A/N: to – I should have made it clear that the 'Richard' in this part of the storey is Dr. Richard Clarkson. The other "Richard' will make his oily appearance later.

The version of the chapter title song by Cher is recommended.

I Threw It All Away

Saturday, August 2, 1913

Mary opened her eyes and blinked. She saw Anna smiling at her. "Where am I?"

"In the hospital"

"The hospital?" Mary's hand went to her bump which was now considerably diminished. "The baby?"

Anna shook her head.

"Oh" There was a long pause. "How long have I been here?"

"Almost three weeks"

"Oh" another long pause. "What was wrong with me?"

"You had a very bad infection my lady. You don't remember?"

"No. But I must be better now. It's time to go home. Could you ask them to send Branson down to fetch us."

"Yes my lady"

Mary looked around the room. On the bed side table there was a badly wilted wreath of small white flowers. "And get rid of those flowers, they are so depressing"

"Yes my lady" Anna picked up the flowers.

"Good morning sweetheart!"

Mary and Anna both looked at the doorway where Matthew was standing.

"Do you always barge into a lady's bedroom without knocking?" Mary snapped at him. "And what are you doing here anyway?" She looked at Anna "They say a dog always returns to its vomit, and here is the proof." She glared at Matthew "Come to confirm that there is no bastard for you to worry about, have you?"

Matthew gaped at her.

"Well?" she demanded.

"I...I..." Matthew stammered.

"If you have nothing to say then be gone; you were not here when I needed you and now I do not need you at all."

Matthew regained his composure. He drew himself to attention and gave Mary a short bow. "As your Ladyship wishes". He turned and left the room faster than he had entered.

Anna stared in shock at her mistress. "Oh my lady! How could you do that?" and Anna ran out of the room after Matthew.

In the hall Matthew ran into his mother.

"You heard?" he asked through clenched teeth.

Isobel could see the storm clouds forming on his face. She grabbed his arm to keep him from charging off down the hall. "Mary's been very sick. A little temporary amnesia is a one way her mind has of recovering. It won't last, pretty soon she'll remember what you did for her"

Matthew snorted. He was about to say something when Anna came scurrying out of Mary's room.

"Mr. Crawley, Lady Mary did not mean what she said. Please give her a few days."

Matthew looked at them and shook his head. "You both know that's the real Mary and that's what she really thinks of me" He started down the hall.

Isobel reached out and again grabbed him by the arm.

"What?" he barked.

"You can't just leave now. You love her. You said..."

He shrugged "You told me to say and do whatever I had to to help her get through it and I did. She's better now, my work here is done."

Isobel did not believe him. "Everything you said and did was a lie?"

He shrugged again. "What else could it be?" He kissed his mother on the forehead. "Write me care of Bert. I'll try to arrange to see you in Manchester over Christmas." He turned to Anna. "Thank you for all your help. You've been marvellous." and he patted her on the arm and then he turned and stalked off down the hall.

The two women watched him go.

"So everything he said to Lady Mary was lies?" Anna asked.

"What do you think?"

"I think he was lying to us just now."

"Either that or he is England's greatest actor"

Isobel noticed Anna was holding the wreath. "What are you doing with that?"

"Lady Mary told me to get rid of it"

"Give it here, I'll take care of it"

-0-

Carson laid on a full welcome for the arrival home of his Lady Mary. And he could once again call her Lady Mary. When Anna had called for the auto she told Carson that Lady Mary could not remember anything of her ordeal and that she had also sent Matthew packing. Good riddance, he had never liked that middle class upstart. And had Mr. Crawley really done all that much for Lady Mary? Carson did not think so. There would be no more of this 'Mrs. Crawley' nonsense in his household.

Robert and Cora met Mary at the auto. After Anna talked to Carson he had her tell Lord Grantham. Robert had in turn passed the news onto his wife and daughters. He was alarmed at the news that Mary had sent Matthew away just when a rapprochement seemed possible.

Robert gave Mary his arm to lean on as they slowly made their way into the house.

"Your bedroom is all ready if you would like to rest." Cora told Mary.

"Please, I have been resting entirely too much. Could we go into the library? I do so miss beauty in my surroundings"

Mary sat in the library with her family in an uneasy silence. The inventory of 'You are looking well', "It is so good to have you home', "How are you', 'Can I get you anything...', et cetera, et cetera had been quickly exhausted. Any one of them would have welcomed an opportunity to quiz Mary about her memory loss and what exactly she had said to Matthew. But she gave them none and so they settled down to wait. The Dowager Countess was coming for dinner, she would get to the bottom of things.

After a light lunch tiredness did overcome Mary and so Cora and Anna took her upstairs to her bedroom. She did not sleep well.

"Finally! I was beginning to think you would never come." It was Pamuk. He held his arms to her. "Give me my son"

She looked down. She was holding a beautiful little baby boy, dark haired and perfectly healthy. "No, you can't have him."

Pamuk stepped closer. "Come now, you know he is mine. Give him to me" He put his hand on the baby's blanket.

"Matthew! Matthew!" she screamed.

"Mary, wake up. It's OK"

Mary opened her eyes. Her mother was sitting beside her, with Anna standing behind.

"He's in the room!"

"Who, Matthew? You were calling his name"

Mary was frantic. "No Pamuk is, he's come for my baby! I've got to get out of here!"

She struggled to get out of the bed. It was all Cora and Anna could do to keep her in it. Finally Mary calmed down. Cora stroked the hair off of her forehead.

"Would it help if we moved you to another bedroom?"

Mary clutched her mother's arm. "Yes, yes. He's waiting for me in here, he'll never find me somewhere else."

"Anna, please have Mrs. Hughes prepare Lady's Grantham's old bed chamber for Lady Mary" Cora commanded.

-0-

Mary did not go down to dinner that night. In her new bedroom she fell into a deep sleep.

"Mary we have to go now."

Matthew was standing in front of her holding her baby. But it was not Matthew, it was a much older man, as old as her own father, who looked like what Matthew would look like when he was that old.

She held her hand out towards her son. He reached for it and grabbed her finger with his little hand.

"You can't go, he needs me" she cried. "Let me go with you"

"He'll be safe with me, won't you grandson?" and the man tickled the baby under his chin. "Mary you have to stay; your other children will need you." He held the baby up to her "Now give Matthew John a kiss and then we must be on our way. Remember that he will be waiting for you when it is your time"

Mary kissed her baby goodbye and then watched them walk away into the distance, towards the light.

Before retiring for the night Cora and Robert looked in on Mary. She was sleeping soundly, with a smile on her face.