A/N: The version of the chapter title song by Mariachi El Bronx is recommended.
Love Sick
Saturday, July 19, 1913
Matthew opened the door to Crawley House. He could not hear anyone. "Hello the house" he called.
Mrs. Bird shuffled out of the kitchen drying her hands on a towel. "Master Matthew! It's you."
He gave her a big hug. He had missed her and her good cooking.
She stared at him. "It is you isn't it?" He was no longer the slightly pudgy young man she had helped raise since he was a pup. This was a hard, lean man with close cropped hair and a moustache. He was tanned and weathered as if he worked outside all day. He was wearing a shabby worn out suit which was too baggy for his frame. And he was holding a cloth cap, a cloth cap for her Matthew, the best turned out solicitor in all England! What on earth had happened to him?
"Yes, it's me Mrs. Bird. Where's mother?"
"She with Mrs. Crawley at the hospital"
Matthew was confused "Mrs. Crawley?"
"You know, your wife"
"Lady Mary calls herself Mrs. Crawley?"
"She insists on it. It almost gave Carson a stroke. She gave him a proper dressing down when he wouldn't address her as such. When her parents took his side she threatened to move in here. It was the talk of the village for a week."
"She didn't did she? Move in here that is"
"No, but it was a close run thing, you know when she gets her back up she usually gets her way."
"Yes, I certainly do. So why is she in the hospital?"
"About a week ago she was here for tea with your mother and her grandmother.."
Matthew was incredulous "The Dowager Countess was here for tea?"
"Oh yes, the three of them take tea together almost every day, they take turns between here and the Dower House. Thick as thieves they are"
"What on earth do they talk about?"
A lot about you Mrs. Bird thought but did not say. It was not her place to let the fox know that the hunt was about. He would learn for himself in good time. "Oh woman type stuff mainly"
"So why is Lady.. er Mrs. Crawley in the hospital?"
"Your mother had been concerned about her for the past few weeks, she hadn't been putting on weight like she should, so when Mrs. Crawley shows up for tea right away your mother spots that something wasn't right. She, your wife that is, was burning up with a fever. Then Lady Grantham, the grandmother I mean, comes for tea and your mother and her bundle your wife into the auto and off to the hospital they went."
"And my ... I mean Mrs. Crawley has been at the hospital for the past week?"
"Yes"
"So why haven't they moved her to the Great House?"
"Your mother says it would be too dangerous to move her"
That bad? Matthew thought. "I think I'll go up there and see what's happening. Thanks for telling me."
-0-
Once through the entrance into the hospital Matthew was reluctant to go any further. His mother was probably with Mary and if she was so ill, most of her family was probably with her. He did not want to see any of the others, just his mother. While he was standing there twisting his cloth cap in his hands one of the nursing sisters saw him. She did not recognize him.
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I would like to see Mrs. Crawley."
"Which one?"
"The matron"
"And whom may I say is looking for her?"
"Tell her..ah..a friend of Bert Hastings"
A few minutes later Matthew saw his mother coming down the hall with a puzzled look. When she saw it was Matthew her face lit up. She was going to run to him and give him a big hug but she saw that the nursing sister who had fetched her was standing there, plainly curious, so she motioned to Matthew.
"Please follow me"
She lead him down the hall into Dr. Clarkson's office and once inside she gave into her maternal instinct and hugged him. Then, as Mrs. Bird had done, she gave him a big once over.
"What have you done with yourself?" She turned over his hands "Why are your hands so rough? Are you working as a labourer?"
"I'm fine Mother. I'll tell you about it later. First tell me what's happening here."
She motioned for him sit down which he did. She remained standing. "It's not good. Mary is very ill, gravely ill." She paused. "It's unlikely she'll survive more than a few more days"
He stared at her. "Is it because I left..."
"No, it's some germ that is eating her up. She has septicaemia, a blood infection, we're not sure where she picked it up. She had cut herself cutting the stems off some flowers and that was probably it. We've run out of things to do to treat her. I wish there was some kind of miracle drug that would kill infections but there isn't. Maybe some day." She sighed.
He was silent for a long moment and then he asked "Is she ... does she know what's..."
"She's not in a coma yet, although that is probably next. She is running such a high fever it has affected her brain and driven her quite mad "
"Mad?"
"I am afraid so, she's not the prim and proper Lady Mary you remember, she's lost all her inhibitions, she's quite wild. If she weren't the Earl's daughter, she probably would have been in restraints by now."
Matthew was again silent, digesting this last point, and then he asked "and how is the ..."
"The baby is even worse off. We can only hear a very faint heartbeat and there is hardly any motion at all. It probably has the same infection she has. She is not strong enough to fight her own infection as well as the baby's."
"So the baby ..."
"Won't survive either" Then she remembered and stared at him "You didn't let her know you were coming did you?"
"No, no one knows I was coming. I didn't know myself until yesterday."
"Well she's been saying you were coming for the past few days."
"What?"
"She thinks the two of you are together; that you're at work in Ripon; and that you're coming to see her as soon as you get off work"
"Come on" she grabbed his arm to pull him out of the chair "It'll do her good to see you."
Matthew wrenched his arm out of her grasp. "Hold on. I don't want to see her or talk to her. It's none of my concern. ..."
Isobel slapped him. Matthew recoiled in shock, she hadn't swatted him since he was in short pants.
She shook her finger at him. "You spoiled, stubborn brat. I thought I raised you better than that. This is not about you. This is about that poor dying girl, your wife if you've forgotten, who is probably going to be dead in two days. So you are going to march in there and say, and do, whatever she wants you to say and do. If it helps her die happy, so be it! And if she lives, well you can jump off that bridge when you get to it. Come on" and she grabbed his arm again. This time he followed.
Matthew stopped in the entrance to Mary's room. Mary was sitting up in bed. Matthew had never seen anyone look so bad in his whole life. Her face was whiter than the sheets; her cheeks sunken; her deep brown eyes were rimmed with red, and bottomed with ugly bruised bags; her hair hung down, dull and lank. Her hands and arms, lying on top of the sheet were those of a skeleton. From her hips down, underneath the sheet, there were only more bones. Only her breasts, he noticed without any erotic interest, and her bump had any weight to them and even the bump looked too small for someone seven months along. She was panting softly.
Anna was sitting on Mary's right wiping her forehead with a cool cloth. Anna looked almost as worn out as Mary. Cora was sitting to the left, gazing at Mary.
Mathew tried to step backwards, to escape, but his mother blocked his way. The small noise of this attracted Mary's notice. She looked at the door, squinted and then held up her arms.
"Darling, I knew you would come"
Cora and Anna stared at Matthew, their mouths open. Isobel pushed Matthew so hard into the room he almost stumbled. Anna got up and moved out of his way. Isobel herded Anna and Cora out of the room and closed the door.
He sat on the side of the bed and hugged Mary. Her nightgown was soaking wet, he could feel the heat radiating off of her. He could feel every bone in her back, there was so little flesh there. She smelt of sweat and pee and fear. She was babbling in his ear.
"I missed you so... I knew you were coming... I'll being punished for being so bad... I'll be a good wife, I promise... I love you so .. Don't go away..I'm so afraid... I don't want to die.. The baby needs me "
Matthew bent forward and laid Mary down on her pillow. He broke her grip on him.
"Here let me look at you." She was crying and he took the cloth Anna had been using, dipped it in the bowl of ice water on the bed side table, and wiped her cheeks. "Don't cry. I'm here. Don't be afraid. You're going to get better." He wiped down her face, her neck, her arms and hands with the cool cloth and then he started again at her forehead.
"But the baby..." and she started crying again.
He pulled her back into a hug and started rocking back and forth as he rubbed her back. "You know he is ill. It may be his time to go to heaven" He could feel her nod.
"But why does he have to go now" she asked in a little girl voice.
He stroked her hair. He was glad he did not have to look her in the eyes. "He's sick and he's too little to fight it. It happens sometimes. He is going to a better place, he'll be one of the little children that Jesus suffers to be around him" By this time Matthew was tearing up as well.
"I should go with him and show him the way"
"No, no ... it's not your time. My father is there, he will meet his grandson. Don't worry they will be OK. " He kissed her on the side of her neck. "The next child we have will be our rainbow baby. You don't want to miss that one" He laid her back down.
"Promise?"
"Promise"
There was a glass of ice water with a slice of lemon floating in it. Matthew gave Mary a drink and then took a sip himself. The coolness was in contrast to the burning that was going to be his fate for all the lies he was telling today. He started to cool Mary down again. He touched his forehead to her forehead. The heat boiling out of it shocked him. "I want you to flow all of the darkness and hurt and pain out of you into me, now and tomorrow and forever, and I'll take it away and it'll never bother you again".
She seemed to accept this. "Will you stay with me?"
"Always"
-0-
Mary was not the perfect patient. She did not even pass the minimum threshold for being an acceptable patient. She was not shy about letting everyone know that she was hurting. As has beenalready said she was only tolerated as a patient because she was the daughter of. In fact Mary was perhaps the world's worst patient. Perhaps on Mars there is a worst patient but Mr. Wells has not written that book yet.
She would only allow Dr. Clarkson and Isobel to take her vitals, which presented scheduling difficulties but was doable. She would only eat Mrs. Patmore's cooking, which was inconvenient but again could be managed. And she had only allowed Anna to take care of her personal needs. When it was pointed out that this was placing a terrible burden on Anna, Mary refused the services of any additional maid, insisting that her husband would do his share.
A conference was convened in the hall outside Mary's room to consider this last demand. On one side were arrayed Dr. Clarkson, Robert and Matthew, on the other Isobel and Cora. The men did not understand how badly outnumbered they were. It did not help their cause that Mary was screaming and shrieking for Matthew to come to her.
Dr. Clarkson opened the innings, with Isobel bowling.
"It is unheard of..."
"... so were germs but now you wash your hands. You do wash your hands, don't you?"
"It is against hospital policy..."
"... perhaps you could show me the particular paragraph in the policy manual, that is if you can produce one?"
"It is improper for a man to see..."
"... you are aware they are married?" The wicket broke and the bails went flying.
The doctor retired to the pavilion with his duck's egg. As he retreated down the hall they could hear him muttering 'that if it had been any other patient...'
Cora turned to Isobel and asked " he does know we can hear him doesn't he?"
Isobel just shrugged and shook her head.
Robert elected to bowl with Cora batting.
"Just because they are married doesn't mean that a husband should have to ..."
"... we are married, are you saying you would not care for me if..."
Robert watched the ball soar for six. He turned to Matthew and whispered, hoping Cora did not hear, "Better you than me old chap. Good luck" He held his arm to Cora and she took it. They followed the doctor down the hall, Robert trying to dig himself out of the hole he found himself in, promising Cora that, if it ever came to pass, he would do whatever, anything, he could do to care for her.
Deserted by his allies, Matthew surrendered. He was anxious to go into Mary's room and comfort his frantic wife. He would do his share. It turned out his idea of what constituted his share and what his mother's idea of what it was varied considerably. He thought it mainly consisted on holding Mary's hand and cooling off those parts of her body not covered by her nightgown. His mother pointed out that with her fever, and given the summer heat, Mary needed two bed baths a day, one of which had to be done while Anna was off duty, getting much deserved rest.
So, under the direction of his mother, Matthew peeled off Mary's nightgown, and gave her a full bed bath. Matthew had dreamed many times of undressing Mary and now he was finding the truth in the warning to be careful of what you dreamt for. He soaped, rinsed, dried and powdered the obvious parts plus creases, crevices and orifices he knew of but had never fully appreciated the nature of. His father's medical texts, the plates which he devoured in his youth, had been a poor introduction to the reality of the surface anatomy of a woman. He had been worried that he would be embarrassed in a certain physiological way but the clinical way in which his mother directed him through the bed bath lead him instead to worry that he had been inoculated against any erotic feeling at all. Throughout Mary physically cooperated, although she made the occasional bawdy comment, much to Matthew's chagrin.
Later on, while Mary slept, Matthew made a last stand over the issue of bodily functions involving human waste.
"But, but, but..." he stammered.
"No buts. You're lucky she can get up and sit on a pot. Now as soon as she wakes up, get her to go and and then make sure you wipe her bottom."