Chapter 8: Letting Go
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Robin wanted to hate Slade. He wanted to hate like Slade. He wanted to kill him every time he flung him across the empty chamber and didn't help him up after his bones still rang. That carelessness and indifference made him hate even more as he rose to his feet. Two hours straight without a break. Is this guy a machine?
"Kneeling won't make you stronger, apprentice."
"Neither does gloating or calling me out of my name." Robin raised his arms on reflex to block Slade's attack, but nothing came. Instead, a shadow grew over his face, causing rays of black and white to dance and shine on his armor.
"You're still too weak, Robin. Bringing your arms up to defend yourself proves you still have fear in your mind; fear that there will be repercussions for your actions against the Titans. You think the moment you hold up your hands, they will stop and take pity because you are one of them? That's a mistake that will cost you your life."
Slade sidestepped Robin's stab like a blur and slammed his staff onto Robin's neck. He watched Robin's head freeze in place, slobber now leaking from his mouth, as he collapsed. To think, he still fights on. Yet…his heart is not in the right place. Slade narrowed his eyes as Robin struggled to keep from falling to the ground. He's still one determined child. He just needs a push in the right direction.
With air escaping him, Robin's lungs burned and the bones in his neck felt like they had been snapped. He pounded the ground, his fist creating small dents, and dove forward for another punch. He felt Slade's glove stop his fist. With one arm occupied, Robin spun over and whipped his leg around. His leg kept whipping around until he heard a pop At once, he dropped the tension in his fist to tend to the burning pain in his leg.
"I know how you hate to lose."
Slade struck Robin again, giving the ribs some work and rapping the weapon against his legs like a xylophone. He got to one knee, raised Robin's head and slammed it into the ground. For a second, Slade's ears rung at the crack Robin's forehead made on impact.
"You try to hide your weaknesses from me because you hate to feel weak. You hate the thought that someone better than you could crush you like a bug under their heel. You're trying to hide your hate, your anger towards the world." Before Slade turned around and walked off, he rammed his boot into Robin's stomach, forcing the air out like a balloon. "You can't hide everything forever, Robin. I'll force that rage out of you. You may wish to kill me now, but in due time, you'll thank me when you become the perfect warrior.
"You. Me. We are more similar than you think, Robin. We both strive for perfection, both do anything to achieve our goals, both take any risks and don't flinch to stab others in the back if need be." He spun on his heel and walked back towards Robin. After watching Robin struggle for a few seconds, he lifted Robin by the hair so he could see his face. "Here's the difference between you and I: you have morals. You have restraints. You fight with all you have, yet you and I know that you can do better. I, however, do not have to hold back. I could break your legs and leave you bleeding to death, but I'm giving you a chance as my apprentice. You came here of your own free will, now show me that you deserve to stay."
As Robin controlled his breathing, he watched Slade walk off again, and then he looked at his own hands. Damn it, stop shaking! What stopped him from letting off all of that steam he'd gathered from Gotham or the lost hours of sleep patrolling the city with those four idiots? Robin rose to his feet- pain still throbbing throughout his body- and pulled out his staff. "No, the difference between you and I is that I'm better than you and I'll prove it."
Slade stopped.
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"Dude, she needs our help. Just trust me on this one. She'll feel all better after having some of this."
Cyborg's idea of a get well card filled with words of encouragement died as he watched Beast Boy hold up a bowl of a thick, creamy mix of oatmeal and what Cyborg hoped was soup. "I…don't think so, BB. What is that, the dark side of Cream of Wheat?"
Curious as to what he had created, Beast Boy stuck a spoon into the glob, but the spoon wouldn't come out. "Star called it 'sad pudding' or something like that. She fed me some of it when you ran away and it tasted like toenails."
"Is it moving?"
The blob bobbed back and forth as Beast Boy and Cyborg stood mesmerized at the gelatin. After several seconds, the spoon began to corrode until the end broke and landed on the floor with a plop. "Uh, yeah…so what was your idea again?"
"Let's just go. She likes hearing nice words."
Upstairs, Beast Boy held up his fist, gulped and turned his head away as if knocking on the door would cause a nuclear explosion. His fingers tapped the door and pulled back. "Oh well, nobody's home." He turned around and bumped into Cyborg, bruising his nose.
"Just open the door.
Beast Boy slid the door open all the way and stepped in behind Cyborg. Monitors displayed fuzzy black and white screens, sheets remained unfolded, a chilling wind blew in from the window and blood stained bandages littered the floor around the bed. Beast Boy scratched his head in confusion. "Where'd they go?"
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"Where am I? Wha-what happened to my body? Friend Raven, Beast Boy, Cyborg…are you here with me? Why am I in no longer in any pain?" Starfire felt as light as a feather, weight sucked out of her body as she drifted in the endless black void. Was she alive? How had she survived Robin slashing her throat with that strange blade? Had she gone to the bad place? Was that why when she opened her eyes, she still couldn't see? "Am I…dead?"
"No. You're not dead…now. You're just adjusting to the air."
Starfire's ears perked up at Raven's voice. It sounded like it came from all directions. The voice echoed from one end of the darkness to wherever Starfire thought it ended. Her eyes darted back and forth, but she still could not see. Seconds passed until Raven slipped out of the darkness.
"Open your eyes, Star. You can see."
She did and she could. "Friend Raven, where are we?"
"An alternate world is where we are. Star, you have trouble controlling your emotions whenever you think of Robin and that's going to cost you if you don't learn to keep your feelings in line. Nod if you understand."
She nodded.
"Good. Now, in this world, you must learn to suppress your emotions. This is where I come to meditate and keep myself from killing those two idiots. As you can tell, the air is thicker and harder to breathe. Exhaust too much energy and you'll start grabbing air like…whatever your type enjoys to grab."
"But Raven, why am I not allowed to take advantage of the powers released while fighting Robin? Is it not better to use every opportunity I can to bring him back by all means?"
"If you lose control of your emotions, you'll lose control of yourself. If you lose yourself, you'll want to do more than just bring Robin back; you'll want to kill him because you think he's your enemy." Raven muttered a few incantations to herself as the darkness began to take form. "If you want to bring Robin back, bring him back with your own power."
"But what I did to Robin was through my power."
"And what you did to your room wasn't." She held her hand out and watched Starfire clutch her head in agony. "I've set some parameters up there, Starfire. Keep your emotions in check and you'll be fine. Lose control and you'll feel like your brain is on fire." Raven looked around; black polygonal objects formed around the two. Satisfied, she pressed her hands together and embraced the thick black energy emanating around her hands. "Now fight me."
Starfire's hands trembled. Fight Friend Raven? The same Raven who taught her to meditate and talked to her when Beast Boy and Cyborg would not? She took a step back then froze as she felt a hand pressed against her back. Her head creaked to the left two seconds too late. Energy forced its way into her back, paralyzing her arms and sending her flying to the ground.
"Running away isn't going to save Robin. If we're going to bring him back for sure in the next battle, we can't be afraid of anything." She vanished and reappeared right in front of Starfire, grabbing her chin. "Now if you won't get serious, leave. Leave like Robin left us alone to fend for ourselves and put someone like you in charge so we can all be led straight to Hell." Raven vanished one second quick enough to dodge the starbolt that would have incinerated her face. She slipped out of the ground, swept Starfire off of her feet and held her hand in front of Starfire's face. "That's better. Quick reactions, sure, but…you're still trying to cheat by relying on your emotions to give you strength. Star, if you're going to blow up every time you get an advantage, you'll never get stronger. Maybe Beast Boy has a better chance of bringing Robin back than you."
Starfire charged again.
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"Hey, Raven, Star! What the heck are you guys doing in there?!"
Beast Boy pounded on the door enough to cause a dent, but neither he nor Cyborg got a response from the other side.
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Each time a punch froze in thin air or kick rushed through the darkness, Starfire, bit by bit, lost her sanity. That ever present anger banged against Raven's restraints, begging to come out, but she had to try and control it. As the energy from a starbolt faded from her hand, Starfire fell and grabbed her head again, this time almost ripping full clumps of hair.
"You're losing it again, Starfire! I keep telling you to focus on keeping your emotions down!"
How could she? Raven had the agility, strength and home advantage on her side. Starfire had to adjust to fighting in a void while making sure she didn't freak out at the same time.
Starfire threw her hands down and rushed. Raven blocked the first punch, spun and planted her foot in Starfire's stomach, pushing out the air from impact. Raven kicked again and again before blasting Starfire back with a black energy blast. Starfire's body flew again, but she recoiled and landed on her knees; her body shuddering from the pulsing electricity. Again, her hands went to her head to block out the corruption, but it ate through Raven's pitiful defenses and broke free.
A beat, then a red aura bled from Starfire's body. Her heartbeat grew to that of a war drum and green darkened to black. Bit by bit, the darkness around Starfire became tainted with the violent bloody winds sweeping around her body. The fists grew larger and more dangerous, shredding Starfire's gloves as the nails became claws.
Raven took a step backwards this time, paralyzed with concern, not fear. She gulped and braced herself, uncertain how to approach this. She didn't have to.
Starfire vanished.
A second too late, Raven turned her head. Open claws sliced her face; skin carved open and fresh blood pouring from leaking wounds. Keeping one hand to her face, Raven leapt into the air, but Starfire came blasting red starbolts…or green, Raven thought she saw for a second. Starfire flew to Raven's level and threw furious punches as quick as lightning. Raven's face cooled from the blood loss as one punch caught her in the face, forcing her towards the ground.
What the hell happened to her? Raven created barrier after barrier to block the starbolts. It's like she doesn't even recognize me. No! I can't let her lose it. Not now! She removed the barrier and stumbled to one side, still not letting go of her face.
Starfire dove towards Raven, eyes glowing as red as Raven's wounds as she fired. Concentrated beams shot from her eyes like lasers ready to fry their target. Raven dove to the left, but couldn't ignore the alarming pain shooting from her thigh as the beams caught her. The hell with this. Raven removed her hood- eyes now the same color as Starfire's- and focused her energy. "Azarath, Metrion-"
Starfire's feral yell carried throughout the void as cracks began to filter through the darkness and expose the light again.
"Zinthos!"
Black tendrils spiraled from all directions. One caught Starfire's left arm, the other the right leg, another gripping her neck hard enough to pop it like a twig. The end of the tendrils dug into Starfire's skin, slashing through tainted bloodstreams and swimming through an endless sea of polluted blood. The tendrils swam towards the brain- Raven's black aura faded while trying to keep up her power- and wrapped around the fragile coats of Starfire's mind. Raven took a deep breath. No turning back here. It could kill her. Forgive me, Starfire, but I can't let you lose control like I did. The tendrils peeled back the layers of the brain to relieve pressure.
Steam rang out at a disturbing rate from Starfire's body. She writhed and thrashed in midair as she felt her brain being sliced and poked by what felt like millions of needles. As the red in her eyes began to fade back to a gentle green, Starfire's legs stretched longer than she believed they could. Rational thought returned as her breath still came out in labored puffs. Blood running from her mouth turned to sweat that leaked through the void upon impact.
"Just a bit more."
One last beat and the red aura vanished. Starfire's head snapped backwards as her body- at a snail's pace- lowered to the ground.
The darkness shattered.
Glad to be back in her room, Raven collapsed on the side of her bed and clutched the wound on her leg. Blood still leaked from the wound and Starfire remained frozen with her hands on her head; muttering something about "No, Koriand'r, no."
Raven remained doubled over, frozen. Starfire lost control and didn't even try to come back to reality. Raven put her free hand to her chest. She almost killed me without a thought. If she could do that to her, what could happen to Robin? Raven shut her eyes. Would there be another Dr. Light on her hands?
What's the matter? Afraid of the dark?
I surrender! NOOOOOOO!!
Raven opened her eyes when she heard knocking at her door.
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"Wake up, Robin. Wake up. Wake up!"
Blackfire thrashed Robin's body back and forth until he came back to life. He grabbed her hand and raised his head off of the pillow; his body still tingling from pain. At first, he didn't recognize Blackfire's room. He last remembered training in Slade's chambers and then everything went black.
"How'd I end up here?"
"Slade must've hit you pretty hard, Robin." She gave Robin a light punch on the shoulder. "I was walking through the hallway and found you lying halfway out of the door to his chamber."
"You mean I fainted? What happened? When did he knock me out? What day is it?"
Annoyance flashed on Blackfire's face as she tapped Robin's forehead. "You're welcome for dragging you out of there. If you can't handle Slade, how can you handle my sister?"
"You can't even begin to compare her to him. She's an alien from another world- like you- and he's..." Robin searched for the right word. What could he say to describe Slade in one word? "…better."
"Better. Better. That's your word of the day, isn't it? Look, listen. You better be sure you made the right decision because that guy is going to work you to death. If he doesn't kill you before it's over, he'll make you stronger." Blackfire pulled back her sleeves and winced when they rubbed against several purplish marks. "You don't think I got these fighting my sister, do you?"
Robin just stared. His wounds would heal, but Blackfire's marks looked like her arm had been trampled by an elephant. "I'll tough it out. Don't worry about me. I won't need your help next time I see Star." He got off of the second bed and went back to his endless tirade of push-ups.
As the rain poured harder against the window, Blackfire pitied Robin's lack of fear. He would find out soon enough. She leaned over the side of her bed and picked up a book, her hand inches away from the glowing red x tucked away at the far right of the shelf.
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Having heard enough, he moved his hand away from his ear and remained poached on the roof as the rain clung to his suit.
"Well, well, Robin, I never thought I'd see the day. You better get your head out of your ass before that redhead kills you. Not that it doesn't thrill me that you're on the side of injustice, but remember what you're up against, and remember that haven't seen the last of me… not yet."
A bolt of lightning, a clap of thunder, and Red X was gone.