6 Alone

"I want to come forth and claim my girl. I want to tell Lila that I'm her father."

Deep down he knew that those were the words that where going to come out of Sonny's mouth all along. But still the impact of the words was harder than any blow, deeper than any bullet. His life as he had lived it from the last few years came crashing down.

"I want to tell Lila that I'm her father."

Eyes closed, Jason walked over to the mini bar. He grabbed the glass of liquor and swallowed it in one gulp. His head bent down he restrained his urge to throw the glass against the wall. He couldn't think about the words that had been left hanging in the air…

Silence was thick and the tension could be felt miles away.

Sonny was the first one to speak. "Please say something Jason."

"What do you want me to say?" The words came out strained and slow. The fury making a knot in his throat.

"I just…"

Jason turned around to look at Sonny. "You just what? You are sorry? You didn't mean it? You what?" He yelled with controlled anger.

Jason walked closer to Sonny, who closed his eyes expecting a blow, but it never came. He opened his eyes at the soft words coming from his friend.

"I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. I tried to prepare myself for it. I told myself once and again how wrong it was to get attached, to love her so much... But you asked me too. You made me pick Sam up and take her into my home. You made me responsible for her, for them. You made me be there for her pregnancy and the delivery… I fell in love with Lila the moment I held her in my arms."

Jason was now standing facing the window. You'd think he was looking outside, but he was actually looking back in time to the feelings and the moments that changed his life.

"You begged me to keep it a secret. To claim her as mine. And I knew some day I was going to have to give her up. I knew what I was getting myself into… I knew the hurt and nothingness it was going to leave behind once she was taken away. But then the months kept passing by and they turned into years and for a second I let myself believe… Sam has someone in her life. Now you want Lila and I…"

"I always wanted her. I just couldn't have her."

"Couldn't or wouldn't?" Jason turned to face Sonny.

"Jason you know…"

The younger man looked Sonny straight in the eyes and answered. "Oh I know. I know how many times it took to rock her until she fell asleep at night. The particular way she cried when she was hungry. Or when she was wet or when she simply wanted to be held. I know her favorite book to be read at night. I know that she puckers up her lips when she's mad and that she tugs at her hair when she's planning something... I know I have to give her back, but it doesn't hurt any less."

"I'm sorry Jason. But I want to know her too. I deserve to know her."

"I'm sorry too. Because right now I don't know how I'm going to look at my daughter in the eyes and tell her it was all a lie."

"It wasn't a lie."

"Yes it was. Because she believes I'm her father and I'm not. You are Lila's Father, Sonny. You will have her and I… I'll have nothing."

Sam watched her daughter as she played with her little tea party set and made little voices for her dolls. She sat back on the rocking chair by the window and tried with all her might for the tears not to fall.

Lila was a little miracle. Before having her, Sam had committed many sins… She had lied, conned and even killed. Albeit in self-defense, but still she had taken more than one life. Her future seemed dimmed and obscure. Even conceiving her little miracle was a fluke. She had slept with two men the same day, mere hours apart and still ended up having the greatest gift.

The news of impending motherhood had changed her. She wasn't a saint, she was a far cry from being perfect but she was glad God had given her the gift of bringing such a beautiful girl into this world.

Now she was about to leave her, her past mistakes had caught up with her and now she was paying her dues… She was going to die and she was never going to see her daughter grow up, fall in love, go to college and get married. She wasn't going to plan her wedding or be glad to receive the news of becoming a grandma…

Sam had so many dreams for her girl. Lila had to grow up to be everything she wasn't and that was why she couldn't take her away from Jason. He was the only one who could give their girl the freedom she needed to become her own person, intelligent and full of spirit.

"Mama… Why are you crying?"

Sam opened her eyes at the light touch of her daughter's small hands on her lap. She found Lila's big worried eyes on her and realized she had been crying. The tears still running down her cheeks, she used her thumbs to dry them out.

With a smile she bent to pick up her daughter and sat her on her lap. "Mommy was just thinking."

"About what?"

"About the future."

"Why is the future making you sad?"

"It's not baby."

"So they're happy tears?"

"Yes they are, because I was thinking about you. About how beautiful you are, and how smart… I was imagining your Sweet Sixteen party and the first time you learn to drive a car."

"Nah ah… I don't want a car mama… I'm gonna learn to drive daddy's motorcycle!"

That made Sam laugh out loud. She kissed Lila's head. "I bet you are. You are going to do whatever you set your mind to. And I know your daddy Jason is going to be there every step of the way."

"And you too mommy. You'll be there too, right?" Lila asked looking hopefully up at her mother.

"I promise I will always look after you baby girl. It doesn't matter where I go, I will always be watching over you, because I love you with all my heart. Don't ever forget it, ok?"

Lila moved her head in negative and placed her head on Sam's chest. Tears welled up on her eyes again and she started to rock the chair while she ran her hands over her daughter's hair.

After her conversation with her son, she needed some time alone, so she had called Kathy, her neighbor and friend, and asked her to babysit Cameron for a few hours… She still had a ton of work to do for her final examination, and an early shift in the morning but right now she needed to breath, she needed time to think about everything that had happened in the past month.

It was true what they said that you couldn't run away from your destiny. After her Grams died, she had taken a step back. Her son was only five months old, and she was tired of the danger, tired of crazy people threatening her life, of living in the middle of a soap opera, so she made the decision to leave.

Even after packing up her car and moving halfway across town, severing ties with everyone form her past… The past seemed to come back and bite her in the ass. But was that so bad? She had been alone, safer from all the crazy things but feeling completely and utterly alone.

And the ironic thing was that the first person to make her feel something as a woman after six years was the only man that shouldn't.

Jason Morgan, one of the people she had been unconsciously running away from. They had started to reconnect after the scare of Emily's cancer. And she couldn't deny that the old feelings were starting to resurface after spending time with him again, so when she came back after giving birth to Cameron and found him starting a new life with Sam McCall she was crushed. But still feeling he deserved to have someone who loved him in spite of the danger.

Jason deserved a family and with someone that understood his life and the way he lived it, and he had found that with Sam. Even when Emily wanted to tell her about Jason and Sam and Lila, she just couldn't hear it, she had to let him go…

Now six years later, he was out of the life that she was so scared about, but completely unavailable. So she was going to take her mind in another direction, because he wasn't an option.

Looking over the city from the look out, her mind drifted back to her conversation with Cameron. He was so little, and he needed so much. Sometimes she wondered if she had been selfish with him, denying him the chance to have a father and a real family, just because she hadn't found "the one".

She came real close when she started dating Tyler Monroe. He had been a great choice. He adored Cam, and was ready to be a father and a husband. But she wasn't ready to give up that feeling, that fire in the pit of her stomach, the rapid thumbing of her heart at the sight of the man she loved… No, she deserved to find someone that would take a look at her and just tell her…

"It's you."

The murmured words didn't come from within, she noticed. Recognizing his voice Elizabeth turned around and found Jason standing a few feet away.

His hair was a mess that spoke of the long bike ride he sure had taken. His jeans riding low on his hips, arms bulging every time he clenched and unclenched his fists. Her heart started to beat inside her chest, the thumping menacing with an explosion. Not from fear, but from excitement to be standing face to face with him again.

"As I was walking up I saw someone standing here. At first I was thinking about turning around but as I was getting closer I saw the petite form and long hair and I was hoping it was you."

She looked at him and realized his eyes seemed glassy and had a far away look.

"I needed some time alone. Some quiet, time to think." She said.

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked.

"No."

He walked around and stood closer to the ledge of the bridge. They stood side by side looking out at the city. The silence wasn't overbearing or uncomfortable.

"What are you doing here so late? Sam and Lila, most be worried about you."

"Sam knows there's things I can't tell her. And there are times I can't go home."

She moved her head in agreement. "Rule Number One: Don't ask don't tell. I remember. But there's something going on with you and it has nothing to do with the business."

"I don't have that kind of business anymore."

"I know."

Neither turned to look at the other and it wasn't necessary.

"Aren't you going to ask?" He said looking down at his hands.

"No." Elizabeth said shrugging her elbow. "If you want to talk about it, you will."

He turned to look at her then, a ghost of a small drawing on his lips. She always had the ability to read him like an open book. He always considered himself a loner. He came to believe that he was better of distancing himself from people. But tonight that wasn't the case. Tonight he needed someone… tonight he needed her.

"I'm about to lose the most important thing in my life and I can't do anything to stop it."

His quiet admission made her turn her head to look at him. There were so many questions fighting to slip out of her… But she didn't let them. He was once again looking out to the lights illuminating the city down below, but she knew better. His mind was deep in thought, wondering, planning, and maybe even remembering. It surprised her to hear him talk again.

"When she first came into my life I told myself not to get attached. I had lost so much before. But then having her in my arms… It was just inevitable. I fell completely in love with her. And having her in my life for the past 5 years has made it even more meaningful. I've felt love before, but nothing could compare to what I've come to feel for her."

To say that Elizabeth was speechless was an understatement. She's never heard him speak so passionately about someone before. She was also heartbroken, because deep down she wanted to be the one Jason spoke of so deeply. But she wasn't, and here she was confirming her suspicions. Sam was Jason's one true love.

"I… I don't understand. If you feel so deeply, why do you think you are losing her?"

"It doesn't matter what I feel or think. She's not mine, I can't keep her with me."

He was such a thickheaded man. Haven't he learned his lesson yet? Elizabeth let out a sigh and placed her hand over his, wincing at the electricity that she still felt when they touched.

Jason looked down at their hands and then up at her eyes. She spoke fiercely, "If you feel so connected, if you love her as much as you do… You have to fight for her. Don't let her go. You'll end up regretting it as soon as the door closes behind her."

As fast as lighting, he was back in his apartment watching Elizabeth walk out of his life. He remembered clearly the loud banging of the door closing on the possibility of them ever being something more… He closed his eyes for a minute, clearing his mind of the painful memory. "I know how that feels like…"

"How what feels like?" The petite brunette asked.

"I know how much it hurts to let go of someone you love."

A flare of hope lighted inside of her, wanting to be the one he was talking about. But she dropped the thought as soon as it came. She couldn't keep hoping for something that wasn't meant to be.

She was about to say something when the sound of his cell phone broke the silence. His hand slipped from hers and he answered his phone. It was Sam.

"I'm fine. Is Lila okay? Wait up for me, we have something very important to talk about." He finished and placed his phone on his pocket.

Elizabeth spoke hurriedly, before he said anything. "I have to get going too. I asked my neighbor to babysit for a while, but I have an early shift and need some rest."

"Come on, I'll drive you."

Big wondering eyes looked up at him. "How do you know I don't have my car?"

He started to walk around her. "Because I checked the area before coming up." He turned to look at her and she was still standing still. "Old habits are hard to break. Are you coming or not?"

"Do you have the bike?" She said barely holding down her enthusiasm.

"Yes."

"Can we take the Cliff Road? I like the turns, remember."

"I remember everything."