A/N: Sorry for any mistakes.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters (because they belong to some clowns, except Ian and Brad are cool)

My head was throbbing again. When I returned home that day I accidentally miscalculated my jump towards my bed and smashed the top of my head against the wall. I hissed and slammed my hands on top of my head - which didn't really help either. I shut my eyes and rolled slowly onto my stomach. I could hardly breathe with my face against the blanket, but the throbbing in my head took my mind off of it.

"Brittany?" Charlie called through the door. I didn't have a chance to answer. She opened the door and saw me on the bed not moving, just breathing really heavily. "Santana called."

I groaned and I swear I could hear Charlie laugh a little. Then she turned serious again and she made the bed dip when she leaned over and turned my head to face her. "She said you were hit on the head today."

"She didn't have to call, I could've told you," I spoke with my teeth clenched shut.

"She was being thoughtful Brittany. Why do you hate her for that?" I didn't have an answer that I could form with words. There was only a million answers swimming in my head. I threw out my fishing line and reeled in the first one that caught.

"She's not my type," I coughed awkwardly. "Of person..."

Charlie shook her head in disappointment and stood up. "Do you need ice?" I shook my head and she picked her phone out of her pocket. I hadn't even heard it ring. "Yeah, I'll be down in a second." She left after that.

Santana was just trying to get her boob in the door. I wouldn't let her win. I couldn't let her have me because then she'd leave me. It's what always happened. So why wasn't she any different?

I heard a couple people speaking outside, so I stood up and walked to my window. With the curtain opened slightly I could see three figures standing on the grass. Scott, Charlie, Santana. Why weren't they coming inside? No that I wanted them too at all. I was completely happy with being a far distance away from Santana.

Scott is welcome inside though.

When life fucked me over four years ago, I never thought that four years later it would embarrass the shit out of me.

My hand slid off the window sill and my head surged forward into the glass. My face scrunched up and I wasn't sure if they had saw or heard anything from outside. I quickly shut the curtain and sat on the ground cross legged. Of course this has to happen. I needed pain killers or something, my head felt as though it was imploding. Maybe I was exaggerating a little, but it still hurt really bad.

I don't think anyone heard anything, because no one had rushed to check on me. They saw, they just don't care. "Shut up!" I half yelled. The voices were building and they almost sounded real. When my door burst open, that's when I knew they were.

"Brittany, who are you yelling at?" Charlie asked, a little out of breath.

"No one," I struggled to say with my head still throbbing. Santana was standing in the doorway with Scott. Her eyebrows were the slightest bit pinched down and I wondered if she worried about me. Scott spoke then.

"You're a goof Britt," He joked, reaching down and giving me a light punch to the shoulder. "C'mon we'll get some peas." I smiled in thanks and we walked passed Charlie and Santana. Santana looked like she was struggling to say something, but after a moments hesitation she said it.

"You shouldn't leer." I turned around and frowned at her.

"What?" I spat. Scott put his hand on my shoulder and whispered to both of us.

"C'mon girls that's enough." We continued down the stairs in a single file. I was in front and Santana was behind me. When we made it to the kitchen Scott opened the fridge and dug through looking for the peas.

"Scott can you help open this box, there are bottles of water in here." Charlie yelled. Scott shut the fridge and looked over to Santana.

"Can you find them San," He stated with a firm look. Santana nodded and headed over to the fridge. I was suspecting her to roll her eyes but she just did as she was told. She bent down to find the peas and because I was sitting on a stool behind the bench I could see her ass perfectly. My eyes lingered there for a moment, before I realise how long she'd been searching.

"I can find the-"

"Got 'em," She cheered, holding them near her head. She closed the fridge and strode over to me. I could see she was reaching over, wanting to apply pressure to my head, but I stopped her just before they made contact.

"I can do it," I whispered.

"Oh c'mon don't be a pussy, I'm not going to hur-"

"Santana," I half yelled. " . ."

"Wow," She breathed, handing me the bag and retreating to the sofa. All I heard was silence after that.

I had retreated back to my room five minutes later. Santana didn't offer to be up there with me, I was grateful. But I needed someone to be there for me, just to sit on my bed and just be there. I should call my mom, but she'd get angry at me if she's with her new boyfriend or whatever he is. I think I'd just laugh at her for being such a selfish bitch. Internally I'd be weeping but all I'd be able to let out were mountains and mountains of treacherous laughs.

Santana and Scott left around 10:30pm. They both came up to say goodbye, well Scott did. Santana just stood and mumbled a 'hope you feel better'. I smiled in return because Scott was there. Scott had then disappeared down stairs, probably to make out with Charlie while they had some alone time. Santana stood by the door with her arms folded. "What?" I had asked. She just smirked and stood still. "You can go," I said, hoping she'd get the hint that I didn't want her here any more.

"Still no 'thank you' ?" She said with a hint of flirtation in her voice. I turned away and sighed heavily. "Fine, see you soon Brittany." She slurred her r's when she said my name and I shuddered involuntarily. I felt her eyes on me for a little while longer until she left.

I fell asleep when they left.

I woke up in an awkward position on Friday morning. My pillow was on my butt (I have no idea how it got there) and my face was smashed against my arm which was covered by a scrunched up sleeve, so when I looked in the mirror I saw patterns on the right side of my face. Almost like a tattoo. But I didn't want one like that, especially on my face.

Charlie made breakfast, dad kissed me goodbye and mom still wasn't home. It was same routine and I was desperate for change. But I couldn't do it alone. I'd have to talk to everyone soon about some sort of family night. I took the bus to school and hadn't seen Santana on it thankfully. I stared out of the window and counted spaces in between each of the trees on the side walk. Nothing was running my mind. Just what I'd be eating for dinner tonight.

Arriving at school, I tried to avoid the obvious places Santana would be, but when I had to go to my locker after each class, I was surprised to see Santana wasn't at hers. She wasn't anywhere she'd normally be. I knew I had a class with her today and I had my guard up extra high. Only because she admitted she wanted to fuck me and I had no idea how to respond. I kept retracing back to the fact that she just wanted to use me and leave me.

It was the last period of the day. Charlie called at lunch saying she'd be able to pick me up after school so I was beyond happy for that. I could just leave the class without having to worry about waiting around for a bus - especially with Santana.

She hadn't tried following me for the past two days. I didn't know whether to be happy about the loss of her attention or to be upset I had no attention at school now at all. I didn't care, because I came back to school for myself, not to think about anyone else. I hated this, I hated that she made me think. I hated that she wouldn't speak to me, unless it was to flirt. Not that she had flirted with me recently. She just threw me glances that looked a little suspicious. They were full of lust. I was full of impatience.

I hated that everything she had said to me was written in big bold lettersin my head. She was similar the annoying little kid in kindergarten that through sand on your face when you were making a pretty castle. I think what annoyed me most was that she was actually trying to get to know me and wanted to be my friend. I haven't had someone so interested in me since freshman year. Regina was there for me but that's only because she had to be. Of course there's Charlie and dad. But no one outside of my family had wanted to know me. The girl that cries in the shower, the girl that used to punch herself in the face as hard as she could just to feel something, because the pain simply felt good at that time.

Our choice of seating made a diamond shape in Spanish. Actually, we were missing the last point so it was more of a triangle. But nevertheless it was still a shape I was familiar with. I could look right and Puck would be there, then left and Santana would be there. It was similar to those movies where the protagonist has a devil and an angel on their shoulder. I didn't know who was the angel in this situation.

I hadn't done anything in class for the past 45 minutes. The teacher hadn't noticed because he'd been sitting at his desk doing crossword puzzles. Nobody else had noticed me either, not even Puck.

He was actually reading from the book we were given. What the fuck was happening? I stared up at the clock which was ticking so, so slowly. The ticking noise sounded so heavy in my ears. I wondered if I had gotten over the concussion two days ago. I didn't want anybody thinking I was high because my eyes were basically rolling in the back of my head at this point.

"What the fuck Britt?" There was that voice, the one that I fucking despised. My eye lids opened slightly to notice Santana shifting on her seat. I think she was trying to subtly move closer to me. I used all my strength to mouth 'no' and she stopped moving. I breathed. Relaxed. Everything was settling down and I saw that Santana had turned back towards her desk.

What did she think was going to happen if she moved over here? Was she going to wrap one arm around me and whisper 'it's going to be okay' a hundred times in my ear?

I looked towards her legs. She was rubbing her thighs against the other and biting her lip. When my eyes wandered towards her desk I noticed a different book laying there. It wasn't the one we'd been given. It was thinner and had a soft cover. I noticed the amount of flesh covering each page and placed a hand over my mouth to muffle my shriek. Santana turned her head slightly and watched my eyes widen.

She was looking at fucking porn in class.

She didn't look embarrassed and maybe I kept staring at her because her reaction was different from others. I chewed on the side of my mouth as her lips slid right along her cheeks. She was smirking at me and winked, before looking back towards the magazine.

I was still recovering from my almost faint when the bell rang. Really, really loud. Santana stood up really fast, grabbing her magazine and tucking it under her arm. I slipped Puck a note I had written last night, because it took me a while to gain courage to ask a guy out again, especially after Sam. I knew Puck had connections, I knew he'd be able to get me into the party tomorrow night. It wasn't even a party really. I had overheard some jocks and cheerleaders saying they were going to break into to the school on Saturday night and go for a swim in the gym pool.

I didn't even know we had a school pool, but I was excited. They'd all have drinks so maybe I'd be able to talk to them and prove I'm not the crazy girl who just got back from a clinic full of addicts.

Puck gave me a quick nod, signalling a yes and I smiled and skipped out of the room. He had my number and he seemed interested. All I had to do was wait.

Santana was a few metres in front of me, turning corners where I was meant to be turning. I was now following her.

She stepped outside and I lost sight of her after the large doors closed. When I made it to them, I looked towards the ground as I continued towards the parking lot.

"Stop trying."

I stopped and looked to my left. Santana was wearing a smug grin and staring in the direction of Charlie's car.

"Stop what?" I snapped the last word. I didn't want to listen to her damn lectures.

"Stop trying to get him to like you. You think if you get Puck that the rest of the jocks and Cheerios will be your buddies?" Santana scoffed at her own words and brushed past me. My eyes were squinted because of the sun and when I turned around, they finally opened wide. She was stepping into the back seat of Charlie's car. I marched over there and opened the passenger side door.

"What is she do-"

"Britt, just get in," Charlie interrupted me and sighed heavily. "Santana just needs a ride to our house then Scott is picking her up from there."

I shut my eyes, really really tightly. I wanted to open them and not see her in the backseat looking like she was the presidents wife. But when I did open my eyes and stared into the side mirror, Santana was actually looking completely down. You could call it sad, or upset, or unhappy. She didn't look smug or like she was about to tell you how fucking ridiculous you are.

"Let's just go," I mumbled, looking back towards the road and folding my arms impatiently.

Five minutes away from my house, Santana was complaining about the window being open and her feeling cold. I didn't want to be rude in front of Charlie so I rolled it up. She didn't thank me, she just continued to shake and rub her arms violently in the back seat.

As we drove into the driveway Charlie mentioned that she'd need some privacy tomorrow night because it's her and Scott's anniversary .

"Dad and mom are going out aswell, so I'll need you to stay at a friends house or something," She explained, but I was so tired that my hearing had basically shut off. "Brittany?"

"What?" I looked at her like she was the crazy one. She just rolled her eyes and stepped out of the car. I didn't even notice Santana was already in the front garden talking to my dad.

"Brittany's staying at mine."

I swear I heard her wrong. Maybe the sprinkler was muffling her words and I had mixed them up. Santana had her hood on and she was smirking at me. It seemed weak though, not her full bitch smirk she usually wore.

I chose not to say anything. Tomorrow night I'll stay in my room hoping that no body will notice I'm still at home. I walked up the path to the front door, keeping my eyes on Santana as she talked with my dad. When I made it to the stoop she looked at me again, like she was sending me signals with her eyes. Then one of them closed and I inwardly gagged. She still hadn't grown tired of flirting with me. If that's what you call it anyway.

I chose to stay in my room for dinner. I reached the kitchen at about 6 o'clock and quickly shuffled back into my room before Santana could ask to join me. After each bite of my salad I thought about one reason I couldn't put up with Santana.

She was so forward

She didn't know when to stop flirting

She laughed at me

She was just like everyone else

She tried too hard

I crossed off she was going to hold me back because that was going a little too far. I didn't have to be friends with her if I didn't want too. Yet part of me wanted her attention because it felt really nice. It's definitely not her that I enjoy, it's just the attention she gives me. If it were anyone else I'd feel the same.

It was almost seven pm when I stepped out of the shower. I hadn't eaten dinner yet. I hadn't even left my room. I heard the click of my bedroom door as I reached for my toothbrush. With only a towel wrapped around my body, I opened the bathroom door and stepped into my room. Santana's head snapped up and she offered me nothing. No smile, no smirk. Her eyes travelled from my toes to my eyes. Internally I wondered what she thought. Apart of me wanted to ask "like what you see?" but she would get a kick out of that. Even though I was honest about what I thought of her, it didn't matter that she wasn't.

"Hey," She said casually. I scrunched my eyebrows up and stood over exposed in the doorway.

"What are you still doing here?" I didn't hesitate to make my tone cold. Now that no one was around I wasn't shy to speak to her the way I wanted to.

"I can't leave without a ride," She stated simply, as if my tone didn't affect her at all.

"Scott-"

"Isn't here," She finished for me. Now her cocky grin was back. She sighed and stood up, walking towards me. "So nothing is stopping us from fucking like rabbits."

I stepped back and to the side, completely away from her. She turned to face me and licked her lips, as if preparing herself for a big meal. I didn't want to be her dinner tonight. Or ever for that matter.

"Fuck off Santana." I opened the door gesturing for her to leave. She stood her ground, making the anger inside of me rise to it's highest. I didn't want to throw a fit. Charlie and dad would automatically think it's got something to do with relapsing. I couldn't convince them it was just this fucking girl that was making me to want to rip my hair out.

"Only if you fuck off with me Brittany."

She clicked her tongue against her teeth and giggled. This girl is unbelievable. I notice how each button on her shirt becomes loose and her black lace bra comes into view. I hate her confidence and how she throws it in my face. But my eyes flicker with lust for a millisecond when I stare at her cleavage. If she saw that, then her ego would grow 20 times better.

"Don't think you can try and be my friend because no one else will," I yelled. Her smile faded and she backed up against my dresser, resting her ass against it and clasping her hands behind her back.

"I don't need friends." She didn't sound so sure when she said that. Her voice cracked like a record playing one final note.

"I think you do. You need someone," I kept my grip on the door handle firm as I spoke. I needed to relieve my tension somehow and taking it out on the metal knob seemed to be working. "I'm not your fucking bestie that you can keep around for your own benefit. I don't fucking like you and I don't need you messing up everything that I've worked hard for for years."

I knew my words hit her hard by the shake in her lip. It reminded me of the vibration after you flick a guitar string. It twitched and trembled and I was proud I had that effect.

"You have it so bad don't you Brittany," She stated instead of asking. I became confused and muttered 'what' under my breath but she didn't answer. I don't think she heard.

Someone must have heard us because I heard footsteps on the stairs coming towards my room. I quickly shut the door, keeping my eyes on Santana.

"Brittany?" It was Scott. "Is Santana in there with you?"

"Yeah," Santana yelled, a smirk forming on her lips. There is literally nothing I can say to this girl that will make her feel fucking bad. She pinched her lips together and moved towards the door. She placed her hand over mine on the knob and twisted it, revealing Scott with a goofy smile.

I noticed the shake in her fingers as they hovered slightly over mine. For some reason she didn't cover my hand fully with hers.

"Sorry I'm late San," He apologized, but I couldn't tell if he was sincere because I was covered by the door. Santana wasn't though. She still had her hand over mine, I couldn't move. If I pulled my hand back I'd most likely graze my skin against hers and she'd either glare at me, brush it off or rip her hand away and storm out. I did notice characteristics about her. I wish I didn't pay so much attention.

"It's fine, we're getting popcorn on the way home though," She stated like she had completely changed in the space of 4 seconds. I waited for her hand to move away from mine so I could finally take a deep breath. She left the room, following Scott down the stairs and out of the house. Charlie had kissed him goodbye, I watched from the stairs. Santana watched them too, only she was about a metre away and seemed to be captivated by their intimacy.

I meant it. I meant what I said to her. I understood her at times, but when she changed so quickly it was hard to keep up and I didn't want too. She seemed too confused with herself to want to figure it out so I wouldn't try. I didn't feel the need to - it wasn't my job to break her apart. She seemed pretty broken already though.

If what she said before was true, I had to ask Puck if I could stay over at his house. I was going to go to the party with him and avoid Santana. Charlie may think I'll be at her house but I won't be. I doubt Santana will even want to speak to me after what I said to her. But then again, she'll probably try harder. I just don't know.

All I can think about now is if Puck will want me. If other guys will want me after they see that he brought me to a party. I'll never know unless I try.

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