"Ideas."
"We levitate ourselves up the stairs."
"Right, wands? I don't remember where mine is."
"I think I left mine in the kitchen."
"I was more concerned with suddenly being a gnome... I think mine is in the dorms." Lee said frankly.
With a pop, three wands appeared on the table before the midget, woman, and Moony. They burst out laughing, realizing that the wands had disappeared due to the interference of Hogwarts.
In the midst of laughter, the woman repeated, "I love Hogwarts' sense of humor."
"So that idea is out."
"What do we have in the magical creature hunting kit?"
"Uhmm, a giant shrunken spear, growth potions, rope, another spear, some sandwiches, this weird thingy—" George started, going through the pack Lee had brought with him.
"That's a grapple." Lee told him.
"Whatever." George whined.
"Right... The growth potion would make us big again." Fred mused.
"Let's do it." The other two gnomes said in unison.
"But there's only one dose..." George said, holding up the nearly empty flask of potion.
"Well since I brought the pack, I get it." Lee said, grabbing the flask and quickly drinking it before the twins could protest. Shortly thereafter, there was a human sized gnome, complete with fat body and short arms and legs.
"Well I didn't think about this." Lee commented looking down at himself.
"Can you climb the stairs?" Fred asked impatiently. Lee experimentally climbed a stair and was successful.
"How sad. I would've liked to see them try to use the grapple." The midget sighed.
"I think I've seen that variant of growth potion before. If they're quick it'll last them partway up the second flight of stairs." Moony offhandedly commented.
The two small gnomes were now tied to the legs of the large gnome, the giant gorilla hunting kit abandoned to the side.
"Onward, Lee!" George said from Lee's left leg.
"Wait, don't forget the pack—"
"But it's heavy." Lee whined.
"You got it down here as a gnome."
"Point." Lee grudgingly responded, grabbing the pack.
"Yes, I'm winning!" Fred said.
"Now, Onward!" George shouted again.
"These ones are really smart." Hogwarts blushed at the woman's compliment to her choice of Marauders.
"My group would've left the pack." The midget commented.
"My group didn't need the pack." Moony teased.
"Oh, just because my group got turned into midgets..."
"What did your group have to do anyways, Moony?" The woman asked.
"You don't remember?"
"I wasn't a castle-bound Marionette until your seventh year."
"Oh, that's right... Our case was a special case. Hogwarts just showed us the way here. We didn't go through the process of finding the map, and getting a curse. For us, it was less traditional, and more of a necessity. Hogwarts felt one of her previous students take the darkest path, and felt that she needed additional protection. That was the year Voldemort came to power. The current Marauder was waiting for us. He was a sixth year Slytherin that none of us trusted. He died that summer, for refusing to join the Dark Lord. Hogwarts told us that she had known it would happen."
"I wonder why she waited so long to appoint new Marauders."
"She didn't need to until now. Harry starts school next year. He's already on the lists as Mr. Prongs Jr."
"Oh, my, the poor boy; Hogwarts must have plans for him."
Meanwhile, the new marauders had made it farther than Moony thought they would, but not far enough. They still had 7 steps to go on a moving stairway and Lee was shrinking fast.
"Bloody Hell, now how do we get up there?" George asked the assembled Gnomes.
"There's this thing that dad's always talking about at home, I think it's called a Escatalator or something, and it's a moving staircase where you stand on a step and the staircase does the rest."
"And this is helpful how?" Lee asked Fred skeptically.
"Well if we had our wands—"
"Which we don't"
"Right, what's left in the bag?"
"Sandwiches, grapple, spear, helmet, goggles, gorilla suit, camouflage toilet paper, gorilla mating call—" George dug though the sack and listed off what he found as he went.
"Oh, I have an idea!"
"Now what, Fred?"
"We call a gorilla and ride it up the stairs."
"And does Hogwarts have gorillas?" Lee asked skeptically again, and the twins shrugged.
"One way to find out." George said and blew hard on the gorilla call. What they didn't know was that it was a Demiguise call, not a gorilla call. When the Demiguise in question suddenly became visible, they were quite startled.
"I didn't think that would work." Fred said stunned.
"Hey there buddy, can you take us up the stairs?" The Demiguise, somehow understanding their wishes, gathered them in what felt like a hug to them, and proceeded to run all over Hogwarts with them. Naturally, Lee, Fred, and George never realized that the Demiguise had turned invisible again, which would explain why none of the students or teachers thought it was at all odd to see an ape like creature running around Hogwarts with a couple gnomes in its arms.
"Where'd the Demiguise come from?" Mr. Moony asked politely. Mr. Shortstop laughed.
"One of Hargrid's pets, I imagine."
"Hagrid has acquired a few more interesting pets since I was here." Moony remarked.
"My inner eye tells me you never knew about the Demiguise because you could not see it." Seeingeye commented.
"How witty of your inner eye."Moony replied sarcastically.
"If I don't listen to my inner eye, it will abandon me."
"That doesn't mean you have to comment to others about your inner eye."
"To the contrary, I actually do. It's an odd sort of relationship. My inner eye is quite needy of attention." Seeingeye told Moony, who gave her a 'you're crazy' look. Moony's next comment was cut off by the imminent arrival of the new marauders.
"Greetings." The three figures in the painting bowed as the portrait swung open to reveal Moony, the woman, and the midget.
"Good evening, New Marauders. I am the only current Marauder; my name is Mr. Moony, this is former Marauder, Mr. Shortstop and this is Marionette Seeingeye. By way of the map, Hogwarts herself has requested you to serve as Marauders. Do you honor this request?"
"Uhh, sure." Fred boldly said.
"Yeah." George said with conviction.
"What he said." Lee responded.
"Then, by the power vested in me by the castle, Hogwarts, I call fourth the First Sons of Slytherin to perform the rites of induction." An image of the three men in the painting slowly appeared in the room, and stepped forward to the group, addressing Mr. Moony.
"Mr. Moony, it is my grave duty to inform you that Mr. Wormtail has served his purpose as a servant to Hogwarts' wishes, and is henceforth stricken from the lists." A tear rolled down the man's cheek as he bowed his head to the men.
"New Marauders," they turned toward to the three boy gnomes. "We release you from all previous bondage to any magical oaths, spells, enchantments, curses, and whatever else may hold you from your duty as Marauders." The men spoke, with one voice. The new Marauders promptly fell over, unconscious, but started to return to their previous human forms.
"That was not supposed to happen. It's just a formality..." the son of Slytherin in the middle mused to his brothers as he stepped forward.
"You added that part to the induction rites for a reason," The son on the left retorted.
"Point. It's just never had such an effect, they must've had quite a few strings pulling them." The middle son of Slytherin replied.
"Mr. Moony, please call us when they wake. Maintaining a corporeal form is more work than I care for." The Son of Slytherin on the right turned as he told Mr. Moony, who nodded as they faded back to their painting. Seeing them leave, Mr. Moony turned to Mr. Shortstop and Marionette Seeingeye.
"I for one would like to know how children so young were bound so fully." He said.
"I agree. Hogwarts, dear, do you know anything about this?" Marionette Seeingeye asked, aloud for the courtesy of the others in the room, and was then confronted by an image of a red haired man and woman swearing the fealty of their family to the man they knew to be Dumbledore.
"Their parents swore the fealty of their families to Dumbledore... But the other, I don't know, and neither does Hogwarts."
"Interesting," Shortstop mused, "Well since they won't be waking for a while, how about a game?" He continued as he started dealing out the stack of exploding cards.
Moments later, one of the twins stirred, groaning, and the others could hear him faintly say 'bloody hell'. The others woke soon after, and Mr. Moony called the Sons of Slytherin back into the room.
"Stand new marauders, and receive your oath. Do you swear to provide for Hogwarts' wellbeing, be it that of the emotional condition of her students or the physical defense of her walls?"
"I do." The boys said in unison, compelled by some unknown force to show proper respect for their replies.
"Then you are bound to Hogwarts for your life until she shuns you or death parts you. Hogwarts understands the great things she asks of you, and in light of this will provide you guidance and favor all your days of bondage. Do you accept this bondage above all other bonds?"
"I do." In unison, they spoke, as a bright light flashed through the room, and the Sons of Slytherin were gone. Fading, the light left points of light in each person, symbolizing the favors Hogwarts had granted her new Marauders.
"Congratulations, Marauders." Mr. Moony told them with a warm smile. "This is the Marauder codex. Live by it and its teachings." He pulled a book off of the bookshelf, and reached for another well used tome. "This will guide you through the animagus transformation. Mr. Shortstop," he gestured with the book, "is the castle-bound Marauder. Until you complete the transformation, you obey him above all else in the castle, headmaster included." He gestured to Seeingeye. "This is Marionette Seeingeye, the castle bound Marionette. She is the closest link to Hogwarts herself, and Hogwarts occasionally works through her, and one day, your generation might also find a Marionette."
"Yada, Yada, Yada, Mr. Moony. Now boys, tell me why you are glowing." Mr. Shortstop interrupted, with a brilliant smile of sincere interest in what Hogwarts had given them. The twins simultaneously looked at their still glowing pockets, then looked at each other and smiled. They reached into their pockets, and pulled out a set of gambling dice each.
"The Weasley family dice." They said in awe at the same time. Mr. Moony raised an eyebrow.
"There's a myth in the Weasley family," Fred started.
"That the first Weasley lost all his possessions in a game of dice," George continued.
"But in that game of dice, he found his wife,"
"And they started the Weasley family from nothing,"
"So the first Weasley kept the fated dice with him at all times,"
"And he thought that they would always guide him,"
"To the best possible end result,"
"But, when he died,"
"The dice disappeared,"
"But the family kept believing in the dice"
"So now, every Weasley,"
"When they turn seven,"
"Gets to choose a set of dice,"
"Which they carry with them at all times,"
"To guide them in the right direction,"
"But the Weasley dice never glowed before." The two shrugged their shoulders.
"I'm guessing that there was some truth to that myth, boys." Marionette Seeingeye told them.
"Now, Lee..."
"Honestly, sir, I do not know why I'm glowing."
"Are there any unusual talents that run in your family?"
"I wouldn't know. I was found on the banks of the Thames River. They named me Lee. Then, when I started showing signs of being magical at three, they abandoned me under the London Bridge, by a river, like they found me. Then I was found by the man I call my father. He told me later that the river told him where to find me. I thought he was whacked, but I didn't complain because he gave me a home, and wasn't weirded by accidental magic. His name was Thames Jordan. When I got my Hogwarts letter, he told me that I didn't need him because Hogwarts would look after me, but that I would see him again when "the river changes tide", and I don't know what he meant by that. Then he disappeared, and I went to Hogwarts."
"And he met us," The twins said in unison,
"Mum even let him stay with us last summer, after he got home and no one was there." Fred continued.
Meanwhile, the Giant Squid was slowly morphing into a human form.
"Marionette Seeingeye, is your inner eye still angry with you?" Mr. Moony asked in all seriousness.
"Slightly, all it is giving me is an image of the Giant Squid swimming in a river."
"Well that is wholly unhelpful." Mr. Shortstop lamented.
"To me, it is rather helpful actually."
"Da?" Lee asked in shock.
"Good observation, son. I told you that I would be back when the river changed tide."
"Well, yeah... but... There's no river here." Lee told him dumbly.
"Actually, you'll find that the river Jordan has changed tide, right about when Hogwarts released you from your bonds." Lee just looked dumbfounded at his father.
"You still don't get it, do you?" Lee shook his head 'no'.
"Well do you know what a river entity is?" The group collectively shook their heads 'no'.
"Don't they teach you anything anymore? Well, every river has an entity. I am the entity of the Thames River. You, Jordan, are the entity of the Jordan river, or at least you will be when you have finished your mortal life-"
"So why am I glowing?" Lee interrupted.
"I was not finished, you came to me because I am the oldest entity still able to assume mortal shape. You are glowing because Hogwarts released the blocks on the part of you that is an entity. She just made my job that much harder. See, I was supposed to teach you about your entity powers after you had reached maturity and could actually control them, so I am here for a while, and the Giant Squid was kind enough to act as my host away from home. I can not keep a mortal shape very far away from my river."
"So this means..." Shortstop asked.
"This means that I need a powerful mortal to make one of your portals so that I can take a mortal shape here."
"The art of Portal making was lost with the downfall of Merlin," Mr. Shortstop informed Thames.
"Mortals..." He grumbled to himself.
"Hogwarts," Thames called out, "Do you still know how to make a portal?"
"She does," Marionette Seeingeye informed the group.
"Then please ask her to do so."
"She can't, she says her entity only extends to the boundary of the forest."
"Then ask her if she can send someone to do it."
"She's sending me, I'll be back." Seeingeye said as she left the room.
"Good that's taken care of, I'm going to my home river."
"Why?"George asked.
"Because right now, I am a Giant Squid, squished into a mortal form, and it is rather uncomfortable, especially since the Giant Squid cannot stop thinking about eating you mortals, particularly you werewolf, and not to mention that most of my entity powers are incompatible with whatever magic the Giant Squid has." Then he disappeared, and the Giant Squid was back in the lake, lamenting its loss of a tasty meal of humans.
"So…" Fred started, looking at Mr. Moony.
"I am a werewolf, yes. The Giant Squid wanting to eat me… well. There was this expedition to explore the lake, and the Giant Squid in particular, to see if it liked Jane Austen novels and was secretly Godric Gryffindor, and it didn't go well. My Marauder generation was almost eaten by the Giant Squid."
"I remember fishing you out of that one. Whatever possessed you to… no it's not important. I have papers to grade. I'll see you in Charms tomorrow bright and early tomorrow boys, and no you may not call me Mr. Shortstop in public." The midget left the room with a flourish, or as much of one as he could manage with his height.
"And my full moon is in a week, so I too must go, but I'll be around." Mr. Moony said as he left the room. "Read the Codex tonight. It's that important. Obey Mr. Shortstop." There was a thud of the door closing, and the new Marauders were alone in Marauder Sanctus.
"Okay, so I vote that we don't actually read it." George stated as soon as the door was closed.
"I second." Lee stated.
"All in favor say aye." George commanded, noting the annoyed look on Fred's face. They all said aye.
"Motion passed." Lee said dutifully in observation of the round of ayes.
"So now what?" Fred asked. The marauders' train of thought was interrupted by the loud flashing and colorful beeping of the Marauder's Codex.
"Maybe we should at least touch it…" George said hesitantly. The loud flashing and colorful beeping continued.
"All in fav—" Lee started.
"Aye." Fred and George interrupted at the same time, immediately putting their hands on the Codex. It flashed louder and beeped more colorfully.
"Open it?" Fred said urgently.
"Aye," Lee and George responded quickly. Hands still on the cover, Gred and Feorge opened the Codex hesitantly. It stopped beeping and flashing immediately. They all sighed in relief, and reveled in a moment of success before turning their attention to the Codex.
"Congratulations, Marauders. You have learned your first lessons." Fred started confused.
"You should never live your life based on what a book says." George continued, slightly smirking as he was the next portion of the neatly scrawled letters.
"You were chosen as Marauders because you are smarter than that." Lee finished.
"Interesting." Fred said in contemplation.
"Why? It basically says that everything in this book is useless." Lee asked pointedly. George was smirking wider than ever. Lee noticed. "What George?"
"The book said we should never care about what books say, but…" George said wiggling his eyebrows. Neither of the other two picked up where he was going with that, so he continued.
"That in itself came from a book, so it shouldn't matter." He paused again to see if one of them would catch on. Fred got it.
"So we should actually read the book, and pay attention to it?" Fred said eagerly, to both George and the book which seemed to be listening. A large 'NO' appeared below the earlier writing.
"That means yes." Lee said catching on just as quickly.
"Actually, I'm not sure… Lemme think a bit." George sat down in a chair and stared at the ominous 'NO' written in the book.
"You're thinking yourself in circles again, aren't you George?" Fred asked somewhat concerned after a few minutes.
"Yep." George said sullenly.
"Did you include time as a factor?" Fred asked skeptically. George gasped.
"No, we do not pay attention to the book."
"So what now?" Lee said leaning over the table and slamming the book shut.
"Well Mr. Moony told us to read the Codex and obey Mr. Shortstop?" Fred asked with a frown, knowing that neither of those options led to anything that was entertaining.
"And all Mr. Shortstop told us to do was not call him Mr. Shortstop in public." Lee said.
"Does this count as public?" George asked stupidly. In response the book started flashing and beeping again. They all groaned and opened it to a random page.
"Codex Law 12.4.b: The Marauder Sanctus is not public." George read. The book flipped itself to a new page.
"Codex Law 12.4.a: The Room of Requirement is not public."
"Codex Law 12.4.c: The Chamber of Secrets is not public."
"Codex Law 12.4.d: The Hall of Extinct, Highly Dangerous, Yet Still Living Creatures is not public."
"Codex Law 33.14.a: The Pudding Sanctuary is not public." George read, a confused look forming on his face.
"Codex Law 33.14.b: The Gryffindor Common room is public."
"Codex Law 33.14.c: The Gryffindor Dorms are public."
"Codex Law 33.14.d: The Ravenclaw dorms and Common room are public."
"Codex Law 33.14.e: The Hufflepuff dorms and Common room are public."
"Codex Law 33.14.f: The Great Hall is public."
"Codex Law 33.14.g: The Bottom of the Lake is public."
"Codex Law 33.14.h: Any location not previously stated as 'not public' is public." The book closed itself as George finished reading all the codex laws about what counts as public. The was an awkward silence. Fred broke the silence.
"That book is bloody magical." Fred sated in wonder. If books could blush, the Codex would've but books can't blush even in a magical world. The book did however, start flashing. George glared at it and it opened itself.
"Codex Law 26.35.c: Gross exaggeration shall not be used in the Marauder Sanctus." Fred looked hopelessly confused as he read the passage out loud.
"I'm confused." Fred stated after a pause. Lee looked contemplative.
"I think it's because when the book was written, 'bloody' was an exaggeration not a swear." Lee said as simply as he could without bringing the idea that 'bloody' is an adjective into the mess that the twins had become confused in. The twins gave him the look that confirmed that Lee has sufficiently solved the confusion.
"So now what?" George asked.
"We should take the book with us." Fred stated with confidence. The book beeped at him.
"Now what?" Fred asked the book, annoyed. It flopped open.
"Codex Constitution Section III.C. The Marauder Codex shall never leave the Marauder Sanctus." Fred sighed.
"Can you ever agree with me?" Fred asked the book.
"Codex Law 1.24.a: No."
"Codex Law 1.24.b: Yes."
"Codex Law 2.8.a: If you ask the right question."
"Codex Law 2.8.b: Maybe."
"Codex Law 2.8.c: No." Fred glared at the book in realization.
"Codex Law 2.8.d: Yes."
"Codex Law 2.8.e: With ice cream on top." George and Lee started giggling.
"Enough." Fred commanded the book.
"Codex Law 26.53.a: Enough."George and Lee were at this point rolling on the floor in laughter. And so the night continued: George and Lee laughing while a book talked back to Fred with all the creativity of thirty three generations of Marauders.
Author's Note: Next: The Charms lesson. Now what charm should we learn about from our esteemed Mr. Shortstop? And, yes, I will post another chapter of the Advice Column. soon. ish.
Disclaimer: Not Mine.