My eyes, not even the least bit glossy, stare at the sky, now a sullen tone. The aphotic clouds promise rain, but way towards the west a sliver of sun rims around a hill. I roam around the district, waving to all the children. My heart is screaming, but my face is collected and fresh. The strangest thing is, that most people fear loneliness. Most people fear being separated from someone, for even just a second. But I do not feel shaken, or even petrified in the least.
After my mind meanders away, as if it isn't even part of me anymore, I turn around, and head toward home. The air is flat and lifeless, and the trees hang down as if they have given up on life. Katniss Everdeen. The girl on fire. Regaining my fierce, bold mindset, I run up the front porch and rest my head on the door. Not knowing when I'll come back, I trace my finger one last time along the intricate oriental frame work along the railings and pillars.
How happy this place made me. Second guessing everything that just happened, I slump down on the shaggy blue doormat. "You were supposed to love Peeta. Forced love can never ever turn into reality" I tell myself. Getting mad now, I think of all the time I've wasted on something that was…. Forced. I consider deflagrating the entire house, with Peeta inside, but I remind myself I still have worth and purpose. Sitting up, I walk into my house, feeling free in the first time in years.
"Katniss! Oh my goodness, my darling, I've missed you so much! How about we make some bread together? I know you like the cinnamon butter topping…" Singing and smiling, I can't help but feel bad for him. End this quick Katniss. End it.
"Peeta, you're a great guy. You are so…. Compassionate. But your forcing it. And that's fine. No one said you had to love me forever."
"Kitty.. I'll love you for a million forevers." Looking into those needy, eccentric eyes, I drop my head. I take his reddened hands into mine, and look up with a smile of freedom and whisper so gently, so softly,
"I'm all done Peeta. This was fun. It really was. I'm all done with your little games. And you know what? I won." My ring, with the ivory leaves carved along the sides, is pulsating on my finger. I slip it off, and drop it lightly in Peeta's hands. Standing up on tiptoes, I lean into his face, my eyes closed, and give him a last kiss. He reaches his hand along my cheek, but I pull away when I think back on everything he's put me through. My mind is racing, and my hands are shaking so badly that I grasp my own arms, for fear of strangling Peeta. I have to get out. There is nothing left for me here. Running up the stairs, leaping through the corridors, I race into Prim's room. I grab a single pot, and the mockingjay pin and set them lightly into my squirrel hide bag. Buttercup, smacking his lips impatiently, serpentines around my legs, wanting the attention I failed to give him. I wrap my hands around his splotched stomach, kiss him on the nose, and toss him into Lady's milking bucket. I know I'll regret it later, but I swing the pale on top of my bag, as Buttercup gives an approving purr.
Bouncing rhythmically down the shagged steps, Peeta is on his knees, begging, pleading for love. Call me a monster, but I don't feel bad. I know within a matter of months Peeta will either be dating or even engaged to Analex. I'd put my money on that couple. My hands, full of my precious belonging, fiddle around with the doorknob, trying to unlatch me from my abyss. Groping and flicking at the knob, I finally open the door, and a single mockingjay sits on my orange petunias that sit right outside the walkway. A sign of hope, I decide. I'm not in a rush, for my path hasn't been arranged yet, but my heart is still racing. Familiar faces cross the dirt road, and I return each smile. I can't do this, this meaningless roaming. I come to the ultimatum of going to Gale's house, for fear that I might turn back to home. To Peeta. Because deep down inside, that isn't where I want to be.
I feel foolish, disgraced, even to knock on Gale's door. Like after all these years of our miraculous friendship, I'm just now giving him what he deserves. Because if Gale were in the games with me, I know as soon as it was just us, he would kill himself without a trace of doubt, all for me. I shake my head, realizing that Gale is probably the only person in Panem that would wait for me, for this long.
"Gale."
"Ms. Everdeen, fancy meeting you here!" I smile, and a huge wave of relief floods me, that I don't have to explain the separation to him. Thank the world Gale's a smart one.
"I'm sorry Gale. I'm sorry that I loved Peeta, when I really loved you, and that I completely ignored you, when I came home from the games. I was afraid things were going to be different. So I stopped being friends with you. And now, who a I to show up at your door, asking for help, when I couldn't even as so much have a decent conversation with you at Peeta and I's wedding. I'm sorry that-" My head keeps spinning and spinning, the apologies unraveling on a never-ending spool of thread.
"Katniss, stop being sorry. I don't care about all the memories we missed together. So shut up, and lets go make some memories." He picks me up, all my necessities still in hand, and takes off running for the place we both could truly call home.
The woods haven't changed a bit. The same cooing and squawking, the same flow of the river and rustle of the leaves. In an eerie gust of wind, the laughs of past memories of Gale and I float on with it. He brings me to the little cottage, where he sets me down and wipes his brow. For the first time in my life, I sense a tone of nervousness in his composure.
"Just like old times, right Gale?"
"No, not really. I have to do one thing first." My eyebrows squint together in confusion, but he grabs my hands and pulls me outside the aged little house. At first what I think is a romantic stroll, turns into a full out sprint to the lake. I laugh as I turn and face Gale.
"How original! We're going to watch the sunset over the lake." I tint it with a taunting pinch of sarcasm, but I guess he had other things planned.
"Yeah, right. Because you know I'm all about the gushy, lovey stuff." Before I have time to react to his sarcasm, he scoops me up from behind, and throws – launches- me high into the air and into the lake. Emerging from the cool turquoise water, I scream and curse at him, but all at the same time, laughing.
"You monster! Ugh, Gale! You.. you!" He chuckles, and his dimples gather at his cheeks, and I can't help but stare. Jumping in a few feet from me, he yells back,
"What was that Katniss? Did you say something?" Splashing my face gently with the palms of his hands, we both laugh and curse at each other.
"Better watch your language, Catnip, President Snow might catch us on video tape." I giggle, and remember the kiss we shared in the woods that day.
Our bellies aching from all the swimming and joking around, we both float in the center of the lake.
"Thank you Gale. For everything you have ever done for me. You are the best friend I could ever hope to have, in a million lifetimes." He pushes water onto my face playfully, and comes back with,
"Naw, Katniss. I'm not that great. You know, besides my killer looks, and cunning personality." I try and drown him, but he lightly kicks me away. I swim closer to him, because all I need right now is to be with him. My arm resting on his inhaling chest, he brushes the matted braid out of my face. We stare into each other's eyes, and I almost lean over and kiss him when his arms are wrapped around my shoulders, and he pulls me under the surface, slowly. I don't panic in the least, and I can feel the sandy bottom underneath my toes. I don't open my eyes, but I can sense Gale's face leaning into mine. Before he's totally out of breath, he leans just another inch forward and kisses me. And it's not a pity kiss, or even just a silly friendship kiss. It's a kiss that only Gale and I will ever have the sensation of knowing. Coming up to the surface, he looks concerned.
"You're not mad at me are you Katniss?" I look down at the waterfowl and I say through a pulsating grin,
"Shut up and do it again." This time I wrap my arms around his broad shoulders, and we go under for another kiss. Emerging for the third time today, I'm out of breath and ready to go to shore, when he pulls me back.
"We could do it you know. Run off into the woods and live there. We could make it, you and I."