Thank you to all those are faithful readers of not only 2010 but moved on to 2011 as well! And thank you to all those who have joined us. I love getting your comments, bunches of thanks and I hope your holidays were wonderful!
Rebecca's POV
The first thing I became aware of when I woke up was my face mashed into the pillow, my lungs basically burning for oxygen. I did that sometimes, grabbed the pillow with all my might and turned my face into it, I guess I was looking for companion ship.
Then, sanity slowly began coming back, and my whole body stiffened underneath my comforter.
Hadn't my bed been flipped?
And where was Kalin? Oh crap, what has happened last night?
Slowly, I peeked out from the side of the pillow, feeling the cool air of my room hit my heated face, only to find my room spotless and put back together. Frowning, I sat up, taking a quick sweep. Some things were not where they were meant to be, others were missing all together, broken, I was guessing. But how had this happened? It was then I noticed Kalin asleep, on the floor at the side of my bed, propped up against the wall, arms over his chest, chin to chest.
What has happened last night?
I went to move then froze, groaning as my head began to pound and swim. I put my hand to it, closing my eyes, and barley heard Kalin shift. He made a small noise, and I cracked open an eye to look at him, worry in his eyes as he kneeled beside my bed. And the whole night came and hit me in my in the face.
A blush flushed across my face and I looked away from him. But he was worried, and he gently touched my face with a cool finger, so familiar, only bringing back what has almost happened. I had almost been intimate with this sinfully sexy male that I barley knew and at the same time felt more at ease with than I did even Crystal. And even with a hangover that made me want to cut my own head off and a body that feel disqusting, I still wanted him with the same fierce ache I wanted him to last night. Seeing such want in his eyes, such tenderness and joy, it was something I wanted, needed, craved to be able to call my own. And yet when I had tried to make a move, was determined to actually go through with what I wanted, he stopped me. Just like that, just grabbed my hands and stopped me, even though my body was ranging out of control and was his to have. And then he just held me.
I remembered that now. Just sitting in one of the auditorium chair, in his lap, tight against his chest, listening to the slow pounding of his head and half asleep. The very first time I had ever been held by someone while sleeping.
"Painkillers," I muttered, and he got up, understanding what I needed, but we both froze when I heard my phone buzzing. I frowned, not remembering where it had gone soon after I had gotten back. I glanced at the clock, seeing it was only seven in the morning, and wondering who it could be. Then the real challenge began, when I got up and actually began trying to find it.
I found it shoved under the cushion on my kitchen chairs. I picked it up and looked at Kalin, who met my gaze with a kind of cool clarity, not at all like the rolling emotions I was feeling.
"Kalin," I said in a level voice, surprising myself, but I continued. "Did you hide my phone?" there was a heart beat or so of silence between us, and then he gave a hard nod, and something inside my deflated, like I had almost been betrayed. But more than anything I was shocked and confused.
"Why? Why would you hide my phone?" I didn't understand why possible reasoning could be behind this. I waited, watching him, as if I expected him to suddenly talk and explain himself. He reached up and touched his muzzle, and frustration suddenly clouded his eyes, as well as slight anger that he could not get his point through. Whatever reason he had for keeping that damn thing it, it must have been a very good one. Then, with a strong purpose, he stepped forward and tapped my forehead. The motion surprised me, causing me to flinch, to which he immediantly retreated as if he did not want to scare me or crowd me with his presence.
But I understood. And I just had to laugh out loud.
"I am sorry," I said softly when he gave me a surprised look. "Its just you remind me of someone who is always trying to take care of me, and he isn't even my family." I gave a brighter smile, shaking my head. "I think you would like him, you two seem to have the same air and goals in mind." but my brief enjoyment of this analogy ended when I looked down at my phone and saw who had been calling.
"FUCK!" I screamed, and ran to the bathroom, already clicking the redial button as I slammed the bathroom door shut and turned around desperately to try and find something wearable after the record shower I was about to have. Nothing, oh well, these clothes would have to do.
"Rebecca," the voice on the other end of the line sounded haughty and disappointed, and I bit my lip, thinking I had really fucked up this time. How could I have started drinking and forgotten about my gig? She had probably called a million times and I would not have heard it from how hard I was laughing with Kalin before I took him dancing. Being drunk had advantages.
"Mrs. Clancy, I swear to god I am so sorry I did not bail on you!"
"Then what is your excuse, Rebecca? I called you repeatedly and I made sure that you knew well in advance what day and time that I wanted you. I always make sure to pay you handsomely for your skills and your time."
"I had a medical emergency!" I burst out. I hadn't meant to lie, hell, half the time I could not lie for shit. But something had just made it come out. Oh god, was this thing with Kalin going to make me do crazy things?
Great, now I was blaming things on him that sounded crazy.
"Oh, I am sorry darlin' you should just have called to inform me." yeah, she knew about the whole blood thing, since I had collapsed one time at one of her parties she had invited me too.
"I am so sorry, but I didn't come too in time to tell someone to call you in time. I was just handed my phone and saw how many times you called. I am so so sorry Mrs. Clancy." god was I laying in on thick.
"Oh, it is fine honey, I will call sometime later to book you for some other time. I hope you start feeling better."
"Thank you so much, Mrs. Clancy, and the next time you book me, it will be on me okay? It is a policy of mine."
"Oh, okay honey, you rest well now."
"I will, thank you so much, have a wonderful day."
"Bye."
"Bye."
I hung up with a sigh, leaning heavily on the door. God things were going to be getting complicated.
I was just starting to wonder if I should feel guilty for what I almost did to Kalin when I stripped to hop into the shower.
Kalin's POV
God damn that women! She had just took off into the bathroom and was now in the shower.
Naked.
And she was expecting me to just sit here knowing she was? God I could not keep the images out of my mind, the water and soap running over her body. I paced the room that I had cleaned while she had been sleeping off the alcohol. I hadn't wanted to let her go, she was so warm and soft in my arms. The only women I had ever held had been my mother and my sister, and it had been so awefully long since then.
But this was a completely different feeling. I wanted to protect her, yes, but I had also wanted to ravage her, to claim her, to make her mine. This woman was mine and I couldn't have her!
Would she accept me if I went into the shower with her? If I removed this muzzle and made a move on her like she had made a move on me this morning? I wanted to try, I almost did, I got as far as putting my hand on the door knob before I finally made myself move away. Having her out of my sight was making me slightly agitated, but I could deal with it, as long as it wasn't the madness, anything but the madness, I was getting addicted to the sanity in her presence. But I was still dangerous to her while she was on the borderline for how she felt about me. I knew what I felt for her and what I was going to feel for her in the future, since she was my salvation. But maybe I was just another male to her, and it was obvious that while he body understood and was willing to me, she was still unsure.
I respected her for that, for wanting to know me before she allowed me to know her body. But goddamn some part of me wished I had not stopped her last night.
I could have ended this aching loneliness.
But then I caught sight of the note left by my little prison guards, and I stiffened. If they found out she was mine, there was nothing I could do to protect her. And if we joined, the madness would flee, and they would be able to tell. They would hurt her in ways I did not even want to think about, I did not want anyone to hurt her. This madness was the one thing protecting not only her but our time together, our chance to know each other.
After all, there was no way to fake madness.
Rebecca knocked on Crystal's door, waiting a minuet or two before she began knocking again. She was agitated, and after forcibly dropping Kalin back with his watchers, she had decided that she would wake up Crystal and they could do some yoga together.
But she could never tell Crystal the reason she was agitated. She couldn't tell her about this morning, about her throbbing hang over, and about the fact that the whole time she was in the shower all she could think about was what she would do if he came in. She hadn't locked the door, she would like she think it had been by mistake, but she was not so sure. She did crazy things around Kalin, he made her hot blooded and feminine. It was almost addicting in a way.
Just when she was about to knock again Crystal answered the door, looking ruffled and tired.
"Yeah?" she asked in a grumpy voice that made Rebecca smile.
"Yoga," she answered, holding up the mat as if it were evidence.
"You want me to do yoga at seven thirty in the morning?" Crystal asked in disbelief. Then she eyes Rebecca wearily. "What is going on, it is always hell on earth dragging you out of bed before nine, and even then it is still hard as hell to do."
"I just want to do yoga, is that such a big deal?" Rebecca snapped, then kicked herself for it when Crystal raised her eye brows to that. "Sorry," she muttered, looking down at her bare feet. She didn't know what she was doing anymore. She didn't even know what she was going to do the next time Kalin came over. The two of them seemed to be on the verge of just breaking down and indulging in each other.
Damn, even that thought seemed sexy and forbidden.
"Is this about Ben?" Crystal asked with a sigh.
Everything inside Rebecca froze.
"Ben?" she asked in shock.
"Yeah, you know, your boyfriend. Sheesh, Rebecca, sometimes I wonder how many boyfriends you actually have when you pull a face like that." Then, after a second or two, Crystal's eyes lit up with understanding. "Oh my god, you cheated on Ben, didn't you?"
"NO!" she gasped, and hit her head on the door frame. Oh god, Ben, how the hell had she forgotten about Ben. I mean sure, she rarely saw him, and sure, he wasn't much of a boyfriend, but he was a sweet and caring enough guy. So how the hell could she have forgotten about him?
"Oh god, this is just madness." Rebecca murmured, and instantly regretted it, knowing automatically what Crystal was going to say.
"Madness?" Crystal questioned with a roll of her eyes. She grabbed Rebecca's arm and pulled her into the room, finishing with, "This is Sparta darling."