Chapter 3: Would you please

Castiel's POV

When Dean entered the room, Castiel noticed that the hunter was looking a little flustered. Perhaps it was because of the strange question. Are you decent? Castiel thought he was. He tried to be good, though it was a lot less automatic than it had once been. Or did it mean... Ah, Dean had meant whether he was dressed. Thinking of being naked with only a door between Dean and him was a little too intoxicating, so Castiel tried to shut out that thought.

He observed Dean as the older Winchester stood with his back to him and fiddled with the curtains, shuffled his feet and cleared his throat a couple of times. The curve of his shoulder was clearly visible, even under his flannel shirt and it was sexy. Sometimes Castiel thought Dean did it on purpose. It was almost worse to have Dean be covered up from head to toe, because then his imagination always ran away with him as to what was hidden underneath those clothes. Though, he had to admit that a shirtless Dean wasn't really an improvement. Yes, nothing left to imagine, but a lot left to covet. It gave him twitchy fingers, just thinking about it.

'Please stay, Cas,' Dean said. The angel perked up immediately. Dean looked at him over his shoulder, apprehension in his gaze, and Castiel answered his gaze with frankness.

'Ok.'

'Just like that?' Dean asked, turning around, clearly perplexed. Your wish is my command, Castiel was dying to say, but that would not be wise. It was incredible to have Dean say that he wanted him to stay, but it simply meant that Dean liked having him around. Nothing more.

'Yes. If you want me to stay I'll stay. Could I live with you and Sam in the beginning?' Castiel asked. There was a whole new life that he would need to settle into and it was good to get started right away. Plus, if it meant that he would be around Dean almost constantly for a few weeks or months than that was even better. However, Dean looked puzzled by his question.

''In the beginning?' What do you mean?' Dean said. There was something sad about the hunter, which wasn't surprising to Castiel. After all, hunting demons was the only life Dean had ever known and to leave it behind now must be difficult.

'I have no money. I'll need to... get a job and make money and then I can live on my own,' he explained. That's how it worked, right? The thing with the money was a bit confusing. Little bits of green paper that were useless, but you could trade them for things that were useful. He needed to look into this matter more closely.

'You can stay with me,' Dean repeated and he stared at Castiel in a way that seemed to mean something. Dean didn't mention Sam; perhaps the brothers weren't going to live together? Or maybe Dean didn't think he needed to consult his brother. Castiel had noticed Dean often informed Sam of certain choices, affecting them both, only after he had already made them.

'Yes, in the beginning, but I thought you might want to go back to Lisa and Ben eventually,' he suggested and his voice was very small. That was strange, because a voice was not tangible, so it didn't have a shape or size. Thus, it couldn't be small. Yet, Castiel felt that it was. It was a little, scared voice, which was even stranger. He was pretty sure voices had absolutely nothing to be scared of.

'I hadn't... no, that ship has sailed,' Dean said and he regarded Castiel with caution.

'Ah.'

'The truth is that I haven't really thought about what I'm going to do. I, Cas, I... I love... Lisa and Ben, but I can't go back to them. They don't want me back after the things I've done and I don't want to go back. I have done shit to you too. There have been times when I disappointed you and doubted you, but you still... You're still here.'

There was a vulnerability in Dean's eyes that had rarely been there before and it got to Castiel. Dean didn't allow himself to be vulnerable very often and Castiel thought it felt nice to be trusted. As much as he prided himself on understanding Dean like no one else did, Dean kept his emotions under such a tight lid that Castiel suspected that even Dean hardly knew what he was feeling half the time.

'Where else would I be?' he replied and, seeing the look on Dean's face, he added, 'No, I'm not being philosophical. I want to be here, with you.'

'I want you to be with me. We'll live together: the two of us,' Dean said and this time there was no mistaking his meaning. Two; that meant no Sam. And Dean didn't just want him to stay on earth, or stay with him for a while, but he wanted Castiel to be with him. That was probably as close to saying I love you as Dean would ever get. But instead of being happy, which Castiel was, he had to have certainty. He had to make sure that this was what Dean wanted.

'Are you sure? Because you say that you have disappointed me, but that is not true. You've been stupid and careless, but you have never intentionally hurt me. I, with the souls, I hurt you,' he mumbled and Dean took his hand. There was a sharp look of hurt on Dean's face at the memory. This might be one of those cuts that never heal, Castiel thought, and it pained him to think that he had been the one to make it. Humans with their sayings; time heals all wounds. Not true. Or was it, time wounds all heels?

'I am sure,' Dean simply said.

'I love you, Dean,' Castiel answered and he smiled at Dean. However, something was not right about the moment. There was a familiar, yet alien sound that Castiel could hear. It was difficult to concentrate with Dean touching him, but he tilted his head and tried nonetheless, asking Dean, 'Do you hear something?'

'No. Do you hear something?'

'I hear Sam and Bobby talking downstairs, the wind rustling the leaves of the trees outside, the house groaning...' Castiel summed up, but Dean interrupted him with an annoyed sigh.

'Anything specific?' the hunter asked. The sound seemed to come from within Castiel and it was clear that Dean couldn't hear it. There were noises that Castiel, as an angel, could perceive that humans could never hear. The silence, the dark; they all have their own distinctive selection of sounds. Silence: sort of whispery, sometimes a high pitched tone, often a low humming. Darkness: a buzzing sound of things to come. Both gave off regular, constant sounds. This sound, however, there was something undeniably, though mysteriously, human about it.

'It's a sort of thumping noise; it sounds a bit like your heartbeat,' Castiel said.

'But it isn't?'

'No, because I can hear your heartbeat separate from it. This sound is much faster and louder,' Castiel said and understanding dawned in Dean's eyes. With a comprehending smile, Dean placed Castiel's hand on the angel's chest. Under his palm, Castiel could feel the noise. His chest pulsed with it.

'Baby, that's your heart,' Dean whispered. It couldn't be his heart. His heart, or rather Jimmy Novak's heart, had a rhythm that never changed and never wavered. Ever since he had taken Jimmy's body as his vessel, Castiel couldn't remember a time when his heart rate had been anything other than 70 beats per minute. Exactly 70 beats per minute; he had counted. At rest, fighting, and even wounded at the hospital; his heartbeat was forever set at this steady pace. What about that other time with Dean that didn't happen? The only thing he could recall about the organ then was how it had inexplicably hurt.

'Baby? Babe? Handsome? Honey? Darling? What do I call you? Dear?' Dean asked. Dean's hand was still over Castiel's hand on his chest and it felt warm. The warmth wasn't the heat of Dean's hand over his, but a warmth spreading from within. It was Castiel's heart that was pounding and expanding his chest. It was happiness.

'I've always liked Cas,' Castiel admitted, shyly and Dean grinned.

'Yeah, let's just say you're dear to me and leave it at Cas.'

The hunter's face came closer and Dean pressed their lips together. It was a very slow kiss and Castiel relished the feel of Dean's hand on his chest and the other one resting in the small of his back. The taste of Dean was delicious. It left a familiar taste in his mouth of home and happiness long after their mouths parted. Dean's lips tasted like love and sex. In the sex department the kiss was a bit disappointing though. Of course, the kiss was wonderful; Castiel couldn't imagine any kiss with Dean ever being anything less than wonderful, but it wasn't like before. It wasn't urgent and needy.

For years Castiel had worried about showing Dean he loved him. He could never say what he felt, so he had tried to show Dean by saving him and protecting him and being there for him, but he had been very careful not to go too far. There were boundaries that Castiel had set for himself and he couldn't cross them. It was not allowed to touch Dean like he wanted to touch him and to tell Dean what he really felt for him. Except now it was gloriously no longer forbidden and Castiel just wanted to bend over and tell Dean to take him. But you couldn't do that. You couldn't say things like that, could you? They did that it the film with the pizza man and the babysitter, but that was porn and Sam was always telling Dean not to confuse reality with porn. This was reality, so Castiel couldn't say that. Reality kind of sucked.

(***)

John Lennon was once asked if he harbored a grudge against the Nixon Administration for mounting a multi-year attempt to deport him. Lennon smiled and said, 'Time wounds all heels.'