The morning brought glorious sunshine streaming in through the windows. Grissom slept soundly beside her, trying to catch up on what little sleep he could. one hand rested lightly on her waist, his gentle breathing and rhythmic heartbeat soothed and relaxed her. despite the restless feeling that had become an almost constant companion of hers she could happily spend the rest of the day right here in his arms.
Eventually he sensed her watching him and lazily opened one sparkling blue eye to meet hers.
"Morning…" she cooed with a gentle smile.
He mirrored her expression immediately, turning onto his side to trace his fingers lightly across her skin. A soft smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he regarded her sleepily.
"Good morning" he whispered, placing a kiss on her forehead "you ready for today?"
Sara hadn't really thought about what the day would entail. She had promised Mary that she would stop by the centre as quickly as possible to sign papers and take ownership of her mothers belongings. She seemed keen to get the ball rolling quickly.
"As I'll ever be" she sighed, slipping carefully out of bed and opening the balcony doors wide inviting the sounds of birdsong and chatter and traffic into their room. She took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the crisp air surrounding her and cast her eyes over the horizon slowly, drinking in the view as carefully as she could.
A gentle knock at the door tore her away from the bay, she padded across the room passing a questioning glance towards Grissom who responded with a shrug. Oscar filled the doorway, his beaming smile and friendly demeanour immediately contagious.
"Good morning sunshine!" he grinned, swivelling the tray in his hands "brought you breakfast in bed! Tyler's orders"
He winked and placed the tray on the table by the door. with an exaggerated bow he backed out of the room. Sara smiled at Grissom and raised her eyebrows as she closed the door and fetched the tray.
she carefully brought the tray across to the bed, it was laden with luxuries; A stack of warm blueberry pancakes, two hot cups of tea and some croissants and bagels, freshly squeezed orange juice in champagne flutes and an array of fresh fruit to liven up the muesli and cream, not to mention the double chocolate muffins all lovingly prepared by Tyler's own hands. It was an incredibly thoughtful gesture, Sara took a mental note to thank him for it later.
Breakfast in bed was most certainly a novelty for them both and they tucked into the feast listening to the sounds of the bay coming to life below them
"You know Tyler's mom took her own life too" Sara explained.
When she had come to this place before she had immediately clicked with Oscar, his confidence and over friendly personality were infectious. He had helped bring her out of the dark internal place she had retreated into and she had counted him as a friend ever since. Tyler on the other hand was much more aloof and detached. He prefferred to hide out in the kitchen flexing his creative muscles on amazing culinary creations and having as little to do with the general public as possible. The interactions she had with him had therefore been minimal and restricted to mostly polite passing conversation.
This time around she had found something in Tyler that he had kept under wraps in the years she had known him. He was actually a considerate, kind and thoughtful man with his own secret mother issues.
"Its sadly very common" Grissom remarked while spreading some soft cheese onto half a bagel.
Sara cast her memory back to when she was at her lowest ebb. When she knew she was decending into dark places of her mind that she had never wanted to explore. She had stopped caring about anything, her entire existance became cloaked in a sadness that she couldn't shake off and she had found herself swimming against the tide as she tried to fight it. Back then she had lost sight of the value of life, she saw so much death and misery that she couldnt hang onto the good things in her life. As she had spiralled further and further into her own torment there had been one thing, one person she could cling to who kept her from disappearing altogether.
"I know what it feels like to be in that place... to be so low you wonder if there's any point in living." Sara muttered into her teacup, avoiding Grissom's eye. "I can't imagine how it feels when you have nobody to live for"
"Do we have ever have anyone to live for? In the end we can't take our connections with us. We can't let our lives be consumed by things we wish we had. It's within our nature to crave human affection, attention...to need someone...to love. Without it we feel obsolete but to live for someone?"
Grissom spoke without fully understanding what she was saying. By the time the penny finally dropped that she was talking about him she was already onto defensive mode.
"Sometime's its all you have Grissom, sometimes having one person who cares about you is enough to keep you going!"
He nodded, not really knowing how to respond to her honesty and sadness without making things worse. He had always struggled to deal with the emotional side of Sara. He had learned that sometimes just being there was the best support he could offer her.
They lazed around and reluctantly dressed, stepping out of their room some hours later ready for the dreaded visit to the hospital. Oscar waved them off with his characteristic enthusiasm and Sara led the way insisting Grissom had to relive the experience of the rickety trams.
After an impromptu tour of the city Sara relented and hailed a cab. She recognised that her need to ride the trams under the guise of nostalgia was more likely avoidance but Grissom with his gentle acceptance and unwavering support had gone along with it every step of the way until the sun was high in the sky and the lunchtime rush began to overwhelm the city.
The cab pulled up to a set of imposing iron gates. Sara felt herself inadvertently sinking back into her seat feeling intimidated by the restrictive nature of the place. Grissom's hand on her knee tightened slightly, a reassuring gesture she was incredibly thankful for. When security let them through they snaked up a massive gravel driveway towards the main building. It was an imposing sandstone building, monopolising the horizon with its magnitude. It would have been a beautiful, regal building in its heyday. She could almost picture the scene although she suspected that back then there wasn't bars on every window and a secure entry system.
She didn't need to vocalise the fear she felt welling up inside her as she stood before the building. Grissom knew how places like this made her feel. He knew how the smell infected her, how the patients eyes burned into her and how no matter how hard she tried the staff always reminded her of lies and deceit.
Mary, having been informed of their arrival, met them on the front steps. She was a small round woman with black cornrowed hair pulled tightly away from her face, her bright red lipstick stood in stark contrast to her deep dark skin and she showed them a set of shining white teeth as she approached them swiftly with an outstretched hand.
"Ms Sidle I presume? Its nice to meet you at last, I wish it could be under better circumstances"
Sara shook her head and tried hard to supress the feeling of guilt building up as a lump in her throat.
"Me too" she nodded, gesturing towards Grissom who was standing awkwardly but silently by her side. "this is my husband, Gil Grissom"
Mary extended her welcome to Grissom while Sara cast her eyes over the vast building. Not a lot had changed since she was last here, even the same eyes stared vacantly from the windows, their gaze creeping across her skin. The same pretence of normality filled the air when she was well aware that inside she would find nothing akin to normality.
"What happened to Mrs Northen?" Sara asked.
She had been the manager when she had last visited. A stern no-nonsense woman with wiry grey hair and a thin straight nose perched between unforgiving grey eyes. As much as Sara failed to gel with the woman personally she understood that her detached nature worked well for the kind of work she was required to do and in the end she had actually been a great support and counsel for Sara when she was here.
"Oh Francis retired 2 years ago" Mary dismissed with a wave of her hand "come into my office, we'll get the paperwork out of the way.
She was already heading back into the building turning at the top to watch them impatiently. Sara scanned the surrounding tress, unsuccessfully hiding the high security fencing along the perimeter. She wasn't sure she wanted to be signing papers yet, it felt a bit rushed when she hadn't had time to acclimatise herself to her surroundings yet, when she still had so many questions swimming around in her brain.
"Sara?" Grissom prompted carefully, his fingers lightly brushing her arm and pulling her back to reality. For a moment she met his eye trying to decide exactly what she wanted, a slight frown furrowing her brow until she was struck by inspiration and turned her attention slowly to Mary.
"I'd like to see my mothers room please" she muttered.
"There's plenty of time for that!" Mary grinned, dismissing her request without offering it any kind of consideration.
Sara made no effort to move, Grissom sensing her reluctance stepped forward and spoke to Mary in a firm authoritarian voice that was still somehow polite and calm.
"my wife would like to see her mothers room. Im sure it wouldn't be too much trouble"
Mary hesitated slightly, tilting on her heels and darting her eys inside before looking at her watch. Sara held her breath as she waited for her decision. She was astounded that she felt so intimidated by this woman, she would be in her rights to demand access to her mothers room if she wanted to, a fact that both she and Mary were aware of but somehow being in this place made her meek and submissive.
"I need to do the drugs run in 30 minutes Miss Sidle… if you would just…"
"Show us the room and we will be out of your hair for a while Miss Bishop" Grissom interjected with a soothing smile. He made it clear that they intended to get their own way no matter what and Sara suddenly felt even more grateful that he was there, fighting her corner and defending her rights when she found herself paralyzed by fear and grief.
Mary huffed out a breath and marched back down the stairs with a wave of her hand indicating they were to follow her. with a thankful smile Sara fell into step beside Grissom, following Mary down a small concrete path through the trees. They emerged into a clearing with a collection of small single storey buildings arranged around a central patch of grass. It was clearly designed to mirror a suburban community, a small cul de sac in the middle of an institution and it felt completely surreal.
"Laura was in the middle of a rehabilitation programme" Mary explained "only a few patients are given the chance to have a place on this programme"
Sara scoffed outwardly despite herself. She hardly thought that her mother could be counted as lucky. It was highly likely that she would still be alive if she had been under the stricter supervision of the main hospital. If Mary noticed her cynicism she gave no indication, simply continued to trudge along the path and fiddling with her bunch of keys. Sara studied the setup carefully, it felt like she had stepped right inside George Orwell's novel '1984'. Camera's were perched on tree's and lamp posts watching every move they made, it made her skin crawl and a shiver snake up her spine. Mary led them to a yellow painted door in the centre of the small complex, a number 4 placed in the centre.
"Here we are" She declared with a sigh, turning a small brass key in the lock and swinging the door open wide. "press the intercom on the wall when you're through, I'll send someone to bring you back"
The building suddenly seemed huge as she took it in. Surrounded by tree's on 3 sides the white building had large windows overlooking the 'community' and a small bench perched outside. Sara wondered if her mother had sat on that bench pondering the meaning of life or chatting to the other occupants of these little homes on sunny afternoons. When she had visited here they would always walk around the vast gardens at the back of the main building, the sounds of nature and the breeze on her skin had been therapeutic for her and she hoped it had been for her mother too. They had chatted openly about anything but the past, it was a taboo subject between them and somehow they had both established that without any need to vocalise it. She tried to hold on to the memory of walking with her in the warm sunshine as she swallowed the lump in her throat and peered in at the house nervously.
Grissom placed a gentle arm around her and nodded as Mary headed back along the path leaving them standing outside the doorway of Laura Sidles last home.