It is a full week before I am released from my mother's constant watch in the hospital. I've had all the time in the world to reflect upon everything. I've healed remarkably, in spite of all I've been through. My nightmares have reduced from terrorizing replays of the games to night terrors centered around loosing Peeta. After the fight Gale and Peeta have been forbidden to come near the hospital. Haymitch visits when he is not busy helping lead the rebuild of the ground level of 13. He usually shows up after construction has stopped, even when he is weary from a long days work he makes sure to check on me. I know I don't have to ask him about Peeta because he promised he would watch him for me. I am still angry as hell at Gale and I am entirely unsure if I can trust him not to yell at me again.

My mom had made sure I have talked to a doctor who specialized in traumatic stress disorders daily. He has helped tremendously in my healing effort to rationalize the terrors that consume me. I am still far from being okay, but each day I feel a tiny bit less helpless.

My mom addresses my slowly healing ribs by adjusting the wrap and medicine patch. I've been sent off to the shower in the hospital, and when I return a dress and high heels are waiting for me on my bed. I grab them and retreat back to the shower area to change. The dress is a lovely Cinna creation, I can already tell. The dazzling hue of blue reminds me of Peeta's eyes. It's cinched and fitted around my waist and flows softly to my lower thighs.

Haymitch is waiting for me when I walk out of the shower area. He smiles and beckons for me to follow him.

"Why do I need to dress up to see Paylor. She knows what I look like." I muse as he leads me out the door.

"It's not her you have to look presentable for. It's the capitol that you have to dress up for." Haymitch puts reassuring hand on my shoulder and maneuvers me through the halls.

I guess I can't say I didn't see that coming. I was stupid for thinking Paylor would stay in 13 to command Panem. Trying to rebuild a broken nation would be quite hard from 13, when 13 itself is so far removed from the central location of the capitol. I take a deep breath and steady myself to head back to the city I've come to dread so much.

Once aboard the hovercraft I speak to Haymitch again, "Does Peeta know where I am going?"

I pray the answer is no because he will be beside himself knowing I am going to the capitol. He hates that place because of the pain its caused him and for the pain he's seen my recently suffer without him. I suppose being prisoner to Snow and tortured somewhere within the far reaches of the capitol would make someone so sweet and loving as Peeta, hate the city with such intensity. I hate it for my first games, the quell, my criminal games and their use of Peeta as a weapon against me. Most of all I hate the city because of the cold blooded deaths of Prim, Finnick, Rue and so many others.

Haymitch look up at me from a book he is reading, "No. I've put him in charge of finishing a special project in the construction zone today. By the time we return tonight, I doubt he will have finished the finalizations. If he has, I think he will find himself unwilling to leave it alone."

I find relief in his answer, knowing that I can tell Peeta after I return so he won't need to worry. I imagine him working hard in the heat of summer sun. Knowing Peeta, his mind is set at easy given something to do. Just like me, when he is idle the terrors creep back on you. I don't want to let the terrors creep back to me. I spend the rest of the flight to the capitol telling Haymitch about Cinna's daughter.

Haymitch doesn't say much during my story until I've run out of things to tell him. He smiles and looks me in the eyes after a minute or two.

"Sweetheart, I am so proud of you. The minute you volunteered for that little sister of yours I knew you were extraordinary. The odds have always favored you. In those last games you showed me just how resilient you are. I'd like to think that if I married and had a daughter I would want her to be exactly like you."

Coming from Haymitch I know this means a lot. I feel a pang of sadness thinking of how the games robbed him of love, and a family.

"Haymitch, there's still time for you." I say softly.

I don't have to explain what I've said because he knows deep down its true. He doesn't say much again, until we land at an air strip and make our way across the base. We are escorted to a luxurious car and driven through the bustling streets of the capitol. Nerves have set in now and it's only natural seeing as everything from this city has caused me great strife and sadness.

We are driven straight into the heart of the capitol. The car pulls straight up to the newly constructed mansion for the new president. I'm feeling edgy and nervous as two guards escort Haymitch and myself into the building. They take us to a large room with large comfy chairs. I take in the splendor of the room as a guard talks to Haymitch.

"Okay sweetheart. Paylor wants to talk to you alone. I will be waiting across the hall." He pats my shoulder and kisses the top of my head.

I really do like him this way, I've decided as he walks out of the room. I wonder what Paylor will do. Will she yell at me or will she punish me more? I don't get any more time to think about it when I hear the door open.

Paylor walks in dressed in a navy skirt and jacket. She looks solemn and authoritative. In her eyes I see stress and a hint of sadness.

"Katniss, please come sit." She calls out and motions to a sitting area with oversized chairs.

I move to the chair and sit, after I am seated she too finds a chair. She doesn't say anything for a few seconds she merely looks at me.

"I know there is much you would like to say to me. I do not blame you at all for that. What I do ask of you is that you hear me out before you decide to act."

She knows how I don't take lightly to orders, and speaking my mind is sometimes my ugliest quality. When she was Commander she was a person I trusted her. Her first act as president was my trial and sentencing, that has changed my view of her. I no longer trust the woman across from me and she knows it.

"As you know by now in the moments after Coin was killed, you were put in the cells. That was standard procedure for what you did. I was elected within the hours afterward. I am here to tell you that it was not me who put you back in the arena. I never would have sentenced you to that, Katniss. You must believe me. I was taken here immediately to begin regaining control in Capitol. I put my trust in the hands of the wrong people back in 13. Yes, I had known of the evil Coin planned and executed. What I didn't know was how far her reach extended into the leaders of the district and her connections with other evils here in the capitol. I trusted that my board of advisors in 13 would sentence you fairly. I gave them my opinion, I was going to have you banished from 13. I figured above all else, removing you from the toxicity and corruptness would be best. I was lied to by my most trusted advisor when they said you were sent back to 12 with Peeta and Haymitch. I did approve the game, knowing you voted for one final game with the children of the capitol." She speaks with dedication, but there is an edge of something in her voice maybe its nerves too.

She unbuttons her jacket and removes it revealing a silky short sleeved shirt. I notice now that in the blazing afternoon sun the room is sweltering even with the wide windows offering a slow breeze.

She continues on, "I am a busy woman. I did not watch the first day of the games. I discovered your fate on the front page of the newspaper. I knew I was betrayed, and I had no idea who did it. I worked tirelessly to get you out of there. The location of the arena was hidden, the gamemakers were all killed by the real designers of the game. I sent gifts, but none were ever passed along to you. All of the officials from your trial have gone into hiding. We have no one to punish for this, but I am punishing myself. I have been under minded in the worst way. Katniss, I know this will never be enough, but I am so deeply sorry for everything that has happened to you. I am stopping at nothing to find these people, and they will pay severely for the crime they have committed against you. You were never a criminal in my mind, you did exactly what you were supposed to do that day. I had to act the part and give you some type of punishment, but you must believe me when I say I never wanted this for you. Haymitch has told me of your nightmares, and I feel personally responsible. I will say it again Katniss, I am so sorry."

I feel as if I could faint at any minute, my trembling hand are coupling my face as I double over to my knees. The weight of all this has made me crumble. This is real. This is real. Katniss, this is real, listen to her. I repeat to myself over and over. I work through her speech and rationalize all of it. I know she was in the capitol with many of the rebellion's military enforcement. They were gaining control of the capitol and beginning to rebuild the destroyed districts and establish a new regime of government.

"Katniss…" She breaks through my mental rationalizing, "I know there is nothing I can do or say that will help you forget what happened in that arena. I've seen you suffer more times than I think will ever be humanly possible. I promise you that I will do my best to wipe away the filth that have hurt you so deeply. I have plans for this nation, a new era of peace, equality and fairness. If you can find it in your heart, I would very much like to have the Mockingjay on my side. You don't have to do anything for me, I would just like to know if I have your support. Even this is too much of me to ask of you."

I have to speak now but my mind is clouded with uncertainty. I have misdirected my anger and I am ashamed of how I have acted and what I have said to others about this debacle. Gale and Haymitch both had some idea that my anger was misdirected and the tried to tell me. They were the ones who tried the hardest to get me to talk to Paylor.

"I… I don't know what to say…" It's all I can manage between my uneven breathing and the horrible dry mouth I have developed. "I've been angry for so long and now I don't know who to be angry at."

She nods, "I swear on my life, Katniss, that I will find the exact people you need to be furious with and then you can watch them pay for their wrong doings."

I straighten up and blot away the tears that never feel from my eyes, "If that is true then you have my support. I will help you how ever I can."

I would like nothing more than to find the man who I encountered on the tarmac who loathed me for making it free from the games. I want nothing more than for each and every one responsible for what has happened to pay for it.

Paylor's eyes darken, "it is true, and trust me they will be found."

She summons a maid to bring me a glass of water. She makes sure I am okay and picks up her jacket.

"I have a manhunt to continue over seeing. Please excuse me Katniss." She smiles at me.

"Wait!" I call out as she is about to leave the room, "I don't blame you for what's been done to me."

She looks relieved to hear me say that, "Thank you Katniss. That means a lot to me. I will let you know if I need your help. I'm sure you would like to get back to 13 and see Peeta. Tell him hello for me."

She smiles and enters the doorway, "Oh, I think that there is someone in the room with Haymitch who would very much like to fly home with you today."

With that she leaves to fulfill her promise to find the people I need to be angry at. I am intrigued by her last comment. I shakily get to my feet and refill my glass of water before I go seek out this person.

I walk across the hall, and push the door open. The first person I see is Haymitch who smiles at me. I wonder what Paylor meant if she was referring to Haymitch. Out of the corner of my eye I see someone come into view. The glass tumbles from my hand and shatters on the marble floor. I don't even flinch because my eyes have locked someone until now I knew was dead.

"Sugar cube?" they ask lightly.

I collapse, only to have the strong arms of Finnick Odair catch me before I fall into the shards of glass.