Noodle, with her rucksack over her shoulder and 2D trailing close behind, was hastily making her way towards the lighthouse that was to be her new home away from home… or something like that. She found it somewhat intimidating to be the only member to have their room outside of the actual plastic castle, but at the same time, she felt touched that Murdoc had saved it just for her. As she got closer, its immense size became quite apparent. It was absolutely stunning to look at and she desperately hoped that having such a space would allow her to feel more free and less confined, but at the same time, she felt like being on this beach, away from all of civilization, felt lightly, and yet so dauntingly, like being a prisoner.
She shook the thought out of her head and stopped when she realized she had reached the door. 2D placed her luggage on the ground and began eyeing the door, looking for nothing in particular, or so Noodle thought. "Aha," he squeaked, grinning. He walked to stand right next to her and reached up tall on his toes, stretching his arm up far passed the doorframe and onto a ledge, where he closed his fingers around a small, shiny object. He stood back normally and examined his treasure, holding it by his fingers for Noodle to see. "Well, go on," he urged. "Ih's yo's now. Go ahead an' take ih."
She opened her hand underneath the key and he dropped it onto her palm. She readjusted her rucksack, then the key in her fingers. She pushed it into the keyhole and twisted until she heard a faint *click* and opened the door, watching it warily as it revealed its contents. 2D stepped into the room before her, walking into the utter darkness without a care in the world, and Noodle watched after him, listening as his feet shuffled around, becoming less audible as he moved further away. "Woah," he yelped, and she heard a thump, followed immediately by a loud smack. "Ouch, shit. Oh, fock it… that 'urt," he moaned.
Noodle ran to just inside the doorway, but stopped short, scared of the perpetual darkness. "2D-san," she cried out, "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," he answered too quickly. "M'fine, jus' let me git up," he said, but Noodle again heard him fall over yet another invisible object, cursing again. "Shit."
She squinted her eyes, trying to see something –anything –in the darkness. She could barely make out his silhouette, on his hands and knees, trying to get up again. She ran toward him, grabbing him by his arm and trying as well as she could offer to help him stand upright. "Well, tha' wos no fun," he mumbled. "Thanks, Noodle-girl," he patted her hand on his arm. She lept her grip on him whilst he made his way to the wall, hoping to help hold him upright if he began to lose his footing as he felt along the wall until he hit an obstruction. He flicked the switch up with his finger and squinted as the light poured in and temporarily blinded them both. Noodle held onto him tightly until she gained her vision back, her pupils becoming restricted.
"Well, would yew look a'tha. Ih's a lot like yo ol' room, Noods. 'Cept bigger… and round… and yew've got new everyfin'…" he gaped at his surroundings, surprised that Murdoc had managed to pull this together, not without Russel's help of course.
Noodle gazed at the mesmerizing place before her. A large portion of the wall was lined with books, and all of their records, along with many more pictures that hung about the walls. It was decorated with posters from Noodle's old, abandoned room, and the ceiling was decorated with Japanese style electric lanterns that hung down, but still high up off the ground. There was a large lounge chair and a small table with a picture of the band on it. There was a large stereo and speakers hung from different bits of the wall. It was exactly her style, and so much more. Lastly, to her right, she could see that a large part of the room was cut by a wall; she saw that the opened door led into her lavatory.
Noodle turned toward 2D, for he'd been unusually silent throughout her sightseeing, but he was nowhere to be seen. "'Ey, Noodle," he called, his voice echoing throughout the lighthouse. "Come on up 'ere! I fink yew'll like t'is…" She skipped up the stairs hurriedly, to the very top of the lighthouse –the place reminded her of her floating island. She passed by the first level up without pause, going further up until she reached a slightly opened door, which she swiftly pushed aside. She entered the blue orb at the tip of the building. Everywhere inside glowed a dreamy blue, and the colors melted beautifully in Noodle's eyes. She could see where the large light was that would shine out to sea in the night. 2D grinned, amused and satisfied with her response, "Do yeh like yo' new set up?" She nodded, still taking it all in. "Well, come on back down. We haven' even begun ta see whotchyew've got 'ere," he took her hand and led her back down to the level they'd both skipped.
Noodle walked to the opposite side of the room, perplexed and experiencing deja-vu. Her new bed was quite large, and the sheets felt softer than anything she'd ever touched before. Atop the bed was an exquisite and mouth-watering electric-blue 1961 Gibson Les Paul SG with her name engraved on it in Japanese. There was a note on it:
Happy Eighteenth Birthday, baby-girl
-Love, Russel.
She sniffed and her eyes began watering. Noodle had missed her own birthday. She wished she could have been there, to make Russel happy. She'd have to thank him later. She wiped her tears away before 2D could notice them. "Look at'is, Noods," he was examining two guitars on the wall she had overlooked. One was an Ibanez NMD2, which 2D found to be amusing, considering the name, but it was just for looks; there was also another Les Paul that looked like an enlarged version of the very first guitar she'd gotten from the band.
In her bedroom, Noodle had another stereo system, which collaborated with the one downstairs, speakers hanging from various parts of the wall. There was a cord for her guitars, and another stack of records. This wall was decorated with pictures of the band, mostly of her. 2D had left downstairs momentarily to bring up Noodle's luggage, and he put the suitcases on the ground at the foot of her bed. "Yo' wardrobe's righ' there, it looks like," he gestured. She followed his gaze and nodded, mentally noting to unpack later. She picked up her guitar and hung it on the wall next to the other two, and then realized she'd been in her pajamas since last night.
"Um, 2D-san," she requested his attention.
"Yeah, Noodle?" He asked, looking towards her.
"Will you excuse me for a moment while I change my clothes," she blushed slightly, rubbing her arm and looking slightly down.
2D scratched his head, blushing in return, "Er, r-right. A'course… I-I'll jus' wait fo' yew downstairs," he stammered, confused by his own reaction. He left the room and laid down on the lounge chair on the ground floor. Noodle promptly put on her panties and blue jeans, as well as a nice white blouse, avoiding the mirror on the wall. She was about to leave when she felt someone tug on her blouse.
"Konichiwa, Nuudoru-chan. Anata ga purei shi tai desu ka?" (Good afternoon Noodle-chan. Do you want to play?)The little girl asked enthusiastically. Noodle just stared back at her. "Haro, Nuudoru-chan?" The girl waved her hand in front of Noodle's face, trying to get an answer. "Anata ga purei shi tai desu ka?"
"Watashi o 'chan' to yoba nai de," Noodle scolded the child, "Anata wa watashi yori wakai desu." (Do not call me 'chan'. You are younger than me.)
"Iie watashi wa de wa nai," (No I am not) the girl chirped, grinning. She tugged at Noodle's shirt again, "Watashi wa purei shi tai. Kanashi koto wa moo shi nai de. Zehi, osabi. Anata wa shiawase ni naru hitsuyoo ga ari masu." (I want to play. Do not be sad anymore. Come and play. You need to be happy.)
Noodle shook her head, "Nani no hanashi o shi te iru no desu ka? Watashi wa kanashii de wa nai." (What are you talking about? I am not sad.)
"Noodle-girl," 2D called from downstairs. Both girls looked toward the noise. "Are yew awright up there?"
"Yes, 2D-san. I am coming ," Noodle responded, sounding slightly pestered. She looked back to the girl, but she was gone. Noodle turned every which way, looking for her, even searching underneath her bed, but she was nowhere to be found.
"Whot yew lookin fo, Noodle?" 2D asked when seeing her after he'd climbed the stairs.
She jumped, startled. She stood up and dusted herself off, "N-nothing, 2D-san. I-I… I'm just…"
"Whot's te matteh, Noodle-girl. You look flustered," he asked, his hands now in his pockets and a troubled look on his face.
"I am fine," she insisted. She went over to the wall and reached for her Les Paul SG, pulling the strap over her head. "May we go and see Russel-sama," she asked.
2D smiled wildly, "A'course, Noodle-girl."
When they had just exited the door outside, 2D stepped in front of Noodle, and she stared at him blankly with curious look in her eyes. "Want to? For ol' times sake," he asked pleadingly. She pulled her guitar so it hung from her back with the strap in front and climbed onto his back when he bent down for her. He positioned his arms underneath her legs to hold her up and wrapped them around his waist, then began walking toward the entrance, chipper with her being so comfortable around him.
When 2D and Noodle exited the lift to the floor below 2D's room, Noodle, who had gotten off 2D's back when they'd entered the lift, immediately started walking down the small corridor that held the doors to both a lavatory and Russel's bedroom –he actually enjoyed his underwater room. Noodle knocked on the door and listened closely as she heard someone fumbling around, and the sound of Russel's response, "Hold up. I'm comin'." After a couple of more seconds, the doorknob turned and opened wide, the doorway now exhibiting the large man. He grinned adoringly when he saw Noodle, "Hey, baby-girl? You feelin' bettah?"
She nodded, "Yes, Russel-sama. Much. I came to say arigato gozaimas –uh… thank you… for my gift," she lifted the guitar hanging against her slightly forward. "It is beautiful –perfect. I love it, Russel-sama."
He smiled widely. "I'm glad ya like it so much, Noods. It wasn't easy ta get, yah know," he said happily. "Come on ova here an' gimme a hug," he opened his arms, inviting her. She handed her guitar to 2D and then complied to Russel's wish and entered his embrace, and he squeezed her tightly, which caused her to become slightly distressed, but she sucked it up and wrapped her arms around him too, leaning her head against his large stomach. He lifted her off of the ground so her face was above his, and hugged her waist, her hands on his arms. She just stared down at him whilst he smiled back at her. "I'm real glad yo'back, baby-girl. Now, was there a reason you came down ta see me, or didja jus' wanna say thanks," he asked, still overjoyed by her visit.
She patted his arm, and he put her back onto her feet. She retrieved her guitar from 2D, hanging it over her body again. She stroked it, "I want us to play music together," she looked back and forth between 2D and Russel, "All of us."
The two men looked at her, 2D's face was lit up like a child's on Christmas morning, but Russel's face melted from surprise to pure excitement. "Sho, Noods. Jus' let me grab ma hat an' I'll meet ya at the lift."
She nodded, and turned toward the lift, with 2D following behind, his thoughts racing. "Whot songs were yew finkin about playin," he asked, unable to hold still. Noodle called the lift, which opened immediately.
"I am not sure… But I had a couple in mind… Maybe Re-Hash… and Sound Check… and a couple of others if Murdoc-san wishes to play," she guessed, just naming the first songs that came to her mind.
He nodded in agreement. "Sounds great," he grinned goofily.
When Russel met them, they all got inside the lift and 2D pressed the button up to the study. They were about to go into the studio, but Russel decided they should eat lunch first. They all agreed and ate quickly, then resumed their business. They entered into the recording studio, which had recently been cleared so plenty of space was available to set up. Russel set up his drums, and 2D tripped over himself a couple of times until he found two mics and their stands. He plugged them in and turned both on, tapping each mic to hear the thump being echoed through the speakers. Noodle adjusted the sound and volume while he spoke into each "Testing, testing, 1, 2, D, 3. 1, 2, D, 3. Testing. 1 2 D 3…" After about five minutes, when she was satisfied, she plugged her guitar in and tuned it quickly, playing out a couple of tunes to be sure. While she did that, 2D quickly set up his keyboard, plugging it in and switching between channels to hear the different tunes.
She turned to the two men, "Are we all ready?"
"Yeah, baby-girl. Whatchyew wanna play first?" He asked, tapping on the Hi-Hats absentmindedly.
2D looked at her, still grinning. "How about Re-Hash," she suggested.
"Sounds great," he replied, his face turning serious as he began to concentrate on the beat, spitting out the tune with his drumsticks on the Hi-Hats, bass drum and snare drum, without the added bass Murdoc usually played.
After ten seconds, Noodle began playing the first couple of chords, perfectly as usual. 2D bobbed his head with the rhythm and listened for his queue, and once it came, his voice melted into the air, filling it with lively sound that made Noodle feel happier. She'd longed to do this for such a long time. "It's a sweet sensation over the dub. I wanna situation, but don't wanna stop. It's the drugs for soul boy, over the dub, with the sweetest inspiration; don't wanna stop."
Noodle sang lightly in the background, "It's the money as dub…" While 2D continued with his lines more clearly. With each beat, they became more pumped and jittery. They stepped into their old shoes, back when music was fun and didn't come with a price. When they played the music they wanted because it made them feel good, and alive. It was a therapy for the soul. After they finished their first song, they all simultaneously sighed, as if a great burden had been lifted. Noodle wasn't quite sure which song to do next, so 2D cut in, whispering in Russel's ear.
"Can I choose a song now, Noodle-girl?" 2D asked her, his black eyes sparkling.
"Of course, 2D san," she told him, curious as to why he was so eager for it.
He looked at his keyboard, putting his finger to his mouth and listening through the recorded tunes, putting some in order discreetly, and was ecstatic to find all the ones he had wanted were there. He nodded to Russel, who began playing the beat quickly, and one by one, 2D added the different recorded beats with his keyboard, and Noodle's eyes grew wide when she realized what song it was. She listened for awhile, tracing the sweet tune, closing her eyes until her part came along…
"Shigoto no ato ni… Me ga sameru… Nani ka shinakucha… Shigoto no ato ni…"
2D couldn't help but to smile at her affectionately when he heard her voice, but it thankfully went unnoticed. He was joyful about getting to sing along with her when the time came, "After a hard day… It's time ta wake up… I need a make up… After a hard day…"
After this relaxing tune, Noodle suggested they play Punk, which kind of surprised both men, but they went with it anyway, the loud music and beats coursing through the studio and reverberating into the walls and other rooms.
"Dammit! Whot the bloody fock is goin' on 'ere!" Murdoc's alarmingly loud voice was heard through the closed door, and he came in soon in nothing but his infamous thong, still yelling his complaint, "Since when do we live in a fookin' mental institution, eh?" He marched up to the group –a scowl on his face –but froze when he saw Noodle with her guitar, looking at him with curiosity embedded in her eyes. She jumped over the tangle of cords and up to Murdoc.
"Murdoc-sama, will you play with us," she looked up at him, and his scowl dropped, leaving his face blank. He just stared down at her, then looked at the other two, who also had questioning expressions on their faces. "Please, Murdoc-san. I want you to play your bass with us…"
"Er… I don' know, love… I wos just in the middle o'…" He looked back at her.
"Please…" she asked, her voice almost childlike. His heart melted when he looked into her eyes, and he smirked.
"Alright, fine. But don' expect me ter be all lovey-dovey about ih, eh. We play a couple songs that I wanna play, yeh hear me?" She nodded enthusiastically.
"Thank you, Murdoc-san," she walked up to him, and he frowned when he'd actually seen her face so closely in the lit up room.
"I'm… ssorry, love, fer… everything, yew know," he mumbled, barely audible. He reached down and hugged her shoulders lightly, and she returned it awkwardly, only hugging his chest slightly. When they let go after a few quick seconds, he stood up straight, coughing as if the incident had never happened and everyone had imagined it, he immediately turned tail.
"Where yew goin, Muds," 2D asked curiously.
"Shut yer trap, dullard. I'm goin ter get El Diablo fer Noodle over 'ere," he scoffed as he left the room, only to come back with his beloved bass hanging low from his shoulders and a pair of trousers on, leaving his chest bare.
Everyone tried to be casual, playing their own rhythms here and there while Murdoc took his time plugging in his bass and stumming it, playing around with it until it was in tune. "Alright, then," he bellowed. "Noodle, 'ave yew 'eard any of our new songs?" She nodded. "Good… then we play Plastic Beach firs'… Yew still 'ave all the extra sounds recorded, right faceache." 2D nodded, a grimace on his face. "Right then, let's get started." He sniffed, and he and Noodle began the opening chords with 2D going through the recordings quickly and quietly, setting the channel and playing the keys until his turn to sing came up. Noodle, though she played her guitar right on queue, she still became distracted, listening to this beat that was so familiar, and yet so new to her. It made her feel hollow that they'd gone ahead and made this music without her, replacing her with that piece of scrap, but she didn't voice her opinion. If fact, she did just the opposite. She stayed quiet and resigned, doing as she was expected with the music until it was done and the next song was to be played.
When the music was over, Murdoc had an impish smile planted on his face, like 2D and Russel before him had just about thirty minutes earlier when they'd finished their first song together in years. Next, Murdoc decided he wanted to play Feel Good Inc, one of his favorites.
He left the room quickly, going to grab his rum, leaving his bandmates momentarily. Noodle looked nervous about playing it, but she wasn't quite sure why. Russel stood up and went over to 2D, who was looking for more recordings. Russel pointed out the right one just as Murdoc came back in, downing his drink. 2D hit a button quickly, to have a rap shout at him in return. He nodded to himself, rewinding it back so he could play it when its turn came up. Murdoc set his glass down rather roughly and coughed a bit, before placing his hands proper on his bass and looked over to 2D, who pressed down to play the maniacal laughter. If Murdoc was going to do this, he wanted it to be done right and thorough. Russel quickly stepped in with Murdoc's heavy bass soon following into the beat, along with 2D pitching in with, "Feel good," where he ought to. Noodle sort of ignored most all of the noise until she heard her turn coming up.
"City's breaking down on a camel's back; they just have to go coz they don' know whack. So all you fill the streets, it's appealing to see; you won't get out the county 'cause you're bad and free. You got a new horizon it's ephemeral style… a melancholy town where we never smile. Now, all I want to hear is the message beep. My dreams, they got to kiss me 'cuz I don' get any sleep, no…" Noodle played her guitar, whilst bobbing her head to the beat, as 2D sang his next famous lines. Soon after, 2D played the rap as followed, and the song continued without a hitch, Murdoc enjoying every second. 2D loved listening to the guitar in Noodle's hand, and almost forgot his lines. Of course, he wasn't quite sure if it was the tune he loved, or if it was the girl who played it so perfectly that made it so special. It was Noodle who kept him in line when his spot came as she sang with him, as in their video together. "Windmill, windmill for the land, turn forever hand in hand. Take it all in on your stride. It is sticking, falling down. Love forever, love is free, let's turn forever, you and me. Windmill, windmill for the land, is everybody in?"
All of it was tranquil, even when the rap started up again with its harsh voice, at least, until Noodle, who was suddenly feeling extremely alert and skittish, experienced vertigo for a moment –losing her equilibrium. No one had noticed when she removed her guitar, taking it off to sit down on the floor with it next to her. She felt sensory deprived until the maniacal laughter broke out again, stabbing into her senses and all she could hear was the evil laughter and –though nothing of any sort was being played –she could hear painful screams and moans. The laughter was becoming evil, more aggressive and taunting. It drowned her and all she could see was the fire, consuming her and torturing her family. Everyone in the studio jumped as Noodle stood quickly, her hands pushing on either side of her head, which was shaking as she let out an earth-shattering screech that could scare the living daylight out of the most heartless of any men.
2D tried running over to her, but tripped and landed on his face. Murdoc was plugging his ears; his eyes were doing flips and he began to lose his train of thought. Russel was basically doing the same. "Noodle-girl!" 2D yelled, trying to break through to her. "Whot is it? Whot's te matter," he got up, only to trip again while she continued to scream violently. All the yelling had momentarily deafened her, and the pressure that had built up left her mind rattled and her vision darkened and became blurry. Her arms dropped limply to her sides and her face became more lifeless than usual. The three men could see that her eyes had glazed over and the only one to respond was 2D, who was ripping the tangled cords from his legs. He hurried to her and put his hands on her shoulders, bending so he was eye level with her. He rubbed her face with his hand.
"Noodle? Whot's te matter? Yew need to tell me… Are yew awright? Please, Noodle-girl, answer me," his face was melting into pure horror, and his eyes were tearing up with every second that passed without a response from her. He watched closely as she blinked, and her eyes became slightly less foggy. "Noodle," he called, as though she were far away, "Whot's wrong? Please! Jus' talk te me! Say summink…. anyfink…" His breath hitched slightly.
He watched as her eyes began to focus on him. She saw nothing but blur, but something was trying to get her attention –she could sense it. She felt warmth on her shoulders, and then she could make out a shadow. She gasped inaudibly. She began to focus on it, and made out two dark voids, and their mouth was moving. He was holding onto her tightly. She shook her head, convinced he was trying to hurt her. "Dai... mata na no! Hottoi te kure!" (No… Not again! Leave me alone!) She shook off his arms, but he latched onto her, yelling at her again. "No, go a-way," she screamed, her voice lapsing into a very thick accent. She kneed him and he doubled over in pain. She sprang over him and most of the equipment. Russel made a grab for her but she avoided him, now livid and terrified. She barged out of the room, emitting a noise somewhere between sobbing and squealing. Murdoc watched after her, at a loss for words and not quite sure what to make of what happened.
"Man, 'D. What the hell was that? Why'd she go all nuts an attack you," Russel yelled as though it had been 2D's fault.
2D moaned, "Uh, I don' know. Happened to 'er tis mornin', too. She 'ad a nightmare and it set'er off… I don' know whot 'appened 'is time." He sat up quickly and ran after her, leaving the other two men to their own devices. They just stared at the door, unable to register how to react to the situation.
*Noodle*
I ran as fast as I could after escaping that beast. Why would he not leave me alone? Those voids –they saw right through me. That demon was the only thing standing between my family and myself, and he was winning. He would not let up, and this time, I do not believe he would disappear, even for a moment. Maybe it's all in my head… Maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me… That's normal, right? I mean, tortured people do tend to go… crazy. Am I crazy?
Minutes after escaping, I went to the only space on this wretched island that belonged to me and myself alone. I ran to the lighthouse, the safe house I'd been given in all this madness. I ran inside and turned my back to the door, pressing against it and sliding to the ground. As I looked around the room, I could feel my breathing hitch often and my blood pounding fiercely through my head, blocking out any noise. Everything was distorted and indecipherable. It was just a haze of grey smeared together, and the screeches in my head refused to let off and leave me alone. They screamed intolerably and unbearably in their own kind of pain. I bowed my head, feeling tears rolling down my face to the tip of my nose and dropping onto the floor.
My head was pounding violently so I pushed against it, trying to force its leave, but to no avail. The pulsating persisted and threatened to burn me. I got up and turned off all the lights, and shut the curtains, upstairs and down. I wanted to climb into my bed, but by the time I had reached the middle of the room, I could not handle any more movement. The combination of screams and terror and pounding was slowly crushing me into dust. My heart felt so hollow and lost. I could not breathe. I fell to my knees, and then curled up on floor into the fetal position. Every once in a while, my body would spasm and I would cough.
It was all around me. All I could see were the demons and the fires. They clawed at my flesh and burned me with hatred and scorn. I am nothing. I do not deserve happiness. It was just an illusion… one that I did not deserve. No one cared for me. They left me in the middle of our time together to be tortured. They had just disappeared when that laugher coursed in and took hold of me. I felt my body shaking with grief, and my eyes and nose were both leaking. I could barely hold my eyes open, and I was swallowing my own mucus, making me cough as though I had a cold. My hands and face were becoming sticky and uncomfortable, but I did not care. I only wanted these apparitions to leave me be.
The visions –horrible memories took hold of my mind. They were all I could see. The voices and the anger. I could feel the pain all over again. They trapped me, pinning me to the ground and cutting at me. The scars on my arms were burning. I could see them open up and begin bleeding again. All I could feel was two years worth of torture and pain. Nothing but the painful bleeding and sore bruising. I couldn't handle this pain. I felt a whip on my back, and I screamed so loudly that I blinded myself. When I woke, I turned onto my back and sat up on my elbows. Where am I?
I looked around and realized I was… in my room, I think. When sat up again, I could feel my scars all around my body. They were burning me painfully.
"Nuudoru-chan. Akuryoo. Make go a-way, puriisu. Itai!" (Noodle-chan. The demons. Make go a-way, please. It hurts!) The little girl was sitting on the floor against the wall, crying. Why was she in pain? They only ever hurt me. I do not understand why, but after she had spoken, the scars burned hotter, and my body hurt worse than before. It was building up again, and the only mode of release my body could think of was to scream, in an attempt to inform whatever was causing me pain that it needed to stop before I could handle no more. "Nuudoru-chan, puriisu!"
I screamed shortly. "I am trying," I cried, "Er… Watashi wa sore o okonau koto wa deki mase n (I cannot do it). It is too hard." I felt the demon grab my ankle and I kicked it away roughly. I crawled over to my rucksack as fast as I could, pulling out 2D's flick knife. I pointed it toward my threat, but he was gone. I looked to see that the young girl was okay, and she was still huddled against the wall. I wiped my sweat away, my hand still armed.
"Nuudoru," the girl shrieked. "Anata no kizuato! Anata wa shukketsu shi te I masu!" (Your scars! You are bleeding!)
I looked down at my arms and shrieked as the girl just had. My arms were bleeding, and the sickening colour was running down my arms. I felt my stomach heave, threatening the retch. Shocked as to how this was happening, I ran my fingers across my arm where the burning was, but there was no blood to be seen on my fingers. They were dry. I looked at the girl again, and she had a look of horror on her face. I stared down at the untouchable blood. It came from everywhere my arms burned… It –the blood –was causing my pain. I had to make it leave, but how was I supposed to do that? I looked at the girl once more and she was shaking her head at me furiously.
"Sonna koto shi nai de kure! Shi dai de kudasai. Shi te kudasai," (Do not do that! Don't. Please…) she whispered her last plead. But it did not reach me.
I turned the switchblade in my hand, looking at it with a sickening reverie. I brought it down to one of the larger scars on the top of my forearm and closed my eyes. I hissed as my hand dragged it across my arm, feeling all of the chaotic noise and burning leave me immediately and my body focus on this new pain. I watch as the untouchable blood faded and the new crimson liquid poured from my cut slowly onto my skin, sinking everywhere and mixing with the pale colour of my skin, but it was not enough. The pain was coming back and the voices were still echoing and threatening to become more, so I took my other arm and cut diagonally from my elbow to my wrist on the top of my forearm, but not too deeply. I hissed in pain again, and once I removed the blade, I was breathing heavily, the blooding spilling out and adrenaline coursing through my body. I had a new pain now, and it stung, but it had made all the others leave. I should feel bad –I had hurt myself –but I could not find any guilt in me. I could only find suffice for my distraction.
I cut at all my scars on my arms, letting new blood run free. It made the burning go away and kept me in the real world, away from my apparitions and the memories that haunted me so eagerly. I was careful, not letting the blood spill onto the carpet. I made sure it only ran along my skin and clothes. I do not know how long it had been since I had run away from the studio, but I knew it had been a while. I cut at what seemed to be the last small scar on my wrist, seething and gritting my teeth with my mouth opened. I breathed out heavily through my nose, my teeth still clenched tight. I dropped my head slightly, relieved that I had a moment of peace.
"Noodle!!" A voice wailed. I jumped from where I sat on the ground onto my feet, waiting for some sort of attack. "Whot te hell did yew do to y'self! Whot were yew finkin?" He paced toward me quickly and I back away, my knees hit the edge of my bed and I began falling. He quickly grabbed my hands and pulled me upright. "Noodle," he pulled my face to look at him. He was livid. "Why te hell did yew do tis to y'self?" I gulped, afraid of his sudden anger and pulled my face away from his hand.
"Iie, no. Leave me alone! Go away," I pushed him back, but he took my hand again, in both of his, very gently.
He pulled it up to his chest, looking at me in the eyes. "Noodle-girl. Please… I need t'know… Why did yew do this," he looked at the crimson blood that painted my skin.
I could feel the water in my eyes, burning and beginning to crawl down my cheeks. I pulled my hand back and turned my body away from his slightly. I held my hands at my sides very sternly, my shoulders hunched and head bent down. "I… I do not know… It… I don't know… They left… when I did it…"
"Who left?" He asked, his voice hitching with pain for my suffering.
"Them," I yelled at the ground, my voice cracking. "They left! The burning left!" I cried. "The… the girl left! …the girl left," I whispered.
"Noodle, please tell me wos going on," his voice was sincere and childlike.
"I cannot," I mumbling, looking back at him. My breath caught in my throat when I looked into his black voids again. It was the demon again. I backed away, washed over in terror, "No! Get out! Go away!"
"Noodle! Ih's jus' me! Please! I won' 'urt yew," a voice called out, barely reaching my ears.
"Get out," I grabbed the nearest object, my suitcase, and threw it at the beast. He yelped in pain and I screamed for him to leave again, grabbing the flick knife and pointing it at him. He immediately retreated, running down the steps and leaving me in peace. I sighed, dropping the knife again.
I could feel my cuts stinging as the air brushed them. I looked down at my red stained arms; the blood had mostly stopped flowing out. Once I was calm, I decided to wash up. I snuck down the steps warily, glad that no one was in my sanctuary. I had escaped them once more.
After a refreshing wash, I tended to my cuts, wiping them with medicine in a kit I found underneath the sink. I did not bother wrapping them up, for they had all stopped bleeding quickly, as the cuts were all quite shallow. I changed into a pair of nightclothes, though I knew it was probably only around eight in the evening. My body was feeling drained, and my mind was running laps to no end. I needed to relax and let the darkness pull me under, but as I came into my room upstairs, I felt my foot kick something on the ground and watched as the small package flipped across the floor. I picked it up and found it to be 2D-san's pack of cigarettes. He must have been in a serious hurry, to have dropped them and not notice…
I opened the package and examined the little death-sticks inside. I pulled one out, setting the rest on my bedside table. I dug through my rucksack for a lighter and lit the fag, inhaling the smoke as I had always seen Murdoc and 2D do. I coughed a bit, the smoke choking me, but it was somehow relieving. I crawled onto my bed with the fag between my lips. The stress seemed to blow away with the smoke. I inhaled again, coughing a little, but breathing out slowly. I flicked the ashes into the trash bin next to my bed. After a couple more drags, I seemed to have gotten it right, for I was no longer choking. Once I had finished, I flicked the butt into the trash bin and laid down on my side, covering myself with a blanket and allowing the dark abyss of sleep to pull me under into its comforting arms.
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling, I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing, Confusing what is real
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming - Confusing what is real!
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling - Confusing what is real!
Linkin Park - Crawling