DM: OMG, IT'S BEEN EXACTLY A YEAR AND A DAY SINCE I LAST UPDATED THIS!

Aki: The sad part is, is that you had this ready for about nine months...

DM: BUT IT AIN'T MAI FAULT! *Curls up in the emo corner*

Aki: Oh jeez...

DM: Senpai! Disclaim for us!

Deidara: DM does not own Naruto or anything related it. She only owns Aki, herself, and the plot to this awful parody—

DM: AWFUL? D:

Aki: Please give warm greetings to our guest star, TheEnchantingNinjaPenguin.

Chapter 4: Pissing off Hidan

1. Exist (he hates it when I do that!)

"Um…Sensei?" asked Aki warily. "How do we irritate Hidan by…existing?" Aki looked confused, but DM turned pale. She, again, managed to slip back into Akatsuki but this time she had to act as a subterranean spy for Akatsuki, and was bunking with the gang for 'training' purposes. At least, as far as the Akatsuki members knew.

"I knew it," said DM suddenly, "we're going to have to call in a professional."

"Professional?" proclaimed Aki as DM reached for her cell phone and started to click in a number. "We need to hire a professional to exist?" DM ignored her as she raised the phone to her ear and waited as it ringed.

"Hey, we have a job for you. Can you make it?"

Aki heard someone on the other line.

"Okay," said DM. "Help us out, and the boy is all yours—"

DM held the phone away from her ear as the person started to scream in delight, Aki heard an "I'LL DO IT! I'LL DO IT!"

"Perfect," said DM, with an evil expression on her face.

A few minutes later DM's call-in was waiting patiently by the front door eating a taco.

"Aki, this is Erin," said DM, gesturing towards the computer. "Your assignment, Erin-chan."

"Righty-o!" said Erin happily and leaned down to read No. 1.

A few minutes later Erin walked down the hall at the same time Hidan was coming back from a long and stressful mission, looking mad.

"Hey, Hidan-chan!" said Erin, grabbing the Jashin's attention. "Check it out! I'm existing!"

"I'M GOING TO #^%!*& KILL YOU, YOU #^%!*& LITTLE %!$!" Screamed Hidan, grabbing his scythe and swinging it towards DM's call-in.

Erin ran for her life.

2. Whenever he comes walking down the hall flee into a corner and scream "Christ repels you, you sick, sick man!"

DM, Aki, and Erin sat inside of DM's makeshift bedroom planning, scheming, playing video games, and eating tacos. After about three hours the three girls spilt up and waited in different corners of the hideout.

DM, who was sitting down in the wreck room, smirked when Hidan walked around the corner. When he walked past her DM screeched as if she was in pain. Hidan flinched and looked around to see DM in fetus position and was crying hysterically.

"What the #% are you doing?" yelled Hidan, DM screeched even louder and screamed at him, "Christ repels you!"

After about ten minutes Hidan gave up trying to calm down DM he left her before anyone else showed up. Once his footsteps had disappeared DM started speaking briskly into a walky-talky, "The bird is flying, I repeat the bird is flying!"

About five minutes later the same thing happened to Hidan, but this time with Aki. She did everything DM, but held up a crucifix for added effect. He fled the scene.

What is with those two? Hidan thought (a miracle I know) as he made his way outside and into the forest. He perked his head when he heard a twig snap. Looking around he saw Erin walking away from him, holding something behind her back.

"Oi! You!" yelled Hidan, trying to catch the girls attention. "You're friends with DM, what's got her so cr—"

Hidan didn't finish his sentence because Erin turned, shrieked at him, "Christ repels you, you sick, sick man!" and she threw Holy Water on him.

Hidan went down in flames.

3. Lock him in a room full of Asuma fangirls, then record the sounds coming from there.

The girls had to wait about three weeks before pulling off this prank, for Hidan had to recover from the last one ("Holy water! Why did I think of that?" screeched DM) so they watched the latest anime episodes as he recouped. When he did recover fully DM was already on the case. She called every Asuma fangirl she knew and invited them over. Granted, when they got there it took the power of all three girls to keep them charging over to Hidan right then and there.

"Hey, Hidan-chan!" It was five thirty in the afternoon and Aki was waiting patiently outside Hidan's room. Barely giving a wave of acknowledgement Hidan glumly walked away from her. She gave a tiny pout, but walked up next to him anyway and said, "Hey Hidan! You will never guess what we found on our last mission!"

She grabbed his collar so she could whisper briskly in his ear then she pelted away leaving the dumbstruck Jashin in her footsteps. After a few seconds he streaked after her.

A little while later he was standing in front of a door. Kicking it open he shouted, "Lord Jashin! I have come for—"

He paused when he was welcomed to about thirty or so pissed off looking girls. Wrong room? He thought as he tried to back away back outside, but he found the door to be closed.

~*O*~

"How did you get him in there?" yelled Erin over the noise of the screaming and cries of pain. Aki held the recorder up to the door and answered, "I told him we found his precious Jashin-sama and it was a hook, line, and sinker from there."

They were silent for a few more minutes, listening to the yelling in the other room. Then DM said enviously "How come you guys keep on getting the strokes of brilliance?"

4. Whenever he says something make a very loud beeping noise. Continue to do so until the Asuma fangirls find him again.

"Haha!" cried DM, looking at the computer screen with Aki and Erin. "This should be enough to drive him over the wall!"

"You know Sensei I always figured you liked Hidan," said Aki, sighing.

"I do. But I also love Deidara, yet that didn't stop me from placing his name in this parody, did it?" asked DM, she shut down the laptop and all three of the girls walked outside.

~*O*~

In ten minutes the three girls were walking down the same hall in which Hidan was talking to Kakuzu.

"I'm telling you, those girls are %^&*^$ demons!" whispered Hidan frantically. Kakuzu stared stupidly at his partner and said nothing. "Why are you being so—" started Hidan.

"Beep!" cried DM. Hidan looked over to her, and DM felt as if though she was now on his 'To Die' list.

"What are you—" started Hidan again.

"BEEP!" shouted Aki, cupping her hands around her mouth.

"Stop—" said Hidan, this time reaching for his scythe.

"BLEEP!" yelled Erin, speaking out of a bullhorn. Kakuzu was knocked off of his feet. But Hidan must have had super sticky shoes or something because he remained upright. He unsheathed his weapon and chased after the girls. They ran in a blur.

Once the escaped him, DM, Erin, and Aki locked themselves in the nearest room. Pressing their ears next to the door they listened as the Asuma fangirls came out of nowhere and did their part. The girls high-fived each other jubilantly.

5. In case of emergency: Run like the wind!

Still locked in the closet DM, Aki, and Erin waited as the hours passed. "I can't believe that you pushed the key underneath the door Aki," grumbled DM, feeling stiffer and stiffer with every second for sitting in such a cramp space for so long.

"It's not my fault!" cried Aki, pausing to sneeze. "How do you even know it was me?"

"Tacos~!" moaned Erin, her stomach rumbling loudly. Before, however, either of the girls could react the door to the closet was violently ripped off its hinges and flew across the hallway.

"Oh, finally!" cried DM making to sit up, but she froze when she saw who was standing in the doorway.

"You…" said Hidan, looking as pissed as hell. "You three…are so…dead…"

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" cried the girls as the shuffled there way to the very back of the closet. However there was no escape.

So much for Number Five.

Five Weeks Later

"Never…again…" moaned Erin, in a full body cast looking dejected. DM lay right beside her, along with Aki, all three in hospital beds and all three looking horrified.

"Sorry Erin-chan…"said DM weakly. "But it had to be done…"

"Do I…still get…?" started Erin, and DM nodded swiftly.

"Of course!" shouted DM, using some weird healing power and jumping out of bed, good as new. She raised a whistle to her lips.

"In exchange for helping us complete list Hidan," started DM dramatically, "Erin-chan I give you the wonderful…Itachi-kun!"

And on that note Itachi was dragged into the room by one of DM's various underlings. The Uchiha was wearing a cute pink bow with a sticky note that said "Property of Erin: DO NOT TOUCH."

Erin, also using some unknown super-quick healing power, leaped out of bed.

"VICTORY!"

DM: *Groans* Sure doesn't feel like a victory…

Aki: You brought that on yourself Sensei…

DM: *Sigh* Well, I hope you all can forgive me for taking so long. I hate high school...and especically Edline.

Aki: A misunderstanding can go a long way...

DM: Thanks to Erin-chan for participating in this episode! Hopefully I'll find the inspiration to work on the next chappie.

Aki: There's more?