-I do not own HG; all credits go to Suzanne Collins -

My mind keeps tricking me. It speeds up and slows down quickly and I can not escape it! My dreams have become worse in the last few days. Peeta and I scurry around each other, I know I have hurt him but doesn't he expect that from me. Well he should. It is what I do, hurt people. All of this is not a good combination. It has me at the end of my rope most days.

I am afraid to fall into a slumber, for I will be blamed by my friends for there death. It is one thing to blame yourself but when the ones who you care about and who suffered tell it to you in a way that no longer makes you upset but just hurts. My mind is not doing to well either, because of my new interest in them coming to me while they burry me in there ashes, I can not escape now that I feel as if my slumber is apart of my daily life. It had always been I suppose, but now it will not go away. Nothing pulls me away from knowing that I killed my close friends that meant and still do mean so much to me.

This morning I woke to the sounds of pots and pans in the kitchen. My eyes fluttered as my head pounded at the noise. Through my lashes I can see a dull but lively glow in my room. I can tell it had or was about to rain outside. I felt as comfortable as I can get being wrapped in my blankets. So I curl up a little more into my chest and tried to just rest. At this point sleep does not help, so maybe rest is all I can manage to see hope in. I let my eyes fall but not letting me fall. I try to focus on the noises in the kitchen and around the house and how I am in reality not my dreams. It works for a little while. But nothing is ever that simple.

I noticed how my dad's jacket was peeking out of the closet and it reminded me that I have not looked at what clothing I have in a while. A lot of Cinna's creations where left with me and now in that closet. I have not seen the reason to do that just yet. It will only bring memories back that I am not ready for. I am not sure I am ready for what I deal with everyday, but I somehow do it. My headache progress to make me want to tear it off, when I decide to just get up.

The blankets come up with me and drag to the door frame as they fall next to the open door. I let my eyes adjust to the brighter light in the up-stairs hallway. The window facing the victor houses adjacent to me lets a lot of unnecessary light in. Way to big of a window in the first place, and I can see a great image of Peeta's house. There is no use for this window.

I start to descend the stairs, step by step I feel it rack my head as my body shifts from one side to the next on each level. Three steps from the first floor, the smell of bread enters my nose. I turn sharply which I later regret and find Sae in the kitchen pulling out bread of her own. I make my way over to the counter top and sit down. Sae presents me with a plate full of food. Fried cakes, eggs, stripped meat cooked in a skillet and fresh bread with jam. Then I notice the bowl of hot grain beside me, and the glass of some sort of fruit that she squeezed the juice out of that compliments it. It is a lot but I welcome it. I feel starved and maybe these won't 'quench my thirst' but I am desperate. I slowly eat my feast, not worried about time I must take an hour. Little Lucy came with Sae today and is in the living room corner playing with some colors on a piece of paper.

''Peeta gave her the supplies'', Sae says when she saw me looking over in that direction. Of course he did I think. I nod to her and continue on the tough meat and fried cakes. As I wash my food down with the juice Sae starts a small fire by the hearth. It is starting to warm now, but there is still a chill in the air. I slowly make my way over to the rocking chair by the fire with my toasted bread and jam. I sit down on its hard surface, still cold, not yet warmed by the light. Sae sits opposite of me while keeping an eye on her granddaughter. The effect of me sitting made the chair rock some; all of the events of now are painting a feeling in my head that I have not experienced in a long time.

Many emotions rush through me, emotions of comfort and fire light fill me. It seems so simple everything around me; yes it is which is good. But it seems so much to me. I look over at the coffee table and see the unopened presents from my birthday days ago. There is a red and gold wrapped present, wrapped quite poorly I see it was from Haymitch. The blue one with orange and green streaks across it, a masterpiece with in it self, Peeta wrapped. Leaving Sae's, a small yellow bag, accompanying it is a white card sticking out of the left side. I feel like opening them, but I will wait until Sae and her granddaughter leave.

Sae and Lucy stay a while longer as they stoke the fire ad clean the kitchen. But shortly they leave. I eye the presents, curious to what in the world they thought I needed in a box/bag. I reach over for Sae's first and untangle the ribbons that decorate the handles. I find a small chain with a feather attached to the end. It symbols hope and destiny in our district. I smile at the thought of her generosity.

I then pick Haymitch's present up quite curious to what it may be. An emptied liquor bottle and a letter…

-I hate writing letters. So you should know I did this terrible thing for you!

You are a very hard headed person and a belligerent girl, and the bottle I just through in for no apparent reason. Your cat annoys me! It was lingering around my place today. Anyway happy birthday… Advice? Well sweetheart you are alive right?

Love

Haymitch

I am still alive. Well yes Haymitch I am but what is the beauty in that? What a waste of his time. Why bother even doing anything for me if you only insult me. I stare over at Peeta's present. I left it carefully. All he does seems so delicate and beautiful. I unwrap the painted paper.

It is a box filled with things. I do not know where to start. I reach for the scroll, as I unravel it I see the charcoal markings and find it is a delicate sketch of us in the training roof. The sun is setting in the back ground as Peeta holds me. It is not overly affectionate but simply loving and comforting. But why give this to me and remind me of whom he was?

I roll it back to its formation and look back in the box. I see a small silver parachute that I know very well. I open it and find the pearl. I had wondered where that had gone…pine needles are at the bottom of the parachute as well as the devise that we used in the last Hunger Games, it extracts water from a tree. All of these memories bring tears into my eyes and make me feel nauseous. I almost can't take it when something in the box catches my eyes. There is a cloth that is wrapped around a stem of a flower, the stem of a dandelion. I pick it up and soon the flower looks like a water color painting as my eyes fill with tears. I am breaking down.

Peeta:

I woke up from an odd yet refreshing dream last night. It was about Katniss, she was walking in the field with a sun dress that blew through the wind. Her hair was down and beautifully long under the sun. She was holding a dandelion in one of her hands, while the other flexed her fingers in the breeze. It felt peaceful, and beautiful. But as she kept walking people would appear and walk with her, no one from our district except for her sister.

FInnick, Snow, Coin, Mitchell, Boggs, Cressida, and Pollux join her. As they continue to move people of the Capital appear. They all talk as Katniss and Prim hold hands. We are almost at the tree line when they start to die. But they keep walking with her, now the dead walk. They still talk but I can tell she wishes to be like them. Right when they are about to enter the woods Prim hesitates, when Katniss tells her everything will be fine Prim explodes and Katniss screams out to her. We all stop. Prim stands there burning, as Katniss falls, breaks in front of all of us. I woke up soon after.

The refreshing part was Katniss when she was alone, and then it became odd yet very real. It makes since, sadly it does. I am very worried about her, but I know it was only a dream. Now I am in y kitchen covered in flour, sweat and tears. My second batch of bread is finishing in the oven when Sae walks into my house. She helps herself to a seat and so does Lucy.

''Morning'', I say.

''Good morning Peeta, how are you.'' She asks.

''Good, weird dreams but I am fine. How are you?'', I don't think I should tell her about my dream.

''Oh…good, good. Katniss I think opened her presents after I left''.

''How do you know?'', I ask.

''She was eyeing them all morning. I figure she wouldn't open them while I was around so we left soon after''. I nod my head at her.

''How is she doing Sae?'', I ask.

''Really…? Better…better than she was. She still has that sharp wit of hers and she still knows how to throw a great pity party…All in all time will tell us''.

I nod my head again, but now trying to think of something I could do to help her. I lean my elbows on the kitchen counter.

''Sae what should I do?'' She leans in and whispers.

''Be there for her, even if she pushes you away for the rest of your life, be her friend. You are the only one she truly trusts. Play by her rules some, but if you have to pull her back in, take control.'' We both laugh at that, but it is true.

I finish baking after Sae and Lucy leave. I decide to take a shower, and then head into town.

Katniss:

I fall asleep soon after on the couch. My dreams fill me with dear as my friends trap me underground in their ashes. I hurt as I get up and stretch. I walk over near the kitchen but something down the hall catches my eye. I t is my dad's old hunting jacket. I have the urge to walk up to it, but I make my self get water from the kitchen and go sit by the fire again.

Why is this so hard, I don't really care to get better for myself but for others maybe? No, I do not need to be anything that I am not for others.

I study the room around me, and think about weather or not my dad would be happy in this house. I think not. I wonder how many friends of his are still alive and what they think of me. What they think of my messed up life and personality. I have nothing to be proud of, nothing to love. I suppose I have Buttercup, I honestly rather continue our love hate relationship it suits us best. I love Haymitch but in a very odd way. As for Peeta, I want to but he will never be happy with me and I do not know weather he is enough of himself for me to love 'him'.

What is the use, he is practically the same. Stronger and scarred but aren't we all. But I will never be able to give him a family or a stable wife. What does he see in me anyway? I am a messed up girl, with no appealing looks or actions. I must look a hundred years old with the way I have taken care of myself of late. He on the other hand is radiant compared to Haymitch and myself. But we can leave Haymitch out of the 'looks' department. He has aged well for what conditions he puts himself under but for his age he could look better.

I feel exhausted by doing nothing, which probably means I should start being active, but I do not want to.

Peeta:

I was in the square deciding which store to enter when I looked up to see a poster of the rebellion. I was unprepared for the image of Katniss, radiant and fierce in black. Staring at me, it makes my knees weak. Will she always have this effect on me? I hope so.

I go into a thrift shop of sorts and sit down. I look around at everyone. It is quite busy for the districts population, looking like most of it was in this store.

As I start to feel my legs again and get a better look around I notice boxes. Everywhere there are boxes with charred or ashy items.

''This is a collection of what we could recover form under the rubble from the bombings'', says a lady who looked as if she volunteers here.

''oh, that's nice'', was all I could say. I stood up and smiled at the lady as if to say I understand now. I walked over to some of the boxes and noticed some things are in good shape.

Later around evening I walked out with a box of art stuff or cooking devises. The helpers did not want me to pay but I insisted and snuck them money so that the others did not think that they must pay. I felt good about my contribution. I think Katniss would appreciate the store and there intentions. Maybe I can take her sometime.

I enter my house and set my box on the kitchen counter. I get the leftovers of stew I made the other night and put it in the oven. Later after I eat I feel so exhausted I barely make it to my bed before I collapse on my bed to a dreaded slumber.

-I know this was kind of a filler but it will get really interesting very soon Thanks to LavenderBrownFan for some ideas So has anyone else seen that The Hunger Games comes out on DVD in a week? Pretty Awesome, but the books better -