After another round of being sick, I'm dizzy and shaking even more. I hear Haymitch turn on the faucet and comment about me drinking water. He hands a small cup to me, full of cold water. I take a long pull from it and realize what he has done to me. The water is sickly sweet, laced with sleep syrup. My mind is already drowsing before I can even think of a way to force myself to throw up again.

"Sorry sweetheart, you'll thank me later." Haymitch scoops me up and places me in bed again.

I'm angered as sleep consumes me, and the anger fuels the horrors within my own mind. I have the same dream this time Clove, Cato and Peeta are filleting my skin to the bone. They feed each strip to the mutts.

When I finally escape my dreams and open my eyes, I am in the bathroom again. The shower is streaming cold water and Peeta is about to push me into it. I dig my heels into the rug, but he easily over compensates for me struggling against him and we tumble into the shower. Unfortunately for me my bad ribs slam into the slightly raised lip of the shower stall. Among the blinding pain and nausea from the terrors I manage to remove myself from the cold spray of water.

I lay flat on my back on the rug, my hands clutching my ribs, "Peeta! What the hell! I was awake."

I shouldn't yell at him but I'm angry, hurt and cold. All three of which are his fault, so maybe I do have the right to yell. He is emerging from the shower more wet than I am, and he doesn't look particularly happy. He kneels next to me and makes to help me up.

"No! Peeta, don't touch me!" I cringe and hold my throbbing ribs.

He notices the pain and how I'm holding my side and groans, "Don't move! I'm getting help."

I laugh and then hiss at the pain, Right… like I'll be moving anytime soon on my own. I lay on the floor contemplating my options. I know I've done equal or if not more damage to my ribs than the day I fell out of the tree. I haven't been wearing the wrap and medicine to speed up the healing. I am doomed to have to start from the beginning and try to heal again. The days of painful breathing, jabbing pain with the slightest shift in movement, I won't be happy about any of this. If Peeta had just stayed with me I wouldn't be like this.

Peeta and several other people rush into the room. Effie, Paylor, and Haymitch all crowd into the bathroom.

"Peeta, you need to get ready. It looks like you will be doing the appearances alone today." Effie states and motions for Peeta to get going.

"No. I'm going with her." Peeta states firmly.

I take a deep breath, "Peeta go do what Effie says. Nothing good will come from neither of us being out in the public for two days."

It's true, I know the tight schedule of interviews and public appearances that will be key to Paylor's plan. I see Haymitch clap Peeta on the shoulder and lead him to the door with Effie. Paylor runs off to call a doctor to the mansion.

"Sweetheart, we need to get you off the floor." Haymitch mentions knowing no way to get my off the floor will be painless.

After a few minutes of my slow moving, Haymitch scoops me up and puts me gently on the bed. He pulls a chair up next to me and sits.

"What happened?"

I sigh, "You drugged me and it didn't work."

Haymitch laughs, "That's now what I'm asking about, sweetheart. What happened between you and Mellark?"

I flush in embarrassment, I cannot talk to Haymitch about why Peeta refuses to touch me in any intimate way.

My ribs prevent me from breathing deeply, everything that comes out of my mouth falls in short breaths, "Disagreement. Being here isn't good for either of us."

Haymitch nods in understanding. Years of alcohol abuse was the only way Haymitch could deal with the Capitol.

"Peeta's the only thing that keeps the terrors away and he hasn't been here…" I whisper and tears form in my eyes.

Haymitch stays with me until the doctor arrives. My fears are confirmed in that I've re-injured everything they fixed. The synthetic ribs they put in are virtually indestructible, but I've bruised and broken the ones they were able to salvage originally. He injects a healing medicine into my ribs directly. It won't heal them quickly, but it will help speed up the natural process of healing. He believe they aren't as seriously broken as they were before. He wraps another bandage around my ribs and leaves.

I've requested I be left alone, I'm embarrassed by the recent events that have happened. It seems that everyone suspects Peeta and I are fighting. I'm draped in a blanket because I'm too sore and in pain to struggle to put a shirt on over the bandage. I flick on the tv and find the televised interview with Peeta and another interviewer.

"Tell us Peeta, where is Katniss today?" The woman asks, her curly turquoise hair bounces around her head.

Peeta smiles, "Well she had a little accident this morning and banged herself up pretty well."

I instantly see why everyone is enamored with him, the way he talks and presents himself is just too perfect. I must look stupid next to him on camera. He laughs off my accident and I'm glad. The last thing I need is all of the Capitol and Panem obsessing over my clumsiness.

"Is she okay?" The reporter prods.

"This is Katniss Everdeen we are talking about. She'll be just fine, she can handle anything that slips in her way."

I snicker at his play on words, how he casually mentioned my slip in a way no one would ever suspect I have fallen.

"Katniss Everdeen, soon to be Katniss Mellark. Tell us Peeta how is the wedding coming along?"

I choke on the bit of water I've sipped on. Katniss Mellark… the name resonates in my head. It sounds different and strange to me.

Peeta smiles, he looks lost in the memory of something. Probably our engagement night, until it was interrupted.

"We've only just gotten used to the idea of being engaged." He laughs, his eyes sparkle in the high intensity lights on the set.

The lady presses on, "How about a wedding date?"

Peeta sighs and looks at his folded hands, "We haven't even talked about it. All that matters to me is that she said yes. If she wants to get married tomorrow or 10 years from now I will make it happen. I want nothing more than for her to be happy."

The live audience "awws" and the reporter looks like she could cry, but who am I to just Peeta's words have woken the butterflies in my stomach.

"So you're saying Katniss can plan whatever she likes?"

"Yeah, I guess I am." He laughs, "All that matters to me is seeing her in a white dress and knowing she loves me as much as I love her."

The rest of his interview goes on to talk about our plans in the capitol and how we will be helping Paylor. I click the tv off when it's over and think about what he's said. I've managed to get up and move slowly to the bathroom sometime later that night when the door pushes open. I have a shirt clutched in my hand intent on putting it on. Peeta stands in the bathroom doorway and smiles weakly at me. He is still in his interview clothes, nice black pants and a dark evergreen button-up shirt.

"Peeta…" I start, I don't want to be angry anymore.

He moves closer to me, "Shh… I need you to listen to me."

I nod and clasp my hands in front of me waiting for him to talk again.

"I want you to know that last night had nothing to do with how I feel about you. I love you more than anything and I want to share that intimacy with you, darling, I really do. I want that just as bad as you do, but not here. Neither of us sleep well, we are under a constant microscope. You're terrors are worse than ever. Being together like that is something I want to happen when I can look back and remember how perfect it was. If I let that happen last night it would be forever tainted by this place. Tell me that you believe that too? You mean too much to me, I could never allow that to happen unless it was absolutely perfect for us both. I don't want you to think it was because I didn't want you." His hands slide to rest on my upper arms.

I nod that I understand, tears of shame and regret flood my face. I'm ashamed I overreacted and I regret yelling at him. I take a deep strangled breath and lean into his chest. He softly hugs me, minding my injured ribs.

"You have every right to be angry at me, Katniss. I never should have left you alone like that. I won't ever leave you alone at night if I can help it."

I'm full out crying now; gut wrenching sobbing into his chest. It's the fear I experience in my sleep that has caused this.

"Katniss…" He whispers, "What's going on? Tell me."

"I'm scared, Peeta. I hate it here." I divulge into the horrors of my dreams.

He isn't happy at all, especially when I tell of the ways I'm torn to pieces by the mutts. We are informed of dinner but neither of us has a will to eat anymore. He ushers me back to bed and gingerly slips the blue shirt from my hand and puts it on me. I think of the irony of the situation. How a night ago I wanted him to take my clothes off and now he is putting them on me. He lays down with me and cradles me into his arms. My head is resting over his heart, taking comfort in its strong heartbeat.

"How do you sleep at night? How come you don't have terrors?" I ask knowing he paints but I haven't seen him do that in a while.

He reaches out for his night stand and pulls out a large leather bound book. He hold it in front of us and opens the pages. There are beautifully done sketches and paintings in the pages. He flips through them stopping when I ask him a question. One that takes my breath away is one probably set in the future. Its me in a wedding dress, in a pretty meadow under an arch of blue flowers. I reach out and touch the page.

"It's one of my favorites. I drew it before we even fell in love."

"Peeta… this is beautiful."

"It's nothing compared to the girl who I get to marry."

I flip through the next few pages and find one that makes my heart stop. Its Peeta and I, a little girl sits on my lap. I know who she is because the blond hair and dark eyes and skin have made it clear what she is. It's a child, our child. I don't want children, and this makes it clear that he does.

I think that he can feel my anxiety toward the picture because he sighs and turns the page.

"It was just a dream Katniss… it doesn't have to ever be our reality." The pain in his voice is evident.

I feel more guilty than ever especially about the pills I've asked Blossom to find for me. Pills that for when Peeta and I ever did become intimate would ensure I'd never have a baby. It would kill him to know that. I feel sick to my stomach now that I have a secret that I may never tell Peeta about. It would hurt him too much.