A/N: I prefer Bob Dylan's version of the chapter title song. For a truly over the top, five hankie, version you cannot beat Ke$ha's.
As always the incidental music for this storey is the version by the Kronos Quartet.
Don't Think Twice, It's All Right
Friday, April 11, 1913
The day was cold, damp and dreary which was an exact fit for Matthew's mood. He carried his suitcase to the train station and purchased one ticket. Yes, he had to reassure the ticket agent, just one ticket, left his suitcase on the baggage cart and then walked towards the church. It was five to ten.
Murray was waiting for Matthew at the door.
"You have something for me?" he asked the older solicitor.
"Yes, but not until after the ceremony."
"Of course, but I would like to confirm that you have it."
Murray took an envelope out of his jacket pocket and showed Matthew the bank draft inside.
"Lord Grantham asked me to give you this" and he handed Matthew a plain gold wedding band.
Matthew nodded at him and then walked up the aisle towards the altar. The only people on the groom's side were his mother, Mrs. Bird and Molesly. In the front pew on the bride's side sat Cora, Violet, Edith and Sybil. Carson and Anna sat one pew back. As Matthew walked by them he was careful not to catch their eyes.
Travis greeted Matthew at the altar and then asked "Where's your best man?"
"I don't have one. It's not a requirement is it?"
"No, but there must be two witnesses."
"Molesly and Anna can be the witnesses." Matthew turned around and called them to the front. They stood there embarrassed. Matthew turned back to the Vicar. " And remember keep it to the bare minimum". He stared at the altar waiting for his bride. Who was late.
-0-
Mary sat in the auto with her father who had not yet told Branson to proceed.
They watched the rain come down for awhile and then Robert said "It's not too late to call it off. We can drive right by the church and take you to Liverpool and put you on a boat to New York."
She patted his hand. "And would Edith and Sybil be coming with me as well?"
"Oh"
"Exactly, it's not just my honour I have besmirched. No I go to my fate willingly"
Robert tried another tack. "I wanted a good man for you. I thought Matthew was a good man but after the way he behaved, the language he used... I am afraid of him for you."
Mary took up her father's hand and squeezed it. "I am not afraid of him at all. He may shout at me but he will never strike me. Of that I am certain. Isobel told us that as a boy he had quite a temper and that he got in a lot of fights at school. But always with bullies, she swears that she never heard of him hitting anyone weaker then him. I believe her. I don't fear him for myself but I was afraid he was going to pop you in the nose.." She smiled at him.
"But I'm not a bully" her father protested "I didn't threaten him, I just asked him..."
"No" Mary corrected him "You made it matter of honour, you threatened him with the biggest stick of all"
Robert sighed. What could he say, she was right, he had bullied Matthew. He owed him an apology.
"Matthew is a good man" Mary reassured her father "Not perfect, but who is? Certainly not me. When he comes back you will see what an excellent match we make."
"You are convinced he will come back?"
"I am."
"Then you have my blessing. Well I guess we had better get on." and he reached forward, knocked on the partition and motioned for Branson to start.
On the way Mary thought of all the advice the older ladies had given her. Don't feed his anger. Be demure. Don't ask him to stay. Be understanding. And whatever you do, don't, and all three of them, each in their own way, emphasized, don't, make one of your witty, but cutting, remarks. As her grandmother put it, you can fillet him once you have him safely landed. This is not the time. Mary was sure she going to gnaw her tongue clear through before this thing was over.
-0-
Matthew heard the doors to the church open. He did not look around, he could follow Mary and Robert's progress up the aisle in the Vicar's eyes. He sensed Mary stand beside him, still he did not look at her.
"Good morning Matthew"
He looked at her. He didn't know what he expected to see. Probably her looking as haggard as he felt. But she didn't. She might not have been radiant but she looked happy. The smile she was giving him made him want to smile in return; he tried hard not to, although he could feel the corners of his mouth twitch. She was wearing some sort of off white dress, it looked like something she would have worn to a summer garden party. She had a small bouquet of hot house flowers, orchids maybe, he wasn't sure. She was beautiful. He felt an ache in his chest.
"Good morning Mary" he managed to stammer "How are you?"
"I feel little faint this morning. Don't be alarmed if I lean on you during the service"
"Would you like to sit down? Maybe rest awhile before..."
"No thank you, I'll be OK"
He stared at her. She looked down. Travis gave a discrete cough. They both looked at him. Matthew nodded.
Travis started the service. He announced that the reading of the banns had been dispensed with by the Bishop. He then asked the congregation if there was any cause why these people should not marry. Matthew thought that more than half of the congregants were considering raising an objection; he wished someone would, but in the end no one did.
Then Travis began "Dearly beloved ..."
The Vicar's drone almost lulled Matthew into a trance. He snorted, he thought to himself, at the reference to 'procreation of children' but Mary must has heard because she gave a small tsk and Travis glared at him.
Travis asked: "Matthew, wilt thou have this Woman to thy wedded Wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?"
Matthew thought, what six or seven questions and he could at most only answer two honestly. He answered in a clear, loud voice "I will"
"Mary, wilt thou have this Man to thy wedded Husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?"
"I will" Mary answered in a softer, but as clear, a voice.
Matthew wondered how honest her answers were to those questions.
And then they had to hold hands and give their troth to each other. Matthew just stuck out his right hand; Mary gripped it back so hard Matthew thought she was going to break it.
"I, Matthew, take thee Mary, to my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth."
Matthew could feel Mary start to sway as if she were going to faint, and so, without any conscious thought of doing so, he put his left arm around Mary and held her close to him. She gave him a grateful smile.
"I, Mary take thee Matthew, to my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth."
"Are you going to be OK" he whispered to her.
"Yes" she whispered back.
"Good. I'm going to let go" and he did.
Then Matthew put the ring on Mary's finger saying "With this Ring I thee wed, with my Body I thee worship, and with all my worldly Goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."
Then Travis joined their hands together and proclaimed: "Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder. For as much as Matthew and Mary have consented together in holy Wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have given and pledged their troth either to other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving of a Ring, and by joining of hands; I pronounce that they be Man and Wife together, In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."
"You may kiss the bride" Travis said.
Matthew bent down intending to give her the briefest of kisses, the first and only time he would ever kiss her he thought with a pang, but Mary surprised him and gave him a full kiss.
Then they had to kneel, side by side and listen to interminable prayers and blessings. Matthew could feel Mary leaning on him, the presence of her filled his senses.
Finally it was time to sign the registers. Travis lead them to an alcove behind the altar to do so, Molesly and Anna following as the witnesses. Mary seemed to stumble and Matthew again put his arm around her to steady her, feeling her swollen belly in the process, another first and only he thought. Mary sat at the small table and they all signed the books where required.
"I would like to speak to Matthew" Mary announced.
Anna ushered a compliant Molesly and a somewhat reluctant Travis out of the alcove leaving Matthew and Mary alone.
Mary stood up and faced Matthew. This is it she thought let him go but make him want to come back. She held out her hands so that he had no choice but to take them.
"You must despise me" she started.
Matthew closed his eyes and squeezed her hands. "I could never despise you. I just wish I were a more .. more honourable man. When I think of the things I said to you I cringe. You deserve better...someone who could rise beyond..." He pulled her closer and touched his forehead to hers "I am so sorry".
Mary could not help herself, it must be the baby, but she felt herself tearing up. She had a little speech of apology to make to him about how sorry she was that he had been trapped like this but that she knew she, they could make it work., and here he goes and preempts her. It seemed like he was always apologizing to her for one thing or the other. It must be a middle class thing.
Matthew pulled back. He could see Mary was crying and he gave her his handkerchief. He felt his own eyes water as well.
"I know you have to go" she said to him "and I'm not going to ask you to stay but..." she blew her nose "I want to say to you that I know that when I, and the baby, really need you, you are going to come back for us. And we will be waiting for you."
"Oh Mary, don't..."
"Before you leave I want one real kiss to remember you by" and she put her arms around his neck.
The ladies had told her the kiss was the key. Put everything you have into that kiss because it is the seed that will grow into his longing to return. Make it the best kiss you've ever given. Thankfully they hadn't given her any tips on how to actually do it.
Matthew considered her request. A last kiss. He decided to pour all his regret for his lost love into it. He bend down to her...
A kiss where the parties are thinking about what they are doing is a mechanical thing, before it is even over, they are thinking about what's for dinner that night. This kiss started that way, but shortly after their tongues touched Matthew and Mary both lost conscious thought as they joined together in a flow of taste and touch and scent. Time slowed, eddied and then finally found the main channel again.
When finally they broke apart they leaned on each other. For a brief moment Matthew thought maybe, with some luck and a lot of give and some take, maybe, maybe we can make a go of it; but then he felt her baby bump between them and realized no, it could not be.
When Matthew got his breath back he said "I wish we had done that last November 30th."He rubbed her back. "You know it wouldn't work, the boy would always be between us. It's better this way." He kissed her on the forehead. "I'm going to leave now. It'll be OK, you'll ride out the storm, you're a storm braver. I'll arrange things so you and the baby are taken care of. Stay here, they'll come for you." He kissed her a last time on the forehead and squeezed her shoulder. "Fare thee well" and he left.
She watched him leave. She had to sit down again. She hoped the ladies were right. Let him fly away and he will fly back. Left to her own devices she would have grabbed him by the ears and given him an earful, in each ear. Too bad about how you got dragged into this, but you're in it now, so better make the best of it. Quit blubbering, man up. She knew her way would have bred resentment so she had agreed to their way. So now she had to wait. And how she hated waiting. She wanted him now. She wanted him in bed with her tonight. She was afraid that kiss had backfired on her, she could already feel a longing for him growing in her.
As he came out of the alcove alone the congregation gave Matthew a shocked look. As he walked by Mary's family he heard them bolt for the alcove. He nodded at his mother and she gave him a wan smile. He stopped at the end of the aisle and Murray gave him the bank draft. He left the church and turned towards the train station; he had a train to catch.
As he walked the taste of her kiss lingered in his mouth.