Greg drove across town in a daze, barely registering other cars or where he was going. He had gone through a multitude of emotions in that little room and now his body had gone into defense mode and shut itself down. He knew it was an unheathy reaction to grief; The numbness he allowed to become his companion, he knew he should be letting it all out while it was bubbling under the surface but his focus at this moment in time was getting Joel to the hospital.
He pulled the car up in front of the large single storey building and cast his eyes over the colourful paintings and drawings over the windows. A young mother led her little girl through the doors, the kid was smiling and skipping alongside her mother without a care in the world and Greg could feel tears stinging at his red rimmed eyes again. Taking a deep breath he pressed his head against the steering wheel and closed his eyes.
For a few long moments he stayed like that, trying to clear his mind of all the sadness that cloaked it. It was impossible to do, everything brought his consciousness back to Robyn and the fact that he was losing her. A cautious tap on the window made him snap out of it and slowly turn around to face the young mother he had watched shortly before. He opened the window, staring at her in bewilderement.
"Sorry to disturb you but... is everything ok?" She smiled at him, clearly worried for his sanity.
Greg scanned the parking lot, picking out the little girls blonde pigtails in a nearby vehicle.
"I'm fine." he croaked, realising his voice sounded as broken as he felt "Thank you"
The woman faltered for a second before nodding and turning back to her own car. Greg watched her leave, the little girl waving cheerily from the back seat as they passed by. His cellphone chimed, the song filling the small space and making his head pound. He glanced at the caller ID, seeing it was Sara and cleared the call. He couldn't talk to her right now, he had to hold it together for Joel.
He stepped onto the wooden ramp that led to the front door feeling like the world was spinning around him. It was beginning to get dark, the sun dipping below the horizon cast an orange glow over the dramatic cloud formations cause by the recent storm. Tiny colourful footprints led the way to the door, the glass covered with rainbow coloured handprints.
There was a secure entry system in place. Greg had only ever been here twice before; sports day when he had somehow ended up in the dad's race with his ankles tied together and once when Robyn thought she was running late and they had actually arrived at the same time.
He could picture her flustered and stressed arriving at this very building and throwing her arms around him with a wide grateful smile. He could almost feel her standing beside him lacing her fingers through his as he pressed the entry button and nervously stepped through the door.
The receptionist frowned at him immediately. He peered into the interior, sighing as he realised Joel was the only child still here.
"I'm here to collect Joel Morrisey?" He offered, hoping that this would go easily.
"Umm its usually only his mother who collects him..." She muttered suspiciously as she tapped keys on the computer. "There's no one else on his list"
"His mother's had an accident. I'm her partner, he'll be fine with me" Greg explained, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.
The woman glanced at Joel and the woman he was with as they read together in the story corner and then back at the computer screen.
"I'm sorry. I can't let him leave without consent" She stated in a flat voice.
Greg pinched the bridge of his nose, reminding himself to calm his temper.
"Please..." He sighed, trying to appeal to the woman's better nature.
"He doesn't go anywhere without the consent of his mother" She stated definatively.
"Look... that boys mother is dying in a hospital bed right now, if I don't get him there in time to say goodbye are you going to explain to him why?" Greg growled, leaning over the desk.
"I'll have to get my manager" She stated, leaning back in her chair with eyes wide and a quiver on her lips.
"Thank you" Greg called as she scurried out gaining the attention of Joel and his teacher.
Joel came rushing to the gated reception waving enthusiastically. The teacher followed closely behind with her eyes firmly trained on him. He could feel the same suspicion burning into him he had recieved from the receptionist.
"Are you picking me up?!" Joel asked, bouncing on his heels to see over the gate.
"Trying to, Joe" He smiled, ruffling his hair gently and feeling sadness gripping his heart again.
"I drew you a picture" He smiled, darting across the room to find it. Greg shifted uncomfortably on his feet as the teacher stood there, her eyes still trained on him, analysing him, judging him. Joel handed him a colourful painting of 3 people holding hands and a huge yellow sunshine. Greg swallowed the lump in his throat as he stared at the image silently.
"That's Greg" Joel told his teacher happily "Greg's my dad"
Greg gasped at his introduction, unsure how he should react. He wanted nothing more than to create a family with Joel and Robyn. They had made plans for the future, a future together. They were going to have a lifetime together and retire on a deserted island with his and hers bathrobes.
"Greg" The woman smiled, offering him her hand "We've been hearing a lot about you"
Greg forced a feeble smile, shrugging off the compliment as it tore into his heart. Joel was so happy, he had a family for the first time in his short life and it was about to be taken away from him. Greg watched as he toyed with the buttons on his coat, the concentration on his face furrowing his little brow.
"Sir, my name is Rose Whitney" An ageing blonde woman stated offering him passage through the gate towards what was clearly her office. Greg hadn't anticipated finding it so difficult just to collect a child from daycare but he couldnt say he resented the scrutiny. He knew better than most how important it was to protect young children in this city.
"Look I just want to pick Joel up and take him to his mom" He sighed, feeling the weight of his emotions bearing down on him once more.
"I understand that but you have to understand, Joel's safety is our number one priority" She nodded.
"What do I have to do?" Greg responded, his words trembling on his lips. "She's... she's not going to make it...she might not see the morning"
Rose visibly withdrew as she pulled her breath into her chest and Greg found himself faltering over his honesty.
"I'm sorry..." She began in a whisper as he avoided her gaze "What happened?"
Greg thought hard about her question, he had been so caught up in the shock and drama in the aftermath he had never considered what caused it and now that he did his breath seemed to be knocked out of his chest.
"She... she had a car accident" He muttered sadly "We were on the phone... it was... it was my fault"
Despite his internal promise that he would hold it together he broke down in the office, Rose reaching out to grasp his hand firmly as he fought to regain control.
"I'm sure thats not true" She soothed, her voice slow and melodic.
"I just... need to take Joel to see her before... before" He couldn't seem to get the words out as they choked in his throat and stung at his eyes. Rose nodded her understanding indicating he didn't need to continue as she tapped some keys.
"I'll need to see some ID, Mr Sanders and may I ask which hospital she is in?"
Rose was suddenly businesslike and unemotional again and Greg silently thanked her for that. It gave him the chance to pull himself together again as he relayed the information she needed and slid his LVPD ID across the table.
"You know you could have said this was a police matter... we would have let him go with a police officer" She stated with a small nod as she retunred his ID.
"I'm not a police officer" He mumbled "I'm just me"
Rose nodded to herself as she raised the phone to her ear and Joel came into the office, running to Greg and sitting proudly on his lap as the receptionist and teacher looked on with deep sadness in their eyes.
She spoke quietly to the hospital, trying not to upset Joel unneccesarily. When she hung up the phone she met his eye with a barely noticable nod.
"Ok, that checks out Mr Sanders. You're free to go, good luck" She said.
"Where are we going?" Joel asked, sliding down from Greg's legs and reaching out his hand.
"We need to go see your mom...she's.. she's sick" He stumbled looking at Rose in desperation "I uhh, I don't have a seat... for Joel"
Rose nodded, sending him a soft smile before heading to a closet and pulling out a booster seat which she passed to him.
"What happened to Mommy?" Joel continued as Greg took his hand and led him out the door.
"She had an accident Jo-Jo. I'm going to take you to see her but she probably won't be able to talk to you" He explained, the concern in the little boys face tearing him apart "Don't worry, everything will be ok. I promise I'll make sure everything is ok"
Joel settled in his carseat as Greg looked him over in the rearview mirror. He didn't understand and Greg couldn't decide whether that was a good thing or not. Uncertainty hung in the air as he thought of all the questions Joel would ask that he couldn't answer.
Across town Sara collapsed into the hard plastic chair with a sigh slipping her cell phone out of her pocket and dialling Greg's number again. He was blanking her, screening her calls because of what happened earlier and she couldnt tell him that she'd changed her mind.
The doctor had worked quickly, handing her a stackful of forms she didn't even get the chance to read properly. In a daze she signed her name and handed over her ID and they had simply abandoned her there dealing with the magnitude of what she had just done while they ushered Robyn into theatre.
She felt the warmth of an arm wrapping around her, his scent invading her senses immediately as her eyes locked with the clear blue of her husbands.
"You didn't have to come" She muttered, gently pressing her lips to his and settling into his arms. The familiar sound of his heartbeat in her ear and his gentle breathing calmed her immediately and she found herself feeling incredibly thankful he made the journey to the hospital.
"Of course I came. How is she doing?" He asked, squeezing her shoulders.
"She's Amy" She sighed, the shock still lingering in her mind "She's my sister"
Grissom was nodding although she didn't look up. Her eyes were fixed on the floor in an attempt to stifle her overactive emotions.
"I know..." Was his answer, warranting a suspicious raised eyebrow from Sara "There was just something about her" He shrugged.
"I wish I had known before I introduced her to Greg" She confessed, her eyes filling with regret "I told him to leave her... I... I didn't want him to get hurt"
"What makes you think he will?" Grissom frowned, fixing his eyes on hers.
Sara shrugged, the conflicts that had coursed through her veins when Greg told her the truth returning to plague her.
"You met Michael...You saw me break down and you heard all about my mother... would you really wish that on anyone? let alone Greg, he deserves to be happy. He deserves someone who makes him happy..."
Sara couldn't help the doubts and concerns filling her blood stream, the more she tried to supress it the more it consummed her. The images of her father she had burned into her brain morphed into images of Greg. Everytime she closed her eyes she saw him broken and bloodied and every breath she took told her she had to get him away from that. She had to save him from her family.
"She does make him happy, anyone can see that" Grissom responded calmly in contrast to her irrational ramblings.
"Yeah, maybe right now she does...It won't last. She's predisposed to alcoholism, schizophrenia, depression, drug addiction, spousal abuse... Do I need to go on? Because I could, you know I could..." Sara found herself ranting, unable to hold back the words on her mind as they spilled out of her mouth "I'd never forgive myself if something happened to Greg"
"Sara, calm down. You're judging Robyn based on the assumption she's going to have collected all the negative traits from your family and stored them up waiting for the moment when she breaks down?"
He struggled to follow her train of thought, she wasn't normally the kind of person who expected the worst from another individual. As a CSI she was empathetic to a fault.
"Anyone can have those traits and most of the time they are a result of much more than just genetics" He reassured carefully attempting not to belittle her concerns.
"She's going to want to know everything isn't she?" Sara sighed, picking at her fingernails; A nervous habit she had picked up over the course of the last few weeks.
Grissom simply nodded, his grip around her tightening slightly. She had spent so much of her life hiding her past that she wasn't sure she knew how to share it with someone like Robyn, someone she knew so little about. She groaned inwardly, resting her head on his shoulder gently as she realised there was no way to avoid it, sooner or later Robyn was going to know all about her.
"I don't think I'm ready"