I waited for Peeta to shut the door before I finally let the gravity of my position hit me. I was totally at the mercy of 13. Of course no one would understand why I did it, and those who had some idea of Coins true identity were long gone from this world. Not even Peeta understands why I did it, and I don't think I could ever tell him that Snow planted the seed in my mind. Minutes turned to hours as I waited for someone to come back and tell me if I was going to live or die.
I took to pacing my cell, wishing someone would let me know what was going on. My head flicked to the cell door as I heard quite a commotion between guards and what I assumed would be someone coming for me. The door bursts open and a surly looking Haymitch strides in. I can't help but wish Peeta was the one telling me my fate.
He looks at me and shakes his head, "Let's go sweetheart."
I follow him out of the cell and into another room. On a table is a long sleeved jacket, black pants and soft leather boots. I stare at Haymitch who seems to not want to make eye contact with me.
"Put them on in the bathroom, and hurry up." He motions to the bathroom on the far side of the room.
"Haymitch… whats going on?" I ask unable to move.
"Sweetheart, do as I tell you." He answers, I can sense in his voice that he is about to break.
I'm going to die… now I know my fate. Haymitch can't even look me in the eyes. I'm a dead girl walking. I scoop up the clothes and enter the bathroom. The outfit feels too much like a tribute outfit. Was this a joke? Dress me up like a tribute and then kill me? I stare into the mirror and take in the scarred, broken reflection. Now in this moment I wish I could have told Peeta that I love him. I'm sure of it now, I love him. I don't just need him, I love him. Now I will die without ever getting the chance to tell him.
Haymitch knocks on the door, "Mockingjay, we have to go."
I open the door and this time I find his gaze, I see the lifetime of pain within them. The cruelty the capitol and the games have forever changed this man. Maybe now that Snow and Coin are dead I have given Haymitch a chance to find some peace. I can't bear it any longer and I hug him, knowing I could never thank him enough for everything he has done.
"I don't want to go." I whimper into his chest.
His arms hold me like a father would his daughter, "I know…" is all he can say
He straightens me up and beckons me to follow. I don't pay attention to the pathway he is leading me on. I notice people peering out of doorways, wanting to get a glimpse of the Mockingjay on her last flight. We stop once we are above ground. I see a hovercraft not to far from us.
"This is as far as I can go, Sweetheart." He says and places a hand on my shoulder.
"Protect him, Haymitch. Please? He won't come around from this. Gale will deal. Watch my mom too." Its all I can do to stand up anymore.
I want to collapse on the ground, but if Peeta, Gale and my mom are watching I have to stay strong.
"Hasn't that been the deal all along? Protect him?" Haymitch responds.
He leans forward and whispers into my ear, "on that hovercraft when you're alone look in your pocket."
He motions for me to head to the craft now. I walk down an aisle of heavily guarded soldiers. I grasp the metal rung of the ladder and I am ascending into the belly of the machine now. So, they won't kill me here? Maybe they will televise it, perhaps in 12. Now wouldn't that be great. Execute the Mockingjay in her own home. Genius, I marvel at the idea in my head.
Inside the craft a guard handcuffs one of my hands to a bar on the wall and tells me to sit down. He retreats to the front with the pilot and I am left alone now. I quickly slip my free hand into my pocket and find a tiny folded piece of paper. I notice the guard turn around and I stop moving. I am too paranoid to try again. I wait until we land and I am escorted into a building. From the short glimpse of my surroundings I know I am not home in 12, I am in the capitol.
My stomach plummets into my feet and a cold sweat break upon my skin. I want to run but the guard behind me with a gun would shoot me before my foot even left the ground. He leaves me in a dimly lit room. I am alone, but probably not for long. I grab the piece of paper and read the scrawled words, the odds are in your favor. I glare at the writing and don't know what to make of it. Was Haymitch joking? I am about to die, what odds are in my favor? The answer is none.
Before I know it another guard comes in and blindfolds me. Cowards, I think briefly. Maybe I want to see who the lucky person is who gets to shoot me. The guard pushes me toward a platform and barks at me, warning me not to move.
I feel the platform moving slowly, but I'm not sure in which direction. I feel a breeze across my forehead, alerting me I am outside now.
A voice booms out of nowhere, "Ladies and Gentlemen, never before in history have we had an event like this. In face of a new era, why not update a classic!"
This all feels too real now. They are mocking me, making a game out of my execution. I hate them for this. Have I not suffered enough in the eyes of those who watched me in my first game and the quell? Was it not enough to watch me fight for them on camera? Now they have to slap me in the face with this. Angry tears blossom from my eyes, maybe I should just move now and get it over with. Have them kill me now before they can humiliate me any further.
"Remove your blindfold and face your fate!" The announcer beckons.
I rip the blind fold off and watch it flutter to the ground. I am surrounded by a grassy prairie with grasses as tall as I am. I can barely make out anything around me but the faint glimmer of the cornucopia infront of me. This is so cruel. I know what will happen now, they will make me wait 60 seconds and I'll have to go to the cornucopia and await my death there. The odds are in your favor. Haymitch… what have you done? I have nothing in my favor except what I hope can be a painless death. But even that is unreachable… how long will I scream and beg for death before they grant it?
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the 76th Hunger Games!"
I hear the ticking begin, and I think what would Haymitch have me do now? Of course it is clear, give them a show. Oh, and I will. I will give them a show worthy of the Mockingjay. The ticking continues, its winding down now. 5…4…3…2…1. The blaring horn echoes and I sprint through the tangled grasses. I think of nothing but the show they want, and the one I will give them. I burst through the grass and find the cornucopia littered with goods. I spot a bow and quiver of arrows. I grab it and the back pack next to it and turn to take in my surroundings. Something happens now that I never expected, I am knocked to the ground by a burly boy. He brandishes a knife and lunges for my heart. With out thinking I am on my feet and bury an arrow into his chest. A cannon explodes and more people break through the grass. It hits me now… it is real. I am not going to die right now, but tomorrow I could. Hell, even tonight. I tear off to my left and sprint into the grass again heading for a forest of evergreens in the distance. The screams and sounds of fighting behind me. I can't even believe it now… I am back in the arena again