Disclaimer: SM owns the characters, I just get a great feeling from writing this.
Huge thanks to my friend Mari, who is simply Amazingly Awesome!
As always, please read A/N at the end.
Chapter 8: Clouded Insights & a Simple Solution.
"Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever."
Keri Russell. ~
My drive back to work feels like a hundred miles away. I'm feeling kind of numb. I don't want to get inside my head because I know it will be hard to get out.
I don't want to think about what Emmett said. I know Bella is getting a divorce. I just know it. I don't need to talk to her lawyer or anything to believe her. I also know where Emmett's coming from, but I'm too mad to be understanding. For now I feel disappointed. It's like the person who, in his own way, gets me the most is suddenly too closed minded to support me.
Thankfully I get to the office, before I start to really think about everything.
My secretary, Jessica, receives me with a scowl on her face. Surely my clients have been bugging her in my absence. I take all the messages with boredom, already knowing what they're going to say. Once I'm seated in my desk and have started back my work, Jessica comes in with a forgotten message.
"Mr. Cullen, a woman called, an Isabella Swan. She asked me to tell you to call her." She says slowly. As if it's a surprise a female is calling me.
When I process everything, I realize it is a surprise for Bella to call me at work. At first, I'm shocked but then I get worried. Maybe something happened.
Why didn't she call my cell phone? I wonder at the same time I touch it in my pocket. As I retrieve it, the memory of turning it off while being with Emmett hits me. Shit!
I pull the device hastily and turn it on quickly. All the while Jessica is still in the room staring at me. I motion her with my hand to leave. After she gives me a look that clearly states she knows something's going on, she retrieves herself back to the front of the office.
When my cell phone is finally available to use, it starts chipping with alert sounds.
Five missed calls.
Two text messages.
One voice mail.
I slowly begin to panic as I consider all the reasons Isabella would feel the need to call. I decide to check the voice mail first.
It was the sanest choice I've made in a long time. Her voice through the receiver instantly puts me at ease. I can't stop the smile that her words bring to my face. I'm so relieved to know there's nothing wrong, that I don't make sense of what she's saying. I press repeat and promise myself to concentrate.
"No, I'm busy. Don't you see I'm on the phone? I'll deal with it later…Um, Hi Edward. I… I don't really know what to do. You always answer my calls. I've never left a message before…This is weird. Anyway, the thing is…I want to see you. I was wondering if we could meet. So call me back, okay? I mean…please. Bye."
I smile through her whole speech. She's cute and she warms my heart. I know that if people heard this, they wouldn't make anything out of it. But I can tell. I can tell she's trying.
I call her right away and she answers at the second ring. Yes, definitely trying.
"Hi." She says simply. I hear some rustling in the background.
"Hi, Bella." I breathe into the phone.
"Hold on a second." I hear some more rustling and loud traffic sounds, but then I don't hear anything but her.
"I'm here now."
"I can tell you're busy. I'm sorry for interrupting." This is the first time I'm calling her without the fear of making her mad at me. It doesn't stop me from feeling a bit out of place; like maybe I shouldn't have called her at all. I lower my voice to a barely audible sound. "I'm just returning your calls."
"Yes," she sighs, "why didn't you answer? I was…I mean…I thought you…I…" She stops herself from telling me what she really wants to say.
"What?" I prompt her. "You were what? What did you think?" I challenge her. The change of tone in my voice lets her know I'm daring her. I'm daring her to speak up, to tell me.
"I was worried about you okay? Happy now?" I can't contain the grin that forms on my face. Bella needs to share her emotions with me. She needs to trust me enough to talk to me. I don't plan on demanding her to do so, but a little push might help once in a while.
"Extremely." I answer her. I'm sure she can hear my happiness through the phone.
"Really Edward? Arrogance? I didn't know you had it in you…" She teases.
"It comes out sometimes…whenever I'm not brooding, you know?" I instantly regret adding that bit at the end. We're supposed to form a casual, easy relationship.
"Well, brooding is almost as hot as confidence so…"
I breathe a sigh of relief, glad that she went on flirting instead of killing our conversation.
We end up agreeing to meet Friday night at seven. We're having dinner. Not takeout, but actual dinner in a real restaurant.
In public.
Together.
I'm ecstatic.
I'm nervous.
I tug at my hair and get back to work.
I leave the office late at night. I didn't stop working at all. I immersed myself in reading and analyzing. The truth is I don't want to think about what's going on in my life.
My conversation with Emmett is still present in my mind. I don't want to have time to really think about it. Then, there's Isabella, who I'm going to take out for dinner in two days. I don't know if I want time to move faster or to stop altogether.
I wish I could peek ahead of time and see how that night is going to go. I wish I could know for sure when the right time to talk to my parents is going to be. I wish I knew whether to call Emmett or let him call me first.
I stop my line of thought before I can dwell in them. I don't want to call Emmett. That would mean I think he's right and I don't.
Or maybe I do but won't admit it…
I sigh in frustration at myself.
Thankfully I arrive home and the process of getting in and doing my night routine distracts me a bit. Not enough, but a bit.
I can stop myself from thinking about Emmett. After all, I'm not even used to be worried about our bond.
Isabella is another thing.
My thoughts drift to her easily, particularly while I'm in the shower. We've had lots of amazing moments inside these slippery walls. It's unfortunate I have to revisit them alone and take care of things myself, as usual. I spend more time alone than with her after all.
Even though my memories never do her justice, it's enough to help me finish. After the water runs cold and my breathing returns to normal, I get out of the shower. I eat a light midnight snack and settle for bed. Since most of my prep work is done, I don't set my alarm.
I wake up at 8:00 a.m. feeling like it's the middle of the night. The dark, heavy curtains on my window don't let any light come through. I'm disoriented the first couple of minutes. I feel sore muscles on my neck and back. Fuck! This week is wearing me out.
My cell phone rings in the living room and I panic a bit. What if it's Emmett? For a second I really indulge myself thinking he's going to apologize, tell me he's going to support me.
I can't help but to be disappointed it's not him. It's my client, Mr. Black. God, he's such a pain. I answer him in the politest way I can manage. It turns out that after he's been after me for days and completely stubborn to follow my guidance about this lawsuit and settle this politely, he now wants to back out. Despite my advice to arrange a meeting with both parties involved, to get this new arrangement on paper and avoid future disagreements, he refuses. Against my better judgment I decide to just let him do whatever he wants.
That means all my work and research this past days have been in vain. Nevertheless, I'm just happy I don't have to deal with him anymore.
I call Jessica and let her know what to do. I'll be going to the office in the afternoon. I didn't know what a bad choice that was going to be. With Mr. Black off my back, I'm left with plenty of unproductive time. It's never been a good thing.
Whenever I have too much time with nothing to do, my mind finds comfort in destroying my sanity.
The rest of the morning it's filled with mini panic attacks about my family. Emmett really did something when he brought my parents up yesterday. I can't help but fear for our relationship. What if they don't approve of Bella? What if the beginning of our relationship turns out to be too much for them?
I have a handful of questions and anxiety. I hate feeling like this. I didn't know that meeting Bella would bring so much uncertainty to my life. I don't regret it, but I wish things were easier.
I eat lunch with no hunger whatsoever. I've been imagining different outcomes out of the top three situations that plague me. First, the conversation with my parents about Isabella; I don't know when to talk to them. All I know, the sooner the better. I don't know how or what to tell them to make it easier. I've pictured them having a crazy fit about me lying to them for a year and most importantly being involved with a married woman.
Then, there's Emmett, who hasn't called me yet. I've been considering calling him just to get it over with. The thing is I haven't come to terms with being the one to reach out to him. I might have lied to him these past months, but I didn't hurt him as he hurt me. Since I really don't feel like digging deeper into our conversation, I haven't had the chance to imagine any kind of scenario for a possible meeting. The truth is for some reason his words have wounded me. In my experience that means he has to be right about something. I'm not sure I can deal with that.
Finally, my upcoming first real date with Bella. I don't know where I should take her. I'm afraid things will be so awkward and weird, we won't enjoy ourselves. I'm terrified that she'll think it's boring or dull and gets sick of me without even trying.
The thought of losing her now, when I'm so close to really having her makes me want to die. I've always known that it's not enough to just get the girl; you have to work to keep her too. I know she's worth it. I know I'll have to do something, really do something that makes her realize we're perfect for each other; because we are. In a strange, crazy, consuming, not really healthy way, we are perfect together.
I end up going to the office at two in the afternoon. It's earlier than what I had in mind, but I had to get out of my house. When I arrive at the office, Jessica has the biggest smile on her face. I look at her strangely since it's a rare look in her. I'm even more thrown aback when she's greets me in a chirp voice.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Cullen! You're early. No messages to report, although I have to remind you about the meeting with a potential client tomorrow. That's about it." She finishes with exaltation in her voice. Although I'm not used to talk to Jessica much, I can't stop myself from engaging in conversation with her. I could definitely use the distraction.
"Good afternoon, Jessica. Yes, the meeting, thank you. May I ask what has you in such a high spirit today?" I continue to look at her apprehensively. She gives me a smile that makes me think I'm supposed to know something.
"Oh, you know Mr. Cullen, no more Mr. Black!" She sighs happily. I chuckle thinking about always bitter pissed up Jessica, talking to the always demanding Mr. Black. She takes my reaction as indication to keep on talking. "Let me tell you about that man, he thinks everyone is below him. He's the most obnoxious client I've had to deal with and you know we've had some tough ones. I'm so glad things got cancelled, because now I can leave early for my date." She takes on a dreamy look on her eyes.
"Well Jessica, Mr. Black would've paid for your entire check this month, so you shouldn't be too happy about the cancellation. I assume you've talked to someone about this leaving early thing." I give her a mocking severe look. I don't mind her leaving early if we have not much to do. However, I need to remind her that I'm still her boss.
She looks down ashamed and drops her voice to a whisper. "Yes, of course Mr. Cullen. I was just going to ask you…Um, Is it okay if I leave early today?" I smile a bit. Maybe she took it harsher than I intended. I let her know that it's okay and make to step into my office when I consider the possibility of Jessica helping me out. I turn around to face her and decide to go for it.
"Jessica, where should I take a girl on a first date? I mean, not a girl, a woman. And I don't mean like a good restaurant, because I know a lot of good restaurants and I know she knows good restaurants. That won't impress her." I smack myself mentally. I'm such a tool. Rambling is kind of a nervous habit of mine. Thank God it doesn't come out in the court. I would have to kill myself if it did.
My secretary looks surprised at first, like she's not sure what to tell me. Then she gets contemplative, as if she understood what I meant, and it's trying to really help me out.
"Would you mind telling me how this girl —woman is, personality wise?"
Do you have a lifetime? I want to ask her. How can I describe Isabella to her?
She's fire, explosive, passion, independent, a rollercoaster.
She's scared, sensitive, vulnerable, locked inside a shell I want to break.
"She's just…different. She's really something." Yes, Edward, you graduated top of your class.
Jessica continues to look strangely at me. I don't blame her. After a few minutes of awkward silence, she speaks up.
"Well, since "good restaurants" are out of the picture, you could always take her to do something unusual; maybe an outdoors activity, unless she's not the outdoorsy type... If she's into art I can look for museums and the likes for you." She says at the same time she grabs the mouse of her computer.
I picture Isabella and I on an art museum and I can almost see her eye roll at my nerdy antics.
"No Jessica. I don't think outdoor activities or museums might do the trick. I need to do something she's never done before; something that she goes home thinking I'm the only one who would do that for her."
She looks at me and smiles softly. "That's really sweet. Perhaps you're looking too deep into this Mr. Cullen. Sometimes girls appreciate more the little gestures. Those are the ones that men rarely do. If she's used to fancy restaurants, maybe she just wants to eat a burger once in a while. You know, take the high heels off for a while, and go to somewhere she can just...be."
I realize that what Jessica says is just what I need. A place she can just be. That's what I want.
"You're right, Jessica. Thanks." I smile kindly.
As I go back to my office, I decide which will be perfect place to take Isabella.
Hey there! I'm so sorry for the time it took me to update. I'm already working on next chapter so hopefully I'll update soon.
So, did you like this chapter? Where do you think E is going to take B in their date?
Theories? Ideas? Let me know.
I can't thank everyone enough for the support you've given to this story.
My friends have been awesome, way more than I thought they'd be, so Thank You!
Then there's the people out there in the fanfiction world who have given this little story a chance. I feel so honored and humbled. THANKS!
That reminds me, I reply reviews, but some of you have disabled your Private Messaging feature, so it's impossible for me to do so.
I just wanted you to know it means the world to me, I smile stupidly in front of my computer whenever I get one.
Feel free to make me smile and review :)
PS: If you want to read my random semi bipolar rambles, follow me on twitter LisbethTejada.
Till next time, xo.