Two in one day? Sweetness! Hope you enjoy
disclaimer: I own nothing but my mistakes. The song used in this chapter is Beyonce's "I miss you". I suggest listening to it. It's really good song and hearing it helps you feel the emotion
I'm so glad that I made the revisions that I did because seeing the changes actually brought to life on the stage, for the first time since I started on this project, I actually see my vision coming to fruition. And it's mostly thanks to Santana (and I am woman enough to admit it). If not for her voice, acting talent and overall stage presence, this musical would not be as good as it is.
I mean right now, even though the rest of the cast and crew is on a break, Santana is up on the stage practicing vocal runs. I remember her doing that more often than people thought back in high school. Especially during the West Side Story days. Many people didn't realize how hard of a worker she really was. Maybe it's because they assumed that she just used her looks to get over and in many cases, she did (flawless looks and a cheerleader's body could get you anywhere in McKinley High). Even though she could get away with a lot, she was always being compared to Quinn Fabray so she still had to work for most she got. And I learned early on that when it came to her voice, dance and performing, she always put 110% into it. Well not including when she first joined Glee but nobody was doing anything but me so I'll let that one go. But in Glee, Cheerios and the other things she loved to do, she put her absolute best into it and demanded that everyone around her do the same. A trait that I'm happy she still has.
"So are you going to sit there and leer at her all day or are you going to go up there and sing something with her? I know you want to." I almost yelp at the interruption of my silent contemplation. And of course, Caroline being the bitch that she is sometimes, finds it hilarious. "Sorry, did I scare you?" she apologizes, laughing anyhow.
"Yes. And no you're not," I say, clenching my fast beating heart.
"You're right. I'm not sorry. But seriously, go sing with her," she suggests, sitting down next to me.
"No thanks. Besides, she's just practicing. I don't want to interrupt."
"Bullshit. You love to interrupt. And since when did you ever pass up an opportunity to sing? Has Lady Sexy Lips messed you up that much?"
"No. I just don't want to bother her."
"Again, bullshit. But won't singing together like magically fix things or some shit like in all your Glee club stories?"
"I never said it magically fixed things." Most of the time, I remember it making things worse.
"Not what I remember you saying but anyway, if I've learned one thing from studying music, it's that sometimes it's easier to sing someone else's words than to find your own to say."
"And what is it that you think I have to say?" I question, crossing my arms across my chest. I really want to hear this one
"Well for starters, that you're sorry for hurting her so long ago." I roll my eyes. "That you're sorry for losing touch and taking so long to say you're sorry."
"Correction, she's the one that disappeared and lost touch with me."
"Details. But you made no effort to find her and now you want a fresh start," she says confidently.
"Is that all?" I ask with my arms still crossed but slightly tighter on my body. She puts her pointer finger to her chin, animatedly thinking before answering.
"Oh! And that you still have feelings for her." Instantly I start laughing so loud and unrestrained that it radiates throughout the entire theater and the echo causes Santana to stop singing and to look at us.
"Are you quite done?" Caroline asks, plucking me on the arm. Hard.
"Ow! And I'll stop laughing when you stop being so damn funny," I say, rubbing my arm.
"I'm not being funny. I'm being serious. You forget I know you and all your tells. You either still like her or you like her again. Either way, you like her." I roll my eyes. Me have feelings for Santana? That's laughable. Okay, so maybe I did feel a little something when she first came back into my life but it was mostly anger and left over hurt from her leaving. And some guilt for being the one responsible for it. But now? I've just started to consider her a friend again and things are become easier with every passing day. Why would I go and ruin something like that by bringing feelings I don't have for her into it?
"You're crazy."
"Okay. Fine. Then I'll prove it. Glee style." She gets up and runs to the stage. Why am I scared now? What on earth could she possibly have up her sneaky blonde sleeve? And what did she mean 'Glee style'?
As soon as she gets to the stage, she claps her hands and calls for the cast to return to the stage. Oh God, what is she doing? As the cast, Santana included, gathers on the stage, I get up from my director's seat and join them all on the stage.
"Alright, alright, alright. Quiet down," Caroline calls, trying to get silence on the stage but failing miserably.
"Shut the fuck up and listen!" Santana yells, clapping her hands for emphasis and instantly everyone quiets down. I guess she still can demand attention from a crowd. Impressive.
"Well alright. Thank you Tasty Tana" Caroline says with a wink. Santana just shrugs and rolls her eyes.
"So what's up?" Gavin asks.
"Well I decided that it's been a while since we've all done something fun in rehearsal with opening night in less than 2 weeks and all." Miscellaneous head nods and words in agreement. "So I thought that we could play a little game. Okay well, maybe not a game per say. More like a challenge."
"What kind of challenge?' I ask.
"A musical one." Now I'm interested. "I will randomly select duet partners and then give you a song to sing. Which you will be given 10 minutes to prepare before you perform it for all of us. Me and Becka will select the best duet and that pair will get dinner on me at Applebee's, that I will pick up after we select the winners. Sound like fun?" More miscellaneous nods and murmurs of agreement. All except one.
"So let me get this straight," Santana chimes in just like our days in Glee club. "You're going to randomly select duet partners, give us a song and then select the best?' Caroline nods. "How can any of that be impartial?"
"She's kind of right," I agree. "You like to pick favorites a lot so it will likely be bias."
"Do you not trust me enough to be impartial?" Caroline asks as innocently as she can.
"Uh no," Santana and I say at the same time.
"Well I'm doing this this way and I don't care what you think. Now because of you insolence, I'm putting you too naysayers together."
"What?!" We say at the same time. Again.
"Yup yup. And I have the perfect song too. And you'll get it as soon as I assign the other partners. You're welcome," she finishes by winking at me for some odd…
Oh.
That little sneaky bitch.
####
"So you sure you want to do this?" Santana asks me as we walk on stage to perform the song that Caroline selected for us (aren't I director?).
"It's just a performance, Santana. For fun," I say, trying to hide the weird feeling building in the pit of my stomach.
"But it's a pretty intense song that in some ways, sort of hits close to home for us. Don't you think?"
"I don't know. Does it?" She nods. "What? You can't handle singing a song with a friend without getting all emotional?" she stops short of the center of the stage.
"I'm your friend now?" I turn slightly to find her looking at me curiously.
"Well yes. What else would you be?" I say confidently.
"Yeah. What else?" she says, timidly.
"Ready ladies!" Caroline yells from my director's seat. All eyes are on us now. "Miss Director?" I nod. "Señorita Seduction?" Santana rolls her eyes but nods anyway. "Well alright then. Let's hear it. Wow me. Start whenever you're ready." We both nod and she stands on the spot on the other side of the stage while I stand in the center like we planned.
This is the first time I've really performed anything since starting this musical (except when I first introduced the songs) and I'm not going to lie. I'm a bit nervous. Maybe it's because of the song content. Maybe it's because I'm being judged by my closest friends. Or maybe it's because of my duet partner.
The band starts to play and even though the music calms my nerves, as soon as Santana starts to sing, they return fiercer than before. (A/N: Santana's parts, Rachel's parts, both of them)
I thought that things would get better with time
But I still need you, why is that?
You're the only image in my mind
So I still see you, around
I miss you, like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you're away
Said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with, could it feel the same?
As I sing, Santana approaches me slowly, staring me right in the eyes. The intensity in her eyes is almost enough to make me forget the words to the song.
Words don't ever seem to come out right
But I still mean 'em, why is that?
It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel
But I need to, why is that?
There is something in her eyes that her mouth isn't saying and her body isn't showing. She's singing her parts perfectly and her body is poised and confident. But her eyes? What could it be? Anger? Sadness? Hurt? It has to be something because she's capturing the sadness and longing of the song a bit too well. I think this is the first time since high school I've seen her this vulnerable.
I miss you, like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you're away
I said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?
Our voices blend so easily that it brings me back to our West Side Story Days.
No.
That's not it.
More like the day we spent the entire day on the couch together the summer after graduation. We were singing whatever came on the radio and it was so much fun then. There was such a fire in her eyes that was mesmerizing. But now? It just hurts to think about that. I can't stand to see the darkness in her eyes. Oh her eyes.
It don't matter who you are
It's so simple, a feeling
But it's everything
No matter who you love
It's so simple, a feeling
But it's everything
I miss you, like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you're away (but you're away)
I said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same
Oh my God. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't stand here and listen to her basically sing out her heartache right in front of me. Especially when I feel like curling up in a hole and dying. I can't take listening to her sing the words that fit us more than I want to admit. Especially not after seeing her up against that…that girl. I ju…I just can't.
I stop singing, scurry off the stage, leaving a confused Santana on the stage and Caroline and the rest of the cast silent in the theater and rush back into one of the dressing rooms. As soon as I enter, I slam the door shut and lean my back against it, breathing heavily. Why am I feeling this way? Why is my heart racing? Why is my head reeling? What the hell is going on? I tell her that it's just a song and there's no need to get all emotional and then I'm the one that can't finish the damn song because the pressure in my chest grew too great. But the look in her eyes. It was almost the same empty look from when I left her and broke her heart.
Suddenly there's a knock on the door. "Rach? Sweetie. Let me in please," Caroline pleads from outside the door. I take a deep breath and wipe the tears from my eyes that I hadn't noticed were there before stepping away from the door and sitting down on the couch next to it.
"Come in," I let out in a struggled tone.
"You okay honey?" she says opening the door slowly and closing it as soon as she enters. I think about being the great actress that I am and just putting on a brave front and saying yes but why bother? I've been faking for far too long.
"Not really," I admit.
"What's going on? You sort of shot out of there like a bat-out-of-hell in a rocket powered jet." She sits down next to me.
"I think you may have been right."
"About what sweetie?"
"About songs saying what we can't. Or what we won't."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean," I take a deep breath, "I think that I'm not completely over Santana." She grins. "I mean, I think somehow, after all these years, I still have feelings for her."
"Well duh!" she says grinning from ear to ear. "I could've told you that."
"You have."
"True. But this great. So now what? Should I mark Fridays on that obnoxious calendar you have in the kitchen as 'Rachel and Santana sexy times'?"
"Um, no."
"How about Sanchel time? Or," she thinks for a second, "Oh I got it. Pezberry date night."
"No. Now we do nothing."
"What? Why? She wants you. And you've finally admitted that you want her too. So what's the hold up?"
"I'm not so sure she wants me as much as she did before."
"What makes you say that?"
"Alexa." I slump further into the couch.
"Alexa? Who the fuck is Alexa?"
"Santana's latest girl. I ran into them last night when I dropped off the script."
"So is that why you came back in a funk?"
"No," I scoff. "Yes. Maybe. I don't know."
"Awww, you're jealous," she teases.
"Am not."
"So are. And that just proves that you do still have feelings for her."
"I just told you I did."
"Well this proves it. So now all we have to do is see how serious Santana is about this Alexa chick is and then get the Voluptuous Vixen to admit her feelings for you and then you can get laid like I know you need to."
"Just when you were doing so well, you go and say something like that."
"But I'm right. And that's all that matters." I take the opportunity to pick up one of the pillows on the couch and smacking her across the face with it.
"Now your broken nose is all that matters," I say, laughing as she falls back into the couch covering her face.
First, can y'all keep all reviews constructive and polite? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.
Second, what did y'all think?
Third,Pezberry will most definitely be endgame but it's gonna take them some work for things work out right so hang in there. Nothing good happens overnight. And plus, jealous!Rachel is fun to write
Lastly, I asking you all for suggestions for who you would like to help get Pezberry together (which will be in the next 3-4 chapters so try to stay with me. I'll make it worth the wait). Caroline is definitely a Pezberry shipper and will help but should I bring in some outside assistance? Let me know
Stay tuned and till then,
Jenae