Kensi can barely stand the thought of anyone torturing him. That's why she puts the letters aside and grabs his hand, needing to feel him. The need to make sure he's okay is more than what she can take. She has to make sure he's really there with her.

And, almost as if he could sense that, Deeks opens his eyes and looks at her.

She can barely believe she's staring into his bright blue orbs for the first time in over 40 days. And she can't really stop the tear that runs down her cheek when she does. However, much to her surprise, Deeks pulls his hand away from hers and looks away from her eyes.

It breaks her heart to see him like this, to see him withdrawing from her. She wants him, needs him, to understand how much he means to her. But before she can start speaking, his voice, slightly shaky and hoarse, breaks the silence.

"Why are you here?"

Kensi takes a deep breath and tries to hold his hand but he doesn't allow her to touch him. Closing her yes to try to keep her tears at bay, she starts. "You're my partner. You needed me here and I wanted to be here for you. You scared me, Deeks."

He turns his head to face her and the hurt and anger she sees in his eyes nearly make her leave. This is more than what she can take. She never saw him like this. "I needed you while I was undercover. I needed my partner while I was working out there. But instead of being there for me, you sent Callen in your place. That pretty much tells me how much you really care, Kensi."

And, just like that, her sadness turns into anger and she snaps at him. "How can you even think that? How can believe, for a second, that I don't care? I care about you, Deeks, we've been partners for over two years. I thought you knew that by now. But instead of thinking that I might have had a good reason to do what I did, you chose to write these stupid letters to make me feel awful with myself and my decision."

He's never been one to answer well to her anger and this situation isn't any different. "You read my letters? You had no right to do that. I'm not dead, or am I? Those were private and not meant for you to read unless I was actually dead. Give them to me."

Kensi throws the papers at him and grabs her bag. "You can have them. I don't care anymore."

She storms out of the room, ignoring Callen and Sam's looks when she walks by them in the hallway. She only stops walking when she's by her car and that's when she notices Callen is right by her side. "Do you want to talk about whatever happened inside that room?"

Kensi shakes her head but he insists. "Kensi, you've barely slept. You're tired and you're not thinking clearly at the moment. Whatever happened, whatever you said, I'm sure he'll understand and forgive you for it. If you want to go home, I'll drive you. You're in no conditions to do that yourself."

She turns to him with unshed tears in her eyes. "Callen, I should have gone to those meetings. He's my partner. I should have been the one to support him through this whole thing, not you."

Callen sighs and takes the keys from her hand, just to make sure she's not going to try to leave in the middle of the conversation. "Kensi, you did the right thing. Going there wouldn't do you or him any good. Is that what this is about?"

She nods. "That and because of the stupid letters he didn't want me to read unless he was dead. He accused me of not caring about him, Callen."

Callen gathers her in his arms, knowing there's not much he can do about this situation. After a few minutes, Kensi pulls back and looks at him. "I want to go home, now. Do you mind driving me there? You're right about me not being in conditions to drive."

Callen nods and starts opening the doors but, just before they get in the car, a nurse comes running to them and seems relieved to find them in the parking lot. Kensi turns pale and holds onto Callen, afraid of what the nurse might tell her.

"Miss Blye, I need you to come with me right now."

Kensi takes a deep breath and manages to make her voice work, even if slightly shaky. "Is everything okay?"

The nurse seems to realize what's going through Kensi's mind and smiles. "He's okay but he asked me to come and get you. It seemed important and kind of urgent. I'm sorry I scared you."

Kensi nods and the nurse walks back to the hospital. Callen locks the car and starts guiding her back inside. But, just before they reach his door, Kensi stops moving and seems to freeze in the middle of the hallway. "I don't want to go in, Callen. Tell him I can't go in."

Callen shakes his head. "Kensi, he wants to see you. Come on, you can do this."

She shakes her head and sits on the floor, right by his door, with her back against the wall. "I can't. It hurts too much. Please, tell him I went home. Tell him the nurse didn't catch me in time. Tell him I was already gone when she went outside to find me."

Callen nods, knowing there's nothing else he can do or say to make her change her mind. So he goes inside and allows her to just sit there. Once inside, he lies to Deeks and Sam. He tells them exactly what Kensi asked him to say. Sure, he feels guilty when he sees the sadness in Deeks eyes but he can't tell him the truth.

And, as it turns out, he doesn't have to. Deeks asks Sam to hand him a pen and writes something on the back of one of the letters, the last one. Then, he hands it to Callen. "I know she's out there and I know she doesn't want to see me. Please, just hand her this letter. Make sure she reads it."

Callen nods, knowing there's no point in denying anything, and leaves the room. He hands Kensi the letter and sits on a chair, on the other side of the hallway, just to make sure she reads it. She just sits there, the letter in her hands, but without reading it, for close to 15 minutes. Just when he's about to give up, go back inside and tell Deeks she didn't read it, she looks down and starts reading it.

Here's the chapter. I have two more chapters planned for this story so we're nearing the end of it.

Reviews are almost as good as the drugs they gave me for the pain so keep them coming.
Love,
Sarah