40 Days – Chapter 6

Day 40
Kensi, I have a very bad feeling today. I don't know why but I just know something's about to happen. That's why I feel like I have to tell you this today. I have a list of things I need to tell you and now seems like the right time to do it.
1. I have some Twinkies hidden on my desk, at work, for you. Eat them before they get ruined.
2. I always know when you're PMSing because you don't hide the pain as well as you think you do.
3. Callen promised me he would watch over you while I was away.
4. Hetty made me sign the papers to become an agent before I came so this will be my last LAPD assignment ever.
5. You're the first person I ever saw a future with. That's funny, or at least it sounds funny to me. Every single time I think about my future, you're in it.
6. You, Callen, Eric, Nell, Sam and Hetty are the family I never had, the family I didn't think I deserved.
7. Tell your mother I would be glad to become her son-in-law, someday, like she wanted me to.
8. Never forget me, Kensi, because I'm sure I will never erase you from my heart.

Kensi turns the piece of paper and starts reading what's on the other side of it, with tears in her eyes. There's not a lot of text there but the words he wrote are more than enough.

I love you, Kensi.
Please, don't push me away.

Kensi gets up and wipes away her tears. Then, before Callen can even think about saying anything, she opens the door and enters Deeks room. Sam walks away as soon as he sees her and closes the door behind him.

Deeks opens his mouth to speak but Kensi stops him before he has the chance to say a word. "I'm here but we're going to do this my way. I have a few things to tell you and I need you to listen to them without saying a word. You can't cut me off or I won't be able to say everything I need to. Are we clear?"

Deeks nods and she sits down on the chair right next to the bed. "When you went undercover, Hetty told me it was a dangerous assignment. She told me we had your back, even though I was a LAPD thing, and that somewhat made it better. But I was still scared because Hetty is not one to say something like that. Then, she showed me the papers you signed to become an agent."

She sighs and plays with the letter in her hands, unable to look him in the eye at this point and not knowing how much he wants her to meet his eyes. "I missed you a lot more than what I was prepared for, and I was prepared to miss you a lot. I was excited for that meeting, as excited as you. I needed to see you. But Hetty pulled me aside the day before and told me something that made me re-think the whole thing."

She finally meets his eyes and the pain he sees in hers is almost enough to make him jump out of the bed and gather her in his arms. But he can't and she continues. "She told me that seeing you would only hurt more. She pointed out that seeing you would only make me miss you more. And I told her she was right. That's why I asked Callen to take my place."

Kensi grabs his hand and he squeezes it, thankful for the contact with the person he missed so much. "Deeks, I wanted to see you. But I knew how much it would hurt me to see you for a few minutes and then walk away from you again. I knew how much it would hurt to leave you there and come back without you. I couldn't do it. And I'm sorry for being so selfish but I thought I was doing what was best for both of us. I'm sorry I hurt you, Deeks. I'm sorry I made you think, even for a second, that I didn't love you as much as you love me."

His breath catches in his throat at that and he's not ashamed when two tears escape his eyes and run down his cheeks. His voice is slightly shaky but he manages to speak. "You love me?"

Kensi gets up in a flash and connects their lips before he can react. She kisses him with every bit of love she feels for him, hoping that will be enough to show him how she feels, for now. Deeks kisses her back, unable to put into words just how much he loves her.

And, when Callen and Sam finally break and decide to walk inside the room one hour later, they're not surprised to find Deeks fast asleep and Kensi cuddled to his side, his arm wrapped around her and lipstick on his lips. Thankfully, they managed to have enough sense to keep their clothes on. That would have been awkward, to say the least.

Four hours later, Hetty sneaks inside the room and smiles at the two agents, still fast asleep. She leaves something on the chair and walks out of the room, giving the nurse instructions to let them both sleep.

Kensi wakes up first and notices something resting on top of the chair. She's about to get up to see what it is when his voice stops her. "Please, don't get up. I like sleeping with you in my arms."

So, getting over her curiosity, Kensi smiles and rests her head back on his chest without a word.

I know what you're probably thinking. I'm on bed rest and I take forever to update. But I have a good excuse for that. My adorable boyfriend bought me the DVDs of my favorite shows of all time and brought them here. I've been watching them until my eyes hurt (literally!). Then, when my eyes hurt, I call my twin to keep me company and he doesn't mind doing that. But here's your chapter.

There's only one more chapter to go and it will be a short one.

I'm not going to promise previews because the pills I'm taking make me sleepy so I won't have the energy to answer your reviews. However, I still appreciate them a lot.

Love,
Sarah