Author's Note:  Here's the next chapter everyone!  Also, on a side note: my friend Gwenneth, whose story "To War" inspired this one, has begun posting the sequel to "To War" and it is entitled "To Defend and Protect".  Check it out and drop her a review!

Chapter Two: Haunting Memories

Peter and the Professor entered the room where Edmund, Susan, and Lucy were waiting. As they entered, the other three stood up and walked over to their brother and embraced him, quietly lending their support to him. He accepted it with a desperate need that nearly broke their hearts. He had never seemed as vulnerable as he did now, and it was an odd sensation for the younger three, who were used to Peter giving them the support when they needed it, instead of having to support him.

All of them were weary, but Peter especially appeared exhausted and as they broke apart, the Professor spoke quietly. "All of you should get some rest. It has been a most trying day. I'll have trays of dinner sent up for you."

"Thank you, sir," Susan said softly. "We appreciate all of your help."

The Professor smiled slightly. "Keep holding on to faith, children. Aslan knows best. You must believe it."

Lucy nodded. "We do, sir. Aslan has never let us down before."

With that, Professor Kirke left the room and Edmund and Susan turned to Peter. "Can we do anything, Pete?" Susan asked, her voice soft and gentle.

Peter looked at her with weary eyes. "No, I'm afraid not, Su. Somehow…somehow I have to accept what has happened, and pray that the Professor is right and that Aslan has a purpose for allowing this to happen." His voice was dull and his eyes had lost a great deal of their spark.

Edmund sighed and rested a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Come on, Peter. Let's get you to bed. We've all had a long day, but you more than any of us. A good night's sleep will do wonders for you."

Peter's gaze shifted from Susan to Edmund. "No, I don't think it will, Ed." He tried to offer a smile, though it didn't reach his eyes. "But it was a nice thought."

The next morning…

"How would you feel about helping me out with a little project, young ones?" the Professor asked the next morning.

Lucy and Susan looked up from their breakfasts with interest. "What kind of a project did you have in mind, Professor?" Lucy asked.

"I've been working on a history of different families in this region. My family has a long history in this area. There are some old maps and family trees that I located years ago and have been storing in the attic. I'm at a point in my research where I need to consult them again. Would you be willing to assist me in locating them?"

The girls nodded eagerly as did Edmund, although Peter shook his head negatively. "No, thank you, Professor. It sounds interesting, but I don't feel up to it today," Peter replied diplomatically. As the Professor left the room after agreeing to meet Edmund, Susan, and Lucy in the attic in about an hour, Peter turned his attention back to his food.

Edmund watched his brother, concern welling up inside of him as Peter picked at his breakfast. The eldest Pevensie had barely touched his dinner the previous night before going to bed early. Fortunately, he had slept soundly all night, which was a bit of a relief to Edmund, but he didn't like the despondency he was seeing. They all missed Narnia, and yes, Peter had more reason than the rest of them to miss it and want to go back, but dwelling on what he had lost was not going to help him adjust.

Edmund just didn't know how to help his brother, other than being there to support him, and it was depressing him.

Forcing a smile onto his face, Edmund tapped his brother's shoulder. When Peter turned his dull, blue gaze to him, he repressed a shudder. "What do you say, Pete? Why don't we finish that cricket game that we started fifteen years ago? Or yesterday…I'm not sure which is more appropriate, but I believe it was my turn."

Peter shook his head. "No, thanks, Ed. I'm not in the mood today." Pushing his food around one last time, he finally set his spoon down and shoved his chair away from the table. Rising to his feet, he headed out of the dining room towards the stairs that would take him up to the sitting room that was part of their suite.

Edmund rose to his feet, intending to go after his brother, but Susan shook her head. "Let him go, Ed. He needs time to grieve."

Edmund looked at his sister. "Krisalyn isn't dead."

"No, but she is out of reach for the time being, and we have no way of knowing when or if we'll get back to Narnia. From Peter's perspective, she is as good as dead, because until we go back, they won't be together."

Edmund sighed. "I hate seeing him like this, Su."

"I know, Ed. I do too," his older sister replied. "But there's nothing we can do except to try to be there for him and offer him support, a listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on if he needs it."

"Poor Peter," Lucy whispered. "Haven't he and Kris been through enough?"

Susan nodded at her sister. "Probably, Lu. But we have to trust that Aslan knows best, just like the Professor said."

Peter wandered over to the window seat and sank down onto it, slumping over so that he was leaning against the wall. He stared out the window at the beautiful spring day, but for all that he saw it, it could have been pouring down rain and he wouldn't have noticed the difference.

Oh Kris…how am I going to do this? How can I just go back to my life here after everything I've…we've been through? I grew up once already. I was an adult, a leader, and I was about to be a father…and now I have to do it all over again? Will I have to find someone else to take your place? NO! No, Kris…I will not forget you like that! I'll never love someone else the way that I love you.

Peter sighed heavily and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall and drawing his knees up to his chin. In his mind's eye he could see Kris standing on the stairs leading to the Cair's courtyard, her brilliant eyes sparkling with happiness as she waved good-bye, expecting that she would see them in a few days. How could she have known that they would be parted forever?

He should never have gone on the hunt. He should have stayed with Kris after she told him the news about their baby. Why had he listened to her insistence that he join the others on the hunt? He could be at the Cair right now, making plans for the baby, helping Kris to pick out a name…simply celebrating that they would finally have the family that they had wanted for so long.

True, he might also now be wondering about what had happened to his siblings, but it was also possible that they would have returned without a problem. After all, he had turned their attention to the lamppost. Lucy might have led them back, but the others hadn't even noticed the lamppost, so covered in ivy and vines as it had been. They would probably have ridden right past it in pursuit of the Stag.

Why was I such an idiot? he wondered to himself. Kris is going to need me…she needed me before…and now I've lost her.

The pain at that thought stabbed through him, and involuntarily, his thoughts drifted to one time when he had thought for sure that he was going to lose his wife.

The rain was coming down harder than ever. Normally during the winter rains, they would have holed up in Cair Paravel and waited the storms out. The storms were fierce, but they usually only lasted a few weeks at the beginning and the end of winter. But no…they were returning from a visit to Archenland, where they had gone to celebrate the birth of King Lune's heirs, twin boys named Cor and Corin.

It was still late autumn, and they had left Anvard in plenty of time to reach Cair Paravel before the winter rains started, except that this year they seemed to have come early for some reason. They were less than an hour from the Cair, and they had all decided, jointly, that it was better to ride in the wet and get home sooner than to waste time setting up camp and getting soaked anyway and delaying their return.

Of course, they hadn't planned on riding into the teeth of the storm, either. Normally the storms came in from the East and blew straight across Narnia, but this one was coming in from the North and blowing due South. As a result, it was a cold rain. If this had truly been winter, they might have been riding into a snowstorm, instead of a rainstorm. All they could do was make sure that their hoods were pulled over their faces, bend their heads into the wind, and keep going.

The path beneath them was already a thick mud soup, and the squelching noise of the horses' hooves sinking into it was almost lost over the continuously rumbling thunder. "I can see the gates!" Peter yelled, trying to make himself heard over the storm. But from the expression on his siblings' and wife's faces, he knew they hadn't heard him. So he waved his hand to get their attention and made a signal that they would all recognize as "Almost home". That got nods from the others and they urged their horses forward.

Half an hour later, the horses entered the courtyard of Cair Paravel and attendants swarmed around the travelers, helping them to dismount, throwing dry cloaks and blankets over their shoulders, grabbing their gear, and leading the horses into the stables. Peter and his family raced inside the palace, where Mr. Tumnus was waiting for them.

"Your Majesties, I am very relieved to see you, although I would have expected you to stop and make camp when the storm came up," the faun said, looking at his soaked monarchs, all of whom looked like drowned rats.

Peter accepted a towel from one of the servants and began vigorously rubbing his hair dry. "The storm didn't reach us until we were two hours out from home, Tumnus. It would have taken more time to stop and set camp, and we would have gotten equally as soaked in the process."

Tumnus nodded in understanding. "Hot baths have been drawn for all of you, and I've ordered the beds heated with hot bricks and the fires lit. I'll have the servants bring you a hot meal."

Edmund shivered. "Oh, that sounds wonderful, Tumnus. Thank you."

Tumnus bowed slightly. "My pleasure, King Edmund."

Together, the weary group of monarchs headed up the stairs that led to their private chambers.

Peter smiled weakly, remembering how ridiculous they had all looked, soaked to the bone, hair dripping and making puddles on the marble floors. They could laugh about it now, since they had looked so ridiculous, but at the time it had not been amusing.

Remembering that event brought more memories to his mind, and they weren't as pleasant, since the aftermath of that little adventure had almost cost him more than he had ever imagined.

Peter paced the hallway outside his chambers while the healer was inside the room. Edmund and his sisters stood with him, neatly stepping aside anytime he almost ran into them in his incessant pacing. They had already tried to get him to sit down and wait patiently, with no success. Edmund had even grabbed Peter's arm and shoved him into a chair, but Peter had only stayed seated for about five seconds before he was on his feet again.

As a result of the unexpected drenching that they had all received a few days ago, Kris had come down with a serious cold. At least, they had thought that it was just a cold. The Queen had sighed and fussed, but stayed in bed and worked from there so as to get better more quickly. Unfortunately, her so-called "cold" had progressed to something much worse. Peter had come up to check on her a short time ago and found her curled up in the bed, shaking with cold and breathing in an alarmingly raspy way. He had immediately called for a healer, who had thrown him out after arriving so she could tend to the ill Queen.

Now all he could do was wait, and it was driving him crazy. One part of his mind. the part that was still aware of everything going on around him, could tell that he was beginning to irritate his siblings, but they were doing their best not to say anything to him.

Finally, just when Peter thought that he would break down the door if he had to wait any longer, the healer emerged from the room, pulling the door shut behind herself. "How is Krisalyn?" Peter demanded, stopping in front of the healer, his blue eyes boring into hers. "May I see her?"

"Your Majesty, please. I'll explain if you give me a moment," the healer, a centaur named Jana said, somewhat irritated.

Peter backed off, although he was clenching his hands in an effort to resist the urge to storm past the healer and barge into his room to see his wife. Edmund, Susan, and Lucy all came up beside him and waited, each of them gripping one of Peter's arms or shoulders.

"Your wife is stable, for now, Your Majesty, however, I will not lie to you. She is very ill,' Jana said quietly. "Her Majesty has pneumonia. She is going to have a very long recovery, and she might get worse before she gets better."

Peter swallowed nervously, feeling his siblings' hands grip him more tightly. "Is she…could she…die?"

Jana frowned reluctantly. "It's possible, but she was young and strong before she got ill, so I see it as very unlikely. If she rests and does exactly as instructed, I see little risk."

Peter let out a small breath of relief. "Thank you, Healer."

The centaur nodded. "I'll write down the instructions for your wife's care and leave them. You may see her now, but take care not to agitate her." With that, she stepped away from the door and Peter hurried over and eased it open, closing it behind himself as he stepped inside.

The room was dim, most of the light coming from the fireplace that was blazing in the corner in an effort to ease Krisalyn's chills. The Queen was lying on their bed, propped in place by pillows to make her breathing easier, wrapped in blankets, with a tall glass of water on the table next to the bed to keep her hydrated.

Peter edged over to the bed, trying not to disturb his wife if she was asleep, but she opened her eyes as he drew near and gave him a very weak smile. "Peter," she breathed softly, coughing slightly with the effort.

He moved over to the bed and took a seat on the edge next to her, reaching out and gently running a hand through her long hair, which was slightly damp with perspiration from the fever. He leaned over and gently kissed her. "How are you feeling, love?"

"Horrible," she whispered.

Peter reached down and took her hand, squeezing it gently. "You're going to be fine, Kris."

"I'd have to debate that with you, given the way I feel, if I had the strength," she whispered. She swallowed several times. "Peter…I just wanted…" she shook her head, and her eyes dimmed slightly, as if she was trying to find the words she wanted. "I just wanted to tell you how much I love you. You've meant so much to me…"

Peter laid a finger over her lips to keep her from continuing. "Don't you say good-bye, sweetheart. You're not going to die. Jana said that if you just rest and follow all of her instructions you'll be fine. I know you feel miserable, but you'll be fine, and soon enough you'll be sitting in court with me and helping Su and Lu plan the feasts and weddings."

Krisalyn coughed. "I…I need to say this, Peter. I was so frightened when I was having t…trouble breathing. I thought I was dying."

Peter squeezed her hand again. "I know, Kris. So did I. But you weren't and you're not going to, so just rest and get well." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I'm going to go and let you get some sleep, but I'll come and check on you later. One of the servants will be in every little while to check on you and bring you anything you need, all right?"

She nodded and Peter helped her slide down into a slightly more comfortable position that kept her propped up to ease her breathing, but not so upright that it was like she was sitting in bed. He rose to his feet as she settled in and pulled the blankets up to her chin before leaning down to kiss her again. "Sleep well, dearest."

Peter sighed at the memory. That had been one of the times when he had been most afraid that he was going to lose his wife to something out of his control. There had only been one other time when he really thought…no, he wasn't going to even think about it. It was too painful a memory, especially now.

He gazed out the window again and sighed for a second time. He was doing a lot of sighing, he realized, but he couldn't exactly help it. He wasn't really in a cheerful mood. Looking back out the window, he watched a lark soaring past, some type of food in its beak. Probably bringing it back to the nest, Peter thought absently, before a sting of pain reminded him that he'd never get the chance to see his child and help to raise it,

I can't go on like this. I'll drive myself crazy inside a day, Peter thought. The Professor's right. I need to try to move on and accept what's happened…but it's so hard. I never thought I'd lose her like this…and I've also lost Narnia…

He fisted his hands and pounded them on his knees for a moment, burying his face against his legs. Finally, he uncurled from the window seat and sighed. He rose to his feet and decided to go out and spend some time outside. It wasn't Narnia, but it was a beautiful day none-the-less.

Leaving the room, he headed down the hallway towards the stairs. As he passed through the halls, he noticed several old portraits on the wall and he paused in front of one that was near the head of the stairs so he could study it.

The woman that it depicted had a kind, serene face, with sparkling blue eyes. She was sitting in a formal pose, her hands in her lap, gracefully, her head turned towards the artist just so. The artist had been very good. The woman looked alive, not just a stiff mannequin like so many formal portraits.

Peter glanced over at the next painting and suddenly took a step backwards. It can't be…Kris? He took another step back, then stepped slightly to the right to get a better view…only to feel empty air beneath his feet instead of solid ground.

Edmund coughed on a cloud of dust as he opened another old trunk, looking for the charts and maps that the Professor had asked for. A few feet away, Lucy and Susan were digging through another chest.

It was obvious that no one had been up here for years. There was all kinds of things up here. Edmund had already found trunks full of clothing, old, broken furniture, old farm implements, and more papers than he could have imagined.

The Professor wasn't sure where they would find the charts, although he did remember that they would all be bundled together, and he specifically remembered putting them in a box or a trunk. It wasn't much to go on, but the siblings were at least able to focus on the boxes and chests and could pretty much ignore the other items for the time being.

Edmund waved the cloud of dust away from his face and peered into the trunk. To his great relief, there was a rolled up tube of papers right on top. He unrolled them carefully, not sure how fragile they were, and saw that they were exactly what he was looking for. "I've got them! I'm going to take them down to the Professor."

Lucy and Susan had their heads close together as they rummaged through the chest they had just opened, but they nodded in acknowledgement. "Ok, Ed. We'll be down in a minute."

Edmund straightened up and headed for the attic door, taking several deep breaths once he was out of the room to get some clean air into his lungs. The Professor would be pleased.

Edmund came down the stairs from the top floor and turned towards the stairs that would take him to the Professor's study when he heard a yell and a crash. The yell was definitely young, and male…"Peter!" Edmund cried, racing down the stairs headlong.

*begs readers to review*  I'm on my knees, folks...please, please, please review!!!