Grissom had been lucky, his flight got him to San Francisco in the early hours of the morning before the sun began to rise and the city came to life. His timing had been perfect, a moment or two and he would have been grounded for at least a day.
The long flight had taken it out of him, he felt exhausted to the core of his being as he waited patiently in the line for security. This seemed to take longer each time he came back to the US, not that he would complain about it normally. He recognised the need for such measures and was generally pleased with the process but this time he wanted nothing more than to go to his wife and hold her in his arms.
Outside he waited for a cab, watching the happy reunions and tearful farewells. An airport was one of the few places you could witness a rainbow of emotions without moving position. So many people condensed into one space for so many different reasons, it was an anthropologist's dream.
His cab eventually pulled up in front of a white 5 story Victorian building complete with window boxes and wrought iron balustrades. He glanced around briefly, noting the emptiness of the street and the dewy mist of sunrise beginning to settle over the waters of the bay. With a deep breath he took the steps towards the doorway and pressed the doorbell; hoping it didn't make too much commotion at this ungodly hour.
A huge man in a pale blue vest and white boxers filled the doorway in a matter of minutes, his short dark hair sticking out at ridiculous angles as he tackled the locks on the double doorway.
"I'd love to help a world weary traveller but we have no vacancies"
Despite the man's declaration he still steered Grissom inside with a warm smile, closing the door behind him and switching the light on.
"You're welcome to the couch until the real morning" he smirked, gesturing to the living area, lavishly furnished and brimming with mementos and photographs. Grissom's eyes scanned the room involuntarily, taking in every detail as quick as a flash as Oscar disappeared to 'make himself decent'. The white marble fireplace with vases of fresh lilies on either side, the numerous certificates and awards on the wall, the collection of magazines on the glass coffee table… it was almost like stepping into someone's home.
His eyes fixed on an image taking pride of place on the sideboard behind the sofa as his host returned, brown slacks and a pink shirt replacing his underwear.
"That is my husband, lover and right hand man Tyler" he beamed, clearly proud of his other half. "My name is Oscar - Owner, receptionist, cleaner and entertainment of this humble establishment. Welcome"
Oscar reached out his hand to shake Grissom's and nodded his head, sashaying behind the reception desk and brandishing his pen like a sword.
"Gil Grissom – I won't be needing a room…" he answered.
"Well you sure don't look like a salesman Mr Grissom and if you are… I need to get me some of your work ethic if you start this early!"
Grissom smiled and shook his head, approaching the reception desk.
"I'm here with Ms Sidle actually… she's expecting me" he explained.
Oscar raised an eyebrow "Sara didn't strike me as the type to need gentleman callers at this hour!"
"Well that's good. I'm her husband"
A slow realisation dawned over Oscar and before Grissom knew what was happening he was wrestled into a bear hug, Oscar's arms closing around him. He had no means of escape and had no idea how he should be reacting to such an invasion of personal space.
"You know, I should have known! I have heard so much about you!"
Oscar finally released his hold on Grissom's body and took a step back, his wide beaming smile making him feel even more uncomfortable.
"You have?" Curiosity got the better of him, as much as he wanted to run for the stairs to escape the risk of another hug he wanted to know what Sara had told him.
"Sara… she's my angel. Just don't tell her I said that, I can't stand up to those glares any better than you probably can my friend!" he winked.
Grissom nodded and passed Oscar a knowing smile, taking a note of Sara's room number and quickly escaping from his clutches. He wasn't used to over-zealous hotel owners or random displays of affection. He was one of the most antisocial people he knew of, his personal space boundaries could cross state lines.
He reached the top of the stairs and steeled himself outside her door before knocking. He wasn't sure what he was going to find on the other side. He had run through numerous possibilities in his head on the journey over here since the moment he took the call.
He had been in the middle of categorising a never before seen species of ant when he got her message. He had sensed the tension in her voice immediately and despite the sensitive nature of his work and the time constraints attached to cataloguing the colony he had left shortly after returning her call. After years of putting his career before all else and being disappointed with the rewards he was finally learning to put something, or rather, someone else first.
She looked exhausted when she answered the door, her already pale skin looked positively chalky, a pink tinge was present in the whites of her glistening eyes. Her lip quivered momentarily and then she crumbled into his arms.
The weight of her body was nothing compared to the weight of her emotions. He could feel her pain like it was his own, the guilt, the sorrow and the regret filling his own bloodstream as he desperately tried to absorb her grief.
"I didn't even know her Gil" she sobbed "how can I grieve for a woman I didn't even know?"
Grissom knew he didn't have the answer. She was grieving for the relationship they could have had, one she craved and always vowed to create. She was grieving for the missed opportunities and the mother she wished she had had.
He had never had the chance to meet Laura, although he had heard a lot about her, none of it particularly good. She had given Sara life but it had been a life fraught with difficulties and a desperate fear of mental illness. Sara was painfully aware of the warning signs of schizophrenia, an illness she was terrified of suffering. She had also spent an unhealthy amount of time combing over the genetic link in an effort to better understand the biology, it was one of the main reason's she chose not to have children of her own.
He was one of the very few people she had shared those fears with, perhaps the only person. That was why when she left Vegas to face up to her 'ghosts' he had simply let her go. He understood what she meant by that phrase, he understood that she needed to do it on her own and what she needed from his was time and patience and an understanding voice at the end of the phone.
This time she didn't need to be alone and he was thankful that he could be there to support her. She needed his strong arms around her and his gentle words to soothe her.
He gently steered her to the bed, the sobs had subsided but the heavy sorrow in her eyes remained. They perched on the edge of the bed, daylight beginning to flicker through the thin curtains and toy with the shadows in the room.
"I keep trying to find a memory of her, a happy one you know? She must have been happy once"
Grissom nodded, allowing her to continue uninterrupted.
"I can't find anything Gil. I can't remember her smile, I can't hear her laugh, I don't remember if she used to read to me or if we had a song we'd sing together. I can't remember holding her hand or the smell of her perfume…what kind of a daughter does that make me? I can't remember her at all"
"it's normal for your brain to supress memories like that Sara, as a method of defending itself… it's almost like post traumatic memory loss only you've shut down the part that upset you most… the happy times. They'll come back. It doesn't make you a bad daughter"
She was shaking her head, clearly rushing ahead of herself again as her mind worked through the complex emotions she was feeling.
"How can I give her a eulogy? I know more about your mother than mine! Hell, I know more about everyone's mother than mine" she laughed a humourless laugh "Greg's mom's favourite flower is the tulip, Catherine's mom bakes fantastic cookies, Nicks mom grows vegetables in her garden, Henry's mom's favourite colour is blue…. I don't know my mom's favourite colour! What if I have her coffin lined in red satin when her favourite colour is blue?"
"I don't think she'll mind Sara…"
"Wouldn't she? I don't know…"
"You know these things don't matter. The fact that you're here and doing this for her will help her find peace" he muttered quietly, attempting to calm her without belittling her concerns.
She sighed then, contemplating his words quietly.
"You're right" she declared "I'm sorry…I was being ridiculous. You're right"
He kissed her gently on the forehead, stroking a strand of unruly hair away from her face. Their eyes met for a long moment, communicating silently how glad they were to be together again. He never actually realised how much he missed her until he saw her again. The dull ache in his soul, the emptiness he felt in his heart seemed to evaporate as soon as he laid eyes on his beautiful wife once more. Every time he had to leave he left a little part of himself behind and he didn't feel whole until he was back where he belonged. He just wished it could have been under better circumstances.
After her outburst of emotion Sara felt the need to shower. She did so frequently when she was suffering from emotional trauma like this, as though the water beating down on her cleansed more than just her skin. While she was gone Grissom opened the doors to the balcony and slipped out into the cool early morning air.
The bay looked the same as it always had. Glistening under the deep orange glow of the rising sun, reflecting the world like a mirror. He had fallen in love here, with both the city and with Sara. He often wondered how different his life would have been had he surrendered to his desires in the world renowned city of love. Sara had been a huge part of his life since then, an infatuation he couldn't shrug off, a kindred spirit, his soul mate.
She emerged behind him, the smell of her shampoo and the scent of her skin filling his senses, lavender with a touch of honey, so familiar yet so new to him. The humidity of her body seeped through his pores as she snuggled under his arm and joined him watching the bay with that same sense of nostalgia he had.
Grissom glanced down at her, her hair still wet and already beginning to curl in the crisp air, a pinkish hue now settling on her cheeks, the silk robe wrapped tightly around her body. Sensing his examination she turned her eyes to his with a gentle smile turning the corners of her mouth.
"Thank you" she whispered "thank you for coming"
He dipped his head towards her, savouring a beautiful moment of silence before he met her lips with his own. He kissed her gently and slowly, his fingers lightly stroking the fabric of her robe as she pressed against him.
"Do you remember this place?" she whispered, her forehead resting against his.
"This hotel?" he questioned, suddenly wondering if he should. He scanned his memory banks for a glimmer of recognition.
"No!" Sara laughed the sound so welcome it made his heart somersault in his chest. "Down there…"
She gestured to a small park across the road. Tree's blocked his view of the water but in his mind's eye he could picture it like it was yesterday; The sound of a busker's guitar waving through the air, people crossing their paths with strollers and dogs, the warm summer sunshine kissing their skin as the chatted and laughed under the massive Chesnutt tree nursing huge coffee cups in their hands. Their favourite coffee shop was perched on the edge of the walkway in a brightly painted beach hut. He wondered if it even existed anymore, chances are it was now a tourist store or a sunglass hut or closed down completely, these places changed hands so much it was almost impossible to guess its fate.
"We used to get coffee around here" He stated somewhat unnecessarily.
Sara nodded "it's one of the reason's I booked this hotel… that and the fabulous view"