Sorry for such a short chapter. I would have made it longer, and I was extremely tempted to, but I felt it would upset the flow I created in this chapter, so I ended it. Besides, I have a slight inkling that the next chapter might be a bit longer. Sorry if I upset you by ending the chapter when I know you're going to want so much more after this. Hell, maybe in this chapter, you might better understand Kazuno ^.^
I know I'm just dragging you along, but I can't help it, so I give you a slice of what is to come with this chapter. A relief, and new desire for more, I hope.
Shinai naru yuujin, read on!
With the lanterns off, the only light was dimly seeping down from her room upstairs. Noodle stood in her comfortingly dark lounge, staring at her wall, a section lined with books in several languages, while the remainder was decorated with pictures from memories long past. Aside from the actual books lining the shelves, her room told stories untold and unknown to anyone but herself and her dysfunctional family by the images that hung there. She stared at the walls, her eyes dull and tired, twinkling with cold tears. Kazuno walked up behind her, and gripped Noodle's hand tightly in her own. The light, though firm pressure on her hand brought Noodle's gaze down to her companion. The small child looked up at her, her dark blue eyes now burning deeply, capturing Noodle's eyes and holding them to her own. A small part of her wanted to look away from Kazuno's burning gaze, but she couldn't fight it. She felt an intense burning in her hand where the child held onto her, and that fire seemed to have a direct link to her chest. A small frown grew on Kazuno's face. "You're feelings are at war," she whispered. Noodle could only nod as she stared down at the child. How did she see this? How could she not have been more interested in this child's connection to her before now? "Noodle-chan, have you noticed? …These eyes used to be black, representing misunderstanding and unawareness…" Kazuno spoke, pointing to her own youthful eyes.
Noodle could barely speak; her voice barely escaped her lips as a faint hush. "H-how?"
Kazuno grinned slightly, "Just like how you once had no emotion, these eyes held no discernable colour… they were lost…" Noodle's head tilted to the side, not understanding. She felt like it should have been fairly simple for her to read this child's words, but she could not. Her emotions were raging, and any rational thought that swam through her mind couldn't seem to find a firm grip on her. Once more, the child's iris' seemed to dimly smolder as she took hold of Noodle's attention. Again, Noodle felt the burn from Kazuno's hand, trailing up her arm, as though her touch were directly connected to her. As Noodle concentrated on the burning, she felt it pulsing with each strong beat that emitted through her heart.
She was so lost within herself, and she knew it too. A small whimper escaped her lips, and she closed her eyes as tears began to burn hot, and trail down her face. How was it that she had seemed so happy when she was away from her home, but she had missed it so much it made her heart ache? And how was it, that now that she was home, she was more anguished and confused than ever before? She opened her eyes, staring at the walls endlessly as her heart ached. Kazuno frowned, her brows scrunching together as she lifted her free hand to her face, and ran her finger underneath her own eye. Next, Kazuno lifted her finger to examine it, and her eyes grew wide with wonder at the discovery of a small drop of liquid hanging from her tiny finger. She looked up at Noodle, amazement clearly plain in her eyes.
In a flash, Kazuno's gaze turned, now beaming at the door. Slowly, her eyes shifted, scrutinizing the wall before Noodle and herself. She seemed to take a deep, relaxed breath, and closed her eyes. "Remember to discover your feelings, Noodle-chan," she murmured gently. Noodle nodded.
After a moment, Noodle looked down at the girl, but her mouth popped open with shock as she stared at the now empty space. Without moving from where she stood, she looked all around her, but the girl could not be found. Oddly, she could still feel the burning in her hand. She sniffed, her chest quaking with unspoken grief. Her body felt numb in this moment; she just wanted to fall to her knees and never stop crying. Why couldn't she find herself? Where had she gone? Why had things gotten so hard all of a sudden? Why did her heart ache with a pain she'd never known before? Why was she suddenly thinking about Connor's words to her? Did he have something to do with how she felt in this moment?
"Lass, only the most privileged and blessed of people will every get what you have," he told her knowingly. "To get to experience to most painful thing in life: a truly devastated heart, caused by the very person you thought you loved the most." What had he meant? In this time, far away from her friend, Noodle knew his words rang true, but she still couldn't understand them. Sure, maybe she loved 2D, but she wasn't in love with him… Was she?
Noodle shrieked, jolting backwards when her door was slammed open, and a tall dark figure now stood in the doorway, his dark eyes narrowed with malice. She felt as though in that moment, a flash of lightning should have erupted from the sky, just to set the fear that had now taken over her body. Still in nothing but his boxers, he quickly advanced on her, grabbing her by her shoulders. "Who the fock do yew think yew are," he demanded, roughly shoving her into the wall. She grunted, then bit her lip, trying her best not to react to his aggression. "Well?" he pressed, snarling at her vigorously. She wanted to push him back, but his grip on her was firm, and he easily overpowered her tiny frame. As well, she was too scared to fight back. She didn't want to provoke him further. "What the fock do yeh think yo doin' in t'is room? It ain't yo's. Ih's Noodle's! An' I dun care if she's dead, it's still 'ers an' yew ain't allowed in 'er room!" He tightened his grip on her shoulders, and pulled her forward slightly, only to slam her back into the wall once more. "Fockin' answer me! I know you can fockin' talk, yew bitch!" Noodle gasped, and felt her heart rip, tears now flowing freely down her face as she stared up at the man she once looked to for comfort. Now she looked at him in utter terror.
"2D," she tried to begin, but she bit her lip painfully to muffle her lament, and she forced herself to look away, closing her eyes.
His scowl only seemed to grow once she became quiet, and he growled. He shook her, "What? … What? Whot do yew 'ave te say te me? Whot do yew fink yew can say te me te make amends fo' whot yew've done?" He challenged her. He shoved her forward again, and her eyes flew open as she gasped, and her head slammed into the wall. She howled, pain-filled tears thickly coating her face. He stared at her, now, studying her intently. Why had she just screamed? Did… did he hurt her? His face slowly became less malevolent, and more thoughtful. In the dim light, he could barely discern her distress, and as she turned her head, he could barely make out the tears that now endlessly poured from her doleful eyes. He gasped inwardly, looking at her face once more. She whimpered when he carefully took hold of her jaw, and pulled her to face him. Though she continued to avoid meeting his eyes, he watched her intently under his control. His face dropped as he saw her chest quake spasmodically, her eyes painted with fear, and she wheezed quietly with her silent cries.
The pain in his head seemed to increase with every second that passed, and his eyes opened widely as it made the most painful connection. "Noodle." Her name barely escaped his lips. She looked at him, his face now glossed over in the same anguish that she felt. "Whot… Whot 'ave I done?" She felt his grip on her release, and he took a step back, dropping to his knees. Once he was on the floor, seemingly repenting for his actions, he reached out slowly, but desperately as he searched for Noodle with his hand, and pulled her shirt, dragging her towards him. Confused sobs broke from his chest as he hugged her tightly around her waist.
Hurt and bewildered, Noodle began to cry with him, dropping to her knees and seeking comfort within the very arms that had caused her pain just seconds before. She curled into his chest as he pulled her into him, wrapping his own body protectively around her. She wrapped her arms around his chest, ducking her head underneath his chin. "Noodle," he continued to whisper her name. "I hurt Noodle… I hurt 'er. My Noodle… my love…"His voice was high-pitched, and cracked as he cried. He stroked her hair with his rough fingers, gently caressing the skin of her neck and her exposed arm. He continued rubbing her as the gravity of what he'd just done sunk in, and all he could do was bury his face in her hair, holding back the sobs that fiercely shook his body.
After a while, Noodle grew quiet, though her eyes continued to leak. She nuzzled her face into 2D's bare chest, sighing with relief. "Noodle," he choked, whispering. "I'm… I hurt yew, my Noodle… I'm so… so sorry…"
"Daijoubu da…You scared me, Stuart," she mumbled quietly.
"…I-I h-hate meself, f-for 'urting yew," he sniveled, brushing his fingers through her hair again, wrapping that arm around her fully as he pulled her further into himself. She remained quiet. She did not know how to convince him otherwise without causing more stress. "I don' belong 'ere," he spoke. She gasped quietly. How could he say such things? He would always belong.
Her face became winded with agony again, and she whined silently, trembling with a fierce pain. He pulled back to look at her face, fresh tears coating over the trails of the old. His fingers brushed her cheeks, desperately wanting to make them go away. She looked up at him. "Stuart, do you see me?"
"Whot are yeh talkin' abou', love? A'course I see yeh," 2D told her, caressing her cheeks with his fingertips.
Her lower lip trembled. "2D, do you know I have been here… for months? I came back to you. Daijoubu da, Stuart-kun," she whispered to him, lost in his endless eyes.
"I-I know you've been 'ere… Ih jus' took me a bit te remember…" As he ran his fingers through her hair, and felt the small bump behind her head, he grimaced. "Maybe a li'l too late, though."
Noodle watched as 2D's expressions continually changed, and she couldn't help but feel responsible for it. She leaned forward, resting her head against his shoulder as her face began to twist with a broken sob. "2D, why is this all so hard? Why can't I just end it all, and not have to worry about anything anymore?" She shook her head, wondering why she'd come to breaking down now in this moment, inside of 2D's embrace. She should have broken in and fallen apart in a time long past, when she was a prisoner in Hell. Why did this all come crashing down on her now?
2D heaved, pulling her into him again with a choked sob. "Don' say tha' Noodle. It… it's gonna be awl righ'… I dun know 'ow, but ih will…"
She shook her head, still wheezing. "I no longer want to draw breath. It's so hard… and I am so confused and hurt and full of pain," she cried.
"Noodle," he whispered painfully. "Love, I know 'ow yew feel. I'm so fockin sorry I 'urt yew awl those years ago, an' tha' I jus 'urt yew now…" he apologized. He sucked in a weary breath, "But yew can't say tha', love. Yew know yew don' mean that."
She shook her head again. "Yes I do," she whimpered. He breathed in painfully, trying his best to be strong for her. No one had ever seen her so vulnerable and hurt. No one would ever see this side of Noodle: the side of her that was truly broken and tired and so ready to just give up, but he wouldn't allow it to take hold of her and pull her away from him again. No one would ever see just how hurt she was on the inside, but he wouldn't allow her to give up on herself. He would take care of her…
"Noodle," he began gently. "I know it's 'ard, but yew can't jus' give up… I know tha' our world isn' whot ih used te be, but ih's not gowna come back te us," he admitted to both her and himself. "No matter 'ow much we wan' ih, an' figh' for ih…" He choked back a sob, and continued. "The time we've los' between us, love… we can't get tha' back either…" He wept, new tears overpowering him. "The life we 'ad tagether won't be ours ever again." He felt as though he'd just lost a part of himself, and he hugged Noodle tightly, weeping into her hair. "Buh, tha' don' mean we jus' give up, Noods," he told her through his tears. She continued to cry into his chest. "Tha' jus' means we gotta try ta make ih better fo' ourselves."
"But isn't it too late… it's already so hard…" she moaned.
He grinned sadly, "It ain't ever too late, love. We jus' gotta try a bit 'arder, an' 'ope we can try ta jus keep each otha alive…" She nodded into his chest. As long as he was there for her, she knew she wanted to try… for him. "Noodle… I'm sorry I 'urt yew," he cuddled her closer to him, his breath slightly calmer.
"It is… not okay… but, I do not hold it against you, Stuart. I forgive you… You weren't in your right mind," she told him, her breath against his skin. He wanted to protest, but he couldn't. Her words seemed to stop him in place. He was surprised that she admitted it wasn't okay, but he hated that she forgave him so easily, even if it was what he had craved.
Wondering why he had grown quiet, Noodle pulled back, looking at him questioningly. He smiled at her, and she felt her heart stutter with this simple gesture, but she didn't allow herself to look away. Slowly, he stood to his feet and offered his hand to her, which she took without question. A fire burned in the darkness of his eyes, and it intimidated her, making her feel vulnerable and weak. Unintentionally, she took a step back and realised that she was now trapped between him and the wall. 2D took a step closer to her, now tenderly holding her face, he bent forward and kissed her forehead. "I missed yew, Noodle."
"What do you mean," she asked weakly, drawing in an unstable breath.
"It took yew a long time, but I fink yo finally startin' ta find yoself… I missed yew," he told her, his affectionate smile still in place. She understood his words, and smiled back up at him fully and toothily. He almost began to cry once more. That was the smiled he had missed the most, and she was showing it for the first time since before she'd disappeared.
"I missed you, too, 2D-kun," she told him. His gut twisted with her words, and his body felt light. He opened his mouth, his face now serious, but he closed it a moment later. She tilted her head, her eyes questioning his ever-changing emotions.
He gulped, and tried once more. "Noodle," he began quietly. "Can… C-Can I…"
"Can you what, Stuart?" He shivered with his name on her tongue, placing his hands on either side of her, which only made her more nervous, though she continued to leave her grin in place.
"I… I-I-I want to…" He leaned into her, drawing closer to her face, and her eyes grew wide in understanding. He drew back slightly, worried, but she looked into his eyes, and nodded to him.
A flame that had always been burning in his chest seemed to set his entire body aflame when she nodded to him. He pulled back, and she looked up at him, confused. He took her hands in his own, and kissed each of her palms, making her blush and her heart pound furiously. After he released her hands, she held them crossed over her stomach, bewildered by the new feelings she was experiencing. It was overwhelming, but he didn't stop there. She gasped as he drew closer to her once more, gently pushing her against the wall, trapping her between it, and his exposed body. He brushed his fingers through her hair softly, ghostly trailing his hand down to the small of her back, pulling her into him further. She shuddered as he traced his nose along her jaw. His eyes closed, he could feel her knees trembling against him, and he smiled triumphantly to himself. Her scent intoxicated him, and he drew in a deep breath, loving her as he kissed her neck, just below her ear.
Noodle took a sharp breath, shivering, wondering why she suddenly felt so defenseless within his protective arms. He shifted, kissing her cheek, and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath to try and keep herself from hyperventilating. Slowly, taking in every moment he could, 2D moved his lips down to hers, grazing against her softly, and she took in another breath. As soon as she breathed out, he felt her mouth open slightly against his, and he let his lips meld to hers. He sighed as he pulled back, and captured her lips with his own once more, moaning quietly when her lips melted languidly against his. She trembled, her chest felt as though it would implode, and she moved her hands to his waist, trying to keep herself from collapsing against him. As he continued to press against her, she began to lose herself in his tender, though controlling touch. He cupped her cheek with his free hand, still massaging his lips adoringly against her own, but he noticed her hands were still overwhelmingly hesitant. At this, he finally pulled his face away, but kept his body pressed against hers, loving the feeling of her pressed up into him, holding onto him weakly. He could read the confusion in her eyes as she gazed up at him, and he frowned to himself. She froze, gasping quietly when he brought his face back down to hers, but instead he skimmed his cheek against her own, wrapping his arms around her body. "You're still confused, ain't yeh love?" He asked brokenly.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, ashamed that she couldn't seem to find the right answer for him.
He nodded, then grinned sadly, moving his face to look into her eyes. "T'as awright. I understan'…"
As she stared at him for an immeasurable amount of time, she noticed his weary appearance, and the fact that he was now swaying on his feet. She looked out her window, and remembered it was quite late. "2D… When is the last time you slept?" She asked, moving her hand to rub the dark circles under his eyes.
His face became blank, "I dun know, love… Maybe las' night… buh tha' damn cot ain' exactly comf'table." He chuckled humourlessly, sadness still evident in the both of them. She frowned at him, and he grinned at her, resting his forehead against hers. "Can I sleep in 'ere wiff yew, love? Yo bed's really soft." He seemed to be pleading. In all honesty, he really did just want to sleep in her bed. Being with her would make it a thousand times better, but that damn room of his really was starting to get to him more than it had ever before. He felt as though he were going mad when he slept in that room, like he was about to fall apart at any moment, and he didn't want to face that again. He felt good now, but it was only because he had Noodle with him, safe in his arms, though he had hurt her. And she was feeling the same way. She grinned up at him. Though she felt the most exposed near him, she also felt the safest when he held her to him, even if it was by just her hand.
She shook the thoughts out of her head, knowing 2D was waiting for her. She nodded, and he smiled brightly, picking her up as he hugged her to him again. Once he let her go, she turned to climb the steps, looking back to see that he was following. Once they got into her room, he climbed into her bed, sighing with relief. Her bed was amazingly soft, yet firm. He continued to grin as he looked for Noodle. She was walking back downstairs. He frowned, and she saw him just before she left. She smiled and lifted her hand, which held a shapeless heap. "Pajamas," she explained. He grinned and nodded, and she left, only to return minutes later.
Butterflies crept upon her as she lifted her blankets and crawled onto the opposite side from 2D. Once she pulled the blankets over her body, she gasped as she felt his firm hands grasp her, pulling her back against his chest. He wrapped his body around her, and pulled his face to hers. "Yo not uncomfortable, are yeh love?" He breathed into her ear. She shook her head, turning her head to grin up at him, and then relaxed in his warm embrace, allowing him to feel her against his body. He caressed her hair, pulling it behind her ear, and then returned his arm around her waist. "It's goin' ta be awright, love," he whispered to her, kissing the skin below her ear.
"I know," she breathed, her neck now burning where he had kissed her.
As she lay there, and the time passed her by, she found that she couldn't find sleep. She looked at 2D from the corner of her eye, and realised he was still awake as well, if only for a little while. When he saw her, he smiled, and she turned in his embrace, to face him. He looked at her, confused, and she grinned, ducking her head into the crook of his neck, cuddling close to him. She'd missed this from when she was younger, but somehow, it felt so much greater now than it ever had before. She shuddered violently when his hand crept underneath her shirt, and began to trace circles on her back. She blushed, burying her face in his neck with a sigh. The feeling of his touch against her bare skin was overwhelmingly addictive, but she couldn't seem to pinpoint the reason for it. She grinned when she saw Kazuno behind 2D, standing against the edge of the bed. The small child grinned up at her, then smiled affectionately as her eyes shifted to 2D, though he couldn't see her. She crawled on top of the covers of the bed, sitting behind 2D. Kazuno swept her hands through his hair gently, and he seemed to purr, the reverberations pulsing through him. Noodle smiled as she felt him, and looked to Kazuno again, realising that her own hand was tangled in 2D's hair. She would've shaken her head in confusion, but that would have disturbed 2D. She looked at Kazuno, shocked, but continuing to comb her hand through 2D's hair. Kazuno only grinned down at her, and laid her small body down, curling her knees in behind 2D's back as she watched them, and Noodle couldn't help but to grin back and nuzzle her face into 2D's shoulder, closing her eyes to fully enjoy the way they held one another, the way it should have always been.
This world will never be what I expected
And if I don't belong, who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late
Even if I say, it'll be alright
Still I hear you say you want to end your life
Now and again we try to just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around 'cause it's not too late
It's never too late
No one will ever see this side reflected
And if there's something wrong, who would have guessed it?
And I have left alone everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late
Even if I say, it'll be alright
Still I hear you say you want to end your life
Now and again we try to just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around 'cause it's not too late
It's never too late
The world we knew won't come back
The time we've lost can't get back
The life we had won't be ours again
This world will never be what I expected
And if I don't belong
Even if I say, it'll be alright
Still I hear you say you want to end your life
Now and again we try to just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late
It's never too late
It's not too late, it's never too late
Three Days Grace – Never Too Late
Again, I apologize for the shortness, but I'm guessing it was worth it, 'cos now you're wanting more, and it'll come. Okay? Good. Now then… let's move on…
In case you're interested-
Daijoubu da: It's okay. (or I'm okay)
Shinai naru yuujin: Dear friends