The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just messing around with them.
The name of this chapter is because of the song "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem ft. Rihanna.
As always, thanks to my fellow Rockstar Mari, who is Amazing!
Please read the A/N at the end.
Chapter 4: When a tornado meets a volcano.
"Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment"~
Unknown.
"Answer me!" She yells with a slight desperation in her voice.
I'm shock to see the fury in her eyes. I don't know the reasons why she's so angry. It can't be because I'm here. It can't be because my presence took her by surprise. It has to be something beyond that, but what?
"What? What do you want me to say?" I surprise myself with the calm in my voice. Even though, I am truly out of sorts with this situation, the most prominent feeling is anger.
I don't know if her rage is provoking mine. All I know is, I'm not about to let her talk to me this way.
"What are you doing here?" She screams at the top of her lungs. The sound is almost animalistic, like a strangled cry. I can't form an answer before she launches herself in the exasperated rambles she uses when she's upset. "You shouldn't be here damn it! You can't be here. And who is this? Who is this woman Edward? What are you doing with her! Is this what you do when I'm not around? Go out and pick random sluts to take to your apartment? Are you fucking this plain boring bitch?
The last two questions spurred me into action. I step forward and grab her arm in a vice grip. I want to shake some sense into her.
I don't understand her behavior. Bella likes control. She lives for it. I have never seen her out of the usual strong and composed façade she wears. The only time I get to see a glimpse of the real her is when we have sex, and even then she fights to hold the power.
However, right now there's no control, there's no façade. She's all over the place. I'm as perplexed as ever.
I can tolerate her harsh words. I can take all the coldness that surrounds her, but I can't let her offend this girl. Angela. That poor girl must be in such an uncomfortable position. I look back at her and see the hurt expression on her face. I feel so bad. I try to convey with my eyes how sorry I am about everything, before dragging Bella away from her and out of the club.
We can't talk here. We can't talk like this. She is obviously not okay. This room is spinning, I can't think straight. There's some hot burning feeling inside of me that's dying to come out. For once, it's not the lust or the love I feel for Isabella.
All the hurt I've been feeling because of her is revolting around me. I'm not sure what I'll say if I don't take a breath of the cold night air.
We can't talk here.
Once outside, I search frantically for a spot to take Bella. The street is almost deserted. Apparently all the people that were waiting to get in, are either gone or inside. The valet parkers are lounging with the guard near the entrance.
I scan the area again, and this time I find an obscure alley across the street. I let go of Bella's arm and start walking. I can't deny I'm a little surprised when I hear the sound of heels following close behind me.
She's silent, just walking behind me. No protests, no shouting, no arguing me. She just did as she was told. It's starting to freak me out a bit.
This is not the woman I know.
What the hell is going on? I tug hard at my hair. Once in the alley I stand with my back to the left wall, slumping. I realize how tired I am. This day has been weird to say the least. I tug my hair again.
Bella is standing in front of me, with her eyes down. This is the first time I allow myself to really look at her. She's as beautiful as ever, wearing a short red dress with red shoes. The dress is so fitted that all of her curves are showing. And her legs in those shoes are so lean and long that I can't help but stare and imagine them wrapped around me.
Before I can go further into those thoughts, I remember how mad I am. I clear my throat and start talking.
"Do you want to continue talking trash Isabella?" My tone is acid and combined with the use of her full name; I know she knows I'm serious. I've never spoken to Bella this way. I've never spoken to anyone this way, except when I'm fighting a case. It feels foreign to me, to be so bold and unashamed in front of her. I don't know where this power is coming from, but I'm holding on to it tightly.
She doesn't answer me, and it makes me even angrier. "Nothing to say now? It seemed like you had a lot to say back there. Or did you get tired of behaving the way you have?"
I don't know if my new found attitude makes her reacts. But she does. She lifts her eyes and I can see them burning with feeling. She's going back to her place of control. I can sense it. I see it happen before my eyes.
"That must have been some good lay, huh Edward? Look at you, ready to commit murder for her. Who is her? Tell me!"
The rage boiling inside me, is so strong it's scares me. I am not a violent person, but Isabella breaks me. I have no control over my emotions or feelings when she is concerned. Right now though, I wish she were a guy. If she were, I'd be punching her.
God! How frustrating.
What is wrong with her?
"What is wrong with you! Have you lost your mind? Do not speak of Angela that way. I will not allow you to."
I'm no longer resting my back against the wall. I'm standing to my full height in front of her, stopping myself from getting too close to her. I can't be too near or I'll lose my conviction. It's already a problem that I can smell her perfume whenever a rush of wind comes by.
"You will not allow me? You will not allow me! And who are you to allow me anything! You're no one, you hear me? No one!"
It hurts. It feels like someone kicked me in the ribs. It feels like someone grabbed a bat and is using it to beat piece by piece my already broken heart.
She's right. I'm no one. I will never be anything to her but her getaway weekend twice a month.
My anger is fading away only to be replaced by my self-loathing and miserable thoughts. I try to stop it. I try to hold on to my rage. As unnerving as it is to feel so out of control, it makes me feel a little strong. It makes me feel as though I'll survive this encounter.
"You're right. I am no one…so…why am I here? Why are you here Isabella? What do you want?"
My voice is soft, a whisper. Nevertheless, I still feel some thick current of annoyance behind it. I'm still trying to stay strong.
Bella is looking at me with an undecipherable expression on her face. She looks as if I've surprise her.
That's good. I muse. Surprise is good.
There's a long stretch of silence. Once in a while a few cars pass us by illuminating us in a soft glow. I rest back to the wall. I'm exhausted. I wish she would just say something already. And then, she does. And I almost wish she didn't; almost.
"I don't want you with her." She breathes. If I hadn't been paying so close attention, I may have missed it. It was a flitting moment, a whisper, a caress. She's not looking at me. She looks defeated; hurt.
Who are you? I want to say. I don't know this girl. I've seen part and broken pieces of the sweet alluring person she can be. I've never seen her like this. Is she…? She can't be.
She can't be.
"Are you…are you jealous?" I say the word like it's a bad word, like, if I say it the wrong way I'm going to offend her. She focuses her eyes on me, as if she's seeing me for the first time tonight. She holds my gaze for a second before looking down to the floor again.
I'm stand upright again, waiting for her answer. I want her to say it. I need to hear her say it. I'm about to ask her again when she speaks.
"I shouldn't be here…I need to be working." She sighs and moves a foot, as if she's going to walk away from me.
I don't let her. I grab her wrist and stop her. My body reacts the same way as always to the contact. My heart is beating as fast as I imagine it can go and my knees go a little weak. For a second, I think I may not find my voice to talk to her, but I do.
"Don't." I pull her close to me, and she doesn't stop it. I smell her scent, intoxicating, dangerous. Her eyes have become dead yet again. It's always a rollercoaster with Bella, but tonight has been by far the worst. I've never seen her slip in and out of her emotions so many times. I don't like it. I want the passion, I want the strength, and I want her to talk to me like she usually does; no rambling, straight to the point.
I'm a masochist.
I hold her left hand limply at her side, while my other hand holds her close to me by the waist. For a while I just stand there, with her in my arms, before I speak. "Don't hide from me anymore Isabella. Stop using your work as an excuse. Answer my question, tell me…are you jealous of that girl? Is this what this is about; jealousy?"
She stays silent and my heart swells. I don't want to feel as if I've accomplished something. I don't want to feel the sick satisfaction of knowing that for once, our roles are reversed. But I do, I'm so happy and smug I can't contain it.
"Now you know how I feel all the time…" I say while wishing I hadn't, because the instant those words leave my lips, she wakes up again.
"Is this what you wanted all along? You wanted to get even? You come here, where I'm working, to prove what? That you can pick up a girl? Please!"
By this point, she's pushing me, trying to break free of my hold on her. I don't let her go, she screams, and punches me in the chest, but I keep her close. I want her close. I want to fuel my strength off of her. I need her rage to keep mine going.
What is wrong with me?
"You are so self-centered. You think everything is about you, don't you? You think I can't have a life without you, right?" My voice is even, smooth, like I'm having a normal, casual conversation. I'm not sure how many times I've wanted to tell Bella how selfish I think she is, but I've never been able to. There's been always a touch, a kiss, a look that has stopped me before. Not tonight. Tonight I don't recognize myself.
"Apparently you can and you have, haven't you? How many of them have there been? How many girls have you slept with this past year Edward?" I understand her words. I understand the sentences and questions she has spoken, but my brain is paralyzed. I don't understand how she has the audacity to tell me this.
How dare she?
"Are you kidding me? You think you can come into my life, screw me over time and time again and just… Damn it! Isabella, do you see what you're doing? You go in and out of my apartment and I'm supposed to what, put everything on hold, till you decide it's time to grant me with your presence? You get to go back to your real life, to your husband and I get to what? Wait for you?"
My breath hitches, I'm feeling dizzy. She doesn't need to know that's exactly what I do. I put my life on hold for her; I wait for her to come back. That's been my life since I met her. But if she already thinks otherwise, why stop her?
What good would come out of that? I don't know where this conversation is going. Her fragrance and proximity are clouding my senses. I wanted her close, now I can't get far enough. I let go of her and step back, rubbing my chest where my heart is aching.
I always knew I'd explode some day. I just didn't know it'd be like this. I didn't know it'd be today. I didn't know it'd be so tiresome.
I turn around from her and place both of my hands in the wall in front of me. I'm trying to catch my breath. I feel like I'm going to be sick.
"I thought you understood. I…you said it was okay. You said it wasn't a problem." She says and it's not a scream like before, but it's not a murmur either.
After a deep breath and a lot of debates with myself, I manage to reply softly.
"But it is."
It feels like the weight on my shoulder has been lifted. I feel like the air coming into my lungs is cleaner, pure.
I don't know how much time we stand there, just being. I can't hear her breathing; I can't detect her scent in the air. After I while, I begin to panic. Maybe she left. I turn around slowly; trying to convince myself it's okay if she left. I think it'd be better, if I found out that she has left me here. Easy, no more pain…no more resistance. Perhaps I'm finally free…
It still hurts…It would hurt the same either way… You still love her, my inner voice tells me seconds before I'm finally facing the right wall of the alley again.
She hasn't left. She's right here in front of me…and she's…crying?
Crap.
"Bella?" Silence. "Isabella?" More silence and tears, big tainted tears.
I can't help it, I reach for her. My arms encircle her with the lightest of pressure. I try without success to get her to talk. I ask questions that are left unanswered. I whisper sweet nothings into her hair and let her grab my shirt into her fist.
What should I do next? Her crying has stopped now but I can't bring myself to let go of her. There's some strange feeling lurking between us and it's terrifying.
This is so messed up.
We're so messed up.
I knew this night was going to be a bad idea. I just didn't expect it to be this bad. This...horrible.
Now here we stand, after tearing each other out, and this feels so irrevocable, so close to being the end.
Is this it?
Link of the Bella's dress: www (.) polyvore (.) com/chapter/set?id=34172405
So is this a cliff? I don't think so...but if it is, I'm sorry.
I am also very sorry for the time it took me to update. If you're still with me, I want to say Thank You!
This chapter was very hard for me to write, I hope you like it, please let me know with a little review.
PS: If you want to read my random semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter LisbethTejada.
Till next time, xo.