Chapter 15: You Can't Always Get What You Want
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It has been a long cold week but it has stopped snowing for a few days now. The rising temperature has started the snow to melt but slowly. The inner layers of snow were still cold enough to stay in solid form. And it took Mr. Marino three days to fix the broken windowpane in Glenda's room, according to Glenda.
Glenda wakes up first as she always has and sneaks out of Tammy's room, pretending to go to the bathroom. There she goes through her usual morning routine and gets ready for the day. It's a Wednesday that feels like a Monday, for it's the first day of classes since the blizzards that hit the city the week before. Though the sidewalks and streets are now passable, there was enough snow about to remind everyone of the storm. At least for Tammy, the library was open once more.
The Internet has little in what news Tammy could find. Even with a week of time passed by, nothing. But Tammy has another idea and brings it to a test by checking out the names and addresses listed in the IRAS report. She finds the orphanage and the hospital's addresses verified. A Google map gives their location and pictures of their entrances. She makes plans to go there on Friday, a day she would know they would be busy winding down for the weekend. But until then there was still a couple of days to live out.
She leaves the library early deciding to go do some shopping for the things she thought she needed: a small TV, radio, laptop and a Sony PSP with a few games. At least she can get wireless Internet access with the Sony PSP if she could not with the laptop. Between the tourist area and the shopping centers she would be able to find these things. The electronics games store is where she gets a used Sony PSP for less than one hundred euros, adding a coupe of games; she totals one hundred and fifty euros. In the department store is where she finds a DVD player with a built-in 18cm TV on sale for seventy-five euros. In the hobby section she finds a Yaesu VX-2 radio for two hundred euros, similar to the one Fernando gave her as part of the Rescue Rangers communications gear. She needed to use her Rescue Rangers ID card to get it. Besides getting AM and FM radio stations, it can receive any signal from a few Kilohertz in the Long Wave radio frequencies and to the microwave satellite frequencies besides transmitting on various programmed frequencies. At the high-end tourist area, she thinks about the laptops for sale at the Apple Milan store and the local computer store. Money was not an issue for her, having the cash from Johan's credit card and from the cashed victim's check. Size was an issue for her. The MacBook Air was definitely thin but long and wide. The Dell Inspirion was definitely too big. Then she finds something that catches her eye – tiny Net-books laptops on the far end of computer section in the store. She checks out a few of them and decides on the Leveno Idea Pad S-10e for its size, speed and software options. Under one hundred and eighty euros, it was cheaper than the radio. Though she bought a lot, it was not too cumbersome or heavy to carry and everything was small enough to fit into one bag.
The walk home seemed easy now that she had those things she thinks she needs. She gets into the house before 3PM, seeing the college students study by the fire. She takes her stuff up stairs into her room where she dumps the items onto the bed. The TV and radio are taken out of their boxes and gets put on the dresser where they are plugged in to a nearby outlet. The Sony PSP is also put with them for the moment, still in its box. The box with the laptop inside gets put on the bed and carefully taken out of the box. It was tiny, but opens to a 20cm screen and a three-quarter sized keyboard, just right for her thin fingers. She reads over the instructions, which says that the battery must be charged for four hours before use. She looks at the dresser and thinks that she needs a multi-outlet power strip for her things, deciding to unplug the radio and plugs in the laptop's power pack to the outlet and the laptop itself. She then sits on the bed and looks at what she bought, thinking that she had accomplished something. She hopes that she will be able to do better in her sister's search.
She goes back to reading the laptop's owners and software manuals, taking mental notes on what the unit has: Windows XP Pro, MS Office Student Edition, Internet Explorer, Media Player, and Roxio CD/DVD Burning software; on the software side; 2 Gigabytes of RAM and 40 Gigabytes on the hard drive, and three USB slots. She finds an external USB CD/DVD-RW drive was in the box. A knock on the door interrupts her concentration. Tammy gets up and opens the door, finding Glenda on the other side. She was holding up a nylon style bomber jacket.
"Tammy! Here!", Glenda says as she thrusts the jacket at her.
"Huh?", Tammy responds to having to catch the jacket thrown at her. She takes a couple of steps back into the room as she catches the jacket. Glenda walks in and closes the door.
"What you think?", Glenda asks.
"What is this?", Tammy asks.
"It's a prototype for a rescue jacket.", Glenda answers, taking the jacket and explains each part. "These metal rings on the bottom are for hooking things onto. The pockets are double lined, double sized and Velcro closeable. These long side pockets are for putting things like ropes and things and these belts hold them in place, and the back is a giant panel with a Velcro top seal you can put things like a laptop or clip board or a small breathing tank. And there is a harness inside to support it and you for a rope climb or rescue."
"Oh. I think you need to join me on a rescue to understand what a jacket needs. But some of those things are excellent ideas.", Tammy tells her.
"You think so?", Glenda asks.
"I know so.", Tammy tells her, then asks, "You done with your homework?"
"Most of it.", Glenda answers.
"And why not all of it?", Tammy asks.
"I have to be at the University Library to access some files there. And you know the library has been closed due to the storm.". Glenda answers but not telling the truth.
"I see. You better get all done when you return from school tomorrow.", Tammy tells her.
"Oh I will! I definitely will!" Glenda tells her.
"Anything else?", Tammy asks.
"Well. Its up to you, but would you mind if we slept together one last time?", Glenda asks.
"What for? Tonight is the first warmest night in a while.", Tammy asks.
Glenda leans towards to her, "Please. I don't know how to say it, but having your body next to mine relaxes me and I'm able to sleep better."
Tammy just looks at her.
"No. Don't get me wrong. There is nothing sexual about it, I swear. It s just...", Glenda tries to explain.
"Its you being receptive and wanting of somebody next to you, because I'm going through it too. It is Squirrel Mating season and if one has no release, they could go crazy.", Tammy tells her.
"So you understand?", Glenda asks.
"Of course I do. Its just I can control it better because my mother taught me how too.", Tammy says as she looks at Glenda. "Oh alright. But after tonight, no more."
"Just one more thing, please?", Glenda asks.
"What is it?", Tammy asks, afraid of the answer.
"I need to sit down and you hold me. Its like I got a lot to say but no way to say it no and one to say it to.", Glenda explains.
Tammy thought that she would have this problem with Bink as she did in the past, or to have done with the one she wishes she were with as of late, but to have it with somebody who she barely knows, she released a frustrated sigh before climbing on the bed. She positions herself at the corner by the wall and the head board, sitting there, parting her legs for Glenda to sit in front of her.
She pats the mattress in front of her, "Come here and sit down. This will be your only chance before I change my mind."
Glenda gets on the bed and sits in front of her, leaning her back against Tammy's front and sliding down until her head was under Tammy's breasts. She wraps her tail around Tammy's back to get comfortable. She closes her eyes for bit and sighs.
"Better?", Tammy asks.
"Much better but not perfect.", Glenda answers.
"What would make it perfect?", Tammy asks.
"You being a guy or a girl with a huge strap on doing me lovely right now.", Glenda answers.
"I did not want to hear that answer.", Tammy tells her.
"Its true, aint it? Don't you want to have sex too?", Glenda asks.
"I may want too but I know I'm not going to, so why bother?", Tammy ask.
"What if one of those guys downstairs studying was a squirrel instead of a mouse, would you want to try?", Glenda asks.
"No. Because I believe that sex would be with the one I love and not to one who take my primal urges on. That's why I want to be married before I have sex.", Tammy tells her.
"You don't know what you're missing.", Glenda tells her.
"What do you mean by that?", Tammy asks.
"You know. Sometimes sex within itself is great. Yeah its great when it's the one you love or think you love, but by itself, it's better than just your fingers.", Glenda tells her.
"I'm not listening!", Tammy says with her fingers in her ears.
"Don't be such a prude, Tammy.", Glenda tells her, "It's OK to be a virgin but being a virgin only lasts for so long. You can be sexually inexperienced but polluted sexually in the mind."
"Porn does that to you. That's why I don't want to watch it.", Tammy says to her.
"I'm sure you seen some of it before. Everyone has.", Glenda tries to get an answer from her.
"I did, a few times, at school. There was this girl named Beth and she brought these sex magazines of couples doing it to school and showed it to all the girls, including me. I was interested then about it, still am now but I don't want to share my naked body to be photographed for everyone to see, especially doing it with some guy!"
"One day you're going to do it, whether it's with your husband or some guy you just met, but when you do, you're going to ask yourself 'what's the fuss was about?' Mark my word on that.", Glenda explains.
"That might be true, but until then, I will remain a virgin and it will be done with the man I marry.", Tammy replies.
"Alright then. I'll respect that. But I bet you're creaming your panties right now for some action.", Glenda says.
"Just as you are too because of this time of the season. But I can ignore the urges. How about you?", Tammy replies and asks.
"To an extent I can ignore the urges. But there are times I want to burst at the seams and scream, but I cannot do that. So I have to do little things to keep my mind off it.", Glenda explains herself.
"Little things, like what?", Tammy asks.
"Please don't get mad at me... I consider you as a friend, as a best friend...", Glenda answers to evade the question.
"Little things like what?", Tammy asks more sternly.
"Like what we are doing now. And sleeping with you...", Glenda sheepishly says.
"Glenda!", Tammy almost yells, "You been using me!"
"No. I haven't. Hear me out, please.", Glenda replies.
"You got two minutes before I kick you out my room.", Tammy tells her.
Glenda sighs before getting the courage to answer her friend. "I hate this time of year. If left unchecked, ignoring the urges gives me migraines. As a little girl because of it I had to see doctors who gave me pills for the headaches and nervous attacks. But that did not stop the urges and as I grew older I needed more pills. But I discovered that if I took things easy with a friend like I am with you, I don't get the headaches and the nervous attacks lessen. First it was with one of my brothers, and then with my boyfriend and even girlfriends. But I don't mean anything bad by you. Being with you makes me relaxed, like I can take on the world again. And there is nothing sexual about it. Not between you and I.", she explains, then adds, "I'm sorry."
Tammy sighs. "Its OK. I think if I were in your condition I would be doing the same thing too. So is that why you're always hawking for my attention?", she says and asks.
"Yeah.", Glenda answers.
"I can understand then. But you better not be a pest when its all over", Tammy tells her.
"I promise I wont. Cross my heart and all that other stuff.", Glenda promises.
"You better.", Tammy replies.
"So you got some new stuff?", Glenda asks to change the subject.
"Yeah. Got a radio, DVD Player with a built in TV, a Sony Play Station Portable, and a tiny laptop they call a NetBook.", Tammy answers.
"Why not a Mac Powerbook or a MacBook laptop?", Glenda asks.
Tammy points at her backpack, "Because everything has to fit in there when I go home or move elsewhere to continue my search for my sister."
"Sister? I thought you were searching for your family?", Glenda asks.
"I found out my mother died before moving here. But my sister disappeared and I'm looking for her. She's only 10.", Tammy answers.
"You mom's dead? What happened?", Glenda asks,
"It's a long story, one I wont give out the details now. But if I have to leave, I will tell you everything so in case something happens and you lose contact with me, you can call the police.", Tammy answers. She lets out a sigh and then says, "Here I am looking for my sister, and instead I got a friend."
"Hey, I ain't exactly peanut butter.", Glenda playfully complains.
"I know. But as my mother used to tell me, 'without family, you have nothing.' Now with her gone, I have that much less and I'll have nothing if I cant find my sister.", Tammy tries to hold back her tears.
"That's why you go out and start your own family that what's his name.", Glenda tries to reassure her.
"His name is Fernando. But he could have gone for somebody else since he has so many lady friends.", Tammy tries to explain.
"Sounds to me that he's a player.", Glenda states.
"Far from it. He's... hard to explain.", Tammy tries to refute.
"We got plenty of time.", Glenda tells her.
"Well, he's about 35...", Tammy begins.
"Ooo... an older guy. He must be married.", Glenda tries to insinuate.
"Well. Truthfully, he was married.", Tammy tries to explain.
"Divorced. I bet he left her.", Glenda tries to point out.
"Let me explain, alright?", Tammy tells her.
"Alright then, finish what you were saying.", Glenda tells her in turn.
"He's a widow for one. He married in his early twenties and she was killed in a crime a few months later.", Tammy tries to explain.
"And he told you this?", Glenda asks.
"No. Several people who know of his past told me. Its also in the Rescue Rangers files on him.", Tammy tells her.
"Sad but alright. Now about his lady friends.", Glenda almost demands.
"I noticed he does not have any guy friends, just lady friends.", Tammy says.
"So? Maybe he's turned gay. Something like that could cause so much emotional trauma that he could have switched.", Glenda points out.
"Oh, he's not gay. Far from it.", Tammy lets out.
"And how would you know.", Glenda asks.
"Lets just say that I almost lost my virginity to him on more than one occasion before I came here.", Tammy answers. She continues, "Anyways. He and his EMT Partner argue all the time like they are married, but its how their friendship works. Then there his first partner who was his wife's beast friend, the sexual between them is unbearable that even I can sense it. Its like they were twins separated from birth and later found each other or something. Then there's this fairy that is really close to him. They say that he rescued her from being killed, but it seems to be more than that at times. And these are not the only women around him. He has a daughter who is in her twenties, and another daughter in her late twenties."
"Late twenties? Something is not adding up if he's 35!", Glenda says.
"They could be more lady friends that act like his daughters, I don't know.", Tammy throws to throw her off.
"Hmmm... He could be a sugar daddy to those women.", Glenda points out.
"The younger daughter is a doctor at the hospital and clinic where the Rescue Ranger work, and his older daughter I only heard about runs her own company building schools in South America. They are both rich, they don't need his money.", Tammy explains.
"What about his first partner?", Glenda asks.
"She's well off. She got me a few expensive dresses and other things.", Tammy answers.
"And his current partner?", Glenda asks.
"She supports herself with what she makes with the rescue rangers and with a few investments she made years ago.", Tammy answers.
"What about other lady friends?", Glenda asks.
"I'm sure there are others, but I would not know them for I have not seen them.", Tammy answers.
"Maybe they are protecting him because of who ever killed his wife wants to kill him.", Glenda points out.
"Never thought of that.", Tammy replies.
"I don't know him but it seems that there are too many in the way for you to get with him. Unless you think he's worth it.", Glenda says.
"He's worth it.", Tammy says more to herself than out loud.
"He better be. If I find out that he hurt you, I'm going to put a hurting on him!", Glenda tells her.
"That wont be necessary, there is a long line of others willing to the job.", Tammy says.
"Well, he better take care of you, or I swear.", Glenda replies.
"Don't worry about it. I know how to deal with guys, they haven't got into my panties yet.", Tammy tells her.
"I bet. You haven't let anyone into your panties.", Glenda says.
"What is that supposed to mean?", Tammy asks.
"Nothing. Just nothing. But you are the virgin between us both.", Glenda answers.
"Yeah, I am. But you're making it sound like a bad thing.", Tammy says to her.
"You take it as you like. Being a virgin at your age is something rare.", Glenda explains.
"Alright then, when did you start having sex? And with who?", Tammy asks.
"With who, it was my boyfriend from high school. When, well when I just turned sixteen during the summer. And where, at his parents house by their pool while they were gone...", Glenda answers.
"Whoa... I did not ask for where or why. I don't want the details.", Tammy tells her.
"I was just saying.", Glenda tries to explain.
"If anything, I would ask why you would do that, especially at sixteen.", Tammy says.
"Because it happened and I allowed it to happen. And in a way at the time, I wanted to explore that part of me with him. It was like taking a fantasy and making it into reality. Don't you have such fantasies?", Glenda explains and then asks.
"I do. And I can see why you would. But I don't think I would have under those circumstances, I am protective of my virginity.", Tammy answers.
"You saying that you're better than me because you're a virgin and I'm not?", Glenda challenges her.
"No I'm not. I'm just saying it's not for me.", Tammy answers her.
"Well. It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.", Glenda tells her.
"Look. All I am saying...", Tammy begins, but runs into not being able to finish her words, "I don't know what I am saying anymore."
"I'm saying that if you want this guy, whether for a serious relationship or even marriage, you are going to need to bring your best game and put out if he is worth it as you say he is.", Glenda tells her.
"Its hard to do that when we're over three-thousand miles apart.", Tammy replies.
"Have you called him since you came here?", Glenda asks.
"Nobody knows I'm here. I just packed up and left without telling anyone.", Tammy answers.
"He's probably worried about you, and some other female vying for his attention.", Glenda tells her.
"Don't you think I know that?", Tammy asks, and continues, "Every night I torture myself in that decision before I go to sleep."
"Why don't you call him?", Glenda asks.
"I don't have his number and it's a private number.", Tammy answers.
"How about the others?", Glenda asks.
"Same thing.", Tammy answers.
"Then you better hope he's not doing some other female out there. You know guys are dogs.", Glenda tells her.
"Fernando is not a dog... as far as I know. He is a squirrel like us.", Tammy replies.
"Look. If he feels for you as you do for him, then he will wait for your return.", Glenda tries to reassure her but adds, "Thing is, are you willing to wait for him?"
"What do you mean by that?", Tammy asks.
"Simple. What if in searching for your sister, you find somebody over here?", Glenda answers in question, a question that forces Tammy to think. Eventually she tries to answer it.
"That is not going to happen. No way am I going to allow myself from falling in love with anyone else until I find my sister first. And any emotions I have for Fernando have to be put on hold until I finish finding my sister.", Tammy answers.
"Love, hope, warmth, joy. Things you would deny yourself from another to give you and you to give back in order to find your sister. I wish you the best if you think yourself so strong. But I know the flesh and heart are not strong and you will either find somebody in your life to fulfill those things or go crazy. I know I cant. That's why I ask for the time and being together with you.", Glenda explains.
"Since September of last year I have been looking for my family, and if it takes to September of this year to find her, then I will. What started out as something that I thought would have lasted a few weeks, has taken six months and might take the year. I know that there is a limit as to how long I should take, and I should have asked my friends for help, but right now those things do not matter. I just got to do what I have to do to find her. She is what matters to me because she is what I have of my family.", Tammy explains her feelings on the subject.
"You're leaving any time soon?", Glenda asks.
"Maybe Friday, depending on what I find.", Tammy answers.
Glenda just sighs.
"You feeling better?", Tammy asks.
"Until now, yeah, a bit better.", Glenda says.
"It's been over an hour.", Tammy holds back from complaining.
"I would need longer than that.", Glenda tells her.
"I need to take a nap before dinner and for you to leave.", Tammy tells her.
"But...", Glenda tries to interject.
"Glenda. I need my time and space. Can I have it, please?", Tammy says and asks.
"Alright.", Glenda agrees in defeat. She gets up out of the bed and walks out of the room.
"See you at dinner?", Tammy asks as Glenda walks to the door.
Glenda stops at the door, "Yeah." She then leaves the room and closes the door.
Tammy pats down and swipes across the bed sheets and blankets before crawling into position and grabs onto the pillow. She gets up slightly, taking the pillow and fluffs it out before putting it down on the bed again. Grabbing it, she buries half her face onto it and tries to go to sleep. It takes her another half hour before she does.
Thought not totally restful, she wakes up at a few minutes before 6o'clock, time for dinner. She does her usual routine of washing up her face before heading down stairs. Once downstairs, she finds the others had gotten there before her and had sat down. As Tammy takes her seat, Mrs. Marino puts down the serving trays with assorted meal options. There is one item catches her eye: a bowl of white fluffy stuff.
"What is that?", Tammy asks.
"Its, err... Mashed Potatoes.", Mrs. Marino answers.
"But Italians in Italy don't eat mashed potatoes.", Tammy comments.
"Oh we do. Not as much as you American do.", Mrs. Marino explains, and then puts down another serving bowl next to it, filled with macaroni and cheese. Lucinda puts down three bowls of fried chicken parts at the three serving areas. Marisa puts down bowls of steamed mixed vegetables.
"But this is an American meal.", Tammy says.
"Macaroni and cheese originated here before America made it its own, and fried chicken has been a world staple for millions of years.", Mrs. Marino explains, "Now eat up and enjoy the food."
Tammy just nods before serving herself.
The rest of the group begins to eat the meal as Mrs. Mario sits down to eat with them. Mr. Marino brings out a bottle of white wine for anyone who wants to drink from it. Most take soda instead.
The meal was delicious as it was filling. After dinner the girls stay behind to clean up the dining and kitchen areas, including the pots, pans, baking tray, bowls, cups, glasses, plates and eating utensils. They were not as talkative as before and clean up everything faster. In a couple of minutes Tammy is heading upstairs to her room.
Walking inside her room, she finds a light on her Netbook is no longer yellow but green. She takes the tiny laptop off its charger and takes it with her on the bed. She also takes the unit's manual with her. Looking about the unit, she finds a silver metal button on the left above the keyboard. Pressing it turns on the unit. It turns on to a Windows XP configuration screen, asking questions for Tammy to answer. Doing so gave her an account and password for using the machine. Giving her access to the XP Windows system, she checks and plays around with the various programs loaded on the machine. Turning on the wireless Internet access, she finds many Wifi access portals but all are password protected. She turns off the machine and puts it on the dresser.
She lays down on the bed and stares at the ceiling. She does not notice the passage of time as night falls upon the streets outside. At around 8o'clock there was a knock on the door.