A/N: The version of the chapter title song by Matumbi is recommended
The Man In Me
Thursday, April 2, 1914
It was only Violet and Isobel for tea, Mary having gone to Ripon with her mother and sisters for the final fittings of their gowns. Sybil's ball was coming up on April 24th.
"Do you suppose vultures ever get tired of waiting for something to die and just go out and kill something?" Violet asked.
Isobel almost sprayed out the sip of tea she had just taken. "Pardon me?"
"Waiting for those two" it could of have only been Mary and Matthew she was referring to "to do something is like waiting for plaster to dry." Violet took a sip of tea "We should do something to move things along"
What's this 'we' business? Isobel thought and then asked "What do you have in mind?" knowing in the devious mind across the table there was indeed a plan.
"Matthew must attend Sybil's ball"
"He wouldn't even go to the Servants' Ball and you want him to face the cream of society?"
"He will have to have a good reason of course. We will tell him that people are starting to say that the marriage is a sham, that there is no husband, so he has to make an appearance in public to dispel those rumours"
"Goodness, are people really saying that?"
"Heavens no, Mary's problem is so last year." Violet gave Isobel a sharp look. "Neither of them have to know that"
Isobel nodded. "I assume we do not tell Mary he is coming"
"Why not... " Violet paused and looked at Isobel and then smiled at her. "Oh I see what you mean, her surprise will heighten the effect. We are going to make a fairy godmother out of you yet."
"I'm glad you see it like that because we are going to have to make a lightening day trip to Manchester to convince Prince Charming to attend the ball."
"We?"
"Your intimidating presence would be useful"
Friday, April 24, 1914
Mary had not wanted to go to the ball. But it had been pointed out that her absence would be an insult to Sybil, and she could see the truth of that, so here she was, an artificial smile fixed on her face, sitting with the widows and others whose husbands were somewhere else.
She found herself tapping her foot to the music. She would like to dance but who would ask her? Her father, doing his duty to dance with each of his daughters. But who else? No one that she cared to dance with. She wanted to dance but there was only one partner whom would do. She sighed.
Sybil was having a great time, she had a big grin on her face as she danced by where Mary was sitting. Sybil has dancing with a tall blond soldier in scarlet mess kit and Sybil was making hand gestures at Mary which Mary could not decipher. Was she asking who it was? Mary couldn't see his face, although she felt she knew who he was. Was she bragging that she had bagged a keeper? Mary couldn't tell. The music stopped and Sybil took the soldier's arm as they circulated around the ballroom, away from Mary. Mary watched them until they out of sight on the other side of the crowd.
Mary heard the chair beside her scrape back and someone sit down. She did not turn around, she did not want to chat, maybe if she ignored them they would go away. Then a male voice, very close to her ear, so close the warm air of his words gave her goosebumps said:
"I've done my duty and danced with the belle of the ball and now my dance card is blank. Do you think I could dance away the rest of the night with my wife?"
Mary smiled but she did not turn around."I think it very likely that you will"
The music started again, a waltz, and Mary felt a hand on her back and she stood up. As she turned she put up her arms and Matthew took her in his.
Mary realized that Matthew was the soldier Sybil had been dancing with. "Why are you dressed up like a soldier?"
He smiled at her. "There are two possibilities. Either I mistakenly thought this was a fancy dress ball or I really am a.."
"Soldier" Mary finished for him. She frowned at him. "That's where you've been hiding"
"'Hiding' has such negative connotations, let's just say I have decided to pursue a career outside Downton"
"But.. but will the family think?"
"My mother wasn't too happy; your father seems to be overjoyed, following in his footsteps after all; and your mother and grandmother give me the impression that it is a much more suitable profession for the heir of Grantham than the law."
"Well I don't like it one bit. Father is going to have to speak to his friend Freddy in the War Office and get you released."
"I fear it's too late for that."
"What do you mean too late?" Mary lost the rhythm of the dance and Matthew had to lead her back to it.
"Don't tell anyone, and I especially mean any of our family, because if you do I may be shot, but we are preparing for war. It's just a matter of time. So I would be caught up in it anyway, I might as well get in at the start."
"But what about me?"
"There is nothing more honourable than a war widow" and he smiled at her.
"Don't even joke about that" she said through clenched teeth.
They danced in silence until the music ended and then she took his arm and they progressed around the room waiting for the next dance. As they walked she could hear a ripple of gossip run with them. 'Look at that', 'Is that her husband?' "The one who seduced her and got her in trouble?' 'That her father ran out of Downton?' 'She lost the baby you know' 'It looks like all is forgiven' 'I thought he was a solicitor or something' 'He certainly is quite dashing' (although Mary may have been thinking this herself). Throughout Mary preened and Matthew smiled confidently at these people who were all unknown to him.
When they started the next dance he whispered in her ear "Let's enjoy the moment. This is the second act of our courtship' and he held her a little closer than propriety might agree with.
"The second act?"
"The first was at Christmas. We were introduced, we talked, we liked what we saw and heard. Now we are seeing if we move well together. And I think we do" and he bent his head closer and kissed her on the ear.
She could fell herself blushing. She was glad she had a corset on, she imagined what his right hand would feel like if there were only silk separating it from her back, what her breasts would feel like, grazing against his chest, what his.. She whispered back "I need some air, let's go out on the balcony" and she took his arm and steered towards it. She knew there were a hundred eyes on them and she did not care.
It was cold on the balcony in the April night. Mary almost regretted her decision to go out when Matthew put his arms around her and hugged her to him.
"I've been wanting to do that for a long time ..." he whispered in her ear and then he kissed her "and that even more"
After several delightful moments Mary broke away from Matthew. "Enough of that, the only way off this balcony is through that ballroom, and we are going have to face those busybodies. So compose yourself. If you behave yourself maybe afterwards we can steal away upstairs and ... " and she lowered her voice so he could hardly hear it "and make this a real marriage"
Matthew sighed. "I should have told you. I'm Officer of the Guard tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. In Manchester. As soon as the ball is over Branson is taking me to Euston Station to catch the Night Mail."
She pouted. He reached up and tugged her lower lip. "Quit that. Didn't your mother ever tell you if you did that your face would grow like that.?" He let go.
She smiled "And Grannie, and Carson too. You know in a way this is our wedding anniversary."
Yes I remember" He smiled at her. "I have a present for you in my suitcase"
"But I didn't get anything for you. I didn't know you were coming"
"As we say in the law 'ignorance is no excuse" he gave her a mock frown "I sentence you to three hundred sixty five kisses"
"That is a lot of kisses"
"If you can't do the time don't do the crime"
"Well we had better get started then"
Some time later he held out his arm to her. "Let's go face the Golden Horde" and then, just as they were walking through the door he whispered to her in his most seductive voice "be patient, when we finally do it it will be well worth the wait." and the watchers saw her blushing as she entered the ballroom.
-0-
Mary did not think she had smiled so much at one time in her whole life. She was waiting for Matthew to return with some champagne when Evelyn Napier walked up to her.
"Lady Mary. I must say you appear to be in fine form tonight"
"Evelyn. I am. And you?"
"I am well, thank you. And this must be your husband"
Mary looked towards Matthew. He was frowning. What was wrong? He walked up to them.
"Matthew, you remember Evelyn Napier don't you?"
Matthew gave Evelyn a curt nod. "I remember him very well indeed." he handed Mary a flute of champagne. And then, without another word, he turned on his heel and walked away.
Mary watched dumbfounded as Matthew walked across the ballroom floor and went out onto the balcony.
"What was that all about?" asked Evelyn.
"Excuse me" Mary said and she followed Matthew.
Matthew let the cool air dissipate his rage. He drained his champagne in one gulp, thought better of hurling the flute into the darkness, and carefully balanced it on the sloped top of the balustrade. He heard someone enter the balcony behind him. He knew it was her. He did not turn around.
Mary grabbed him by the arm and made him turn around. "Just what do you think you're doing cutting Evelyn like that! He is one of my oldest friends! You march right back in there and apologize to him!" She was panting with anger.
He stared at her with cold blue eyes. "Your friend Evelyn introduced you to his friend Pamuk, did he not? That's where I remember him from." He turned away from her and stared into the London night. Over his shoulder he said "Our deal was that you wouldn't do and say anything to remind me."
She drew in her breath "So I am to live in fear that any little thing is going to set you off..."
He turned back and hissed at her through clenched teeth "That introduction was not a little thing, for all I know your friend procured you for his friend".
"You don't know that!"
"And neither do you!"
"That's not fair! Even after I told you how it happened!"
"So how did Pamuk know which room was yours?"
"It might have been one of the servants" She glared at him and he glared back.
"It might not be fair but that's the way it is. Look I'm sorry but I'm not a saint, I can forget it only if I'm not reminded about it. I will not hold you to the deal if it is too much for you. An annulment is still an option. Go talk to your friend." He turned away from her.
"So I have to choose between you and him?"
"Yes"
She came and stood beside his left side, close but not quite touching. They stood like that until he sensed her shivering. He put his arm around and pulled her close to him. He whispered into her hair. "I want to make this work. It won't be any little thing that sets me off. This was just too direct a reminder to me. But I have to warn you, even leaving aside that incident, jealousy is one of my demons; when I'm ninety I'll still be shaking my stick at any codger of seventy who dares make eyes at you."
Mary sighed. She had known about his dark side. Seeing it tonight again had made her afraid. Not afraid of being hit, or even being called names, which hadn't happened. No she had been afraid of losing him. Hard decisions had to be made. Goodbye old friend. She looked up at Matthew. "I choose you".
-0-
Matthew and Mary danced the rest of the night away. But it was not the joyous dancing of earlier. This was an intense communion of their bodies. They did not smile, they hardly talked, when the music paused they walked arm in arm around the floor; they talked to no one else; they did not acknowledge the existence of the other guests; there was just them and the music.
Cora thought their behaviour rude and impolite. She wanted to break them up and have them mingle. Violet would have none of that. Leave them be, they need this. And so they were.
The task of telling them that the ball was over was delegated to Carson. They had continued slow dancing in a corner of the ballroom even though the orchestra had finished playing ten minutes before.
"Excuse me Lt.. Crawley, Mrs. Crawley?"
They looked at him.
"Branson is waiting to take Lt. Crawley to his train. There is only enough time for Lt. Crawley to change"
"Change?" Mary asked.
"I'm not wearing this rig on the train. I'm going to change into mufti" answered Matthew.
"I'll act as your valet" Carson indicated.
"No I will" declared Mary.
"But my Lady you're ..."
"His wife"
Carson bowed to this superior position.
"Which bedroom is he using?"
"The guest bedroom in the north west corner"
"Come on" Mary grabbed Matthew's hand and pulled him towards the stairs.
-0-
As soon as they got to the bedroom Matthew started stripping down. He handed the things he was taking off to Mary. "Just throw them in the suitcase, my batman can sort them out later."
When he was naked from the waist up Matthew took off his dress shoes and socks. He started to unbutton his fly. He saw Mary staring at him. "Turn around" he motioned at her.
"I am your wife. I can watch. After all you've seen me naked."
"Under different circumstances. And I'll tell you it wasn't that pleasant a view." He thought she'd laugh at his little witticism. She didn't. He looked at her. She had a feral look he found vaguely alarming. "So this is tit for tat?"
"More like teat for that" she motioned at his middle and licked her lips. "Do you need help with the buttons?"
"No...no" Matthew took off his slacks and handed them to Mary. Without looking she threw them in the general direction of his suitcase.
"Now those" she gestured at his smalls.
"I..ah ...ah was going to keep wearing these."
"Take them off. I want to see."
"Mary! We don't have time! If I don't show up for guard duty they'll shoot me!" Matthew didn't really think so but he was desperate.
"There's enough time for me to see. Now do you need help taking them off?"
Matthew glared at her. He stepped back, bent over and pulled them off. He stood up.
She looked him up and down and middle. He could feel his body reacting. He dared not look down.
"Turn around" she said in a strangled voice. After a moment she said "Turn back". When Matthew did she was standing right in front of him. With her right hand she reached down and grabbed him. He gasped. She reached up with her left hand and grabbed his head and then she kissed him as hard as she could. Matthew reached down with both hands and grabbed her bottom. He started pulling up her dress. He had a sudden need to grip bare flesh. He pulled up so hard she had to move her hands to his back to keep her balance and her legs, of their own volition, wrapped themselves around his middle. There was a sound of ripping silk. Matthew carried Mary over to the bed and dropped with her onto it, just missing the open suitcase. He slid a hand up her leg and under her knickers and then found her centre. He touched her. She quivered... There was a sharp knock on the door. They froze.
"Three minutes Lt. Crawley"
In as calm a voice as he could muster Matthew called out. "Thank you Carson. I'll be right down." Matthew leaned his forehead against Mary's and chuckled. "Sorry, darling. Next time there will be more time."
He gave her a tender kiss and then he leapt up and dressed in record time. She sat on the bed watching him with a wistful look on her face. He took a small package out of his suitcase, stuffed the rest of his gear into the suitcase and then snapped it shut. He handed the package to Mary. "Happy anniversary"
Mary stood up.
"I should walk you down" she put her hands up and adjusted his quickly knotted tie.
"Not looking like that" and he gestured at the mirror.
She looked. Her hair was coming down and her dress looked like she had slept in it. Which in a way is what she had tried to do. "Yes I look quite a fright." She gripped his lapels "When will I see you again?"
"Your father has invited me to the garden party in August. With any luck I should be able to finagle a week's leave. That should make for a good start on a honeymoon. Now I've got to go"
She stared at him. Honeymoon?
He gave her a quick kiss and was out the door. She could hear him clatter down the stairs, say something to Carson, Carson rumbled something back and then there was the thud of the main door closing. He was gone.
She sat on the bed again and opened the package. Inside was a book of Robert Browning's love poetry. Inside the cover Matthew had written:
'Darling Mary,
I feel like I have survived a mighty storm at sea and only now have gained the safety of the cove. I know that there is still beach and fields to traverse but my fondest wish is that you will be there at the farm to meet me. And we will be truly married.
Love Matthew'
She read the inscription again. Farm? She had not bought their farm yet. Then she saw there was a narrow ribbon in the book. She opened the book to it. It marked the poem 'Meeting at Night'. She read it. She smiled. I'll light the match she promised.