This chapter uses the song 'Monster' by Skillet. The # will tell you when to start the song

Chapter Eighteen: Recovery

Jaina laid there in her bed for a while, staring up at the ceiling. She had lied, she had withheld information and—above all—she knew no one would trust her now. And why should they? After all, wasn't she the daughter of a Sith?

Would Qui-Gon want to continue training her? And if he didn't, who would take her on?

She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. Fear and worry coursed through her. She tried to reach out for serenity with the Force, but failed. So she went to plan B.

She was plotting her escape when the door opened.

"You awake?"

Jaina sat up to look at Jace, leaning in the doorway, staring at her intensely with his blue eyes. Jaina scowled at him; he was the last person she wanted to see her in her current state.

"Go away, Jacen Solo." Jaina demanded sharply, then turned and laid on her side.

"Oh, that's a nice way to speak to someone who brought you treats," Jace said sarcastically.

Curiosity got the better of Jaina. She looked over her shoulder.

"What is it?" She asked suspiciously.

"Chocolate covered puff-mallows," Jace said in a sing-song voice, waving the bag so Jaina could see it.

"Jace, you're the best!" Jaina exclaimed as she sat up. Jace tossed the bag at her and she caught it, opened it and stuffed a puff-mallow in her mouth all in five seconds with a grin.

"I'll take that as a thank you," Jace said with a grin. He brushed a stray hair out of Jaina's face. "So, how are you feeling?"

"Physically, I'm okay. Mentally, not so much," Jaina said, looking down at the bag of treats.

"Wanna talk about it?" Jace asked.

Jaina nodded.

"Will you come sit beside me?" Jaina asked. Jace nodded then moved towards the chair. He almost sat down when Jaina said, "No, on the bed with me."

Jace raised an eyebrow, but complied. Being cautious of the tubes and wires around Jaina, she and Jace got into comfortable positions sitting beside each other on the bed.

"So." Jaina said, unsure of where to begin.

"So," Jace repeated, taking a puff-mallow and popping it in his mouth.

"It's hard," Jaina whispered. "I've lived with these secrets for so long. It's hard to talk about them."

Jace swallowed and took her hand.

"Jaina, you don't have to talk about them if you don't want to," He told her.

"But I have to, Jace," Jaina whispered. "Because I don't know what retributions will come from them."

"Retributions?" Jace asked, his brow furrowed. "Why?"

"Because my father did horrible things, Jace!" Jaina exclaimed. "And I am the result of one of those horrible things! A mistake! A flaw in a seemingly perfect—albeit evil—plan! Had my father not turned to the Dark side-"

"Had your father not turned to the Dark side, you wouldn't be here," Jace reminded her. "You, with all your strange quirks, amazing talents, your vast knowledge and your loving heart. Not to mention your crazy imagination," He bumped her shoulder with his. "Now, come on, how many daughters of Sith Lords do you know who could ever draw as well as you do? At three years old? Or sing as well as you do, or dance with the passion you have, or have hyperdrive fixing contests with kids twice your age or build a lightsaber from scratch at five years old?

"Jaina," Jace took both her hands in his. "You are special. There is nothing denying that. So your dad did some bad things, so what? You can't control who he is, or that he's your father. People love you because you love to laugh and smile and make people happy, not because you have a perfect family tree. Nothing bad is going to happen just because people now know who your father is."

"How do you know?" Jaina asked, her eyes sparkling with tears.

"Because I won't allow it," Jace promised. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, right where a tear that had escaped ended. "And I promise that I will always be there for you."

"Always?"

"Always."

Jaina hugged Jace tight.

"Thank you," She breathed, her tears escaping.

"What I'm here for," Jace said, rubbing her back.

Jaina had to stay in the med ward for another week, but Jace never left her side. He got her to eat, would talk her out of a foul mood, hold her hand as she drifted off to sleep, and just be there for her.

Jaina, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan also had a long talk about what the future would hold in store for them. Qui-Gon alleviated Jaina's fears immediately and told her that he wouldn't dismiss her from her apprenticeship. Though it took many conversations and several long hours, the two were back on friendlier terms, to the happiness of both of them.

However, despite this, many members of the Council wished to see Jaina away from Qui-Gon.

"You failed with her father, what makes you think you won't fail with her?" Jorus C'boath demanded in an argument outside the door of Jaina's hospital room. The argument had gone on for ten minutes after C'boath had come to "relieve" Qui-Gon from his "burden". Jaina was near the point of tears, despite Jace and Obi-Wan trying to soothe her, when Qui-Gon retaliated, saying,

"I will not fail with Jaina because she is not her father." The tall Jedi said boldly. C'boath began to dispute, when both Yoda and Winna came up to them. Yoda—very diplomatically—told C'boath to shut up and Winna told him to get out, that he was disturbing the patients, Jaina in particular, as she had been monitoring the girl's vital signs when they spiked, indicating that she was upset.

"She's a monster," C'boath said proudly and viciously. "All too soon, that monster will attack. The monster needs to be tamed, and you are obviously not up for the task."

Fortunately, Denn and Master Windu had been there to prevent Qui-Gon from physically harming C'boath.

But the argument left Jaina thinking. And, unfortunately, she was focusing more on C'boath's words than Qui-Gon's and Jace's.

#

Jaina had managed to convince her caregivers to just let her stay a night in the medward by herself, that she'd be fine and that she just was starting to feel claustrophobic. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, understanding that feeling from numerous stints in a hospital bed, agreed; Jace was more hesitant, but in the end agreed.

That was how she ended up standing alone in the fresher with the door locked, her hands clenching the sides of the sink with white knuckles, glaring at her reflection in the mirror, staring into her own tear-filled eyes, listening to an imaginary voice repeating C'boath's words over and over.

You are a monster, you know, The little snide voice said. You know you've always been one. That's why you told no one about Daddy-dearest for six years.

"I'm not a monster," Jaina argued with her reflection. "I'm not."

Ah, not yet, you aren't. It's just beneath your skin, waiting to come out, ready to kill and manipulate. You can try and deny it, but it won't do you any good. The beast is ugly, but it will rule.

"NO!" Jaina screamed.

She brought her fist up and felt it hit something, heard the crack of something breaking, felt the blood run down her arm. She curled up on the cold tiled floor and sobbed, ignoring the healer's calls from outside the door, asking if everything was alright.

You're a monster. Your heart and soul are already claimed. This is no dream. They don't care if you scream. No one's going to save you. You can hate it, but you can't change it. There's no stopping this monster.

The door was opened within a minute and the head healer took one look at the girl lying on the floor, sobbing, then up at the broken mirror that was now covered with the child's blood and immediately ordered a sedative and bandages.

"And someone contact Master Jinn," She whispered.

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Qui-Gon came marching through the doors of the medward, angrier than anyone could ever remember. After that day, witnesses would swear that his kind blue eyes turned yellow.

"What happened?" He demanded sharply. "Where is my goddaughter?"

"Master Jinn, I must ask you to calm down. Acting like a Sith at this moment won't be good for you or for Jaina," Winna said, coming out of a room. She gestured for him to follow her and he did so. She led him down a hallway unfamiliar to Qui-Gon; with a pang, he realized why he had never been down this hall.

It was the psych wing.

Winna opened the door to a room and Qui-Gon's heart broke in more pieces than it had in the past two weeks: Jaina was sleeping, albeit restlessly, her fists clenching and unclenching, her eyes flickering under closed lids. Her face was flushed and covered in a sheen of sweat. Her ankles and wrists were restrained and she had a drip steadily feeding her medication of some sort. The fingers on her left hand were splinted with a bacta cast around them.

Qui-Gon fell to his knees at her side.

"What happened, my little flower?" He asked softly, taking her un-bandaged hand. "What has hurt your heart so badly?"

"Qui-Gon," Winna said. Qui-Gon slowly lifted his eyes to meet hers. "Up till now, Jaina has never had to worry about what people think of her parentage. While some are accepting, many are not." Qui-Gon scowled, knowing exactly who she was talking about.

"C'boath had no right to say such things with her nearby," Qui-Gon said, pushing back a stand of Jaina's sweaty hair.

"While that is true, I believe it set off a mental anxiety that would have revealed itself in time, a bit of Post-Traumatic Stress, if you would call it that," Winna said. "I do not believe Jaina has really come to terms with what her father became. Perhaps she thinks she will become just like him, and not a Jedi like her mother. She's scared and confused, and she has baggage she needs to get over."

"How?" Qui-Gon demanded. "By talking to some mind healer?"

"Actually, I was thinking what she needs is a trip, but only she chooses if she goes or not," Winna said.

"I am not taking her to Dagobah," Qui-Gon said gruffly. "I don't need her having any more Post-Traumatic Stress than she already has."

"I was thinking Telos IV," Winna said. "To where her father died."

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"I'll go," Jaina said.

"Are you sure?" Qui-Gon asked. Jaina nodded.

"I think Winna's right, that it should help me," Jaina said. She looked down at her hands; her wrists had only been freed of their restraints half an hour beforehand, once she had been declared mentally stable enough, though she was still being constantly monitored and had to have an adult constantly in the room with her. "I just… I just need to get it over with, and there's no use in beating around the bush with this. I'm going to lose control of me—my heart, mind, body and soul—if I don't face this now."

Qui-Gon took a deep breath.

"Alright. But know that if you change your mind, no one is going to make you go through with this." He told her.

Jaina nodded and, as she did so, Qui-Gon saw a tear drop down into her lap. He pulled her onto his lap and held her in his arms. They stayed like that for a long time.