DM: Will you stop stalking me GoodyTwoShoes!
Aki: Can't you see we don't *bleeping* CARE!
DM: I told you on my Ask and Dare, leave me ALONE!
Aki: Just read the story!
Chapter 1: Pissing off all of Akatsuki
It was a miserable and rainy day outside home as DM laid on her bunk bed (on the top, of course) and played with her green and orange striped ball. Bouncing it off the ceiling, she gave an irritated sigh when she missed to catch it and it thwacked her head.
"I hate gravity," she muttered as she reached for her laptop. She gave a maniac smile when she saw the words 'Ways to piss off Akatsuki.' "Aki! Come on we're leaving!" she cried as she wrapped up her laptop into a bag.
Aki, DM's trustworthy student in the art of FanFiction making, poked her small head out from the bottom bunk.
"Where are we going, Sensei?"
"To cause strife!"
"But we already caused enough strife to Professor Snape with that stupid opposite charm, who now?"
"To Akatsuki of course!" DM hopped down from her bed and searched through her closet, finally emerging her realistic wig and Akatsuki cloak.
"Mah totally awesome disguise!" she said as she twirled the outfit on. She now had very green eyes, dirty blonde hair, and freckles.
"Wow Sensei, that looks nothing like you!"
"That's the point nimrod!" "You insult hurts me Sensei,"
"Come on let's go!" DM held her hands in a tiger sign and, while grabbing onto Aki, she disappeared in a puff of smoke…
One week later at some random Akatsuki base in the Narutoverse…
DM was yet again playing with her green 'n' orange ball. The Akatsuki had finally let her in when they oh-so-happened to have a spot open. Unfortunately, Aki had to pretend to be DM's pet kitty, for they wouldn't let her in.
"So, Sensei? When do you want to torture them?" asked Aki, playing with a ball of yarn.
"When Tobi manages to find his way out of the maze I led him in. In about an hour," Aki gave DM a curious glare, DM simply said, "What? I had to get in somehow, and Madara was more then happy to leave me a spot,"
Aki gave a sigh as she made her way to the door for some dinner…
1. Whenever they plan an assassination, gasp very dramatically; thump them all on the head, and say, "Go into your timeout corner, no supper for you!"
DM thought this would be a very dangerous thing to do, considering the fact that Akatsuki barely got used to her, but that won't stop her because if they kill her, she can just come back as a ghost and haunt there asses off.
Walking through the halls, whistling 'Caramelldasen,' with Aki close by her heels, she pressed herself by the door when she heard that a meeting was going on.
She grinned when she heard Pein say, "Got that, Itachi-san? You must go into the deep part of The Village of Mist and assassinate the Mizukage before anyone can find you."
Summoning her handy-dandy, and overly sized mallet, she kicked the door open, gasped, and whammed them all with one hit.
"How dare you try and kill someone! Very, very bad criminals! Go into your timeout corner, no supper for you!"
She grabbed Aki and ran for the exit as the Akatsuki were giving her death glares meant for Adolph Hitler.
2. Badger them all day and tell them to have an Annual Movie night. If they agree, rent every single Barbie/Barney movie in existents, and force them to watch it. If they didn't agree, drag um' into the room, tie them to chairs and force them to watch the movie's anyway.
DM considered this one to be even more of a challenge because it required a lot of patience and she just didn't have that.
"Maybe you can use that to your advantage, Sensei." Said Aki, as DM voiced her troubles. Giving a nod DM said, "Right, go and rent the movies, I'd better start with Tobi…"
One hour later…
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssseeeeeeeee…" whined DM as she tried to persuade Kisame to come. Sasori, Itachi, Konan, Zetsu, and Hidan all said no, but Tobi, Deidara, and Kakuzu all said yes. Kakuzu and Deidara perplexed her, but she shrugged it off as she waited for Pein to come back from his mission, and Aki to come back from the video store.
"I said no!" snapped Kisame for the 18th time. Giving up, DM sighed and knocked him out with K.O. gas, like she did for all the other's who rejected.
"Ku ku ku ku ku…" she giggled as she bound the shark-man to a spiny chair and rolled him to all the other captives in the den.
Finally Aki came walking in with a bag tied to her tail. She grinned triumphantly as DM untied it and popped the first Barbie movie into the DVD player.
She put a bullhorn next to the speaker, and when it was introduce, DM was sure that China heard what was going on.
Everyone who was knocked out woke up and tried desperately to flee, and everyone who opted to come tried desperately to break down the doors. The only ones who weren't freaking out were DM (who was eating popcorn) Aki (who was grooming her black fur) and Tobi (but DM and Aki were sure that he was crying underneath that mask.)
Pein came walking in to hear the tabooed 'I love you' Barney song and all of his teammates on the ground either insane (cackling madly) or twitching on the ground (in the beetle position, naturally.)
By the time he looked over to DM and Aki, the two had already gone, but left a note…
Dear Pe- Leader-sama, I am terribly sorry at what happened let me tell you. All of Akatsuki got this crazy idea of an Annual Movie Night. I tried to talk them out of it, but you know how they are. The fact was that they sent Tobi to fetch the movies, and… you know how it ends.
Yours truly, DM
3. Give the keys and location to their hideout to the most crazy and obsessive fangirls/guys, then say you're going to for walk when they come ambushing in. When you get back and see them nearly ripped to shreds ask very childishly, "Did the big bad foxy get you?"
DM immediately went to the nut house for this job. E-mailing all of the worst cases, she sent Aki to go and spring them.
"Tell them to be here at 5:00 pm, they'll be at there weakest!" she told her sidekick as Aki sprinted to the ward.
"I'm going for a walk!" she shouted to the Akatsuki and left the door. After a few hours, she checked her watch and walked back to base.
She saw nothing but debris as she saw what was once the base. Kneeling down to the closest person to her (Itachi) she said, "Did da big bad foxy get ju?"
4. Tell Orochimaru that they're willing to let him back, so long as he arrives naked, than wear 'Orochimaru Proof' sunglasses when he comes walking in on Movie Night. Tape the others scream 'My Eyes!' then sell that clip on e-bay.
"What kind of sick person would write this crap?!" asked Aki, glaring at the laptop screen. DM just shrugged and teleported over to Voldemort's brother's lair.
"Holy crap!" shouted Orochimaru, as DM poofed next to him. He gave a creepy smile and said, "And who are you my dear?"
"Save it, I just wanted to let you know that Akatsuki wants you to come back!" DM said, holding Aki protectively as he considered it.
"What if I don't want to go?"
"You have to come back naked."
"Deal."
"Great doing business with you, knock-off of Voldemort." DM smiled as she poofed back to Akatsuki's base.
It was hard, getting Orochimaru Proof sunglasses, but she just nicked Kabuto's glasses, those seemed to work. And they did!
"Hey guys! Thanks for letting me back in-" Orochimaru came striding in, but everyone was already on the ground, writhing in pain as there eyes burned.
"My eyes! I'm blind!" cried Itachi as DM videotaped everyone, completely unaffected.
"This is so going to Sasuke, he'll pay a lot of money for this!" said DM, laughing like a mad man.
5. In case of emergency: Run for your life.
DM was reading her laptop and walking the halls at the same time. "In case of emergency… What could that mean…?"
"I'll tell what it means, yeah." DM turned to see all of Akatsuki lined up in front of her. Taking the words to heart, she grabbed Aki and ran out of the base screaming.
"It's best if we stay away from there for a few weeks, Sensei!" yelled Aki, in human form, as she ran beside her.
Aki: That was…interesting…
DM: Up next is Deidara-Sempi!
Aki: And remember that we want everyone to review!
DM: Excluding the stalker known as GoodyTwoShoes…
Aki: Bye bye!