Disclaimer: I don't own, I rent.

For reference: lyrics – flashbacks – present day.

Chapter Four
"I'm Only Me When I'm With You"
June 2009

Friday night beneath the stars
In a field behind your yard
You and I are painting pictures in the sky

It was hard to believe how much had changed in the past six months. Yet, as I thought about it, not much had really changed at all. I still spent all my time with Maura, I still allowed her to drag me to yoga and even went to a zumba class with her once. We still had our Sunday family dinners and occasionally slept over at each other's houses.

There was just more kissing now. And usually less clothing involved.

It was a typical Friday night. We had gotten in the routine a couple months ago and it had just stuck. Every week, I would pick up a movie and dinner on my way to Maura's after work, and after the movie ended, we would end up in her back yard, lying in the grass staring at the stars as we did on our first date. Typically we would end up in some kind of deep conversation, but sometimes we would also just lay there in silence, enjoying each other's company, until we were nearly asleep, and then retire to the bedroom for the rest of the evening.

Tonight was one of those nights when we fell into a comfortable silence, Maura lying flat on her back, as I made myself comfortable laying on mine with my head resting on Maura's stomach, my feet hanging off the edge of the blanket. All of a sudden, I was struck with a feeling of insecurity, a look of panic gracing my face momentarily. I quickly lifted my head to look Maura in the eye before I spoke.

"You know I love you, right?"

"What? Of course I know that."

"I just worry sometimes that I don't tell you enough."

"You tell me plenty, Jane. Don't worry. I know how you feel. Don't you know I can read your mind by now?"

A grin broke out on her face and I couldn't suppress my laughter.

"Well, what do you know, Dr. Isles learned how to tell a joke."

I returned to my previous position, feeling more confident than before. Folding my hands on top of my stomach, I closed my eyes and let out a sigh of content. After a moment or two, I felt Maura's fingers in my hair, playing with my curls. Her voice was so soft, barely a whisper and I almost didn't hear her.

"I love you too, Jane."

And sometimes we don't say a thing
Just listen to the crickets sing
Everything I need is right here by my side

Never before had I truly understood that phrase "comfortable silence." Not that there had ever really been much silence. Growing up, someone was always yelling about something, usually it was Ma yelling at Tommy or Frankie for making a mess in the house. But it was always something.

Work was rarely quiet either, even if they didn't have a case to work on and were just sitting at their desks doing paperwork, someone was always pulling a prank on another detective or procrastinating by telling stories of their more interesting suspect take downs.

None of the guys I had dated ever really went past the first couple dates, so they were always filled with small talk as they would try to get to know me. When they weren't talking, comfortable would never be the word I would use to describe the silence. More like awkward and tense.

But with Maura, it was always different. We could just be with each other. There was no need to talk, we already knew most everything about each other. We work together, so even filling the other in on how our day was didn't take long.

I began to appreciate the silence. It proves just how wonderful we are together. How perfect we are for each other. I could simply be with her. That was something I have never experienced before.

And I know everything about you
I don't want to live without you

I'm only up if you're not down
Don't want to fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do

It was nearly one in the afternoon and I was starting to get worried about Maura. She was supposed to come up and meet me for lunch twenty minutes ago and still, she isn't here. I sent her a text a few minutes ago asking if she was on her way, and got no response.

I started to get the sense that something was wrong. She was never this late. At least, not without letting me know first. Something must have happened.

Without a word, I rushed to the elevator and pushed the button to take me down to the morgue. It seemed to be moving much more slowly than usual. But maybe I was just being impatient.

"Have you seen Maura?" I asked Susie as I passed her in the hall.

"Last I saw she was in her office."

I nodded as a thank you and made my way down the hall toward the doctor's office. Seeing that the door was closed, I didn't hesitate before flinging the door open. The sight before me caused me to stop dead in my tracks. The blonde was on her couch, knees pulled to her chest, head resting on her knees. Though without even looking at her, I could tell she was crying.

Once I regained my ability to move, I rushed to her side and pulled her into my arms. I had no idea why she was so upset, but I was really hoping it was nothing I did.

"What's wrong, baby?"

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. Without a word, Maura began to cry even harder. Not knowing what to do at this point, I continued to hold her and ran my fingers through her hair. After a few minutes, she finally began to calm down and eventually pulled away to look me in the eye.

"I'm sorry, Jane. I missed our lunch, didn't I?"

"Don't worry about that. I just want you to feel better. Do you want to talk about it?"

I couldn't help but feel disappointed when she shook her head, then laid it on my shoulder once again. Even though I wanted to know what had reduced the beautiful woman to tears, I fought every urge to ask again. Apparently whatever it was, she didn't want me to know. I would just have to deal with that until she was ready. I just hope she knows she can trust me and that she can count on me to be there for her.

"I love you, Maur."

"I love you too, Jane."

You drive me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying to let you know
That what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

"Come on, Maura! Just say it. Cause of death is…?"

I paced around the morgue a bit faster than normal. This woman was driving me crazy. No, beyond crazy. It has been a very long week. I'm pretty sure I haven't gotten more than three hours of sleep in at least six days and I was supposed to be home by now.

And then someone had to go and dump a body in a lake.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you. This is a scientific process that cannot be rushed! You cannot and will not convince me, no matter how hard you may try, using whatever means you feel necessary, to guess, hypothesize or use my intestines."

"Can you just hurry up? I can't really do anything else until you give me something to work with."

If looks could kill. I took the hint and walked toward her office, muttering under my breath, praying she wouldn't hear me, or else I knew I would be paying for it later.

I plopped myself down on her couch and closed my eyes. The next thing I knew, I was feeling even more irritated at being awakened from a particularly pleasant dream about the blonde in the next room. Until I realized it was the blonde doing the waking, that is.

Before Maura could even respond, I had pulled her on top of me and captured her in a kiss, refusing to let her out of my grasp when I felt her start to pull away. Eventually though, the lack of oxygen made parting from the her necessary and I couldn't help but grin at her.

"Morning."

"Jane, it's 6:23pm. Not morning."

"Well, evening then. Now come back down here, I wasn't done."

"What happened to 'Can't you just hurry up?' Besides, I thought you were mad at me. Now you can't keep your hands off me. You're a very complicated person, Detective."

"Aw, Maura, you know I'm not mad at you. I just get cranky when I'm tired.

"Oh, well if you're not angry with me, I guess you don't want to have make-up sex tonight."

There were few times that I was rendered speechless. This was one of those times. No matter how well I had come to know the blonde, she still found ways to take me completely by surprise. Of all the things I had imagined her to say that was not one of them. Without a word, I pulled her up and began dragging her out of her office and headed for the elevator.

"Honestly, Jane. You are so hot and cold tonight!"

"Yeah, but you're just hot. So let's go home."

A smug look graced my face when I spotted the blush creeping up her cheeks. This guy would still be dead tomorrow, so really, what was the rush? Maura must have showered and changed before she woke me, because she seemed to be ready to leave.

"It was a suicide. Unless you've already forgotten about the dead man?"

"I didn't forget. I just have other priorities."

Suicide. Even better. That means, unless another body should turn up, we can have the day off tomorrow. Still grinning, I pulled Maura into the elevator and wrapped my arms around her waist, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.

I don't try to hide my tears
My secrets or my deepest fears
Through it all, nobody gets me like you do

I never pictured myself to be the marrying type. I have seen the way the life of a cop can tear families apart. Wives were constantly worried about their husbands and no matter how much they insist it doesn't bother them in the beginning, eventually, the resentment sets in.

The long nights, the risk of getting shot or stabbed or kidnapped or whatever else, it all gets to be too much. Eventually it comes down to a choice. Them or the job.

And I was not willing to give up this job for anything or anyone. Or so I thought.

It was a few weeks after our six-month anniversary that I realized I would give it all up for Maura. Maybe it was because I knew she would never ask. She would never expect me to quit my job for her, she accepted that it is who I am and she would never try and change me.

Maybe that was what made me want to change.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not hanging up my badge any time soon, but it surprised me to realize that I would even consider it. Never before had I cared about anyone enough to even entertain the idea.

But even just in the last few months, I found myself becoming more careful. More willing to accept backup. More hesitation before bursting in on the scene.

And there was no other reason than to make sure I was able to come home to her.

And that's when I knew it.

One day, however far in the future, I am going to marry that girl.

And you know everything about me
You say that you can't live without me

"You know what I love about you?"

The question caught me by surprise and I couldn't help but smile and respond with "Oh, everything, I would assume."

That one got me a smack on the arm.

"Here I am, trying to be serious, trying to give you a compliment, and you make it into a joke. What am I going to do with you, Jane?"

"I can think of several things."

Another smack.

When did she get so abusive?

"Okay, okay. I will be serious. What do you love about me?"

"That I'm the only one who gets this part of you. The part that isn't a always a badass cop chasing down criminals. You're different with me. Softer. Kinder. Gentler. You're an amazing person, Jane. I'm happy you let me see that."

When I'm with anybody else, it's so hard to be myself

Only for you, Maura.

I'm only me when I'm with you

A/N: Sorry about the wait between updates! I recently started both a new internship and a new job and have found myself with much less free time than at the beginning of the summer. Don't worry though, I have no intention of giving up on this story and hopefully now that I'm falling into a routine with work, I will be able to update more frequently. As always, please review and let me know what you think!