A/N Another chapter. Hope you enjoy it. Sorry for skipping months again in posting. I've been in a rut, and it's not fun. Hope you're all doing much better than myself.
Noodle sat on the shower floor, her lithe arms curled around her legs as she held them close to her body. She rested her head on her knees, closing her eyes as hot water poured from the shower head and soaked her tired body, relaxing her muscles and massaging deep into her flesh. Though her eyes were hot and wet, the water raining down upon her masked her tears.
She thought about what had happened, only an hour ago. When the soft, tender skin of his lips met hers, and the electricity that had jolted between them, leaving her breathless. But she knew it was just a misunderstanding… That it had only happened because of the intensity of the moment and the overwhelming build up of emotion and regret… and now he regretted it. She knew it in her heart, aching for another resolve. How could anyone ever love someone like herself? She was broken in, her soul tortured and her will shattered. She was just a scarred, empty shell of the former occupant of this young body. She was conscious, alive and breathing, but she'd never been truly here since she'd returned… since she'd been taken. How could he –anyone love a shallow, empty and ruined body? It wasn't possible, she decided.
How could anyone want to stay and love her, when all she brought with her was frustration and pain? Her tears had come almost nonstop since the moment she'd arrived. She'd become defiant and stubborn, and all too knowing of the dark ways the world seemed to work around her. Would she ever be happy again? She needed a break; a release… but this time, she wouldn't leave for months again. She just wanted a couple of days juts for her to escape and find something –anything. She could feel her heart sinking, beating. She wanted to be spun, and dance, and be held, told that everything would be okay again. All these years… they were here first… hate filled marks, and endless pain was here first… they would always be there first and she knew that, but she just wanted to let it go… even for a little while.
As the searing hot of the water went slightly down, Noodle sighed, reaching up to twist the knob before her, until the entire room was quiet, and the water swirled down the drain. Slowly, she stood to her feet, slightly unsteady, and she managed to pull herself out of the tub, and dry herself off with a towel promptly. She dressed into her previous clothes, then leaned against the counter, staring into the fog-covered mirror endlessly before her stomach finally requested her attention. Knowing she was only feet from the kitchen, in the bathroom of the lounge, she was more than willing to sneak into the room to satiate her pleading hunger.
2D wandered along the cliff covered by plastic grass after Noodle had fled, and he continued the walk aimlessly in circles until the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon, and the clouds masked the stars, making the night pitch black. Eventually, he found himself in his personal prison, and he took comfort in swallowing a couple pills dry, then lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling in a position so familiar, it was as though he'd never left it. He'd always been there.
In some small way, he didn't understand why Noodle had been so blunt and rejected him, but really, he knew all too well what had led to that point. She wasn't ready for that –not him, not now… maybe not ever. He didn't deserve her… And she knew it –that's why she had brushed him off and ran away earlier. But it just wasn't for bad timing's sake; it was for all that he had done. For all that he had done to her. He had torn her down, and left her for dead. Without even meaning to do so, he had caused the very Hell of her life, and it had cost her that life. She was a shell. He could see it. The more she suffered from the hauntings of her past… the more her eyes grew dull. Maybe she really was just a body that only held but a fraction of the girl he once knew. But it had seemed as though she were finally getting better…
Everything he had said, he had only meant well for her. Maybe everything that had happened was all for the best. Did he need to show her that? Maybe this was what they needed –to realise that they shouldn't be friends any longer. Maybe they only tore one another down. Maybe this was it, and they finally found the point in their lives where they each needed to look the other way while one of them made the decision to leave the other behind. He bit his lip, his heart ripping in two.
Yes, 2D knew why she had said what she'd said after he kissed her, and that meant she knew what he'd meant, too. He hadn't apologized for just the kiss, but for all that he'd done to her, in that day, and for all she'd gone through, and she tossed his words aside like garbage. But he didn't blame her. He'd take all the bitterness and hate she could throw at him, and he knew it. He deserved it.
As the minutes ticked by, thoughts flew rampant, and the dulling comfort of powerful medication kicked in, 2D slowly drifted off, his mind barely conscious.
Her stomach now full, her eyes heavy and tired, Noodle decided it was late enough, and safe enough, to wander off to bed without being noticed. She knew well that Russel and 2D would be asleep, or at least in their rooms, and she expected the same for Murdoc, even though he had a habit of no routine.
As soon as Noodle entered the lift, the lights inside dimmed, then sparked. Curious, she chose to go down to the engine room, remembering that Murdoc had gotten rid of their engineer after he had the cyborg 'convince' him to fix the whole of the place, and put everything right, or he'd have the cyborg's shotgun to answer to… But a place so large, and so reliant on machinery and electricity, needed upkeep as often as possible she figured.
Once she had reached the floor, she strolled inside carelessly, toward the control station. Studying all of the panels and labels, she promptly found a medium-sized panel that's screws had not been properly fixed, and she lifted the panel up, peering inside the expansive box of wires. She looked up, to her left, and spotted a small flashlight, just within her reach. Grabbing it, she turned it on and used it to illuminate the inside of the table. Gazing at each fixture and wires, Noodle noticed one that had clearly not been connected properly and was currently in the process of ripping apart.
She backed away from the table once more, and spotted a toolbox to the left of the station, going toward it swiftly. She dug around inside until she found a spare wire, wire cutters, and electric tape. She placed what she needed near the hole and cut one end of the spare wire, exposed the metal filaments within, and placed it down. Without thinking, Noodle positioned the rubber end of the flashlight between her teeth, holding it steadily as she maneuvered both hands into the opened panel. She quickly cut away the ripped wire, and the lights went out, which she had expected. She knew this panel only controlled the lights, and only that of the engine room, and the lift.
Seamlessly, Noodle attached the spare wire to the metal casing, taping it down for good measure, and exposed the filaments of the other end of the wire she had just cut. Noodle attached both ends of the spare and old wire, blinking as the lights came back on, and she wrapped the tape around the filament, and a few inches up each wire to keep it in place. Lastly, she put the metal panel back in place, not bothering to screw it in.
Feeling much better after such an unusual distraction for her, Noodle gazed around the room, exploring it thoroughly. As she peered at a particular door, she somewhat froze, staring at its label, knowing what it held. Just as she believed her curiosity would get the better of her, Noodle was overcome by her own body, yawning as her eyes became hot and restless. Knowing rest would only ever help, Noodle decided to save curiosity for another day, and go to sleep instead.
An aged, scratched voice could be heard muttering nonsense in the study, as he searched endlessly for an item he was sure had been in his grip not a moment ago. "Guddamn, fock, son of a –"
"That's enough, son," Russel's voice boomed.
"I'll tell you when ih's enough, I tell you," Murdoc chastised.
"Yeah? Well I'll punch ya, if ya don' shut yo damn mouth," he retorted, annoyed at the bassist for his constant bickering. Both men became abruptly silent as a small ding announce the arrival of the lift, and they stared as the doors opened, revealing a very tired and clearly hungry Noodle.
"Ey, love. Yew 'aven't appened ter see me wrench, 'ave yew," Murdoc asked while a thick cloud of cigar smoke left his lips. He picked up the smoking stick again, placing it between his lips.
She sniffed, silent as she entered the study. "Why would she 'ave seen it, Muds?" Russel huffed, "Why are ya even tryna fix that damn robot now?"
"So I can git yew damn monkeys off me back," Murdoc yelled back. Noodle recalled what 2D would've said to correct Murdoc, had he been here. That'd be 'monkeyz', Murdoc. She giggled, forgetting the two men in the room with her. "Eh, whot's got yer tongue, love," Murdoc interrupted her.
"Huh," she looked at him, bewildered. "Oh, um… I will… help you, Murdoc… with the android, yes?" She answered, unsure.
"Er, yeah," he confirmed, confused by her mumbling.
"There ya go, Muds. Happy now," Russel asked rhetorically. "Yew sure yew wanna help his ass," he asked Noodle. She nodded. "Alright then," he responded, turning and taking Murdoc's favoured bottle of alcohol as he turned toward the lounge.
"Oi, oo' do yew thin' yew are? Gimme me bloody rum, damn yew!" Murdoc howled.
"Not 'til yo finished here," he pointed to the cyborg, lying on the desk, motionless. "I'll make breakfast fo' yous, too. A'ight, baby," he looked toward Noodle.
She grinned up at him, nodding appreciatively. "Arigato, Russel-sama," she told him as he turned and entered the lounge, heading for the kitchen.
She faced Murdoc, then looked toward the cyborg. "What is wrong with.. it," she asked.
Murdoc gave her a confused look, then back at his creation on the table. "Oh, right, er… well, I thought she wos fine, buh she started actin' awl bent, yew know? Like sumthin's awl topsy-turvy in 'er 'ead. Tried fixin' 'er, buh I thin' I'm still missin' sumthin," he scrutinized the cyborg, studying it carefully. Noodle was doing the same, pacing toward it slowly, raising her hand as she approached and come up beside it. She flinched as her fingers almost brushed its cheek, pulling her hand away, balling her hand in a fist, and biting her lip. She took a deep breath, then reached for it again, wincing when she touched its skin, almost lifelike in texture, but one could instantly decipher that it was not alive when they felt the temperature, as cold as ice. "Cold, isn't she," Murdoc cackled. "S'kind o' like 'er temperature control, 'er skin is… so she dun get overheated. She can normally keep a decent heat, when she ain't deactivated… still pretty cold though," he explained.
Noodle nodded, taking in any information easily and storing it. She thought that the cyborg… her cyborg could probably do that as well… It was essentially her… her replacement, but she knew it had never really lived up to her name, and even Murdoc admitted that… but it was convenient for him to have his very own Noodle look-alike for protection, and service for things he was to lazy to do on his own. He wasn't as drunk as normal when his cyborg wasn't at his feet, waiting for him to tell her to bring him something. But still, it being there bothered her –and she knew exactly why. Gazing at its face, she was jealous of the fake girl. She had no emotion, never needing to worry about being happy. She knew her purpose –to serve Murdoc. She would be forever young, and never worry about being haunted by her past. She had no heartache or suffrage. And most importantly… she had beautiful, unscarred skin, though ice-cold.
Brushing along her face, Noodle moved her fingers down below the cyborg's jawline, taking in a sharp breath when suddenly its features became marred by lines that were clearly not there before. The lines became wider, circling her face, which opened up like a mask, revealing the reality of what she truly was. Just a computer –a lifelike and eerily evil looking android, destined for nothing with a future of rust and the prospect of figuratively dying in a landfill, much like the one she was living on now. Noodle gasped quietly, gazing at the artwork of components and circuitry across the canvas of her perfect face. Instantly, she noticed one single flaw, and returned her hand to her face, tentatively touching the hole, which had seemed to fry the wires it touched. "'at's where tha' bullet went inta 'er ead," Murdoc pointed out. "Fockin bugger tryna get ih out. Left ih there," he mumbled.
Noodle nodded, "And you repaired the damage it caused?"
"Sure did… er, tried ter," he said in a muffled voice as he took another drag of his cigar. "Problem is, she's still been shortin ou'. Fink I wired 'er wrong, or messed up the router when I ,er… tipped a bit o'me rum on ih," he admitted, scratching his head, and then his exposed stomach. Noodle's eyebrow arched in response as she gave him an obvious look, and he just chuckled. "Yer kickin 'er in the 'ead prolly didn' 'elp much neither, y'know," he retorted. "…So er," he took another drag of his cigar, "Do yeh thin' yew can fix 'er up fer me, love?"
She sighed, "Perhaps… It should be fairly simple… but rum-fried circuits and bullet wounds aren't exactly normal problems for average computers… I suppose maybe, if you have the correct wires, new drives, and I reroute her system from the hard drive, around the bullet hole, she –it may be running to full capacity in a matter of days… or weeks," she explained, her voice emotionless as she studied her new project.
"Weeks? Bloody fockin ar' galltwaf, wha' rgh," he began to mutter, pacing back and forth. He stepped back toward Noodle, who was unresponsive as she continued to gaze at the android's exposed face. "Ain't yew a fockin' weapon er soldier or summin? Don't bloody tell me it'll take a couple of weeks!" He lifted his hand to his head, rubbing it in frustration.
Noodle turned, her face somewhat livid, but still composed. It threw Murdoc off, and he became somewhat nervous. "Yes, I am a weapon of the Japanese government. What of it? I was not trained in dealing with such an unusual problem of computers! It is not my area of expertise! I am a soldier, not a mechanic," she snapped.
Murdoc lifted his hands, in a sort of surrender, "Awright, duck, I get it! Look, however long ih takes, tha's fine. As long as ih gets done… Whadda yew need?"
She composed herself once more, taking a deep breath as she turned her stare on the cyborg. "These circuits are complicated. I do not believe you have the correct wires."
"Can'chew jus' use any ol' wires," he complained.
"No," she spoke firmly, shaking her head. "These components are very advanced, and I do not wish to damage them further. I will need wires that have a superior longevity, and strong filaments for brutal electric communication if this computer is to run as efficiently as possible within my fingers."
Murdoc smirked, loving every word that left Noodle's lips. "Good, good, love. I know jus' the place, buh it's gonna require my leavin' the island, an' you goin wit' me, so I don't get scammed, and yer get ev'ry bit yeh need," he chortled. Noodle's eyes seemed to glimmer at the prospect, and she turned toward Murdoc, nodding. He smiled impishly, "Bloody brilliant… Yew could use a break from this pile o'rubbish anyway, can't yeh, love?" He cackled. "I'll give the airport a bell in a moment, radio them so they know we'll be settin' down. Go an' eat, then get packed, awright love?"
"Aren't you hungry, Murdoc-san," Noodle asked.
"Righ' as rain, love," he laughed maniacally. Noodle was beginning to become worried, then just wrote it off to him being slightly drunk at the moment.
"When shall we depart?"
"All in good time," he told her, then corrected himself, "Or in a matter of hours, now tha' I think abou' ih."
Noodle nodded in agreement. "I will pack after breakfast, and then we may depart." She turned, closing the face of the android, so she looked just like a girl once more.
Murdoc smiled, resting his hand on Noodle's shoulder, "Right, love. We'll be there fer a week er two… an' yer migh' wanna try an' 'ide yo face… We dun need questions about yer scar."
"Of course," she agreed, an idea already in mind. She turned, facing Murdoc, "Until we fly," she told him.
"Until we fly," he gave her a nod and a wink, then stepped toward his creation, abruptly picking it up and throwing it over his shoulder. He left to the lift to lock her up tightly in her cupboard. Just then, Noodle left as well, entering the lounge, feeling her mouth water as the aroma of food greeted her nose. Just as she walked through the doorway, her stomach grumbled loudly, and Russel turned to her with a smile.
"Hallo, papa," she chirped happily.
He smiled proudly. "Hey, baby-girl. Grab a seat. Yo food's on da table," he told her.
"Thank you," she told him with a grin.
"Any time," he responded.
She sat down swiftly, taking a bite out of her meal, not bothering to taste it, but get it into her stomach to ease the pang. "So," she began after swallowing another bite, "Murdoc-san is taking me to the mainland."
"Is he," Russel asked, seemingly unsurprised.
"Yes… We're going to find supplies… for his cyborg," she explained.
This time, Russel dropped a plate on the counter, which made Noodle jump, turning to see what had happened. "Why would ya do that? That replacement," he sneered, "It doesn't even botha you after it tried ta kill you and 'D?"
Unphased by Russel's response, she shook her head slowly. "No, I do not mind it… When it's not trying to hurt anyone that is," she finished slowly. "I think it will be alright, after it is repaired."
Russel sighed, going back to cleaning dishes, "If you say so, baby… When ya leavin'?"
"In a few hours," she told him nonchalantly. "We might be gone for a week or two."
He sighed again. "Take care o' yoself, baby," he told her gently, knowing that her mind was made up, and there was nothing he could say that would make her give it a second thought. Besides, she was an adult now. She didn't need people telling her what she could and couldn't do.
"I will, Russel-sama," she said quickly. "… I will look after Murdoc-san, too."
He chuckled, "Yeah, he might need dhat…"
"Good morning, Russel," 2D's sober voice called as he entered the lounge. Noodle froze, picking up her empty plate and taking it to the sink, attempting to wash it.
Russel took her hand, "I'll take care o'yo dishes, baby."
She grinned guiltily. "Arigato," she mumbled audibly.
"Oh… 'ello, Noodle," 2D spoke again, not realizing her presence until now. He rubbed his arm nervously, wondering if her thoughts were still in the same place as his. Wondering if she had felt anything when he had kissed her. Did she resent him? Did she hate him?
She ignored him, keeping her attention on Russel. "Go an' pack, before Muds gets on my case about forcing you to binge eat," he chastised her.
She smiled, reaching up on her toes to hug him tightly and kiss his cheek. "I will miss you, papa."
"I'll miss you too, baby girl," he spoke softly, rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head.
As he let her go, she turned slowly, her face becoming blank as she avoided 2D's gaze and started to jog towards the door. "I'll be back soon!"
"S'long as ya come back, it don't mattah when, baby-girl," Russel called after her as she left.
2D stood, dumfounded. "Whot's going on? Where's Noodle goin," he asked, panicking.
"Murdoc's taking 'er to the mainland, to get some supplies they need for a project they're workin on," Russel told him, untouched by 2D's panic, or the fact that Noodle was leaving. She'd been gone before –she had come back. She would always come back, and he knew it.
"Whot," he chirped. "No! She can't leave me 'ere!"
2D turned, but Russel caught him by his arm, "D, s'alright. She's comin' back in a couple of weeks." He looked at 2D through worried eyes. Was there something he was missing? Sure, he knew 2D would be upset abot Noodle leaving, but he didn't think 2D would have given in to full blown panic. She was only going to be gone for a week or two.
"Weeks," 2D repeated, his voice becoming higher as he became more panicked.
"Yeah, weeks," Russel pulled 2D, forcing him to set down on a chair.
"Why's she leavin' me," 2D asked, his voice childlike and tears on the verge of spilling.
"I already told you," Russel snapped, rubbing his forehead in agitation.
"Whot if she don' come back," he looked at Russel, his eyes pleading and full of pain.
Russel sighed, understanding his distress. "She's gonna come back. She just said so herself."
"Buh I told 'er I wos sorry, and she threw ih in me face," 2D broke down. "She ain't gonna come back te me… She 'ates me… I don' deserve 'er," he stopped abruptly, realizing just who he was saying this to, but Russel had already caught on.
"D, I don' know what happened between you two, but yo right," Russel bellowed. "You don't deserve her. Yo a thirty-two-year-old man, with the vocabulary of an adult, the attention span of a three-year-old, and the memory of an infant. You can be lazy, and yo pretty messed up in the head lately, almost as bad as Noods. Yo addicted to yo headache pills, an' ya had a pretty messed up time in yo life filled wit' binge drinkin' an' smokin'. Ya have a groupie list somewhere back in the ruins of Kong tha' rivals Muds, an' who knows how many fuckin illegitimate children. An' the one that really fuckin rubs me wrong the most' izzat yo the one who's messes up my baby girl's entire life! Of course you don't deserve her." 2D looked away, shameful tears streaming down his face.
"But you know what," Russel continued, a bit less stern than before. 2D peeked at Russel with the sudden change in tone, though it was still filled with anger. "I know you've learned from those fucked up things in yo past, 'D... Yo heart is in da righ' place, an' I know you'd take care a' my baby girl…" 2D nodded, his heart aching, but feeling slightly better. "But truth is… it's not my decision, and it certainly ain't yo's. It's her decision, and whether you like it or not, she don' belong ta you, jus' cuz yew love 'er, D. If she decides she loves you one day, yeah, it's gonna fuckin botha me, but what am I gonna do? It's her life, an' whether either of us likes it or not, it's her choice what she wants to do wit' it, and who she wants ta spend it wit."
2D nodded, closing his eyes painfully and taking a deep breath. "I know… buh I'm not ready ta 'ave 'er out o' me life, Russel," he spoke in a heartbroken voice.
"Like I said, D. She ain't goin' nowhere without comin' back," Russel reassured him once more, returning to cleaning the kitchen now that he was satisfied 2D had calmed down.
"When's she leavin," 2D asked in a low voice.
"Soon as she's done packin," Russel stated, turning to find that 2D was now gone, and a moment later, he heard a door slam.
When Noodle had finished closing her suitcase, and had hung her rucksack over her shoulder, she dragged the suitcase downstairs, leaving it and her rucksack by the door as she rushed to turn off all the lights upstairs. Just as she was about to leave the lighthouse, going down her stairs, 2D entered, quickly closing the door behind him. His gaze flashed up to her, and she could see the wet lines that marked his skin from where the tears had moved down his face. "Noodle," he spoke, somewhat relieved.
"What are you doing here," she asked, guarded as she continued down the steps cautiously, hoping to move around him and get her things next to the door, then leave. How had he known that she was going to leave anyhow?
He approached her as she moved toward her lounge chair. "Were yeh jus' gonna leave, wiffout tellin' me goodbye?" He asked, hurt. She stood paralyzed as he approached her.
Her eyebrows furrowed, feeling somewhat guilty, then she remembered why she had been angry at him. "Why should it matter to you? You hate me, remember? That's why you left me to die in Hell," she retorted.
His face became angry, but his voice was full of sorrow, "Yew know tha's not true! Yew know I didn' do tha… an' I didn' mean ih." She flinched when his face became angered, but she composed herself, refusing to allow him to think she was vulnerable.
"Whatever, 2D," she scoffed, trying to get past him, but he took hold of her bony wrist, pulling her back to him. She gasped as he pulled her to his chest.
"Don' leave like this… please," he begged, his face pained, and a tear visible on his cheek.
"2D," she began, her voice still coated in anger. He pulled her closer, hugging her tightly though she continued to struggle to pull away.
"Noodle, I… I-I care about yew so much… please…" he begged. She tried pushing him away, but he only held tighter, and he lowered his head to hers, resting his cheek against her hair. "I know yew don' feel te same," he whispered. Noodle shook her head, her own eyes becoming painful and filled with tears. He took her head shaking as a confirmation that she did not feel for him, but she did not mean it that way. She meant to disagree, but she remained quiet. "But Noodle… I-I can't live wiffout yew in me life, righ' now… I need yew… fo just a lil' bit longer…" he told her in a broken voice. She sobbed, taking a deep breath and no longer fighting 2D. "Please come back, Noodle… Please," he whispered, holding onto her dearly.
She nodded. "I will," she whimpered, rubbing the tears on her cheeks away against his chest.
Slowly, he released her. As she stepped away, she refused to meet him in the eye. When she began to turn, 2D tentatively took hold of her face, gazing into her eyes, darker than he remembered. He contemplated kissing her goodbye, but he decided it would only make matters worse, and just brushed his thumb along her bruised cheek, then let go, watching as she quickly grabbed her things, and was out the door. "Come back," he whispered to himself.
Noodle hurried, dragging her suitcase along to the dock. Minutes later, Murdoc joined her with his things, throwing them lazily into his plane. After climbing inside and buckling in, the engine began to roar, and Noodle could see 2D just outside the lighthouse door as Murdoc turned the plane around, and sped up the rudders so they cut through the air, pulling the plane through the water, and seconds later, into the air, leaving the plastic prison behind in the deep-sea landfill.
I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break
And see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all
And throw them in my face?
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say
To keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away
I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say
To keep you right here waiting
I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending
It's as much as I can take
And you're so independent
You just refuse to bend
So I keep bending till I break
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say
To keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away
I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say
To keep you right here waiting
I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you
Why can't you just forgive me?
I don't want to relive
All the mistakes I've made
Along the way
But I always find a way
To keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say
To keep you right here waiting
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say
To keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away
Would you be right here waiting?
Searching for the things to say
To keep me right here waiting
Staind - Right Here
Until the next installment, and to keep you on your toes, thanks for the support. Love you all... I'll do a 'thanks for the support' list on the next chappie since I'm pretty sure I promised one for this chappie... oh well... I've just got a LOT on my mind.
With love ~Hazel