A coach came up to the Watch House and Captain Carrot ushered Azula into it. He offered his hand to help her up, though she brushed it off. Still, he showed respect.
However, clearly Azula wasn't being taken at her word, because Captain Carrot and four of the others climbed into the coach around her. Captain Carrot was an awe-inspiring figure of strength and keen virtue. Azula found him impressive, and she could see why he was in charge. The others were a bizarre mix. Discipline and military uniformity were values she'd been brought up with, and the Watch of Ankh-Morpork was underwhelming. For one thing, their uniforms were shabby and, except for Carrot, their armour was a disgrace.
And then there were the people in the uniforms. To say they were a mixed bag was an understatement.
The girl was the most respectable-looking among them. She looked barely older than Azula, was at least as pale and had short hair, and regarded Azula with an unsettling curiosity. But she had the airs of an aristocrat about her.
Next to her was the short bearded person, who hadn't spoken much but wore a leather and mail skirt which looked bizarre and had what looked like makeup around his eyes.
Next to her was a man with lank hair and a weirdly misshapen head. His face and hands were covered with scars and…she decided not to count his fingers too carefully. He had seen too much of them when he bound her burned hands with bandages treated with a foul-smelling ointment.
Carrot was on Azula's left. On her right, to her dismay, was Corporal Nobbs.
He smiled crookedly up at her. At least, she thought that's what he was doing. Finally she decided to look elsewhere. And not to breathe too deep.
"Perhaps introductions are in order," the girl watch officer said loudly, trying to break the silence.
"Do you usually socialize with prisoners, Constable," asked Carrot mildly.
"She's hardly a prisoner, sir. She is just helping with inquiries, yes?"
"I suppose so," Carrot agreed. "Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson, Mi- I mean Princess Azula." Azula didn't approve of the sceptical tone in his voice.
"You know Corporal Nobbs of course," Carrot went on quickly, "this is Constable von Humpeding."
"Sally, please," said the girl, smiling in a disconcerting way.
"Igor…"
"Mith."
"And Sergeant Cheery Littelbottom."
"Pleased to meet you," Cheery said.
Azula stared at the Sergeant. Incredulity at his name was quickly overwhelmed by the realization that 'he' was…
"You're a girl?"
Cheery blinked, "Yes, Miss. I'm a dwarf!"
"Have you never met a dwarf before, Azula," Sally said, "I mean, of course you don't meet many openly female dwarfs outside of Ankh-Morpork even today, but still!"
"I do not understand," Azula muttered resentfully, "I have travelled the world, and never heard the name Ankh-Morpork, nor of 'dwarfs,' nor of such creatures as these." She gestured at Igor and Nobby in turn.
"Never heard of Ankh-Morpork?" Nobby took no apparent notice of the remark about himself.
"Just how much of the world have you travelled, exactly," Sally asked, as if worrying after Azula's health.
"Must've been just foreign parts," Nobby said judiciously, "elseways you'd have been in the city before now."
"I," Azula said stiffly, "have commanded armies in the Fire Nation and throughout the Earth Kingdoms!"
"Is that part of Klatch?" Cheery asked innocently.
Silence fell.
Presently they arrived in the centre of the city. It was still pre-dawn, although Azula had been unconscious so much lately that she didn't want for rest.
They had stopped in front of a grand-looking building that nevertheless looked well-used.
"Welcome to Pseudopolis Yard, Azula," said Sally, alighting next to her.
They went in. At this hour only a few watchmen were sitting around the room full of desks, and only one or two looked like they were doing anything.
But Carrot took the lead and said, "Wait here, please," and headed up a flight of stairs.
Sally stayed next to Azula, who declined a chair.
"Carrot just has to bring the Commander up to speed," she explained, "That bit of fireworks in Gleam Street has really been keeping us busy."
Azula raised her eyebrows. "I guess," she said, "that since I don't know where I am, I shouldn't be surprised that a Firebender is new to everyone."
Sally shook her head, "You are a mystery. The Watch doesn't like mysteries, but it sounds as if we're one to you. Look," she said suddenly, looking Azula up and down, "you can't go walking around in nightdress and slippers anymore."
Azula looked down at her clothes and then up at Sally, and her face reddened behind an expression of affront.
"Hang on," said Sally, raising a hand in hasty conciliation, "Come with me; Captain Carrot will probably be a while yet."
Sally ushered Azula into a room that smelled like a peasant barn that someone had pumped full of soap. It was lined around the wall with cabinets with locked doors. Sally moved over to one of them, produced a key, opened the door, and brought out a dress. It was black with red around the skirt and cuffs. "Try this. We're just about the same size."
Azula went behind a screen and changed. The dress was heavy velvet of some kind. The neckline plunged a bit, but it was respectable-looking anyway.
"That is better," said Azula, and brushed past Sally and back toward the main office of the Watch House. Captain Carrot came down the stairs at the same time and, looking Azula up and down said, "Please go up. The Commander wants to see you!"
Azula stepped through the open door and stood in a large office, featuring some chairs, a desk piled with paper and a baton of wood mounted on a stand. In the midst of the paperwork sat, Azula realized, Commander Vimes. Even when he stood up, he was shorter than he'd thought. He was older, too – nearly sixty perhaps, with grizzled, greying hair and unshaved face. For all that, his eyes were sharp as knives and Azula had an impression of a carefully controlled personality. It reminded her, in a wistful way, of the image she'd always tried to project to her enemies.
Commander Vimes did not, to Azula's annoyance, even stand up when she came in. He simply said, "Azula?"
"I am Princess Azula, yes."
"Have a seat."
Affronted but choosing not to press the matter yet – let him think he's my better if he wants – she sat down in the chair opposite.
"Captain Carrot says you're interested in helping with our inquiries. I have two inquiries that are interesting me right now. One of them is what a group of dwarfs, trolls and alchemists were doing with highly volatile chemicals in Gleam Street, and why it apparently sent a gnoll mad. A gnoll, since I highly suspect you don't know this, is a creature who's main interest is in scavenging and garbage. A lot of them work for Harry King, who makes the most of trash in this city to his considerable profit. That's inquiry number one.
"Inquiry number two," he went on at once, "concerns how it came about that a girl of about fifteen was found in the gutters behind Scoone Avenue last night, apparently half-frozen to death and drenched in sea water. This girl was taken in by one Lady Sybil, but upon awakening, acted rashly and unusually by shooting fire out her fingertips. She subsequently became involved in a minor fracas in Gleam Street, whereupon she used that power again and blew the aforementioned volatile chemicals sky-high!"
Azula hesitated, cursed herself for it, and then said, "I wandered out away from my homeland to escape enemies who wanted to shackle me forever in dark pits. More than that I cannot say. I remember… cold water, a giant Lion-Turtle with an island on its back, and then a strange hooded figure with a scythe. And then I woke in, I assume, the home of this 'Lady Sybil.'
Vimes' expression became cloudier. "A turtle-island, you say?"
"Yes," Azula said, thinking that perhaps Lion-Turtles, rare as they were, had escaped the lore of this city of Ankh-Morpork.
Vimes sighed. "I think," he said at last, "that your situation is a little beyond the reach of regular coppering. Captain Carrot says you want to help find out about our other mystery."
"I saw the creatures in their laboratory, or whatever it was. I tracked down their lair."
"I understand that you are from far away," Vimes said sharply, "so I'll patiently explain this: I am Commander of the City Watch, and investigating crime is my business. Your business is to tell me what you know and let me get on in my duty."
Azula smiled a confident little smile, "I've proven that I can hunt wrongdoers, and I have powers unlike anything you've ever seen. If someone is trying to bring your city into danger, you cannot afford to be without help!"
Azula felt her old confidence swell. Here, she thought, was an opportunity to seize, to take her place again as a leader –
"Now you listen to me, young lady," Vimes began angrily, when the door opened and Carrot burst in.
Vimes looked up sharply, and then jumped to his feet as a smooth, mild voice said, "Good morning, Commander."
Azula turned, and froze. She recognized cunning, depth of intellect and real power where she saw it. And it, in its purest form, less Fire Nation royalty, stood in the door. There were three men in the doorway. One was demure and unremarkable, distinguished only by the notebook and file folder under his arm. Another was thin, pale, dressed in a red robe and wore large spectacles. But in front and between them was an older man, tall, unnervingly thin, and seemingly underscored the fact with the long, utterly black cloak he wore. He held a staff or cane in one hand, with a silver skull on the top. He himself was pale as a ghost, black-haired and wore a precise little goatee. And when he looked at someone, you felt that the gaze shone a lamp into your soul.
"My Lord," Vimes said, evidently surprised.
"I believe you know Mr. Stibbons from Unseen University?" The red-robed man nodded politely, looking a little nervous. Introductions complete, Azula was discomfited to find all three visitors' attention focus on her.
"Ah," said the cane-carrying man, "this is our mystery visitor, is it?"
"Princess Azula of the putative Fire Nation," said Vimes stiffly, "Let me introduce you to Lord Vetinari, Patrician of Ankh-Morpork. And with him Secretary Drumknott and Ponder Stibbons, head of Inadvisably Applied Magic at Unseen University."
Lord Vetinari reminded Azula of Long Feng. He had the same serenity and soft, dangerous voice. Commander Vimes stood and yielded his chair to Vetinari.
Lord Vetinari sat down and regarded Azula so that she had to work hard not to squirm.
After slightly too long in silence, Vetinari said, "Well, Commander?"
"I think if she were making up a story, she'd come up with something less unbelievable," he said.
"Quite," said Vetinari.
Azula cocked her head, "Was it you, with the scythe, that was there when I woke up?"
Vetinari raised his eyebrows and Vimes chuckled. "Considering when you saw him, I think that will have been Death. We've met a few times."
The blood slid out of Azula's face.
Vetinari said, "I have spoken with Prof. Stibbons, who, you may not know, Princess," he said as if this was as normal honorific, "is a Wizard."
Azula stared at the thin, bespectacled man. He reminded her of the Earth King, although he seemed more intelligent.
"And he has explained, in his fashion, what he believes to be the origin of one of the Commander's mysteries. Tell me," he said, "What shape is the world?"
Azula stared and then said, "Do you think I'm a child?"
"I think I asked you a question."
Azula paused. She hadn't foreseen that reply. "It's…round."
Vetinari nodded thoughtfully. "I see. We shall attend to that in a moment. For now, Commander, what have you learned from your prisoners?"
"They're not talking much, sir," said Vimes. "Although we questioned them separately and they all showed signs that make me think that they're under threat of some sort."
"Indeed," Vetinari said. "And what of the substance they were concocting?"
"Sergeant Littlebottom says it has some things in common with Slide, but it's not the same thing. Could be something made for gnolls instead of trolls, sir. And considering that King's depot in Treacle Street was broken into – that is, through the wall – and cleaned out, we think…"
"I follow your line of reasoning, Vimes," said Lord Vetinari. He turned back to Azula, "It was you who tracked the gnoll back to the source of this substance, I'm told."
It was not a question but Azula nodded in confirmation.
"Commander, I think someone should accompany the young lady and Mr. Stibbons to the University."