Ch 30 Lovers' Faces

At the beginning of January, 1942, when Tonya and Lyuba in Moscow were listening to the battle report on radio, the Soviet army had just completed the counterstrike in the strategic direction of western suburb. The German army retreated 100 to 250 kilometers outside of Moscow. The myth of the invincible Nazi Germany was broken at the city of Moscow.

"Moscow is untouchable!" so as everyone said. "Napoleon couldn't do it. Hitler won't either!"

On January 8, the armies of western front, Kalinin front and Bryansk front began the offensive campaign of recovering Vyazma. As soldiers devoted their hearts to the endless sounds of gunfires, artilleries, footsteps and outcry of "ura", they each reserved a tiny place for their personal sentiments at the bottom of hearts. Small, but irreplaceable.

Even as the silly boy in his big sister's eyes, Ivan easily noticed his younger sister's recent change. On that face, the contour softened and the two elegant eyebrows were getting longer like a flying crane's spreaded wings. She still reserved her smiles, but the eyes were full of naïve tenderness. This tenderness wasn't directed at someone, but went beyond everything, looking into the distant sky. For this reason, she was like the winter sky too—lucid, bright, but melancholic.

Ivan had seen such a face. Seven years ago, the handsome pilot Andrei Orlov lingered outside a window of the Braginsky's. But now that this same expression appeared on Toris and Natasha's faces, he came to realize that the looks on lovers' faces did not belong to themselves, but were gifts accepted by each other. He saw his big sister's expression on Andrei's face and on big sister's face he found Andrei's.

Toris and Natasha were certainly faithful to their duties during battles. But ever since the new year whenever the rumbling firings ceased for a moment, the lucid, bright and melancholic expression would coincidentally appear on their faces. They weren't looking at their comrades nor each other—in fact, they almost didn't speak a word over the past few days. But it didn't matter.

These days, Ivan couldn't catch a moment to spend with Wang Yao alone. Only at the end of a full day's mission when exhausted soldiers snuggled together and fell asleep, he would finally get the chance to lean beside Wang Yao. When he couldn't sleep, he would peek at the person beside him—and then he wouldn't be able to sleep at all.

In fact, he had always been a deep sleeper; but now, he would be haunted by dreams even if he could sleep. The worst thing was that all those dreams felt completely real: he dreamed that Wang Yao was shot on the ground; Wang Yao was blown into the air by explosion; Wang Yao got on the train heading to military school; Wang Yao went back to China and sent him a wedding photo of him and another Chinese girl…...

Over and over, he woke up in cold sweat. Turning aside, he would see Wang Yao's face snuggling up to him in sleep, reflected with the flames burning at the distant horizon, was so beautiful. Unreal. He anxiously reached out his hand to touch Wang Yao's hands that were gripping on the rifle even in sleep, and felt the metal's coldness and the fingers' warmth. And so, he felt relieved for the moment.

With extremely gentle gesture, he gingerly verified the other person's existence. He would brush away that lock of dark hair on the pale forehead, or flatten the faint line between the two brows, or affectionately place his hand on Wang Yao's waist—that large bruise he saw that night never went away from his mind.

The more he expressed his affection, the more his heart felt uneasy. At the end, he almost wanted to grab Wang Yao's collar, shook him awake and shouted a few words at those dark eyes—like the letter he wrote to his big sister, to those young people living in the future, "Don't forget me, you happy people!"

He couldn't bear himself but only bury his nearly twitching face from resentment into Wang Yao's dark long hair, hiding away the pain and jealousy that his sister could never had imagined. And so, he waited for dawn, waited for the order of offence. By then, he would be able to express his joy and bravery that he had always taken pride in.

The fire burned all night at the horizon. With the light of explosion faraway, it looked cruel and beautiful.

One day, Ivan finally caught a chance to be alone. Wang Yao threw him a glance before he opened his mouth, so they stepped on the bumpy trail covered with grooves and burned metal scraps, heading towards the woods at the end of their base. It was not the poplar woods that witnessed their affection, but the Russian land was never short of woods like that.

"If you feel terrible, just say so…"Wang Yao looked at him with displeasure, "What were all those at night…"

But Ivan wasn't going to regret, "I thought you were sleeping."

"How could I be sleeping with you touching me like that?" Wang Yao flushed, "What if other people saw that?"

"If they saw, then you kind of deserve it. You didn't push me away when you were awake."

Before he finished the sentence, he saw that shy and riled expression on Wang Yao's face as expected. He knew that he already felt awful enough, and having a serious discussion would only make matters worse. Quick, say something funny before they start a quarrel! Although he discovered in frustration that the joke wasn't smart at all.

But the anticipated quarreling didn't begin. He heard Wang Yao sighed, then held his hand:

"I was waiting for you to wake me up…maybe it'll make you feel better."

He was speechless, then suddenly pulled the other person into his arms.

"Forgive me…I didn't wake you because I just wanted you to get more sleep…"

"You see, we are not that bad." A voice vaguely came out of the person in his arms, "It can even be said that we are good people. But even good people happen to upset each other too."

"Let's talk about something else." After a little while, Wang Yao broke loose of that hug, unbottoned his jacket and took out a piece of neatly folded paper from his shirt pocket. "You are so mindless! You forgot your sketch in the woods the other day but you never even metioned it these days. If it wasn't me bringing it back…"

"Because I knew that you would bring it back." Ivan spreaded the paper gratefully and right there, he saw Wang Yao's face looking at him with a faint smile.

"Vanya…do you remember long time ago you said that drawing other people was easy, but somehow, it was impossible to draw my face…Why are you able to draw me now?"

"Because the portrait of your loved one is different from everyone else…" he turned around, left hand plucking the bark uneasily. "At first, you were at the base not far away from me. I was quite relaxed so I couldn't draw. But then you were ended up in the medical tent. I counted down your return date everyday until finally I couldn't bear it anymore. So I had to create you!"

He abruptly turned around and pressed two hands on Wang Yao's shoulder, said with a gloomy face, "You don't know how gruelling it was to draw the person you love!"