep your eyes open."
A/N: Please, please, please read and review! The reviews make my day!