9 Realities
It was a Friday night, and for Cameron it was supposed to be Taco Night and a movie. Lightning McQueen was waiting for him at home. But no, he couldn't go home, because his mommy was taking care of some very sick people at work. So here he was sitting on the humongous sofa at his Auntie Em's playroom, a place he loved to spend time watching Spongebob Square Pants with his uncle Nick, and a place that now was turned into a pinky babies' land.
"What was that?" Emily asked sitting down besides Cameron.
"What?" Cam asked playing on his angelic face.
"You were murmuring something."
"Nothin'… Can we watch a movie? Mommy was supposed to make Tacos and we were 'spose to watch Cars."
Lila's ears perk up and she stood from her spot in floor where she had built a castle and was playing with Paige's Dolls.
"I want to see a movie too."
Emily smiled and started running her fingers through Cam's curls, thinking Victory, they agree on something!
"Well I can manage to find Cars on the satellite. Let's see." Emily said moving to get the remote control.
Lila's nose turned up in distaste. "I don't want to watch Cars… I want to see Ella Enchanted."
"That's a girly movie. Cars is way better."
"Na, ah… Ella is the best."
"Lightning McQueen is the bestest."
Lila turned and looked at her aunt with big incredulous eyes and sighed. "Boys just don't understand."
Emily couldn't help but laugh at the little girl's expression.
The skyline of Port Charles was illuminated in orange and yellows as the sun started to set in the horizon. He could see the city limits up north. But in contrast to General Hospital, Mercy's roof didn't allow for a view of the docks and the water. Instead he could see the woods and mountains that lead straight up towards Niagara Falls. Right now he would give anything to mount his bike and ride off into nowhere. He couldn't even see the cliff roads from this part of town. It made the city seem so big and distant, like he was somewhere else completely.
The sound of the big iron door closing signaled the arrival of someone. He didn't have to turn to know it was her, the light scraping of her shoes on the gravel, the light scent of something sweet and inviting filling his senses. She didn't say a word. She just stood there a few feet behind him.
"I wanted to look over the city and the water. It always calms me. But I guess we are farther away from the docks than I thought." He said breaking the silence.
"One day, I was working at the ER and there had been an accident involving a family. It was a mother, father and daughter. A truck driver fell asleep on the wheel. The woman died on impact, the girl was pretty banged up. Two broken ribs, a dislocated arm and her legs broken in several places, little hope of ever walking again. The father had severe trauma to the head and after a few hours died on the table."
There was a small silence. "Cameron was so little, and I couldn't even fathom the idea of something like that happening to me. I couldn't imagine one day not being able to have him in my arms, to see him grow up..." Her voice trailed off and then she continued. "I came up here on my break that night. Needing so badly to walk to the docks and sit on the old bench and just take in the sound of the water splashing on the docks. Once up here it just hit me, I was still close to home, but yet so far away from the people that meant so much. That's when I decided to call Emily and tell her I was still in Port Charles only a 50 minute drive up north."
Elizabeth walked closer to the edge. They stood there until the sun gave way to the moon and stars. She was starting to feel like she was intruding on his private time. When she was about to turn around, Jason's hand stopped her and pulled her close. She looked up at him and found his light blue eyes troubled.
"What happened to the little girl?" His voice was hoarse.
"Her only living family were her grandparents, the family was going to visit them the night of the crash. They were too old and sick to care for a toddler, so they decided to give full custody to the state."
Jason's eyes looked back out at the city, now illuminated in lights.
"But that's not going to happen to Lila. When Sam…" She bit her lip scared of saying the words out loud. "She's going to have you, her father who she loves and admire so much. You'll be there for her then and through everything that comes after that. Dating, college, marriage, babies…"
Her voice trailed off when she caught his head moving from side to side.
"I'm not going to be able to be there for her."
Elizabeth's heart skipped a beat. He seemed so broken. "I know loosing Sam is going to be hard. But you have to hang on for your daughter."
"Her father it's going to be there, not me."
"Wha…"
Jason interrupted her question and his eyes found hers. "Sonny is Lila's real father and he wants to claim her legally."
And just like that everything she thought was real became smoke and mirrors.
The door to the hospital room opened and Dr. Torres walked inside. Lucky's head turned to find the dark hair woman walking towards Sam's bedside.
"Where are they?"
"I think Mr. Morgan needed sometime to cool off and analyze the situation."
"And what exactly is the situation?" Lucky said in a quiet murmur.
"Mr. Spencer, you know what the prognosis is. Things haven't changed in the past few weeks…"
"Of course things have changed. Look at her. She wasn't this sick. Those medications did this to her."
His words came out harsh and full of raw emotion. Sam stirred in her sleep.
"I think we should step outside. Let her sleep a little longer."
Lucky turned and his eyes found Sam's frail body lying on the bed, his eyes immediately filling with tears. He swallowed and walked out the room.
Danielle followed him and closed the door behind her. Once in the hallway she addressed him.
"I know this is not easy."
"No, you don't. To you she's just someone else in your medical records. To me she is everything I never really thought I needed… I can't even start to imagine what's going to be like to let her go. I just found her…" The ghost of a smile appeared on his face. His eyes were looking at some point far away. "She found me."
The doctor heaved a sigh and stood at Lucky's side. Both leaned on the wall looking at the small window in the door of Sam's room.
"I always wanted to become a doctor. Ever since I was a young girl. First I wanted to be a Veterinarian, later on a Pediatrician. When I started medical school I was undecided… It was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. I was a young Puerto Rican, from the projects. I met the man of my life in the line for admissions. We eloped and moved to a tiny apartment, worked and studied hard to finish med school. But then, the unexpected happened. Darren, that was his name, he developed a tumor in his spinal cord. Didn't last a year after his diagnosis. I decided on Oncology after he passed away."
Lucky was quiet, still looking through the window at Sam lying on the bed.
"I know this wasn't what you expected your life with her to be. But I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and there has to be a bigger meaning to all of this. The rest of your time together, whether it is a week or a year… Make it count."
Danielle walked down the hallway, leaving him there. His eyes still focus on the woman lying on the bed, but his mind still wondering why.
"We tried very hard to make our arrangement seem real to everyone on the outside. Just a handful of people know the truth about Lila… Bernie, Lila's pediatrician, our lawyer Diane, Emily and obviously Carly… Not even Michael and Morgan know the truth."
Elizabeth nodded understanding his point.
"That's a very huge secret to keep from the world. Lila's brothers and sister, the Quartermaines… Lila herself."
"At first I was just keeping my word to my best friends. Sonny and Carly, they love and need each other. Their marriage was crumbling and Michael and Morgan deserved to have a happy home."
"Lila deserved that too."
"And I vowed to give that to her. You were there when Sam gave birth. Lila almost didn't make it, she was so little and yet so strong. The moment I held her in my arms, I just… fell in love."
"Being in love with Sam made it the idea of a family all your own all the more real."
"But it wasn't real. I cared about Sam, I was lonely and being with her in close quarters, taking care of her and the baby… It just felt right. Only it wasn't. That's why it fell apart the minute we stepped out of our bubble and into real life."
"I thought you were talking about Sam."
He turned towards her then. Elizabeth's eyes found his questioning ones. "Last night… When you said you were losing her… I thought you were talking about Sam."
He shook his head and she noticed his eyes were filled with unshed tears. "I didn't know it last night, but I'm losing her too."
Elizabeth's insides twisted at his hopeless statement. She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his middle. The move took him by surprise, but only for a moment. His arms enveloped her small frame and his cheeks caressed her hair as he closed his eyes. She felt his chest expand in a deep breath.
Stepping out of his arms, Elizabeth held his hands in hers. "Thank you for trusting me with all of this. Lila's paternity, Sonny's plan to get her back, Sam and Lucky's relationship… I feel as if I've been living under a rock somewhere."
"You moved on. Between work, your classes and taking care of Cameron you've had your hands full. You couldn't really know what was going on."
"Speaking of my little man. It's pretty late and I have to drive down to the docks and then take the launch to Spoon Island to pick him up and drive back home. That'll be 2 hours minimum."
"God, between all of that's going on I completely forgot about Lila."
"Em has both kids at Windermere… They are fine. Had a few little encounters but nothing big. They were watching a movie when I spoke to Em. Cameron wanted to watch Cars and Lila wanted Ella Enchanted but after a 40 minutes debate they decided on Finding Nemo. First thing they have agreed on, since they met. That has to be progress."
"I should go pick her up and…" He trailed off and pressed his fingers over the bridge of his nose.
"What is it?" Elizabeth asked.
"How am I going to tell Lila that her mother is going to die?"
Elizabeth bit her lower lip in worry at his desperation. It was a difficult situation all around, and she didn't have the slightest idea of what to do.
"I don't think you have to have this conversation with her today. Wait a few days, Danielle is an excellent doctor, I'm sure she's doing everything in her power to prolong Sam's life and to give quality to the time she has left."
"I have to pick up Lila, but I need to see Sam too. I…"
"Let's take it one thing at a time. Why don't you come downstairs with me and visit with Sam first. I was planning on stopping by to see how Lucky is doing."
He nodded his head again and she turned and started walking towards the door that led to the stairs. Jason's hands grasped her wrist and she looked back over her shoulder to find him close behind.
"I don't know if I've said this enough. But, thank you."
"I'm here for you Jason, for as long as you need me."
She opened the door to Sam's hospital room and the sound of the machines around her made her stop for a minute. She had been a nurse for 5 years and she was months away from becoming a doctor. But it hit her like a cold shower, knowing the heart monitors were counting down Sam's heartbeats as they faded away.
She stood inside the door, but didn't dare to move. Soon she found Lucky's red rimmed eyes and exhausted complexion staring back at her.
"How are you doing?"
"Things could be better. You?"
"I finished my shift a while ago, but I wanted to see you before I left to pick up Cameron."
"I don't want to talk about any of this right now Elizabeth."
"That's okay. I know you are going trough a difficult time. I just want you to know that I'm here for you… and Sam."
"And Jason. Right?"
Lucky's words were filled with judgment and frustration.
Elizabeth raised a stubborn eyebrow in question and answered. "Yes. Jason and Lila too. Look, I don't know much about what's going on. But I can see you are hurting. We are friends Lucky, and I won't let you waste away in pain and sorrow."
"I'm sorry. I'm just so lost. I knew how this was going to end. We just, we were hoping for a miracle and now…"
"That miracle can still happen. I know the odds are against us, but still we have to have faith."
"Says the soon to be doctor. Liz, you know the diagnosis, that's just wishful thinking."
"Maybe right now we all need a little wishful thinking and a whole lot of hope."
They were quiet for a while, the only sounds coming from the machines and ventilators.
"Come on, let's go get you something to eat."
"I don't want to leave her alone."
The door to the room opened and Jason stepped inside. His eyes big with worry at the sign of the small woman lying in the middle of the bed.
"I'll stay with her. I want to see her for a minute if that's okay."
The younger man looked up and had a snarky remark ready to fire, but seeing the other man's expression, he refrained. Silently he stood from the chair he had been occupying for the past few hours and walked straight out of the room without another word.
Elizabeth watched him and stepped around Jason, giving one last squeeze at his hand in support and followed Lucky down the hall.
Jason closed the door behind them and walked over to the chair. As he made his way closer, he realized how pale Sam's skin was. She had black bags under her eyes and her hands were thinner as was the rest of her body. And once again he cursed at himself. How could all of this be happening under his nose and he had missed it?
"I used to pride myself in being a keen observer. It was something I developed after my accident. I used to stand back, in the shadows and just watch people. Every move they made, every little expression. That was one of the reasons why I was so good at my job."
His eyes roamed her face. She seemed peaceful in her sleep. He placed her hands between his larger ones. "Being a father to Lila, it consumed my life. She became my everything, and I couldn't see you anymore. I'm so sorry Sam. If I had paid closer attention to you, if I had tried harder to work on us… Maybe…"
His voice broke then and the tears began to fall freely. A few minutes later, he felt the soft movement of her fingers.
"… not your fa-fault."
Jason's head shut up right and he met Sam's brown eyes.
"I'm so sorry."
"… 'sposed to be my lin-line."
"Why didn't you tell me what was going on?"
"… w's scared. Still… Lila…"
Her breathing became erratic, the heart monitor began to beep at the high pressure.
"Hey, just take it easy. Just rest and go back to sleep. Lila is going to be fine."
Her tired eyes found his and he could read every worry, every fear she had been hiding from him for years.
"Promise…"
He knew exactly what she meant. She wanted him to promise her that he would take care of Lila, of their daughter. Just like she had asked him the day Lila was born.
In that moment, he made up his mind. He would protect Lila, even if he had to fight everything and everyone who stood in his way.
"I promise. Lila will be safe with me."