Disclaimer: The only thing that's mine is the plot of this story. SM owns.
Thank you to Mari for being so cool. I heart her.
Pretty Please read the A/N at the end.
Chapter 7: Against The First One.
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing,
and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Oscar Wilde. ~
My alarm clock wakes me at 6:00 am. It's only Wednesday and I'm already tired. This week has been crazy. I have a case that's driving me nuts. It was the first thing I got on Monday morning; a lawsuit. I hate lawsuits. They require so much work, so much strategy. They wear me out.
I go through with my morning routine; brushing teeth, shower, and coffee. By 7:30 I'm ready to head to the office. Before I make it to the car in the parking lot my cell phone chirps in my pocket. I groan internally thinking that is my secretary with messages of my client. He is one annoying person.
I don't pull out the phone till I'm seated comfortably in my car. I was wrong apparently. It's not my secretary. It's Emmett.
Are we still on for lunch?
I made the promise to eat lunch with him some time during the week, last Sunday. He was so persistent. I didn't know the crappy week that was ahead of me. I decide to be honest in my reply.
I don't know Em, I'm extra busy.
Almost immediately I get his answer. I sigh when I read it.
Don't you dare cancel this one Edward. We have to talk. You promised.
I don't send him anything back. I start the car and go to the office. If I'm being honest with myself I'm not really looking forward to this lunch. I'm actually truly scared. I don't know how he's going to take the Isabella's news.
Bella… I think internally. I still can believe it was only three days ago the last time I saw her. I miss her already.
I never thought I'd see the day, when I was the one asking her to leave my apartment. She seemed so reluctant.
As much as I enjoy our comfortable silence, I have to break it. We can't keep dodging the big elephant in the room.
"So…you left him…why now?" I ask with trepidation. I'm honestly afraid of her answer. Although I feel closer to her emotionally, more that I've ever been, she's still Bella. I know she can go from one mood to another in a second. I know she has the ability to render me speechless, to distract me. I can see a little shift in our dynamic, but truth is she's still the one with the power.
"Yes…I left him. It's actually been a few months now. I filed for a divorce and it's still taking place, but…um…we don't even live together anymore." She admits with some shame in her voice.
I can't stop myself; I lift her off of me. I tug hard at my hair. I can't believe her. She's been without him for months. She took this decision some time ago and I'm just hearing it now. Who knows when she would've told me? Or…maybe she doesn't want me to know? Maybe she's finally going to stop seeing me altogether. Maybe she's going to have a fresh start again; no men.
I stand up from the couch and start pacing, frantically pulling my hair. She sits there quite for a while. This is certainly not how I saw things going. I mean…with Bella, nothing is ever as I would like but…I thought that, I don't know…
"Edward? Can you stop doing that?" She asks quietly from her place. I stop mid stride and turn to face her. I challenge her with my eyes to tell me exactly what I should stop. She flinches a little before speaking again. "You're going to go bald if you keep that up and I like your hair." She says gesturing to my hand that is yet again buried in my locks.
"Why didn't you tell me? Do you have any idea what goes through my mind every time you go away?" I ask her raising my voice a bit.
"I wanted to. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how he was going to take it…So I decided to wait until it was progressing and then I thought it'd be nice to tell you when…when it was all done." Her voice drops considerably at the last sentence.
"So you did it for me? You left him…to be with me?" I say in a low voice. The idea of Bella finally choosing me it's too good to be true. Could it be? Can we actually-finally be together in a normal relationship? My heart and body are too aware of the possibility of having Bella all to myself. Without it feeling like a dirty secret anymore.
She stands up and walks to me. She stands in front of me and scans my face deliberately. She stands on her tiptoes and kisses me softly, lightly on the cheek. I close my eyes and lose myself in the feather like touch of her lips. I'm not sure this is the Bella I'm used to, but it could definitely be.
"I never thought I could be with someone like you. I've been trying so hard to downplay what we have…but I want you so much Edward. You have no idea. It's…terrifying."
I remember kissing her after she said that. She admitted to wanting me. I was beyond happy. We talked so much that day. She talked so much. I'm in love with her voice. Not the one that seduces me to bed every time, but the vulnerable one; the one that told me her secrets and her feelings, the one that asked me if I would keep her in my life.
If I was in love before I don't know what the hell I am now.
I'm dating her.
It pained me to do so, but I couldn't force Bella into a full relationship right now. After hearing all about her past I just couldn't do it. She needs time to heal, to become used to the idea of love and partnership. Even though there's nothing I want more than for her to live with me, she's just not ready.
It's so sad really. She thinks that if she loses the hold and lock she has on her emotions, she's going to become her mother. She thinks she'll end up as a depressed addict. I know she must be better than before. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been able to open up to me like last Sunday.
I felt her guarded and still so scared. But I'll prove her wrong. I'll show her how great feelings can be. I'll be everything she needs me to be. It's not uncommon for people to be healed by love. Bella is not broken, or damaged; she's just scared. She doesn't believe that things can turn out okay for her. She is just holding her emotions back for fear of losing control.
When I get to the office my secretary hands me a stack of paper without saying a word. It's just information. I have to have all the information I can get to go through with this case and win it. Besides, my client is just too difficult to work with; I don't want to add surprises on top of that. I'd rather have information that won't be used at the end, than to be lacking.
My morning is filled with reading, typing, talking on the phone and by lunch time I'm as needy of a break as I can get. The thing is I don't usually take breaks. I dive into work and unless is not done or remotely close to done for the day, I don't stop. However, my exhaustion hits just in time, because now I can meet with Emmett.
I arrange to meet him in a nearby restaurant. It's kind of far from where he is, but he didn't protest. He must be dying to know. I know he is.
I'm scared. My brother is not the average type of person. He's usually so joyful and easy going. But I've seen things rub him the wrong way. And when it does, it's unpredictable.
I get to the place earlier than him and order some water. I wait almost thirty minutes before he shows up. We greet and place of orders before he asks me anything.
"So…what's up with you?" He leans back in his seat. His face is serious, an expression I rarely see on him.
"I need to tell you something." I say looking at him in the eyes. I'm really nervous but I need to do this. If Bella and I are going to be together for real, she's going to meet my family. It can't start with a lie. I've had enough of them already.
Emmett smiles knowingly. "Well, I kind of figured that out when you said so last weekend. Is this about that girl you took home from the party? You never really told me how that went."
I sigh and tug at my hair. I can't help it.
"Well, it is about that girl actually. It's just…she's not…just any girl, you know? She's…I'm…" I struggle to find the words. I don't know what I should tell him first. I don't know how to form these sentences without sounding like a complete jerk.
"Edward, just spill it. What is it?" He says on the edge on losing his patience.
"I've been dating—not dating, sleeping with a woman…a married woman." I say the last part in an extra low voice. I've never really got around to how ashamed it actually makes me feel. I don't regret my moments with Bella. Nevertheless, it's not something I'm proud of.
"What do you mean you've been sleeping with a married woman?" My brother almost screams at me. He realized his indiscretion and lowers his voice to a whisper. At the moment he is more shocked than angry so I assume it's not going to be too bad. I was wrong.
I told him everything that has been going on with me and Isabella. He didn't interrupt me so I just kept on talking. I don't think I took a breath in that whole story. He remained silent and stoic through it all. At the end, when I told him about running into her at the party and the breakdown she had afterwards, I see some annoyance in his face. I didn't exactly tell him Bella's background but I think I made it clear that she's had it rough.
By the time I was telling him about her divorce I was kind of tired of talking.
"Say something…" I beg him. Our waiter took away our plates but hasn't brought the check.
"I gotta say Edward, this doesn't sound like you at all. I mean, I always thought you needed some adventure or something, but not this. What exactly were you thinking? You're a lawyer. People trust and respect you, don't they? Are you ready to lose all that?"
It annoys me how he is making it sound like Bella it's an adventure. Although I know what he's saying is kind of true, it irks me that he brought it up.
"I'm not going to lose anything. She's getting a divorce, didn't you hear me?"
"Yes, I heard all about that. How much do you know about this divorce she's getting? Do you know if she's actually getting one?" He asks in a condescending tone. Due to our professions and personalities, I think I forget Emmett is older than me. He's sure reminding me now.
His tones, his questions, the look on disbelief in his face are irritating me more and more. I'm also aware of how much work time I'm wasting by being here with him.
"I believe she's getting one. She wouldn't have said so otherwise." I say with false calm in my voice. I drink all the water in my glass trying to hold back my emotions.
"Right, because she has given you so much reason for you to trust her. Jeez, for such a smart person you are just clueless."
As the petulant child I never was, I get up from the table. I go straight to the counter and pay the bill. When I'm in the parking lot, I feel my brother's steps quick behind me. I don't turn around.
"What the hell is your problem? Since when do you run out on a conversation?" He half yells at me. As much as I want to open the car door, get in and go back to work, I don't. Instead, I turn around to face him.
"Since you decided to be and ass. I was trying to be honest."
"After a whole year of you sneaking around and lying to me? Am I supposed to throw you a party because of this? Admit it! The only reason you're coming clean about this, is because you think she left him."
His words hit me hard. In the back of my mind, I know he's right. If Bella hadn't said anything about her divorce, I probably wouldn't be having this conversation. If our relationship had finished last weekend, it would've ended being a secret forever between her and me.
However, my need to protect Bella is bigger than any rights or wrongs. The fact that he's trying to downplay Bella's news of her divorce as a lie, annoys me more than anything. He doesn't know her. He doesn't know how her mind works. He can't tell me she's lying about that. I know she isn't.
"She did! She left him. Why is that so hard for you to believe? Why are you so dead set on turning me against her? Are you trying to bring me down or something?" He flinches a little at my harsh tone. I spat the last question without really thinking. I don't know where it came from. I don't think Emmett is trying to rain on my parade or anything. I'm just so mad at him. I expected some rejection to the news but never to this extent.
It's safe to say this is not the way I thought things would go.
"Bring you down? I think you're already there brother. I'm just being honest. I'm just trying to be the voice of wisdom since you are clearly in need of it. Do you think this is the type of relationship a person like you should be engaging? What do you think Mom and Dad are going to say about this, Edward?"
The mention of my parents is a low blow. He knows I work as hard as I can to make them proud. I worship them as a couple and as individual beings. It has troubled me deeply to talk to them on the phone; hearing my mom's constant complaint about me being single. I've been lying to them as well.
But that's my issue. He shouldn't have said that. I'll deal with my parents. I'll tell them everything and pray for them to be happy for me eventually.
"I sure as hell hope they can see past this, unlike you apparently." I say defeated. This whole encounter has me tired.
I never fight with Emmett. We've had heated arguments about trivial things; never like this. It makes me sad. Some stupid male macho pride or something won't let me show it. For now, I feel comfortable trying to appear strong before him.
"You're being irrational Edward." He tells me in the same condescending tone he has been using all day.
Words came easily throughout this whole argument, yet now when I need them the most; they failed me. When I realized I have nothing to say, I shrug and turn around.
I open the door, start the car and drive away.
So, Surprise! I think this is the fastest I've updated till date.
It's just because you guys are so awesome! Whenever I see the amount of hits and visitors
or when I get those lovely emails of Story Alerts/Reviews/Favorites etc.. my heart leaps and it becomes the
best part of my day. Honestly; thank you! Also, thanks to my friends for giving this story a try and being so kind and awesome about
it to me. I love you all.
Next update, not sure when but I'll try to be quick. In the meantime, let me hear you
Did you think Em overreacted? What do you think is going to happen now? Your reviews make me happy.
PS: If you want to read my random semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter LisbethTejada.
Till next time, xo.