A/n: couple of things I should clarify - I apologise for not doing so in CH1- this is set in present time and although the much debated subject of Sara's brother is still undecided I have decided he exists for the purposes of this story so I hope you will allow me that little bit of creative licence just this once!
Thank you to all who have added this and reviewed it, I appreciate the encouragement and I hope I don't let you down!
love, Charli xx
Greg insisted on taking her home. In her bewildered state of mind she had simply nodded and allowed him to speak to DB on her behalf. While she sat in the locker room lacing up her boots she tried to trudge up some good memories of her mother.
Somewhere in the recesses of her mind there must have been something. She knew that she had supressed them a long time ago as a survival mechanism. If she had thought about her mother's smile when she was sitting alone in a strange house then she would probably have broken down. Now it was backfiring somewhat, now she was reaching out for those memories and she couldn't find them.
"Robyn will be here any minute… you want to wait outside?" Greg leaned against the doorframe and spoke softly and sympathetically.
"Sure" she nodded, swinging her jacket over her shoulders and moving out of the room. She felt strangely numb, like the impact of her conversation was yet to sink in.
Greg swung his arm around her shoulder and steered her outside but they stood there in near silence. She knew he was probably trying to think up something sympathetic to say, really all she wanted was a distraction so that her over active mind would stop racing.
"Sara...if you want to talk..." Greg began realising that he didn't know what to offer her- after all of these years if he was honest he still struggled to understand how to make Sara feel better when she was hurting.
"It's..." Sara took a deep breath not wanting to look him in the eye as she talked about things she had never imagined herself sharing with anyone. "Growing up... I never thought I'd see her again... I didn't know who she was... not really...And now..."
Greg took a step slightly closer to her wanting to reach out to her but realising from the way Sara had tucked her hands into her pockets that she didn't want to be touched.
"maybe now you'll get the chance to understand her a little better…. You can put whatever went on in the past to rest and find some peace" he muttered, not sure he even believed the words himself.
"I don't know...Greg...I don't know..." She looked away biting her lip.
Robyn's SUV pulled into the lot, music blaring from the open windows and Joel sleeping on the back seat. She waved at them with a wide smile, singing along to the radio enthusiastically.
"She's singing" Sara deadpanned, raising an eyebrow in his direction.
"Robyn's always Singing" he smiled with an exaggerated eye roll "in the shower, while cooking, in the garden, on the way to playschool…"
"I see. You know she's worried about you?" Sara remarked as she watched Robyn's car make its way through the one way system towards the doors.
"About me? Why?" Greg frowned.
"Well not specifically about you… more about…. Both of you… together" she met his eye with a wicked smile, making sure he knew what she was talking about without embarrassing him by saying it out loud.
"Oh" he nodded.
"I was supposed to babysit today… so that you could… you know" she shrugged, debating whether she was still in the right frame of mind to be in charge of a toddler. "I can still do it… if you want"
"No way! You need to get to San Francisco. Don't worry about us… we'll be fine" he smiled "nothing a mild sedative for the boy won't cure!"
Sara smiled and shook her head at his statement as they took the steps down towards Robyn and Joel. She cast her eyes over the sleeping toddler in the backseat, so safe and unassuming. He was the epitome of a mummy' boy, hence why Greg and Robyn were having trouble getting some alone time, she wondered if she had ever been that way with her mother. It was in nature after all, young formed a bond with their primary carer very early in their lives to ensure survival. At some point she must have looked at her mother and felt nothing but love. As far back as she could remember her relationship with her mother had been a difficult one.
"I got your message" Robyn said, turning the music down and looking between them with a concerned expression "is everything ok?"
Greg leaned in through the window and placed a careful kiss on her cheek, whispering in her ear. With a nod she turned her eyes to Sara.
"I'm sorry Sara, is there anything I can do?"
Sara slid into the passenger seat, sending Greg a defiant smile as she did so. She shook her head briefly as she fastened her seatbelt.
"Greg won't let me drive. I'd appreciate a ride home"
Robyn reached out to squeeze Sara's hand gently as Greg slid into the backseat attempting to do so without waking Joel. He knew all too well that an over tired toddler was not a good thing.
"Were you close to your mother?" Robyn asked as she drove along the highway.
It was funny how no-one close to her asked that. They were never specifically told about her estrangement but assumed that the subject of her mother was out of bounds.
"No. not particularly, but she was still my mother" she could see Robyn nodding out of the corner of her eye. It was a tricky subject for her to open up about; she couldn't really define the relationship she had with her mother.
"When my mom died I spent weeks afterwards looking for her and even talking to her" Robyn said sadly "it gets easier"
"Thanks" Sara smiled, turning her attention to the window. She couldn't imagine dealing with her grief that way. She didn't speak to her mother often enough when she was alive to justify talking to her now she was dead.
"do you have any siblings?" Robyn continued, she was a new friend not confined to steering clear of the family subject having witnessed one too many breakdowns about the subject. She had no reason to avoid it, no prior knowledge or opinions.
"no… well I had a brother...I don't know a lot about him" she sighed, realizing just how difficult it was probably going to be to track him down. for all she knew he had a different name, a family, he could even be dead himself.
The drive to Sara's condo went quickly; there was always less traffic on the roads at this time of morning, even in a town like Vegas. Greg followed her inside, taking a few seconds to say his goodbye's to Robyn. Sara didn't understand what he was so worried about, she had never spoken about her mother with him and he had never asked.
"Where's Robyn going?" Sara asked as the huge silver car disappeared out of her tiny street.
"I told her to go home. I'm not leaving you alone right now"
"Greg…" she began "you don't need to babysit me. I'm fine, honestly"
"Yeah well…. I don't think it's a time to be on your own. I'll help. I'll book our flights"
"Our flights?" she ventured, throwing her purse on the armchair and pressing play on the answer phone.
"I'm going with you..." he stated matter of factly.
Sara smiled to herself as she skimmed through the mail, Greg was supportive to a fault but this time she needed to be alone.
"No you're not" Sara declared "trust me, I barely spoke to my mother I can do this on my own. Besides… you have some unfinished business to attend to"
She smiled as she retreated into the bedroom to pack her bag. She had become somewhat of a frequent flier over recent years, so much so that she could pack a bag as quick as a flash without having to think about it too much.
"You can book me on a flight though!" she called into the living room as her wedding photo caught her eye. It was time to call Grissom and let him know that he'd never get to meet his mother in law.
Grissom's phone rang out for what felt like hours before switching to the answer service. It was to be expected, they had spoken last night so he wouldn't be waiting for a call. She left a quick message as Greg loitered in the doorway.
"Next flight's not till 1. Can I take you to breakfast?"
Sara smiled, she was glad of his company. Being left alone with her own thoughts and regrets was a bad idea right now and he was the only one around that she could depend on. She knew that Grissom was likely to hop on the next flight to San Francisco too but she had to speak to him first and there was no telling when he would respond to her call so she had to make the most of Greg's support while she still had it.
"Sure. But I'm buying!" she smiled, throwing her bag over her shoulder and switching the light off in the bedroom as they left.
They always ate in the same diner, and every time they did they had the same discussion about why.
"One day we'll break tradition and go to McDonalds or something" Greg joked.
He wasn't normally someone who thrived with routine. He liked to shake things up every now and then and surprise people but he did recognise that with everything running through Sara's mind right now she needed something familiar.
"You know that'll never happen! They'd have to burn this place down to stop us coming here!"
Sara took a sip of her coffee and stared out of the window. They had been coming to this diner since she came to Vegas; it was likely that they frequented it long before she arrived too. It was a stronghold, a staple of the CSI diet.
"What's your mom like?" she asked him quietly. She had often pictured Greg's mother, she was nurturing and kind that much was obvious but Greg didn't speak about her too often. He was much more vocal about the rest of his family.
"Ahh you want to know about the great Mrs Sanders?" he grinned "what do you want to know?"
"What was she like? When you were growing up?"
Greg seemed to ponder this for a while, running through his catalogue of memories.
"She was … like every other mom I guess. She baked cookies and always had a supply of band aids and took a ridiculous amount of photographs…"
Sara smiled at the thought of such happy memories try as she might she simply couldn't find anything substantial enough to call it a good memory.
"My mom wasn't like that" she stated sadly "I don't think she ever baked cookies. I don't remember much of her at all"
Greg took a deep breath, probably about to launch into a kind, reassuring speech about how not having memories of your mother doesn't affect how you feel about her but her cell phone broke through the relative quiet of the diner, Grissom's name blinked on the tiny screen as she took the call.
"I have a message from you… is everything ok?" he sounded worried but it felt incredibly comforting to hear his voice.
"I'm fine… I had a call about my mother… she's passed away. I have to go to San Francisco"
Despite her attempts to remain aloof and in control a quiver entered her voice. Whether it was down to reminiscing with Greg or hearing Grissom's soothing tones she couldn't say but she knew Grissom heard it.
"When is your flight? I'll meet you there?"
She relayed the flight details to Grissom while scribbling patterns on a napkin. She knew he wouldn't make it to the city anywhere near as quickly as her, but she was pleased for the promise of his arrival nonetheless. She signed off from the call with a sigh and met Greg's concerned gaze across the table.
"Are you going to be ok?" he muttered, closing his hand around hers with a gentle smile.
"Of course I am, I'm ok now just feeling a little nostalgic I guess" a half smirk crossed her lips.
In a manner of hours she would be facing more nostalgia than she ever had. There was no telling what kind of things she would be unearthing when she took custody of her mother's things.
"Well you can feel nostalgic on the way to the airport! We better go"
Greg drove to the airport, still insisting that she was incapable. She would have protested if she didn't find his concern so endearing. He weaved in and out of the traffic like a pro; he knew how she hated waiting around in jams.
"You know it would be nice to make it to the airport in once piece Greg!" Sara cried, gripping the handle of her door with white knuckles.
"Hey… I'm just driving like a certain Miss Sidle always does!" he grinned, pulling the car across 3 lanes without blinking an eye.
"Some of us know how to do it without causing a multi-car pile-up!" Sara laughed as her body fell heavily against the door. "Take it easy!"
Greg pressed his foot on the brake and joined the line of traffic waiting for entry into the airport. It took an age to finally pull into the parking lot and stroll through the airport. There were always so many people passing through the bright white space it would be so easy to get lost amongst it all. They stood below the departures board and waited for the display to show San Francisco.
"Gate 12" Greg declared, somewhat unnecessarily as he grinned at her and handed her bag over.
"Thanks Greg" Sara pressed a kiss against his cheek. "I'll call you when I touch down"
She pushed through the throng of people to join the line for security, turning one last time to wave Greg off. A strange nervousness washed over her as the line moved forward. Ready or not; she was about to find out a whole lot about her mysterious mother.