DM: I sooooo forgot to do a disclaimer!
Aki: Tobi, disclaim!
Tobi: DM-chan doesn't own anyone 'cept herself, Aki, and the original 'Piss Offs'!
Aki: Tobi's a good boy!
Tobi: ^.^
Chapter 3: Pissing off Sasori
1. Ask him for hours how such a bumbling idiot like Tobi could replace him. When he snap's at you say, "Yeesh, ya' know what? I like Tobi better!" then stopped on his foot and leave the room dramatically.
DM hid behind the wall as Sasori was walking around the corner. Taking a deep breath she popped out from behind it, went nose to nose with her victim and said, "Hi Danna! What'cha doin?"
He glared at her for a moment before shrugging and walking right past her. DM, completely unaffected from his coldness, ran beside's him and said, "Hey Danna, can I ask you a question?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Pur-lease?!"
"…alright…"
"YOSH! So…how 'bout them Knicks?"
"Excuse me?!"
Everyone knew that Sasori was a Lakers fan; she shrugged and blabbed, "Sohow can such a bumbling idiot like Tobi could replace you Danna?"
He didn't answer her so she trudged on…
8:57 A.M.
"Danna, how can Tobi replace you?
3:29 P.M.
"Sasori-san, of all people why did that moron take your place?"
7:12 P.M.
"SASORI-SAAAAAAN?!"
"I DON'T KNOW, NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"
DM glared into Sasori's eyes as he shook with anger. Giving an angry sniff she snapped, "Yeesh, ya' know what? I like Tobi better, baka!"
Following the directions she dig her heel into his foot, held her chin high and stomped out of the room leaving him bouncing around, holding his foot while muttering a few choice swear words.
2. Dip all of his weapons in maple syrup; when he asks you what you're doing, say "It's a new poison, very fatal." Then laugh your ass off during his next fight.
DM glared at the screen. To pull this task off it would require stealth, cunning plans, and a fierce knowledge of the human mind.
"TTTOOOOOOOBBBBIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!" she cried at the top of her lungs.
"Yes DM-chan?!" asked said man, peaking his head behind DM's door. She faced her figure to him and said, "Go and get ALL of Danna's weapons! And a vat of maple syrup!"
"B-b-but DM-chan, Tobi doesn't think this is a good idea-"
He stopped talking when DM pulled something out of her pocket. Tobi made a girlish shriek when it was his stuffed animal teddy bear, and a flame thrower.
"Get the weapons and syrup or Mr. Snugglewoffins GET'S IT!!!"
He fled the room…
Five minutes later…
"WTF ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
DM turned to see Sasori panting heavily in the doorway. She smirked and said, "Don't worry Danna, I feel bad about stomping on your foot so I got a very new (very fatal) poison!"
He blinked and said, "Oh…well, that's very considerate of you…" he left the room.
The fool, she thought, and felt an evil laugh coming on.
One week later…
"DM I'LL FREAKING KILL YOOOOOUUUUU!!!"
DM was too busy laughing to notice the death threat.
3. Place a very tiny MP3 player in his room, than place it on 'I've got no strings' to play at top volume all day long. When he asks you where it is, shrug and start singing along very loudly.
DM told Aki to pull off this one, considering she was now banned from Sasori's room. So said apprentice (in cat form) very smoothly sneaked into his room. With the MP3 player in her mouth she hid it in his computer.
Fiddling around with the machine a little, Aki finally managed to connect the MP3 with the CP's speakers, and fled the room.
Giving the remote to activate the MP3 to DM, Aki said, "It's all done Sensei!" 'Sensei' gave an evil smile and said, "Excellent…" and pressed the button that said 'play'…
A few minutes later…
"WHERE IS IT?!?!" shouted a very pissed Sasori, plugging his ears from the loud music. DM said absolutely nothing. After five minutes she shrugged and screamed, "I'VE GOT NO STRINGS, TO HOLD ME DOWN-"
Sasori tackled DM to the ground, ending the attempt altogether.
4. Tell him that you've decided to present 'Pinocchio' as your pick for movie night. Instead show an R rated movie that involves the dismemberment to puppets.
"I didn't know that there was a R-rated movie that involved the…the 'dis..mem…ber…ment to puppets," said Aki, her paws trailing on her tail in nervousness. "And don't make me look like an idiot by pronouncing words like that!!"
"You can't tell me what to do!" said DM, a plan already formulating in her twisted head, "Authoress pwns all!"
Aki sighed, raised herself to four paws and said, "I'll go to the blockbuster."
"YOSH!"
While Aki left the room to fetch the movie, DM waited at the front entrance of the current Akatsuki base. Since her last mission ended pretty badly Leader had confided her to parole, she is not to leave the hideout under no circumstances whatsoever (unless someone tells her too) for two weeks, so she sat there until Sasori came back from his mission.
The red-head came walking up, when he spotted DM he inwardly groaned. Said girl jumped to two feet, walked to Sasori and said excitedly, "Hey Danna, guess what!"
"I'm afraid if I do I'm going to sorely regret it," the puppet man replied, but he gave a big sigh and said, "What?"
"My pick for movie night is gonna be Pinocchio!" she answered, jumping up and down happily. Sasori gave her a skeptical look and asked, "Would this by any chance be an attempt to lure me alone, you tie me to a chair, and force me to watch a horror movie that involves death to puppets, would it?"
Right on the mark?! DM thought with a rush of panic, then she gave a look that said 'how-could-you-even-think-I-would-do-that' and she stated, "Of course not Danna, I would never!" she raised three fingers and said, "Scouts Honor."
He rolled his eyes but otherwise agreed to go to movie night. She gave a false smile and thought, I'm not lying after all, I never thought of tying him to a chair, and the movie is about 'dismemberment'! Not death! False move Danna!
So it was evening time and Sasori walked over to the movie room. When did they even get a movie room? Anyway, Sasori opened the door then closed it behind him, only to be welcomed to utter darkness.
"Hello?" he called, then without warning he heard a loud shuffling, a bang, crash, the sound of rope being tied, and he found himself strapped to a chair. The only source of light was from a snowy TV, and Sasori was aware of two people standing on either side of him.
"Are you ready Sasori-san?" DM said evilly, "Aki, roll the DVD."
Sasori saw a girl with a black bandanna walk towards the TV, push something in, then turned around to give an evil smile.
Sasori had nightmares for weeks.
5. In case of emergency: Run to Konoha, he can't follow you there.
"You think they'll let us in Sensei?!" Aki shouted, trying to get her Sensei's attention. DM was currently packing at supersonic speed. Pausing for a quick second she did a quick hand seal and transformed into her first disguise, the dirty-blond.
"Well, they might once they learn I'm an 'enemy' of Akatsuki," she said resuming her quick packing.
"And if they don't?" asked Aki timidly. DM looked at her and said quickly, "If they don't then I'll make them, through the power of Autheressism!!"
DM threw on her over-the-shoulder bag, grabbed Aki and threw the door open. She nearly fainted when the red-head was standing right behind it. They stared at each other before DM threw Aki at Sasori and said, "Attack my pet!!" and she flew down the hall.
DM: I'm so glad I got this done!
Aki: You were gone for three months? What's the deal?!
DM: 'The deal' is that I'm working on six other stories right now, and life at school's been very stressful!
Aki: Excuses, excuses, excuses…
DM: I'm just glad I got this out before Christmas!
Aki: Yeah, yeah, just be sure to get me an actual present this year will ya'!
DM: What was wrong with last year's gift?!
Aki: Rocks wrapped up in a box don't count Sensei!
DM: THEY WERE PRICELESS CRYSTALS AND YOU KNOW IT!!!
Aki: *Sigh* Please Read 'N' Review…
DM: And Happy Holidays to all!