Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Or most of the lines below. A lot of them are movie lines.
This is an answer to a prompt on Norsekink and a cannon!AU:
"Scourge; 1. a whip or lash, especially for the infliction of punishment and torture. 2. a person or thing that applies or administers punishment or severe criticism. 3. a cause or affliction or calamity (disease and famine are scourges of humanity)
Loki is the Scourge of Odin and the most powerful sorcerer in the Nine Realms. When someone truly angers him, Odin sends Loki to met out punishment. The position has given Loki great power, but he hates it. It isn't the magic he dreamed of performing for Asgard when he started learning spells. Odin also commanded him to secrecy (a misguided attempt to prevent Loki being feared by the Asgardians).
Loki can create plagues that wipe out entire populations, famines that starve entire planets, extinctions or overpopulations (locusts ect) that devastate entire ecosystems, and calamity's that change the very shape of the land (wars and natural disasters). Odin keeps the Nine Realms in check with the threat of these.
When Loki called himself a "monster" he really meant it - the revelation of his Jotun heritage enough to finally push him to say what he's thought of himself and the horrible things he's committed across the Nine Realms in Odin's name. It's also why he tried to destroy Jotunheim, along with destroying a part of himself he hated he was acting out a punishment he truly thought would please Odin.
When Odin has need of his services, he goes to Midgard to give Loki orders - in front of the Avengers. Thor is horrified to learn Loki is the Scourge all in the Nine Realms live in terror of.
"You're going through an awful lot of trouble Asgardian," one of the Jotunns remarks as Loki readies to pull them through a pathway. "All for a bit of mischief."
"No," Loki says, shaking his head as he augments his magic with a Norn stone, "Mischief is a small thing, a toy I've well used and discarded. This isn't mischief." A smile splits his face, "This is mayhem. Just watch." *
It starts with lies.
To Asgard's civilian population, he is the very entity of chaos, of evil, of everything bad in the universe. He is the scar on the otherwise flawless skin, the blemish, the stain on a pure white sheet of linin. No one can make heads or tails of the dark prince who likened to a shadow amongst pillars of light.
He is nothing but trouble to them and maybe they are right in that perspective. He plays pranks, causes mischief and whenever his mouth opens, only a select few can determine where the truth ended and the lies began. He is dishonest, untrustworthy and quite frankly, not worth the effort. But the looks of suspicion, disappointment and over-all contempt that are cast in his direction when they think he is not paying attention do hurt sometimes. He has feelings, he has a heart - though now this is becoming debatable - and his is fully capable of being wounded mentally as hard as it may seem to believe.
It does - however he may deny it - trouble him deeply to know exactly what the general populace thinks of him and he can't help but feel angry and spiteful towards them for their opinions. It does cross his mind that treating hate with more hate would only lead to tenser relations later on in his years, but he has long learned the art of pushing things to the back of his mind.
Prioritizing.
He always does what is best for Asgard - that is what his life has become. He is no weapon, no sword or hammer. He is the Allfather's ultimate bodyguard - a shield. Loki will always protect Father because Father gives him power, purpose, everything. Father, above all, trusts him to keep him safe. If there are any threats, Loki is sent to deal with them, and deal with them Loki does.
So Loki grows and Loki learns, continuing to slip beneath their gazes as he works behind the scenes to do his father's will as the Scourge.
It ends with hate.
For a time, his life is perfect. He has a father who trusts, a mother who loves and a brother who cares. For a time, Loki is happy.
Then everything changes when he catches wind of Thor's upcoming coronation. Nothing is official, not yet, but the townspeople have already begun to chatter wildly with each other. Loki watches, cloaked in the shadows that have become like a second skin, his blank, green-eyed gaze staring at the masses of people in the marketplace. He likes to come here every once in a while to catch up on the daily happenings of the town.
Loki frowns, he has already accepted that as the second born, he will never be king. Even if he does, Asgard, he knows, will not be too pleased with him sitting on the throne as their ruler and leader. The God of Lies is a tittle he is not proud of, but he has earned it. He can feel their eyes boring into his back every time he walks past them, all limbs and grace, but no hint of good intentions.
The role of king is not for him; Father had beaten that into him long ago when he was proclaimed as his Scourge. The throne has never been an object of desire or envy to Loki. To be king, one needs to be loved by the people and he holds no interest in that, making them hate him is far easier. Then there is the plight of keeping up a respectable image as king, the politics and fake smiles that sent shivers of anger down his spine because if there is one thing he hated more, it is the expectation that he must be perfect in every sense of the word.
But Loki is not perfect, he is the imperfection.
Loki contemplates the merits of telling Father his findings, but he discards the notion with a bitter flurry. For all the trust Odin places in him, he places the same amount, but ten fold, in Thor. Father will not take too kindly to him pointing out that not only is his judgment skewed, but also that Thor is not as golden as most people would think. 'No', Loki thinks, 'Father will not be pleased.'
He loves his brother; there is no doubt that lingers in his mind. He may be envious and hateful at times, but there is still love lying at the bottom of his carcass of a heart. Thor will be a great king; he already has a heart of one already. Loki can see his brother leading Asgard into prosperity, but that is but a dream of the future.
Thor is not ready to be king. Not yet.
Yggdrasil will burn before he lets Thor take the throne and consequently plunge his home into chaos and catastrophe.
It starts with hate.
He can hear Thor coming far before he sees him.
They're underneath the throne room, a hall mostly left empty as servants scurry about, trying to finish last minute preparations. Most of Asgard has been waiting for this day - Thor's coronation, the day where the beloved heir becomes king. Loki closes his eyes, banishing the images of hanging banners and the large cauldron of fire, casting a warm glow in the lily lit room.
He does not feel its warmth.
The giant doors at the end open and he can hear Thor thunder through them, throwing something into the fire and in response, the flames leap up, crackling loudly as the blaze intensifies before dying down. Green eyes slide open.
"Another!"
'Thor, you horrible, loud, lovable fool.'
Loki feels something akin to guilt bubble in his stomach, its sharp claws digging into his heart.
Thor approaches his hiding spot and Loki sports a smile, one filled with mischief and promises of chaos. But still, the edges are soft and dulled. He walks around the banner obscuring him and stands alongside his brother, both of them dressed in full regalia. It's been years since they've last been able to have a quiet moment like this, just them and only them. Not Loki, the Trickster, or Thor, the Thunderer. Just merely Thor and Loki.
"I've looked forward to this day as long as you have. You're my brother and my friend. Sometimes I am envious, but never doubt that I love you," Loki says, completely sincere with no trace of deception or lies.
It's an apology.
It ends with blood.
Loki feels the cold winds, unforgiving and harsh against his ears as they pepper his hair with white powder. His leather coat is black as night and a clear contrast to the snow under his boots. He remembers a white cloak, wrapped around him, giving him warmth and comfort even though the cold does not faze him, does not hurt him though he knows it's there.
He remembers silence.
"We shouldn't be here," Hogun the Grim says.
The guard is taking too long; they never should have reached Jotunheim.
The Warrior's Three and the Lady Sif all unsheathe their weapons, expressions apprehensive and tense. None of them have been to the home of the Frost Giants before; to them it is uncharted area. A territory where the enemy has all the advantages and they have none. It is not like one of their quests where they venture into unexplored land that's more often than not near the outskirts, they're venturing straight into the heart of a realm. Their fear gives Loki more cause for concern. While he can care less for them, they are Thor's friends and Thor will be devastated if they perish.
Thor surveys the land. "Too late now."
Loki sucks in a breath and follows after his brother, all too aware of the eyes following them. Red on red. Terrible. Ugly.
The children will never wake up again. Their eyes will never open. Their cries will never be heard. Killed by an assassin, disappearing into the night with trails of mist and the scent of ozone the only tracks they leave behind.
He shakes his head.
All Loki can do now is stall and hope for the best.
It starts with blood.
Thor comes blundering into a wrecked plaza just outside of Laufey's crumbling palace, sill paying no mind to the shifting shadows all around them. The six Asgardians are surrounded and Loki feels a lump of ice form in his stomach. They might not come out alive.
"The House of Odin is full of traitors," Laufey rumbles, voice sounding like the cracking veins of ice in between rocks and the roots of trees. His eyes bore into Loki's own and Loki remembers a temple of sorts. He almost feels feather-light pelts surrounding his body, protecting him against the shrieking winds and gales. There is a face of blue in his memories and then it is gone, abandoning him. He remembers crying.
"Do not dishonour my father's name with your lies!" Thor roars, teeth clenched and knuckles white.
Laufey stands to his full height, imposing and intimidating. Every bit the king he is. He looks down on Thor and scoffs softly and lowly, "Your father is a murderer and a thief. He stole what was ours, left our world in ruins. We have the right to reclaim the Casket."
The conversation tumbles out of control and Loki believes that Thor has had his fun. He steps behind him, leaning in close to whisper, "Thor, stop and think. Look around you, we're outnumbered."
"Know you're place brother."
Loki recoils as if hit.
'Thor please, listen to me just this once.'
Laufey continues speaking and then he offers to let them go. Loki takes the chance and runs with it, speaking with Thor in low volumes before taking the offer in place of him. His brother stares at Loki with an expression of betrayal and surprise. His heart breaks, but he deserves it. He has coordinated all this and now it is time for everything to end.
"Run back home, little princess."
'So close.'
"Damn."
It ends with death.
Odin finally comes and they are saved.
But Father is angry, so outright furious and Loki can only watch as the golden son and the golden father scream and fight at each other. Fools, the both of them. Loki does not dare to say anything out loud. He stares at his hand instead.
Blue. Blue. Blue the colour of sapphires. Beautiful, intricate, different. Burn it.
"And you are an old man and a fool!" Loki's head snaps up and he can feel the world slow, the last of Thor's words echoing in Heimdall's Observatory. Asgard seems to grow quiet and Loki can hear violins playing. Thor's face contorts into one of surprise, as if he doesn't believe that those words had escaped him.
Sometimes when angry, people say and do things they don't always mean.
The words, however, have been said and no one can erase the mistakes of the past.
Odin levels Thor with a calm gaze and something dangerous moves behind his blue eye. Loki holds his breath.
"Yes. I was a fool. To think you were ready." He recognizes the tone. The fake calm, the sadistic and ruthless undertones. He knows this anger. This rage.
Odin's wrath.
"Father..." Loki tries but Father only screams at him, directing the first blow of fury at him instead of Thor. The seal has been broken. Lightning flashes between them and Odin tears away Thor's armour. He starts with the metal plating on his arms and then the discs on his chest. Loki begins to step forward; everything he has meticulously planned is coming apart at the seams. This is not supposed to happen.
But he is too late.
"In the name of my father and of his father before. I cast you out!"
And Thor is gone.
It starts with death.
Hours pass and Loki can stop himself no longer. He travels to the treasure vault, the place where Odin stashes all the relics he had collected on his campaigns as a young man. The relics of the past. His eyes catch the empty pedestal where Mjölnir once resided before Odin gave it to his firstborn son.
Thor...
Loki stills and he finds himself near the closest he can get to Jotunheim. His breath falters and he doesn't want to touch it - blue skin, red eyes, he's one of them - but he has to. He has to know. Concrete evidence.
His shoulders shake while his body remains tense, physically locking up. It's an automatic reaction. Loki closes his eyes and takes a deep gulp of air, hands coming to rest on the handles smooth, grey of the Casket of Ancient Winters.
A hand composed of pure magic slides up his arms, under his sleeves and armour, dancing across his skin, leaving a new set of flesh in its wake. The touch is cold, but he feels no pain. Whispers enter his ears and images flash behind his closed eyelids - abandoned. Crying. Papa, don't leave me - as the voices reach a crescendo. Crystals of ice form inside his heard and Loki opens his eyes, the world dimmed and darker than it used to be. The Casket hums.
"Am I cursed?"
Odin sighs, "No."
"What am I?" Loki asks, voice hoarse even though he hasn't screamed. He drops the Casket and the whispers - Monster. Monster. Monster! Kin-slayer. Beast! Abomination! - retreat. The blue retreats. The emotions of panic and distraught rush out his body and he's left with his defenses, all of them, piled on top of each other. Every crack is sealed, every crevice blocked. Loki open eyes and doesn't dare to look at his hands.
The ice remains.
"You're my son."
He grits his teeth and turns around, "What more than that?"
It ends with life.
Loki listens as Odin tells his story, his father - no, not Father. Papa, Papa! Where are you? I'm cold, Papa. It's so cold - a frenzied hand at his side trembling wildly. He looks at the Allfather's form, the one he vowed to protect weary and burdened. The Odinsleep. Loki ignores the call of the Casket. The ice in his veins.
"Laufey's son?" Loki repeats, eyes wide with horror. Green - red on red - eyes, bright and colourful now blank and unseeing.
"Yes."
His world cracks.
Suddenly, everything is too hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. He hisses and scowls. Answers. He wants answers. Odin gives him none, skirting around the subject. Loki wants to know why - the gears of the universe are the what and how. It is the why that turns them.** Remember this, my son, that everything your father does, he does for a purpose - Odin took him, why he was appointed as his Scourge. Why he is so different - Jotunn monster, wearing the skin and flesh of an Aesir - from everyone else.
Why Odin always favoured Thor more.
Why no one loves him.
"Tell me!"
Because this is why. Loki never had a chance. Everything he thought he knew is all a lie - the Liar lied - and now it all makes sense. Thor, the golden son. Loki, the dark prince. Odin and Frigga, Allfather and Allmother. Thor, the Mighty Thor. Loki, the Scourge.
A - I cast you out! - monster.
Jotunns - You are Jotunn - are monsters. Frost Giants. Creatures. Beasts.
Loki.
Monster.
Because he is a monster, he is a monster.
This is what he has been living as all this time.
Odin falls and Loki realizes that Father is hurt. Father is...
It starts with life.
"My king," Frigga addresses him with a respectful nod, full of support and encouragement. Loki knows she is breaking inside. Her eldest banished, her husband catatonic and her youngest son on the verge of a mental breakdown from all the emotional turmoil and stress. She stands from her place at Odin's bedside and cradles his cheek with a comforting hand.
The spear in his hands in heavy and unfamiliar.
"I trust in you." But Loki doesn't. No, Loki's shaking like a leave caught in a hurricane. Too much. Too much. He needs time, but Frigga is pushing him. Wants to make Mother - yes, always Mother. Frigga is always Mother - proud of him. He wants to correct his wrongs.
Too much.
Redemption is a lie. Can't erase his sins. Can't reverse his choices.
Too much. Too much. Too much.
"Loki," and the way she says his name evokes a storm of emotions in him. So much love and trust in her voice, it makes Loki's heart of ice break. He wants to cry, but the guards are watching. Frigga is watching. Odin is watching. Everyone is watching.
He must be perfect. Always perfect. The perfect - imperfection. Scum. Weasel. Stain - son of the perfect family in the perfect realm. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.
Loki pushes his emotions away and focuses. The world rights itself and he can see Frigga's smile in crisp, clear vision. He nods and she kisses him on the forehead.
"I won't fail. I promise."
"I know."
He can fix things.
He will fix everything. Even himself.
It ends with love.
Loki visits Thor after he dispatches his - Thor's. Never his. - friends. He needs to make sure that Thor will not come in and ruin things. Thor can only return if he redeems himself. The trickster has seen the way the eldest has interacted with the Midgardian girl, the girl has an effect on him. A calming effect. Loki feels betrayed.
Changing for a mortal, but not for his own bro-
No. Not brother.
"Father is dead."
Thor's head snaps up and Loki can see the thousands of questions running through his head. Those electric azure eyes stare at him, stunned. But Loki remains resolute. He has perfected his art. He is a professional. So he stares on with soulless green eyes.
Bit by bit, he breaks Thor's spirit. Like his own soul - he has no soul - was broken. Bit by bit, they both crumble until there is nothing left.
"Good-bye."
He feels no satisfaction. He feels no pain. He feels nothing but a cold, empty numbness.
Loki leaves.
It starts with love.
The Destroyer lands on Midgard and Loki watches it all from the throne.
He watches as Heimdall, Frandral, Hogun, Volstagg and Sif all deliberately disobey his orders. The magic song of Bifrost can be heard from realms over, of course Loki would know of its activation. Something tells Loki that Heimdall had done it to smite him. He and the Gatekeeper never got along.
Something inside of him breaks further as Thor begins to realize Loki's lie – and in return, the Lied lied back - his face giving away all his thoughts. Thor always did have a problem of wearing his heart on his sleeve. He remains steadfast as the Destroyer finally makes its appearance. The piece of metal that Loki controls. The piece of metal that will destroy everything.
It fires its beam of energy, vaporizing anything unfortunate enough to stand in its way. He who has learned evil shall only be able to do evil.
Even now, he can hear the chants of absolute chaos. It sends tingles down his spine and arms. It is present always. With every shift of his body, his blood boils, and with every pull of magic, the hairs on his skin rise. It doesn't control him, no, he is the one in control. Always. Loki has everything - not himself - under control.
He won't break.
It his choice.
Thor walks up to the Destroyer. All mortal and unarmed. A changed man. The walk is not arrogant or flashy, only humble and noble. It is the walk of a man with compassion. A man who has found something worth sacrificing for. Who is not afraid to make his own purpose. A man...who is Asgardian. Loki watches.
"Brother," he starts and Loki schools his face even though there is no one watching, "whatever I have done to wrong you, whatever I have done to lead you to do this, I am truly sorry. But these people are innocent. Taking their lives will gain you nothing. So take mine and end this."
Loki freezes. Who is this man? Who is this man that has taken the appearance of his bro -his frie - his...Thor? Who is this? His hands shake and tap against the arm rests. The throne room is empty, save for a few guards, and it is only him making the sound. The tapping grows louder. No. Thor will not come out of this the better man! Thor will not come out of this the hero! But - But never doubt that I love you - every story needs a hero.
Thor has changed.
Loki's arm moves. Loki has changed - he who has Jotunn blood is Jotunn and he who is Jotunn is a monster - also.
He watches as Thor flies. As Thor falls.
'Rise up, Thor.'
And Thor rises.
Loki screeches.
It ends with hurt.
Another deal with the Jotunns was made, this time with the king - Papa - himself, Laufey. He brings them to Asgard, past Heimdall's frozen body, and he cloaks them with the same invisibility charm he used so long ago. The Frost Giants burst into the throne room first and though Mother is every bit the warrior Odin is, the combined fatigue and worry have weakened her. She is knocked unconscious, spiraling to the floor in an ungraceful heap. Loki's heart twists in pain.
Laufey approaches the bed containing Odin, face still riddled with wrinkles and lines with a phantom tear track down the side of his face. The Frost King laughs and turns his back against Loki.
Bad decision.
He expels a mist from his sleeves, the smoke entering the two Jotunns' nostrils, filling their lungs with a poisonous gas. They pass quietly and Loki makes a gesture with his hands, the mist lifting and disappearing from sight. His eyes are hard as emeralds, still blank like glass.
"You death, came by the hand of Laufey."
Loki waits until Laufey is completely occupied, letting the Jotunn gloat before he sends a beam of magic to his side. Laufey tumbles to the floor and lifts his head to stare at his attacker.
"And your death came by the son of Odin."
He is met with another blast that incinerates him. Loki feels no remorse. Laufey is not 'Papa' any longer. Laufey lost that title the second he abandoned him in the temple, leaving him to die and face the winter conditions himself.
His father is still Odin and he will prove it. For trying to assassinate Odin Allfather, he, as the Scourge of Odin, will destroy Jotunheim as punishment.
It is his father's will.
It starts with hurt.
A discord of harmonies rip through the air and Loki almost raises his hands as the sweet song of Bifrost floods his ears, his senses, his very being and soul. A tree of ice sprouts from the base, its roots and branches spreading out as its trunk encases Gungnir and the dais. Loki's eyes slip closed, his mind searching for Jotunheim.
He aims and fires.
His ear listens closely as the Bifrost slices through the empty space with unnerving ease. He hears it strike down on the cold, ice, crushing under the weight of all the pure energy and magic the Bifrost is expending. The Jotunns scream and shriek in terror as the white-hot beam consumes everything in its path. Their legs allow their strides to be long and quick.
The Bifrost is faster.
"You can't stop it. The Bifrost will build until it rips Jotunheim apart."
Thor steps forward, looking at him with a fear that makes Loki feel almost giddy. "Why have you done this?"
Loki faces Thor, eyes like steel and merciless. He doesn't bother to hide his emotions, his pain and anger. His lips curl into an ugly sneer. "To prove to Father that I am a worthy son. When he wakes, I will have saved his life, I will have destroyed that race of monsters, and I will be true heir to the throne!"
Loki is falling apart, but he hasn't failed. Not yet.
He is worthy. He is strong. Loki Odinson the Scourge the Nine Realms live in fear of is strong! And he will not be bested by this pitiful fool!
"You can't kill an entire race!" The irony of the phrase strikes deep into the remnants of Loki's heart. He lets out a scratchy, amused huff of disbelief.
"Why not?" He begins to scale down the stairs, a new emotion swimming inside his poison green eyes, "And what is this new found love for the Frost Giants? You, who could have killed them all with your bear hands."
"I've changed," Thor says, standing tall like a hero on a field, ready to fight in the war. He seems reluctant to fight, but Loki will not let Thor ruin his fun. His plans and games. Not this time. No, Loki will come out victorious this time. Loki is worthy. Loki is strong.
"So have I."
He swings Gungnir, hitting his not-brother on the side of his face.
"Now fight me." Loki hits Thor again in the split second it takes for the phrase to sink in, sending the Mighty Thor crashing to the ground. Loki is stronger.
"I never wanted the throne!" The words tear themselves out of his throat as if they were barbed wire being pulled out instead. He can taste blood on his tongue. He can feel blood on his hands, his body , all over him, running down his face, dripping to the floor as his victims' souls surround him as an eternal reminder of what he has done and what he can do. "I only ever wanted to be your equal!"
He doesn't want this.
Thor has always been better. Stronger. Faster. More popular. Father's favourite. Asgard's favourite. Mother's favourite. Loki's favourite.
But Loki is sick of the darkness. This slimy, inky substance that clings to his skin, wrapping around his wrists and ankles to prevent escape. He wants to see light and he will not have Thor block it again.
He is strong.
"I will not fight you brother!" Thor screams, full of pain and confusion. Who is this monster that he replaced his brother?
That monster is Loki.
"I am not your brother," he shouts, whole body quaking wildly, green eyes open and vulnerable. He's cracking. He's breaking. But Loki does not break.
"Loki, this is madness..."
But he may bend.
"Is it madness? Is it? Is it?"
This is not madness.
This...This is mayhem.
It ends broken.
Thor strikes the bridge one last time and Loki tries in vain to stop him. The magic glass fractures and break before shattering brilliantly, sending them flying upwards in a torrent as all the magic energy in the bridge releases into space.
They both fall and Loki can see Thor's horrified face as he tries to grab onto his little brother who is falling further away.
Someone catches Thor's foot and Thor grabs hold of Gungnir the same time Loki reaches for the other end.
Odin has awoken.
It starts broken.
He's weightless as he floats over the edge of the Bifrost, fingers curled tightly around the rod of the spear. His heartbeat is loud in his ears, drowning out everything else but the whip-crack voices that have haunted him all this time. Memories, recollections, his life - everything flashes before his eyes.
Two green eyes stare at one blue.
"I could have done it Father! I could have done it!" he hates how his voice cracks at the end, how it raises an octave, how it shows how desperate he is for any sign of approval. For any sign of confirmation that he is a worthy son. That all his years in service as Odin's Scourge has meant something. That he is still welcome. That he still has a home.
He is still part of the family. Everything he has orchestrated, manipulated, and committed has always been for Odin and for Asgard. He wants to be worthy of the Eternal Realm and his family more than anything. Loki wants to know that despite all his sins and atrocities, that a monster like him can still have a home.
"No, Loki."
Two words and it ends.
Father is disappointed.
Loki has failed.
The monster must die.
"Loki, no!"
It ends up lost.
For his story to end, the monster must be slain.
Loki shuts down and lets go.
* Not a line from the movie, but a line from the comics. Said by Loki. Don't know the issue.
** ^ What it says above.
My, I'm glad that monster of a chapter is out of the way. I hope it's okay? Haha, yeah. I did manage to crank out a chapter before school starts! And hopefully its long enough to make up for my silence over the next few weeks.
Happy reading!