The elevator ride up to the floor above was a short and quiet one. It did, however, give me time enough to do a bit of thinking. While I had told myself that I was going to tell James how I felt, I realized that I had no idea just how I would do it. It's not like I could say "Oh wow, it's so pretty up here, and by the way I think I may be falling in love with you." No, that definitely wouldn't go over well. I was so wrapped up in thinking about how I was going to pull this off that I didn't notice that the elevator had stopped. I was snapped out of my trance-like state by a soft shake of my shoulder.
"You still in there Lola?" His voice was light but his eyes showed the worry that I know he felt.
"Yeah, I'm ok. Just thinking." I could tell he wasn't entirely convinced, but he let the subject drop for now. "Now, where is this courtyard you've told me so much about?"
The walk from the elevator to the courtyard was a slow one, mostly due to me. The slower pace allowed me to do something I hadn't done in a very long time. I took the time to enjoy both my surroundings and my company. While James and I talked, I found out that the "hospital" we were currently in was actually a converted apartment/office building. Soon after the Reapers landed, many of the hospitals in the city either became quickly overloaded or were destroyed. This building was undergoing the final stages of construction and the decision was quickly made to retrofit it into a makeshift hospital. It was far enough outside of city limits that the Reapers didn't target it and was big enough to hold many patients. Some clues to its original purpose still remained if you looked hard enough. The courtyard we were headed to was one of them. It was located on the top floor of the building. The hallways had massive windows on the outer walls and skylights that let in plenty of natural light.
When we stepped through the doors leading to the courtyard the first thing I noticed was how open it felt. The hallways formed a large square that enclosed the sides of the courtyard, but the absence of a roof made it feel like you were standing out in the open. A light breeze passed through the manicured bushes and over my skin. I'd almost forgotten how good it felt to be outside in the fresh air without having to worry about someone shooting at me. It also struck me how safe I felt standing in what could be considered a very vulnerable position. I had no armor, no sidearm, and I was in no shape to take anyone down in hand to hand combat, but I felt completely safe. With anyone else I might still be on guard, but with James I finally felt like I could completely relax.
I took a deep breath and headed towards the bench directly across from me with James following close behind. We both sat down on the bench, James stretching his legs out in front of him and I leaned back and looked up at the sky above me. The sky was a beautiful shade of blue with a few thin white clouds scattered across it. The faint sound of demolition and construction could be heard in the distance. If you blocked it out, you could almost imagine that none of it, the Reaper invasion, Cerberus, the Collectors, had ever happened. After a few minutes, I felt a hand brush across my forearm, fingers intertwining with my own.
"Are you gonna tell me what's on your mind?" His voice was so soft I almost didn't catch what he said. I looked down at our hands, my dark brown contrasted against his much lighter shade, and slowly began to run my thumb along his skin. I took a deep breath and just let the words come.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For everything. You've done more for me than you know. Shit, you've probably done more for me than even I know. You were there for me when no one else was. You didn't have to accept Anderson's offer, you could've left if you really wanted to. We both know that. You didn't leave though. You stayed with me during the trial, came in on your days off to keep me company, shit you even gave me a Christmas present." I stopped and looked into his eyes. "I still have that card, you know. It's in my cabin on the Normandy."
"I know. It's kind of odd to have a card in a picture frame, don't you think?" He said with a small smile. I laughed and tilted my head back to look at the sky again.
"Yeah, well I had to replace what was there."
"What was there?"
"Kaidan's picture." The words came out barely above a whisper. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. It still hurt to think about what we had and lost. While things were better between us now, they would never be the same. The friendship and trust we had was long gone. James gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and that gave me the strength to go on. "When they took my rank and ship, you were there. You were there while I raged and cried. Whenever I needed someone to talk to, you were there. When I just didn't want to be alone, you were there. Fuck, it feels like you know me better than I know myself sometimes.
"The whole fucking galaxy was looking to me to magically make everything better and at times I felt like I couldn't fucking take it anymore. That's just too much pressure to put on one person. When I got the Normandy back, I was surrounded by people but I had never felt more alone. All those people saw in me were my titles and achievements. The Commander Shepard, 'Hero of Elysium,' 'First Human Spectre,' 'Savior of the Citadel,' 'Cerberus terrorist,' 'Alliance traitor,' 'killed the Collectors,' or in the case of the Batarians 'Murderer.' I was all of these things, but I wasn't me. I wasn't Andrea, the girl who loves to read and build model ships. The woman who has a weird obsession with shoes and loves to sing like an idiot in the shower. No one saw me for me, except for you. You were, no fuck that, you are the only one who sees past all of the awards and achievements and knows who I am. Even Kaidan, a man who said he loved me and who I thought I loved in return, never took the time to find out about me and what made me tick." I turned slightly so I was facing James, his hand never leaving mine, and looked directly into his eyes. "So, thank you. There's no way in hell I would've been able to do half of what I did on this last run, much less come out of this shit alive if I didn't have you by my side." I was stopped short by the feel of his free hand lightly brushing against my chin and my cheek. His fingers slowly intertwined themselves in my hair. I closed my eyes and sighed at the contact. It felt so good to have him that close. One of his fingers lightly traced the biotic amp at the base of my skull. My back arched and I couldn't mask the small moan that left my lips. It was too much and nowhere near enough all at once. I heard his body shift and felt his breath caress the skin just beneath my ear.
"Just what exactly are you trying to tell me Lola?" His lips hovered centimeters above my neck. So close and yet so agonizingly far away. His fingers continued to caress the spot around my amp while he waited for my answer.
"I love you." The words left my mouth before I had time to think about it. My eyes snapped open and James lifted his head to look at me. His eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes, were cycling through a mix of emotions that I did not have the mental capacity to decipher at the time. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but before I could get a word out his lips were on mine. Before I had time to completely register what happened, he pulled back. In that moment, it felt as if something in my chest broke free.
I quickly reached up, one hand on either side of his face, and pulled him back in for another kiss. His right hand came to rest on my waist while the fingers on his left resumed the lazy circles they were making at the base of my skull. My hands roamed across his head, fingernails lightly scraping downwards across the sensitive skin on his throat, across his collarbone, and came to rest on his chest. His tongue brushed against my lip and I moaned at the contact and deepened the kiss. In that moment, nothing in the world existed but us. My teeth lightly grazed against his bottom lip and I very reluctantly pulled back. The kiss had left both of us completely breathless.
"I love you too," James said quietly. "Mierda, it feels good to finally say that out loud. Te quiero Andrea." As we were leaning in for another kiss, his Omnitool beeped. Everything up until that point was quiet so the ping from the Omnitool was loud enough to make both of us jump. We looked at each other for a second and began to laugh. We both resumed the positions we had when we first sat down. While he read over and replied to the message he received, I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. For the first time in a very long time I felt like things were finally looking up.
"That was Dr. Chakwas. She said it's time for you to go back downstairs. You have medicine to take and lunch to eat." James stood, stretched, and then offered his hand to help me get up. When I was up on my two feet, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in close. His breath danced across my ear as he whispered, "How serious are you about this? About us?"
"Very. I have no plans on letting you go now that I have you." I replied, sounding slightly breathless.
He pulled me in for an all too brief kiss. When he pulled back, he gave me one of his most breathtaking smiles. "Good. I don't plan on going anywhere. Now lets get you back to your room before the Doc comes and drags you down there herself." I put my hand into his and we began our slow walk back down to my room.
Author's Note: Sorry about the long wait! I had a bit of writer's block so this took a bit longer to get out than I originally planned. I do like how it turned out in the end though. Thank you to everyone who has read/reviewed/favorited! I really do appreciate it. I don't know how much longer I'm gonna keep this going. I thought about ending it here, but it just didn't feel right. I guess I'll keep writing as long as the ideas keep coming.